Over 300. Love.

-EM

"It was a life I didn't want to leave behind. It was a life I didn't want to forget."

-Maggie Stiefvater

My Darkness: Chapter XXI

Gone

xx

One week went by far too fast.

Sasuke barely had time to do anything and he found that trying to distance himself from Sakura was a feat he was unable to accomplish. He couldn't restrain himself from going to her at night. He needed her presence to help him sleep, to help him attempt to come to terms with what he was going to do.

It was an incredibly selfish thing to do, but he couldn't help it.

But the more he thought about leaving her; about leaving Konoha, he found himself not wanting to do it anymore. What he had with her was the only relationship he'd built since the loss of his family.

He enjoyed every minute with her.

He wanted to be by her side.

He wanted to protect her.

How the hell was he ever going to do that if he left her again? Left her so he could destroy her village nonetheless.

Sasuke pushed some hairs behind her ear, pressing his lips to her temple. Causing her more pain was the last thing he wanted, but he had to leave.

When he had first returned, his only thought had been the mission he was in Konoha for. He needed to regain his status. He needed to weasel his way back into society. He was not planning to feel anything for anyone. He hadn't even thought that Sakura could elicit any emotions from him.

Naruto had been the one he was worried about.

He was so determined that Sasuke was actually just going to let their friendship happen. He wouldn't plan it, but later on it seemed like a good idea to accept it. Konoha loved Naruto, and he needed Konoha to love Sasuke.

Sakura stirred in her sleep and nuzzled against his neck. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling his hand clench unconsciously into a fist.

"I'm sorry." He murmured.

He felt an uncomfortable pain in his chest at the thought of leaving her. But he just had to keep reminding himself that it was necessary.

Or was it?

Could he find some way to stay in Konoha?

If all he'd been wanting to do was protect Sakura, then why the hell was he going to leave her? The next time he saw her would be when he attacked the village, and she could be killed. If he wanted to protect her he had to stay by her side and keep her no more than an arm's length away during the battle.

But the second he didn't show up when he was supposed to, Madara could change everything. He would alter the plans, change the tactics and Sasuke wouldn't know when he was going to strike.

Then maybe if he went with him, and somehow sent a message back to Konoha. A warning.

Sending a message would be risky, but he would have to do it. Madara was powerful, but no one could ever completely stop traitors.

That's what Sasuke was now. A traitor. Not that it was anything knew, that's the way Konoha had viewed him for the past six years. It was funny that the village he had betrayed was now the one he was betraying someone for.

He needed someone on the inside to know about this.

Sasuke cast a brief look down at Sakura. No, she couldn't know. Not yet.

So Sasuke grudgingly removed himself from Sakura's arms and went to the only other person he knew he could trust with his life.

Naruto.

He waited outside as Naruto got dressed. He'd woken the guy up after all, it was still early in the morning. When Naruto was finally out, they moved themselves to the old Team seven training grounds.

"What's up?" Naruto asked when they'd finally stopped walking.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay." He waited expectantly, staring at the Uchiha. Words would be nice. Anything to sate the anxious feeling in his chest. What was Sasuke going to tell him? That Sakura was pregnant?

Sasuke sighed and ran a hand over his face. He couldn't hesitate with this. If he was serious about staying in Konoha then he had to tell Naruto. Someone had to know the truth.

"I haven't been completely honest with anyone."

If Naruto was surprised by the opening of Sasuke's news, he hid it well and simply bobbed his head, urging Sasuke to continue.

"I didn't come back to Konoha of my own free will. Not really." He began. "Madara and Orochimaru sent me here to try and destroy Konoha from the inside out."

He remembered too well the way he felt when Madara told him the truth about Itachi. He remembered the shock, the pain, and the urge to destroy the village that made his brother sacrifice everything.

But Itachi had done what he needed to do to restore peace, to protect the things he cared about.

Sasuke cared about Sakura. And he cared about Naruto. So he had to protect them. And that meant protecting the village he'd so badly wanted to destroy.

He finally glanced at Naruto's face, expecting the worst.

"Why are you telling me this?" While his expression was more or less calm, Sasuke could tell that Naruto wanted to knock him out. Give him a good punch to the side of the face. He wasn't sure if he would stop him either. He deserved it.

"I..." He saw Sakura's face blinding his vision, flashes of her sleeping, her smiling. "I don't want to do it anymore."

