Edarchy
Chapter 21: This Could Be Your Lucky Day...
Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. The chapter title came from a song that appeared in an earlier chapter, which will appear again in this chapter. Transformers are owned by TakaraTomy and Habsro... Hasbro.
A/N: So here is part two. There might be some humour here, but it's still generally dramatic. Sure, you may be wondering why Eddy is being so melodramatic (to the point where you might as well dial whine-one-one) – Hell, I myself think he's being a bit over-the-top – but... I dunno, I might tone it down a bit here. Oh, and I might introduce Jimmy here. We'll see. Either way, let's start this.
Sunday 13th September, 1998. It was 9am and it was also Ed's last day living with his parents. As you can clearly see, his posters have been taken down. There are boxes containing his various items, including the sponges he had hidden in his walls (although, somehow, the house managed to stay up). And his bath of gravy has been emptied, with the sauce instead being in seven metal cans. Ed's bed was still there, seeing as he needed something to sleep in. Although I should point out that the spare room back at AL already has a bed and all that, which means that Ed's parents are going to empty it out and throw Ed's soon-to-be-old bed out. They're planning to turn it into a guest room, which does make sense, considering that it has a proper bathroom downstairs.
Where was I? Oh yes, Ed was still asleep. He was dressed in his clothes, seeing as it saves him time going into the dryer or whatever in a pair of underwear or whatever, then emerging fully dressed. Not to mention that I myself went to bed fully dressed and I wasn't really all that uncomfortable, so I can't see why Ed should be.
About half an hour later, he got up on his own terms. He headed upstairs, slightly dreary-eyed and opened the fridge, taking out a can of energy drink. He opened it and drank its contents, albeit not at once. He closed the fridge and turned round, slightly shocked to see his baby sister and her best friend sitting at the table. Even though they have their own place, they decided to show up, probably because of Ed leaving. Maybe it's because they're dicks, maybe it's because they want to say goodbye to Ed. Who knows and who cares? 'Hey, Sarah. Hey, Jimmy.'
'Hey, Ed.' Sarah replied. Since it was a bit cold when she came over, Sarah was wearing a pink sweater over her regular shirt
'Hello.' Jimmy said. He still had the same voice he had when he was younger, it's just a little bit deeper. He still had the same hairdo when he was younger, except the quiff was parted to the side a little and, from the back, he appeared to be growing a mullet. He still looked the same as he did when he was younger, except he no longer has his retainer (instead being fitted with dentures) and he's muscled up a little (although he's just as accident-prone and easily-injured as ever). The only major difference is his dress sense. He now wears a black suit with a black tie, with a purple shirt underneath. And, much like the show, which way he swings is... debatable, although the most popular guess is heteroromantic asexual (in other words, he's interested in girls, but doesn't want to have sex with them).
'Hey Jimmy, what are ya studyin' again?' Ed took another sip of his drink.
'I'm doing fashion.' Jimmy meekly replied. 'Remember?'
'He won't.' Sarah told her friend. After all, Ed probably won't remember it. And what Jimmy's learning won't have any effect on what little plot there is, but it's nice to know, considering how in-character it seems. She then got up out of her seat and walked towards Ed. When she was in front of him, she stopped. 'Listen, I know I don't live here and all that crap.' Ed finished off his drink. 'But... What the fuck. Good luck, Ed.'
Ed smiled and gave his baby sister a hug. 'Thanks, Sarah.' They both smiled. They then stopped hugging each other. Sarah sat back down at the table, whereas Ed grabbed his issue of Pimpsmasher #23 (the first of a two-parter, where Pimpsmasher has to team up with Spine-Defying Prostitute – yes, that's her real name – to get the Golden Pimp Cane, which would grant the wielder eternal power. Pimpsmasher and SDP just want to destroy it). Ed opened up the page he was on last time he read it. One panel showed Pimpsmasher throwing a pimp hat at a pimp so hard, it sliced his [the pimp's] head in half; whereas SDP is holding a cape in one hand and some bling in the other, both being used to decapitate some pimps (who were behind her in their hover-pimpmobiles, preparing to use their pimp cane/bazooka hybrid weapons. By the way, the rockets coming out of the canes are slightly larger than the barrels of the canes themselves). As he was reading his comic, he occasionally looked up, trying to avoid hitting any obstacles in his way.
