A/N: Hokey smokes! I just realized I accidentally edited out an entire week a few chapters ago. Nothing really happened in that week, but Ianto did the usual – sex with Jack, defending the Earth, playing cards with unrepentant elderly gangsters... It makes me worry what else I might have snipped out so if anything in the story doesn't make sense, send me a PM or mention it in a review. Thanks!

Chapter 21 – Journey Blue

Ianto walked back to the main work area of the Hub on autopilot. He was glad Jack was standing by Tosh's workstation while she showed him something on her monitor. He felt drained and he didn't want to walk up any more stairs than he had to. Guilt had sucked the life right out of him.

"Ianto, is everything okay," Toshiko said spying him first. Jack looked up and bounded over to his side.

"Hey, you okay? You look pale," Jack said rubbing Ianto's back.

Ianto had tried to stay stoic, but he didn't have the strength. He looked up to Jack with watery eyes.

"It's all my fault," he croaked.

Jack and Tosh exchanged looks and shrugs.

"What's your fault," Jack asked turning Ianto to face him.

"Dave," Ianto began. "He had a massive coronary at Mick's. They said he was dead before he hit the ground." Jack pulled Ianto into a hug which he didn't fight. "If I hadn't taken that lighter..."

"Ianto, no. No, this isn't your fault. He was an old man with health problems," Jack said cupping Ianto's face. "You are not to blame."

"If anything, you helped him have a few great days," Tosh added. "He was happy."

"Right," Ianto said, "he was full of life, full of energy, alien energy that I contaminated him with! Who knows how long he might have lived if his pace maker hadn't been affected."

"For all you know, he would have died a week ago without that extra jolt. Dave was happy. Didn't he say he didn't want to cling on to life when he could be out living," Jack asked. Ianto nodded. "And thanks to you he got to live large up till the end." Ianto stepped out of Jack's embrace feeling self-conscious of his display of emotion and his neediness to be comforted by Jack. It only added to the guilt he felt. The only saving grace Ianto could see was Owen being too busy to notice.

"Owen will need to go to the morgue and remove the pace maker," Ianto said regaining his professional mask. "He can use the cover of a potential law suit against the manufacturer."

"I'll let Owen know," Tosh said getting up from her workstation. She looked at Ianto awkwardly. "I'm sorry about your friend. He sounded like a sweet old man."

"Thanks, Tosh," Ianto replied.

Dave was a sweet old man. He was an extortionist, a swindler, and a notorious tax cheat, but he was still a good man in his way, Ianto thought. Ianto hoped when he died people would be able to see beyond the more questionable moral choices in his life and think of him as a good person. He doubted it, but he could hope.

Yes, Dave was a nice guy and thanks to me he's a dead guy, Ianto thought.

"I need to go over to Dylan's and see the guys. Maybe there's something I can help with for the funeral." Ianto moved to walk away, but Jack grabbed him lightly by the arms. He kissed Ianto's forehead.

"I'm sorry you have another funeral to go to. Do you want me to go with you to Dylan's?" Jack stroked the side of Ianto's face in a gesture that suggested more intimacy to Ianto than any of the things they'd done that day.

"No, I'll be fine. I'll give them Capo Jack's regards," he added with a faint smile.

"You do that. And if there's anything else we can do, you let me know."

"Thank you, Jack," Ianto said putting his hand over Jack's. Ianto felt a familiar ache as their eyes met. Ianto felt a lump in his throat at the compassion he saw in Jack's eyes. On impulse, he placed a chaste kiss on Jack's lips. He pulled back and smiled hoping Jack understood all the things he couldn't say. Jack smiled back and Ianto thought he got the message.

The atmosphere at Dylan's was understandably subdued. Ianto poured himself a whiskey and gave Ice Cream and Tom a refill. He never knew what to say in these situations so he fell into the familiar habit of serving drinks.

Mick arrived a few minutes later. He looked shaken and he eagerly accepted the drink Ianto offered him. He took a deep slug.

"I called Dave's son. He said if we plan the funeral he'll try to get down here for it," Mick stared at his glass while the rest of the men looked at each other.

"I know he and Dave weren't close, but isn't that a bit harsh," Ianto asked.

"He thinks he's too important. Dave worked hard to put Rick through school and all he's ever been able to do is look down his nose at him. He thinks our line of work is something to be ashamed of. Well that didn't stop him from asking for money when his 'portfolio' flopped last year," Mick ranted.

