The Random Megaman Parody Show: Third Strike
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #20
A Parody of Kill Bill
By: The Classic series
(During the opening scene, Plant Man gets shot in the nuts instead of the head by D.I.C.K.S., the Deadly, Immortal Cobra Killing Squad Then, Bass opens the door.)
Bass - Girl, you back from selling crack already!
(Plantman knocks Bass into some plates.)
Bass - Not my Mickey Mouse and Friends collection editions! You bitch!
(During the knife fight.)
Bass - I cut you like Mexican!
(As they fight, a crowd of children gather in front of the window. Then, Bass shoots the gun inside of 'Gun-In-A-Box Cereal')
Bass - If I could go back in a machine, I would. T-bag Hitler. But that's beside the point… Tell ya what. We'll go to the baseball field around five while the kids are playing Little League. We'll dress like clowns and then have a knife fight. The kids won't know what's goin' on, but it should be pretty fucking hilarious.)
(Plantman misses the cup, kicking the coffee instead.)
Plantman - Motherfucker!
(Outside, Plantman gets into the 'Poon-Tang-mobile'. During the flashback, the cop has several bobble crotches on his dashboard. They're like bobble heads, but…)
Cop #1 - They even shot the Negro who played the organ.
Cop #2 - Not the Negro!
Cop #1 - Yes, the Negro. Also, the name on the birth certificate is Anne Orexic.
(Time passes and Pirate Man whistles 'I Like To Move It' while walking down the hall. He enters the elevator, then gets off singing and dancing to the song. He grabs an old man in wheelchair and flings him down a flight of stairs.)
Old Man - I hope Medicare covers this!
(He goes into closet and reemerges as an army commando. Then, he gets s call before the injection.)
Pirate Man - Actually, I'm perfectly happy with my long distance service. Stop calling me!
(Then, gets phone call from Wily.)
Pirate Man - Word of advice: Never eat seafood from a pickup truck with an Iowa license plate!
(More time passes and Plantman wakes up. He looks into his pants, then screams. Then, Astro Man pays $75 to play Go-Fish. Plant Man bites Astro Man's tongue and it cuts away briefly. His tongue is now stretched across room. It cuts away again. Astro Man is now running down hallway with tongue stretching behind him. Then, Plantman has a flashback.)
Random Guy - My name's Donuts and I'm here to go nuts!
(Plantman sits on his back in the back of a pickup.)
Plantman - Wiggle your big toe.
(His crotchal area wiggles.)
Plantman - What the…
(He looks in his pants and gets an unusual look on his face. During the anime flashback, Yamato Man is under the bed. A sword goes through the bed and blood begins dripping down. The sword is removed and someone cries out.)
Someone - OWIE!!
Someone Else - What the… she's still alive!
(The sword goes through the bed five more times.)
Someone - That really hurts!
Someone Else - Die already!
(The sword goes through the bed about 50 more times before the noises stop.)
Someone Else - Next time, maybe we should just use guns.
(Later, Yamato Man stabs the Yakuza boss as a child. He removes the sword and hundreds of gallons of blood come shooting out.)
Yamatoman - What the hell… did I just stab the Kool-Aid man or something?!
(Then, instead of the fat man, Yamato Man assassinates Santa Claus. Then, in present times, two Japanese men argue over Chickita China.)
Flameman - We're in Japan! Screw you! -turns to Plantman- What can I get for you?
Plantman - A bottle of warm Pimp Juice, please.
Shadowman - Pimp Juice? In the middle of the day?
Flameman - Morning, day, night, who gives a damn? She needs pimpin' and she needs it now! -turns to Plantman- How funny… You like samurai swords, I like Cabbage Patch Kids.
(Flame Man picks up a Cabbage Patch Kid and throws it at Plant Man, who slices it in half. Elsewhere, Starman and Aquaman are drinking beer.)
Starman - Do you want to buy me cheese?
Aquaman - Yes!
(Starman stabs Aquaman in the stomach.)
Starman - Wrong answer. I'm lactose intolerant.
(When Yamatoman cuts off Toadman's head, blood squirts from his neck like a sprinkler.)