Naruto wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to fight Sasuke, and he didn't think Sasuke wanted to fight him either. After all, why tell Naruto any of this before it had transpired. But that didn't make him any less angry. He was pissed at Sasuke for lying, outraged that he had fooled him, and hurt that up until this moment Sasuke had been planning to destroy Konoha. "So don't."

"It's not that simple."

He was due to return to Orochimaru and Madara in one day. If he didn't show up, he wouldn't know Madara's plans. He wouldn't know if the man would storm the village in an outrage, or if he would completely change the tactics they'd spoke of. He explained this to Naruto, who with a grim face nodded, listening to the details.

He wasn't sure why he wanted to tell Naruto. Maybe because despite everything he had accepted their bond as best friends. Maybe, for once in his life he didn't want to make a decision alone. Maybe he just needed someone else to know; needed someone to share the burden with him. But it couldn't be Sakura. There was a reason it couldn't be Sakura.

After what felt like hours, Naruto and Sasuke had come up with a plan. It would involve Sasuke returning to Madara and Orochimaru. It would involve some of Konoha inevitably being destroyed, but it would save so many people, and the slight destruction was worth it. Konoha had come back from worse before, and they could do it again.

What confused Naruto most was that Sasuke didn't want to let Konoha know how much he was helping him. He didn't want to become a hero in the village. It would be the perfect welcome home; saving the people from the threat of Orochimaru and Madara. But no, Sasuke insisted on remaining anonymous until the battle came. If someone saw him fighting against Orochimaru, then great, but he didn't want word to spread around. For all they knew, Madara had spies in the village. There was no harm in being cautious.

"He has to be deep in the village before we attack him." Sasuke added. If Sasuke turned on them too soon, Madara would no doubt retreat and revise everything. Things had to go according to their plan. "When I get my message to you... Tsunade has to know not to attack me. If I have to fight of your shinobi and Madara's at the same time.. my chances of survival will be-"

"Slim."

"Yes."

"Okay." Naruto agreed, nodding his head. "What are you going to do about Sakura?"

Sasuke closed his eyes and shook his head. "You can't tell her any of this, Naruto."

Naruto looked more pissed about this prospect than he had when Sasuke had first told him his true intentions for returning to Konoha. "Why the hell not?"

"I can't."

"You're going to break her heart because you're too much of a coward to tell her the truth?" he nearly yelled, wanting so badly to shake some sense into him.

"It's better this way. If this doesn't turn out... if I die... it will be easier for her to hate me." It was in Sakura's best interest not to know. If someone she hated died, she may be sad for the loss of life, but the pain would be minimal. If she knew of his plans, knew of the good he was trying to do so he could stay with her, she would be more heartbroken by his death. He didn't want that. He just wanted her to be happy.

"You're just like your brother, aren't you?"

Sasuke looked up at him, startled. "What?"

"Tsunade told me. When word had spread about Itachi's death, I thought you'd be returning home. And you did, but it took a while. She explained what Itachi did, and I think it made me understand you better. Everything you did... I understand why you did it."

"Protect? What do you mean, protect? Are you trying to be funny?"

Sasuke felt his mind being drawn back to the cave where Madara had taken him; where he had explained everything about Itachi. Sasuke hadn't wanted to believe it. He didn't want to think about his brother as anything more than a killer, one that he had finally disposed of. He may have been family, but he had almost lost that right when he slaughtered the Uchiha clan.

"For the sake of the shinobi world. For the sake of Konoha. And for the sake of his little brother he put everything on the line."

Sasuke remembered how tightly he'd been holding onto the blanket. How badly he had just wanted his ears to stop working so he didn't have to listen to what Madara was saying. Some part of him wished that Itachi had done better to keep the truth a secret. It would have been so much easier if he had been able to hate his brother for the rest of his life, not have the blood of someone who had been striving for peace on his hands.

"Thank you, Naruto." He said finally, closing his eyes and tilting his chin up to the sky. It really was a relief to have someone else know. He had his reasons for trying to weasel his way back into Konoha, and they'd seemed right to him at the time.

Ironic really, that the hate he had been using as fuel to destroy the village had been overcome by the love he felt for someone. Naruto was finally right. Love was stronger than hate. He knew that now.

"She's going to hate you when you leave." Naruto pointed out. Like he didn't already know that.

"That's what I'm going for."

"But she's also going to be heartbroken."