It was now 11am. Outside was Edd, who was smoking a cigarette, whilst his car was on the driveway with a trailer attached. Ed, meanwhile, was loading his things onto the trailer. His parents were standing in the doorway, watching their only son finally move out. Granted, they didn't really care much about him, but still. You may be wondering why Edd isn't really doing much, but, then again, he opened the trailer and put a few things in it. After he had finished his cigarette, he got into his car and put the cigarette butt in with all the others. He then got back out to help his friend.
After everything was loaded onto the truck, Edd got into the car. Eddy, who was wearing a pair of boxer shorts, a hairnet, a half-buttoned grey shirt and a sock on one of his feet, walked up to Ed, clutching an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. 'Ed, I maybe hungover. I may be forced into this chapter. But... You know what I'm gonna say.'
'I should take care if the Joker gives me cotton candy?' Ed asked.
Eddy turned towards the readers' computer screen, his eyelids half-closed with a stoic expression on his face, as if what part of his streptococcus-sized soul saying "Really?", although, looking at it, it could also be a jab at me being all poetic there. He then turned towards Ed and sarcastically responded 'Yes.'
'Aw, thanks, Eddy.' Ed then picked his friend up and gave him a hug, albeit one that wasn't tight. Eddy, strangely enough, hugged him back.
Then, for some reason, Ed pulled his head back and leaned in, trying to kiss his friend. Eddy, who noticed this, went 'Don't.' A couple of seconds later, the two of the stopped hugging and Ed put Eddy back on the floor.
As Eddy staggered back to his house, Edd walked out of his car. 'Hey, Eddy.' Eddy, without turning round, put his arm in the air and raised his middle finger and his index finger, his palm facing away from whoever he was aiming at. 'OK...' He then turned to Ed. 'Well, I'm going to get back into the car, seeing as there wasn't really a reason for me to leave it in the first place. Is there anything you'd like to say to your parents before you leave the cul-de-sac?'
'Maybe.' Edd nodded and got back into the car. He then turned on the radio. After finding nothing that really interested him, he turned on the CD. Again, it was Eels with Your Lucky Day in Hell. As Ed faced the parents that pretty much treated him like shit for years, the singer from Edd's song [Mark Oliver Everett, aka E] sang:
Father Theresa, you can't make me into you
I never wanna be like you
Why can't you see?
It's me
You know it's time to let me go
Ed would've given a speech, much like the one Eddy should've done at the end of BPS (see Chapter 17 for my little rant), but the song summed it up entirely. Luckily, Ed managed to write it down on a piece of paper, which he handed to his parents. He raised his middle finger (or what comes close to a middle finger) at them before walking to the BMW. He then got in and put on his seatbelt. Edd, who already had his on, started the car and drove off, both of them not looking back (just as well, what with the trailer blocking their view).
Ed then turned off the CD player and put the radio back on, with Edd's permission, of course. He then set the dial to his favourite radio station. 'And now for something completely different.' The DJ said. 'Here's – surprisingly, I might add – Smashing Pumpkins with Bullet with Butterfly Wings.' Although Ed was more into metal and Edd was into alternative, this was one of those songs that they both could get into. Anyone who has actually listened to the song would know why.
At first, they were nodding to the beat, but, when it came to the chorus they both started to headbang, although Ed was a bit more ferocious, as he wasn't the one driving. 'Ed.'
'Yeah?'
'I wish you all the best. I genuinely hope you enjoy residing at your new abode.' He then stopped moving his head to the beat of the song – probably to see if what he said was accurate – but then resumed.
'Thank you, Double D. This song's pretty cool.'
'Thanks, Ed. I've got the album at home. Not all of it is like this, you know.'
'Hm.'
Some time later, they reached Automaton's Lair. After parking the car in a suitable location, they both got out and Edd knocked the door. About 30 seconds later, Bob appeared, wearing only a pair of black and red chequered pyjama bottoms, showing off his reasonably hairy chest. On his chest and arms were various tattoos, but there were two that stood out (and both of them were Transformers): One of Shockwave (the G1 version) inside a black lozenge, which was just above his right nipple; and a large one of Optimus Primal (from Beast Wars) on his forearm – both of them are in their robot modes. Of course, he has a few other tattoos, including a pair of snakes arranged into a double helix. He opened the door and mumbled. 'Sorry, we're closed on Sundays.'
'Bob?' Ed said. 'I'm here for...'