Yamatoman - If anyone has anything else to say, now's the fucking time!!
(A brief silence follows.)
Random Guy - Your fly's open…
(In the airport, Plantman goes through security.)
Guard - What's this? -points to kitana-
Plantman - Toothbrush.
Guard - Move along. -3rd grader walks up- What's this?
3rd Grader - Safety scissors.
Guard - Is that so? Terrorist!
(One of the Crazy 88s looks at the person next to him.)
Random Guy - Why are we walking so slowly?
(Star Man walks out of the room to inspect the noise. Plant Man is standing up against a wall wearing a shirt that says 'I Am A Wall'.)
Yamatoman - Catch my lucky charms.
Plantman - They're magically…
Yamatoman - Delicious.
(After fight scene, Plant Man stands on the railing.)
Plantman - For those of you who still have your lives, you may take them with you. But leave the limbs you've lost; they belong to me now! I'm starting a collection!
Wily - Is she aware that George Bush is still president?
(Another flashback occurs.)
Organ Playing Negro - Y'all got a song? How about 'Smack My Bitch Up'? I can play that.
(Instead of a flute, Wily is holding a tuba.)
Wily - What does your friend do for work?
Plantman - He owns a used sex toy shop in El Paso.
Plantman - Do I look pretty?
Wily - No, you look like a slut. Just like your mother.
Plantman - Thank you, Daddy.
Wily - Stop calling me that.
(Time returns to the present.)
Pirate Man - That sword was priceless.
Swordman - Not in El Paso. In El Paso I got $10, a burger and fries, and two nights with a fat chick called Mimi for it.
(Instead of snorting coke, Knight Man and Aquaman are snorting pepper.)
Knightman - MY BRAIN HURTS!!!!
(Another flashback occurs and the two are talking about Pao Mae.)
Wily - And don't get me started on what he'll do if you give him the finger. Let's just say… -slowly moves hand towards crotch-
(Dr. Light strokes his beard for the first time and a random tree in the background sets on fire. The second time, a stone archway behind him collapses. The third time, a cat to his left if blown away before exploding. Then, he jumps onto Plantman's sword.)
Dr. Light - From here you have an excellent view of my crotch.
(The fourth time he strokes his beard, a bead of sweat is flung off of his hand and falls to the left of him, causing a small explosion. The fifth time, a plane can be seen crashing in the background. The sixth time, nothing happens until he walks away. A few second later, a flaming squirrel runs across the screen and spontaneously combusts. The seventh time, a nearby jogger is blown up by a missile.)
Dr. Light - No! Squeakers!
(Plant Man climbs up stairs with a bottle of water in each hand. Next time, he's carrying buckets with bottles of water in each bucket. The third time, he's carrying a bottled water vending machine on his back. The eighth time Light strokes his beard, a small house blows up, and two people run out, spontaneously combusting seconds later. The ninth time, the wall of the house behind them gets blown off and hits a bicyclist going down the road.)
Dr. Light - I'm starting to see a pattern.
(A hand pops out of a grave, so Plant Man walks over to it and stomps on it.)
Plantman - Ugh… creepy.
(When Sword Man opens the chest, Snake Man is sitting there with a cartoon boxing glove on a spring. )
Snakeman - Hi, there! -punches Sword Man out-
(Later, Plantman plucks out Pirate Man's eye out.)
Pirate Man - Oh, right. -lifts up eyepatch to reveal another eye-
Plantman - What the…
Pirate Man - Yar! I always wanted to be a pirate!
Plantman - But you are a pirate.
Pirate Man - Oh. Right.
(Time passes.)
Gutsman - Bill… he shot you in the head, no? I would have been much nicer. I would have ripped your left nut off and played ping-pong with it.
(Plant Man finds Wily and takes a dump on the floor when he sees Iceman. Wily makes a sandwich and cuts the crust off with a chainsaw. Instead of stepping on the fish, Iceman stuck him into a blender and hit 'frappe'. Then, Everyone is suddenly in a white empty space.)
Plantman - What the…
MSX - We ran out of money.
Wily - This could prove to be problematic.
Next time: The Legends series uses the power of 'The Shining'.