Sasuke sighed. "You'll be there to help her through." He ran a hand over his face again, feeling slightly relieved. "I hope she can forgive me. If everything works out."

Naruto chuckled and grinned. "I think that despite how much Sakura would want to hate you, her love for you would never fade."

"I want you to be right about that."

xx

Everything was ready. Naruto and Sasuke had built a lie for Sakura, though Naruto wasn't too happy about it, that Sasuke was leaving for a mission. It was ordinary enough - just a mission that would last a few days. It made sense that he would finally be getting send on longer one.

But Sakura was the only one who would think that. Once Sasuke's guards figured out that he was gone, word would spread like wildfire and Sakura would find out the truth.

She would hate him, but that's what he needed her to do. Just in case.

"Don't go," she whispered, her eyes half open, watching him as he gathered his things.

If only she knew what she was saying. What meaning her words had to him that she wasn't aware of yet. His eyes softened slightly, and he crouched down beside her, brushing her hair away from her face. "I have to."

"Do you want to?"

An interesting question. Did he want to leave this woman who let him feel again? Did he want to leave the village that had accepted him again, given him another chance at life? Leaving now would ruin any chance of staying in Konoha after everything was done. They would never accept him; Sakura might never accept him. So no, he didn't want to. Not anymore. "No."

She smiled and rolled herself to the other side of the bed; his side. The side that smelled deliciously of him. She bit her lip and patted the space she had just evacuated. "Then stay. For a little longer."

Sakura had no idea the things he was going to do; how much pain he was going to cause her again. But if he died, it would be easier for her to hate him. Easier for her to move on again.

Sasuke sighed and crawled in next to her, letting himself pull her closer and breathe in her scent. At least one more time. He listened to her breathing slow, listened to the shallow breaths escape her lips. He never should have involved himself with her. But the idea was just so tempting, despite the outcome he knew it could have. He would have to leave her again. Subject her to the same torment that she'd endured six years ago.

But this time he was doing it because he loved her. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her.

He left when Sakura had fallen back asleep, leaving her with a kiss on her forehead and escaping into the brisk night. Winter was just coming to an end now, and spring would come. A new season, new sights, new people. Spring was a time of healing, and Sakura would need just that.

As he left the village, the aching in his chest intensified. Knowing everything that would happen. Everything was going to change now, which bothered him. He'd been content with how things were falling into place. He'd had Sakura. He'd had Naruto's friendship, and even the beginnings of a friendship with Shikamaru and Chouji.

But now, everything was gone.

Erased like it had never happened.

But he knew. He would always remember what he gave up for the girl he loved. The girl that might not even love him after everything that he did to her. He wanted to believe that she would run into his arms after she found out the truth, but he just wasn't sure. He didn't want to be to hopeful only to have his expectations crushed.

It took two days of running to get to his destination. He would assume that his guards had already sounded the alarm of his disappearance. Sakura must already hate him again, Naruto would be waiting for his final appearance to deliver the message. Everything had changed in one trip.

Sasuke wondered if the Hokage would send out another retrieval team, or if she would just let him be. He didn't think she would want to send anyone out after him, the rebels had been spotted not far from Konoha after moving from Kiri and Kumo.

That had been Madara's plan, but it didn't seem that Tsunade had fallen for it.

He wanted her to send a vast majority of her aid to Kumo and Kiri, to draw them away from Konoha so he could attack. But when that failed, he sent his men closer to Konoha, to scare her if anything.

A stupid idea, Sasuke thought. The village would be more defended now, but Madara insisted that the more Konoha shinobi to kill the better.

He wondered how many people were going to die because of him. Because of his decision. How many friends, fathers, mothers, daughters, brothers and sisters would fall. He only hoped Naruto and Sakura would not be harmed in any way shape or form. That's why he was doing this; to protect both of them.

The forest was dark as he trekked through it, waiting patiently for one of Madara's men to show themselves and escort him to where the base was. They moved it constantly, and Madara was excellent at hiding.

He was found by a nondescript shinobi, who asked him to follow in a low, gruff voice.

As he followed the man, he wondered how far away the camp was from here. There were a lot of ninja in Madara's army so the space would need to be vast and still hidden, though the hiding could easily be done by a jutsu.

Madara was waiting for him when he arrived at the camp, his arms crossed over his chest and while no one could see his face, Sasuke imagined he wasn't very impressed.

"You made little progress." He noted angrily.

