A/N: I'm here! I'm back! I'm sorry! Hey guys, these past few weeks have been crazy busy and I just had to get something out for this story. So here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy! I am so happy for the response this story has gotten, and am so thankful for all the loyal fans and the encouraging reviews! I'll try not to be so long for the next review, but fair waring August isn't looking to be a good month for me :( A special shout out to my Beta who corrected this chapter in under two hours...so props to x0xDrumMajorx0x Thanks Mackie! ~Lauren
Chapter 19 Bella POV
His second chance; rather sweetly worded in its essence, almost always it brought a slight smile to my face; a rosy hue to my cheeks. When I thought about its subtle perfection I could barely contain my ecstatic thought process. It was his way of saying that he wanted 'more', his way of letting those carefully constructed walls down, it was his way of finally allowing me in. And I was thankful for it, more so than I ever thought possible.
Edward wanted to try. Even now, lying in his strong and seemingly unbreakable embrace, it was shocking to fathom.
Following Saturday's unexpected events and the preceding morning's heated conversation, this quiet Wednesday afternoon seemed to be just what the both of us needed.
I sighed, leaning my head back against Edward's strong shoulder as the movie Alice had picked out for us played along in the background. To be honest I hadn't been paying the required amount of attention needed to follow along with the plot line, and I felt almost guilty as Alice sent me knowing smirks every now and then.
"Are you enjoying the movie?" I blushed at the proximity of the familiar voice, shrugging slightly in Edward's tight grasp.
"It's okay." I responded rather nonchalantly, hoping my vague response would be enough to appease him. I heard his soft chuckle, and I closed my eyes, basking in the beauty of the simple sound.
"Not paying much attention are we?" he teased, the fingers of his left hand reaching for my own in the darkness of the basement. I shrugged once more, encasing his warm hand in my own.
"I've been slightly distracted," I admitted, turning my face slightly upward to see the perfectly crooked smile that I knew adorned his strong features.
"Oh, have you?" he wondered, playfully squeezing my fingers.
"Yes," I leant my face up to kiss his chin. "I have." He smiled down at me, turning his focus back to the screen.
"Me too," I heard him whisper after a moment or so.
"It sounds like you two are doing well; much better than the last time you both were in." Dr. Webber's voice pulled me from my reverie and I smiled at his observation.
"I like to think so," I stated.
"And from what you've told me, Edward seems to be adjusting well." He noted something on a large pad of yellow paper, adjusting his reading glasses as he waited for my response.
"Adjusting? How do you mean?"
"Adjusting to the idea of you as more than a friend; as a girlfriend." He dropped his pen to the desktop, folding his hands underneath his chin. "I have to tell you Bella, last week was simply a bad week for him, which I'm sure you could see for yourself." I nodded, remembering back to the previous week. It seemed so long ago.
"He was really upset," I added, hoping to keep the flow of conversation. Dr. Webber was nice, but seeing as this was my first private session I was slightly more nervous than anticipated.
"And your peers, his family, your father…they are all aware of your current status as a couple." I frowned a bit, but nodded.
"Are you sure?" he inquired, one gray eyebrow rising as he took in my expression. I watched as he once more lifted the pen from the table top. I nodded, annoyed with his constant scribbles.
"Yes, it's just been…well…school…" Monday had been, interesting, to put it lightly. Walking into the building hand in hand with Edward had thrown more than a few students off.
"Ahh, so the other students aren't taking it well? Is that the problem?"
"No, no problems. Just, um…I think it's just kind of shocking to them." Was it really a 'problem'? I didn't think so.
"Shocking?"
"Yes, I mean, I'm Edward's first…anything since Addie. Some of them just don't understand."
"Ahh." More scribbling.
"Hmm. Well I think it will just take some time." He looked up from his pad of notes, pushing back from his desk and moving to sit on the edge of his desk. If the move was meant to relieve some of the unwanted tension, it wasn't working. "Teenagers, especially in a school environment, like a moderate amount of structure on certain social levels. Immediate or unexpected change is most likely going to shake up the student body for a short time, but the newness will pass and Edward and yourself will develop your relationship around your school lives."
"Makes sense," I whispered, thinking over his statement.
"And his family? Alice, Emmett, how have they taken to the news?"
I smiled to myself at his question, remembering back to last Sunday afternoon.
"So, who's going to tell Alice?" Edward chuckled at my question, pulling me tighter against his chest, my head resting comfortably in the deep crook of his neck.