Ianto regretted bringing it up. He lied about his father's professional all the time, but it had less to do with being ashamed of his job and more to do with having conjured an imaginary father he wasn't afraid of who became more real to him than his Tad.

"It's just as well," Tom said. "Dave was one of us. We'll take care of it."

"Did he have anything prearranged," Ianto asked. Working for Torchwood he didn't have to worry about such things for himself, but even so he had listed out instructions in his personnel file he hoped Jack would follow when the time came. It included a wrongful death cover story to explain the money he would be leaving his family. In such a dangerous line of work, Ianto thought it was the responsible thing to do.

"Nah, he thought it was bad luck," Dylan said. "Barlow and Sons in Canton has always down well by us. I'm sure they won't let us down." Mick nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I'll go down tomorrow morning and see if they can sort something out."

"I could go with you, if you'd like," Ianto offered. He didn't expect his offer to be accepted, but he felt the need to do something. Regardless of what Jack and Tosh said and irrespective of the logic, Ianto felt the guilt as if he were complicit in Dave's death.

"I'd appreciate that, Jaunty," Mick said taking another long sip. "Jack won't mind giving you another morning off?"

"Not at all," Ianto said sure Jack wouldn't mind. "He sends his condolences."

"Remember Jimmy Davies' funeral," Dylan asked beginning an evening of reminiscing and storytelling.

The next day Ianto met Mick in the parking lot of the funeral home. As expected, Jack didn't have a problem with it. Ianto hoped he'd be back at the Hub before Owen. The last thing he wanted to hear was some snarky comments about how he hardly even knew Dave yet was swanning off to plan his funeral.

"Thanks for this, Jaunty," Mick said as they walked inside. "I really didn't want to do this on my own and the others aren't good at this type of thing."

"I'd have thought Tom would have a real flair for it," Ianto said holding the door open for Mick.

"Nah. It hits too close to home. I'm surprised you volunteered to come along."

"I'm good at organizing things," Ianto said trying to keep the thoughts of previous funerals to the back of his mind. He hoped Mick didn't question his motives too much. Explaining he felt guilty for contaminating Dave and then doing nothing about it would only lead to Retcon.

The funeral director was a somber, but friendly man. Ianto had briefly thought about a similar profession, but he wasn't sure he could consistently relay the level of polite, but distant compassion required. Five years later and sitting across the desk discussing Dave, Ianto realized he would have easily been able to maintain the correct demeanor after practicing for years within Torchwood. He added it to the list of his future job possibilities or what he thought of as his post-Torchwood escapist fantasies. Funeral director was more practical than scuba diver/sunken treasure hunter.

When they stood to go to the casket showroom, Mick, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, didn't move. Ianto looked at the man's eyes and recognized the look. His best friend/colleague/partner in crime of the last 50 years wasn't coming back. Shared memories and inside jokes were now his alone. Ianto put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"If you'd like," Ianto began, "I could take a look and limit the choices down."

"Just pick something," Mick said not looking up. Tears were forming in his eyes. "I'm sure you're chose something classy."

Ianto patted Mick's shoulder and followed the funeral director to the showroom. He was afraid he would chose badly, but then he saw among the oak and maple caskets a shiny powder blue one with shiny silver accents. It was not the kind of receptacle he would pick for himself, but it immediately reminded him of one of Dave's stories about his beloved Thunderbird he'd received in payment for some kind of illegal transaction.

"You should have seen me, Jaunty," Ianto remembered Dave saying. "Driving that American behemoth around town like the King of Cardiff! It was a gorgeous 1957 Thunderbird convertible in Starmist Blue. Ah, I loved that car! I wanted to be buried in it."

It seemed like fate.

Mick returned to his usual affable self by the time Ianto finished the arrangements. He gave his approval of the coffin with an affectionate chuckle. He agreed Dave would have loved it whether it was called powder blue, Starmist Blue, or, as the funeral director insisted, Journey Blue. Ianto insisted on paying for at least part of the expense. Mick refused at first, but eventually relented when Ianto insisted it was a show of respect on behalf of himself, Capo Jack, and their associates.

The plans made, Ianto went to Torchwood. He was preoccupied with all the funerals he'd been to over the years starting with his mother. It seemed as though his entire life was punctuated by someone else's death. While he made some coffee, he was too consumed with his morbid thoughts to hear Owen.