"It was more difficult than I expected."

Madara sighed and gestured for the younger Uchiha to follow. "I was hoping to have the village in disarray, but no matter. Konoha has little chance with the two of us opposing them."

He felt himself smirk. The boy was becoming more promising with each passing day... Given enough time, Sasuke might even surpass him. Even with the falter of his duty in the Leaf village, he knew the power Sasuke possessed. He knew that when the time came to crush Konoha he wouldn't fail.

"Immerse yourself in utter loathing for the way of the Senju, Sasuke. The Will of Fire they value so highly... the peace they chose over your family. Crush them! That is your destiny! You are a shinobi - you live only for death!" Madara's smirk grew into a full-blown smile.

He had been waiting for so long to destroy Konohagakure. And now, with his army, the snake sannin and the Uchiha prodigy, he would succeed.

Sasuke grunted in response, clenching his fist at his side. His pain had made him angry and narrow-minded, and he had allowed himself to be used. Orochimaru had used his anger to grow powerful, and Madara was using the knowledge of Itachi's true intentions to turn Sasuke into a tool of mass destruction. His frail emotions and intense anger had fed into Madara's insane plans perfectly, and he had been blind to it all.

But now, he knew.

He knew what he wanted, and knew what he had to do to get it.

Destroying Konoha wasn't going to give him what he desired. He had to destroy Madara.

xx

Gone.

Absent.

Missing.

That's what she thought when she first heard the news. He'd gone missing on the mission; he was lost somewhere and they needed to send a search party. But when Tsunade told her and Naruto the news, she felt completely different.

Betrayed.

Abandoned.

Deceived.

When Sakura found out that Sasuke had never even been on a mission, she knew what words were going to follow. Sasuke had betrayed the village again. He'd left. What made it worse was that Tsunade had sent Pakkun after him to find out if he was being disloyal to the village or if he just couldn't stomach to live in the village where his family had been slaughtered.

Then, she thought he had decided to go to the Mizukage.

But Tsunade had proved her wrong. Pakkun had returned. He'd followed Sasuke for a day and a half and saw where the Uchiha had stopped. Apparently, there was some kind of camp disguised by a powerful genjutsu. She didn't know how Pakkun had figured that out, and she didn't care. She just wanted him to be lying.

Slowly, the realization sank in, and Sakura felt her heart plummet with it.

The pain was almost unbearable at first. To know that the man she had fallen in love with, twice, had just hurt her again. But this was different. Six years ago it was only a petty crush on her part. Sasuke hadn't shown any feelings towards her other than being her teammate. But this time, he'd kissed her, he'd held her, he'd whispered in her ear. In the end, she just wasn't good enough.

That bastard.

How he could do this to her again? After everything he'd told her about her letting him feel again; about him needing her. Was it all just a set up? Were none of those things real? As much as she wanted to deny it, they had been real for her. She'd loved him, wanted to protect him. And his thank you was a slap to the face.

Even though she knew she had every right to cry, she couldn't find it in her. Because at the moment, all she felt was bitter anger. She wanted to hurt him so badly, wanted to make him feel like she was feeling at that moment. Completely torn. She wanted to kill him, and there was still a part of her that loved him.

Naruto followed her as she walked numbly back to her house, stopping every once in a while like she might fall over. He stayed at her side, aching to tell her the truth. Things would still be okay. He was sure that Sasuke wasn't expecting Tsunade to send someone after him, and finding out where he had gone might be a slight set back, but Naruto had to tell the Hokage the truth anyways.

It was Sakura that was breaking his heart. He hadn't seen her this sad in a long time and he hated it. He hated watching the people he cared about upset, but there was nothing he could do to make her feel better. Sasuke insisted that this was necessary, though Naruto still wanted to knock him out for it.

What would Sakura do to him when she found out? Would she hate him for keeping the truth from her?

"I'm sorry, Sakura." He said, taking her hand.

She looked at him and smiled, shrugging her shoulders like it wasn't a big deal. "It's okay."

But it wasn't.

It definitely wasn't.

xx

SASUKE YOU POOPY BRAIN.

Well. Sasuke is definitely a tard face, but hey, at least he's trying to be good!
But still, Sakura's heart is surely SHATTERED. THE ASS.
Hopefully everything turns out okay!

Sincerely,
Your Faithful Reviewer

I should have another chapter up very soon :D

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-EM