"Alice is Alice, we probably won't even have to mention it. She'll just…know." He smirked, his long fingers raking through my dark hair.
"Hmm. You're probably right." I agreed, laughing a little in anticipation of Alice's reaction.
"Of course I am." I smacked him lightly on the shoulder, and he frowned, feigning pain.
"Had he been correct in his predictions of her reaction?"
"Um, yea."
After having lounged around in his room well past one thirty in the afternoon I sighed, deciding it was now or never that we go downstairs. "Come on, time for lunch," I insisted, sitting up away from his chest. He frowned, attempting to pull me back down.
"No, I'm…tired." I raised an eyebrow at his excuse. "You're not the least bit hungry?" I asked, wondering if he really was 'tired' or if he just didn't want to broadcast his decision quite yet.
He seemed to ponder the decision for a moment, one of his hands absentmindedly reaching for his stomach.
"Okay, let's go," he decided, standing up from his place on the bed. He wobbled slightly, most likely aftershocks of his hangover.
"Careful there," I teased, standing up as well and taking his hand. He smiled, leading me out the door and down the stairs.
"Oh. My. God."
"I remember coming to a dead stop in the kitchen at those words, Alice's expression was unreadable, and for the briefest of seconds I thought that she was angry. But in true Alice fashion, she issued an excited squeal and all but tackled the both of us into a group hug." I breathed a quiet laugh, remembering the situation.
Dr. Webber chuckled, smiling to himself.
"It does coincide with her bright attitude," he noted, his eyes flickering to the silver watch on his wrist.
"Hmm, only about ten minutes more," I smirked a little. Ten more minutes and I'll be done. Ten more minutes and I'll get to see Edward.
"Is there anything you would like to discuss?" he wondered, reaching behind him toward his notes.
I shook my head, hoping to maybe cut the session short. I didn't want to spend anymore time analyzing my relationship with Edward. I sure as hell didn't want to revisit the subject of my mother's passing, and I didn't want to be told how fragile my emotional state was at my young age. Dr. Steven's had already given me an ear full of that crap.
"Anything at all?"
"Nope," I responded quickly, bouncing slightly in my impatience.
"Well then, do you mind if I offer you some insight?" he wondered aloud.
I shrugged a signal of my indifference.
"Bella, you're a smart girl, a passionate girl, and I can see that you have had a lot of pain in your life. I didn't have to read your file to figure that much out." He paused, pushing himself away from the desk's edge and beginning a deliberate pace about the room.
"From what Dr. Stevens has told me, and from what I've observed, I can tell that you're the type of person to unconsciously wear their heart on their sleeve. You want to seem strong and functional to others, but inside you are every kind of broken." His eyes focused in on mine then, and I felt the blood drain from my face, feelings of mortification emerging at his words. Was I really that transparent?
"Edward isn't like this, he is guarded and silent. It will be hard to break him. I'm not sure I've even accomplished the task. Be patient with him. Edward needs someone patient in his life. It's what he's looking for. The relationship between the both of you is far more complex than the normal relationship of the average teenager. I can see that you care about him, and in an effort to make this work out for the best I advise you not to push him. These first few weeks are going to be new for both of you, and Edward has a lot to think about regarding his new status as 'boyfriend'. Understand?"
"Uh…" Say something Bella, nod, squeak, make a sound of agreement. "Yea." There ya go.
Dr. Webber stole another glance to his clock. "Only a moment more, I believe we can wrap up early this afternoon. It was a pleasure talking with you Bella. Give my best to Edward." I nodded, standing to gather my things.
"Thank you, sir," I called as I exited the door. I walked down the hall and past the receptionist desk. I let out a breath as I approached the glass doors that signaled an exit to the parking lot and ultimately an entrance into my Edward's arms. I miss him, I thought to myself as I placed a hand onto the metal handle.
"Bella!" I turned toward the sound of my name. In my hurry to get back to the Cullen's house I had failed to notice Angela was working the reception area today. She waved me over and I reluctantly with an impatient smile approached the desk and wrapped my arms around her in a friendly hug.
"I didn't see you there, Angela. How have you been?" I wondered aloud, while internally calculating how fast I could get to Edward's house if I really pushed my truck.
"Good, good. How have you been? I haven't seen you around the lunch table much." She smirked, nudging me slightly in the shoulder. I blushed a little.
"Yea, Edward I…yea."
She giggled at my embarrassment. "Don't worry about it Bella, I'm happy for you and Edward. You're good for him." She smiled at me and I returned the gesture.