'Oh, Ed.' The shopkeeper rubbed his eyes. 'Sorry for interrupting you. You're here to move in. Sorry I'm tired. Marathon.'
Then Edd, in one of his dim moments (seriously, he's had a few of these in the show), asked 'The game?' Not to be confused with the one we all lost. 'The athletics competition? Or watching a series of things in a row?'
'Last one.' Bob replied, after a brief pause to remember what he was watching. 'It was that Batman show from the 60s.' He then scratched the back of his head. 'I started at... 9... and fell asleep at... Can't remember, somewhere around 4 in the morning.' He sighed. 'All I know is that I missed Mass.'
'Uh-huh.' Ed smiled a little.
'Come.' The shopkeeper said. 'I'll show you to your room. If I can walk properly, I'll get some of your things.'
'Coming, Double D?'
'No thanks, Ed.' Edd waved his hand for some reason. 'Besides, I have to make sure no one pilfers my car or any of your items.'
'Uh-huh.' Ed goofily smiled and followed his boss into the shop and, eventually upstairs. Edd smiled and got out his phone, probably to call Marie.
Ed and Bob, meanwhile, were in the storage room. Bob opened a door, which led to a flight of stairs. Once they were both up there, there was a hallway with white walls and faux-wood laminate flooring. There were three rooms: A small kitchen area, which was straight ahead; and the spare room to the right. For some reason, the whole upper level has some sort of hammerspace effect – it's quite big up there, considering that it's not really a big shop. 'This way.' He pointed towards the spare room. He opened the door and stood out of the way, allowing Ed to enter the room.
'Cool!' Ed bobbed his head back and forth. His new room had the same scheme as the main upstairs hallway, although the floor looked like it was made from a darker wood. There was a single bed – with a nightstand next to it – in the middle of the room with Spider-Man bedding, just for Ed. On the wall opposite the bed was a shelf containing Bob's boxing trophies (as well as other prizes) and a few pictures of him in the middle of a fight. There was also a door on one side of the room, which led to a personal bathroom, much like the one he had at home (but much cleaner. At least for the time being). Oh, and opposite THAT door was a dresser, which had a few action figures on them.
Bob then walked back in, except here he was also wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt. 'OK, let's get your stuff.' Ed smiled as he took one last look at his new room before joining his new housemate. Something inside him knew that he was going to enjoy it here.
A/N: The next chapter will be the last part of this arc. Hopefully.
So yeah, we've finally seen Ed move out. Although I should point out that there have been a few EEnE stories about Ed and his relationship with his parents, so there's nothing new here. Alright, now it's time for some explanations:
1) Although you the reader should've already known this, I would like to point out that Pimpsmasher isn't based on my views of pimps (I'm... undecided... if you're wondering); it's more of the in-universe's writer who hates them. Actually, he's sorta based on my guy from Saints Row 2. When I wasn't doing a mission or wreaking havoc elsewhere, I just went round and fought pimps for no discernible reason. I only bothered using my fists and anything you can pick up (using anything else would've been "too easy" in my opinion). And knowing is 1% of the battle; no points for guessing what the other 99% is.
2) Do you remember Chapter 6 when I mention a prostitute whose spine is so curved that, when she turns to her side, it stretches for three panels? Yup, that's SDP. Not really that interesting, especially since you've probably gathered that. But I thought I should mention it, just in case.
3) Sorry for bringing up my rant at the end of Chapter 17. But, once again, I do have a point. I'll shut up about it now.
4) I'd like to thank the Transformers wiki (tfwiki . net), seeing as, thanks to that, there is some interest in Transformers going on here. I think I had one as a kid – can't remember which one – but I'm not really sure.
5) Originally, I had planned to measure how big the cans (holding the gravy) were (can't remember whether it was the volume or the area). However, because I've forgotten some maths (which, as I've probably previously mentioned, was one of my favourite subjects at school), I just couldn't. All I can say is that – standing up – its height is the same as Ed's shoe size (he's an 11 US) and he can hold a can in the palm of his hand (holding a series of stacked cans, on the other hand...), so, if you want to hazard a guess, feel free to.
6) Don't flame me for using "Habsro" [sic] in the disclaimer at the beginning of the chapter. I just find it funny. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare myself for the inevitable shitstorm.
So that's pretty much it. I felt I could've done more, but I don't know how and what areas. There isn't much else I could add HERE as well, now that I think about it. Alright, so take care and I'll get started on the next chapter whenever.