"Oi! Are you listening to me," Owen asked grabbing Ianto's shoulder and turning him around. Ianto's first reaction was to hit him, but, luckily for Owen, Ianto's mind overrode his instinct and he glared at him instead.

"Did you want something," Ianto asked in a tone that should have made it clear the answer was "no, thank you" and a hurried exit.

"Yeah, I want a coffee and a nap and bit of quiet and it wouldn't kill you to thank me for straightening out your mess last night." Owen glared back at Ianto. If Owen had been reading from a book entitled The Perfectly Wrong Thing to Say at Precisely the Wrong Moment Expanded Edition with Examples for Men Named Ianto he could scarcely have made a greater faux pas.

"My mess! What about your fucking mess," Ianto yelled backing Owen away until the medic was standing at the top of the stairs. He heard heavy footfalls on the metal stairs, but Ianto ignored them. "You said the alien energy was safe! You said it was nothing to worry about!"

"Ianto, mate..." Owen tried to interrupt.

"Did you even look at the results of Tosh's tests or did you just take it on faith everything would be fine? Are you so consumed with your self-pity you couldn't bother to make sure people weren't in danger?" Ianto was still pressing forward, but was stopped by a strong hand on his chest.

"Stand down, Ianto," Jack said. Ianto's eyes narrowed and moved from Jack's face to his hand fingers splayed on Ianto's chest.

"Crazy teaboy needs a fucking shrink," Owen muttered quickly descending the stairs.

"That's enough, Owen," Jack barked. "Are you okay," he asked rubbing his hand up Ianto's chest to the side of his neck. Ianto batted Jack's hand off and returned to the coffee maker. Jack followed and placed a hand lightly on his back.

"You're just as bad," Ianto said not looking at Jack and missing the look of shock on his face. "Did you only have Tosh investigate the energy to appease me?"

"You might recall I was concerned about you. I was relieved to find out it was harmless." Ianto spun around and faced Jack.

"Harmless? Dave's dead," Ianto glowered.

"Yes, and I'm sorry, but he was an old man living on borrowed time. I know you are angry and upset because your friend died, but this isn't your fault and it isn't my fault or Owen's. You can't even blame the Rift. He was old and unwell," Jack said not unkindly.

"Is that what Owen's autopsy said? He was going to die anyway," Ianto asked feeling guilty for his outburst. He wondered if he would ever make it to a point in his life when he didn't feel guilty about something.

"Well," Jack began and Ianto looked up at the hesitation. "Owen didn't actually do an autopsy. He did retrieve the pace maker and it's contained."

"So he cut him open, took out what he needed, and left him," Ianto said angry.

"He looked at Dave's medical file and he examined the heart while he was removing the implant. He said the man wasn't well. There isn't any need for him to do an autopsy." Jack tilted his head and reached for Ianto again massaging two handfuls of triceps. "If you want, I'll have Owen go back and claim the body. We can swap it for one of the John Does in Cold Storage."

Ianto ground his teeth and put his hands on his hips. He turned his head to the left purposely not looking at Jack.

"Or not," Jack offered.

"It's up to me," Ianto half asked, half stated.

"Yep. You're in charge. We'll do whatever you want." Jack smiled.

"Even though you think it's a waste of time and resources, you'd do that for me," Ianto asked.

"Absolutely," Jack said stepping closer to Ianto. "I'd do anything to make you feel better." He leaned in closer. "Anything," he whispered before leaning back.

"You're unbelievable." Jack smiled broader. "It's like you don't even know me." Jack stopped smiling. "Either this was a case, you didn't take it seriously enough, and you need to correct that wrong or you're willing to waste everybody's time to make me feel better."

"Isn't there an option where I don't sound like a dick," Jack asked with a lopsided grin.

"Is there a way for you to not be a dick?"

"Some people would be flattered at the lengths I'd go to trying to make them happy." Jack mirrored Ianto's arms akimbo stance.

"Sure because being patronized is so complimentary. I'm quite touched." Ianto fixed Jack with a stare and was rewarded with Jack looking away and worrying his lip. It was only a moment of satisfaction quickly followed by more guilt for making Jack look hurt. Ianto unintentionally sighed loudly. "Go to your office and I'll make some coffee."

"See? You like making decisions," Jack said smiling weakly.

"Best you leave me to the coffee before I make a few more," Ianto warned turning back to the coffee machine. Jack quickly went to his office.