"Thanks. How's Ben?" I asked, feeling like I owed her a bit more time for having been so focused on Edward this week.
"He's great, thanks for asking. Everyone's doing really well. We're all excited for you. I mean…most of us at least."
"Lauren and Jessica?" I questioned, she laughed a bit. "Don't forget Mike," she teased. "He's been heartbroken ever since that party, he was so sure you would fall head over heels for him." I snorted at Mike's ridiculous assumptions.
"Oh yea, wouldn't want to forget him." Angela smiled a bit, took a look at the clock and toward the papers on her desk.
"I should go," I said, motioning to the clock. She nodded. "It was really nice talking to you Bella, we should hang out soon." She suggested. I smiled, agreeing with a swift nod before heading out to the parking lot.
I all but sprinted to my truck, happy to be out of the building. Don't get me wrong, I think the therapy was helping me, or it would at least, but I just…I didn't want to be reminded of how hard these first few weeks were going to be…about how everything was going to be different, I just … I just wanted Edward to be happy. I wanted me to be happy.
I climbed into the cab of the pickup, slamming the door shut and shoving the key into the ignition. I heard the familiar clanking of the engine that signaled its start up and pulled swiftly out the parking space.
Only another ten minutes, Bella. God, you act like you haven't seen him in years, it's only been, I looked toward the illuminated numbers of my worn dashboard, two hours! I breathed a slight laugh at my anxiousness to be with him. I had been with him all through the school day. Why couldn't I just slow down? I felt as if I hadn't caught my breath in days. But it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, like having the wind knocked out of you by a hard fall, not even like the burning sort of feeling that accompanied the lack of oxygen, no, it was a rushed sort of content, this feeling. Like when you run along distance, a feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion all seemingly mixed into a misplaced emotional state.
For the first time in the weeks that I had lived here, I was beginning to find myself, my place here in Forks. I had a reason to be here, other then my mother's untimely death…I was no longer the unexpected baggage in my father's simplistic life. I was Bella Swan, I had a job, I had a boyfriend, I was doing well in school, I was getting help for my problems, and I felt accomplished. As if some sort of unknown purpose had been fulfilled.
I couldn't help though, but to dwell on Dr. Webber's parting monologue. It wasn't ideal to think of my first relationship as any kind of "slowed" or "cautioned." I knew that Edward needed time, I understood that, but the situation felt personal; in the way that only Edward and I needed to be involved, not our shared therapist. It bothered me that I seemed so transparent to Dr. Webber, and that he could read me so well after having only spent an hour with him. It bothered me that, to him, Edward and I were just a couple of manilla files and unspoken scribbles on standard note paper. I didn't doubt his skill, I knew that he was very good at his job, and that Edward trusted him, but I couldn't help but feel slightly unsettled when I thought of him or anyone else analyzing our relationship.
I was being stubborn by wanting to fix my own issues, too independent by attempting to solve all our problems without outside help, but I didn't want to face the fact that we both had been emotionally scarred in the past year or so. I didn't want to face the reality that I had entered into a new town, with a father I had barely known, and am now not only an overworked student, but girlfriend, and an unintentional role model.
I didn't only get Edward when I entered into this relationship, when I pushed for more than platonic. I got a family, I got new responsibilities, new problems, new experiences, I got a little boy, a little life. Someone to care about, to look after, to eventually love? I didn't know. And it scared me to think that if this relationship went wrong I'd be losing a lot more than Edward.
I found myself in the Cullen driveway then, my thought process having easily passed the time. I sighed, parking near the garage and cutting the engine.
I reached for the handle of my door, silently berating myself for my former line of thought. I shoved the heavy metal door out of the way, and hopped down out of the truck's old cab.
"Finally!" I jumped slightly at the familiar voice, smiling as I felt those two strong arms envelop me from behind. I closed and locked the car door before turning to look into those beautiful emerald eyes.
"Edward." I breathed, tangling my fingers in his soft hair.
"I missed you." He sighed, and I smiled to myself. It would work out, it had to. And with my newfound reassurance, I pushed myself up on my toes and brushed my lips against his.
"I missed you too."
"How was your session?" He asked, reaching for my backpack. I swatted his hand away, giving him a pointed look. "I can handle it." I teased, pushing a bit at his chest. He sighed. "My session was okay, kinda overwhelming." I answered honestly, still thinking back to my thoughts on the drive here.
"Did he do a lot of the talking?" He wondered. I shook my head. "He just asked me questions and had me answer them." I shrugged, pushing open the front door of the mansion and relishing in the warm air that encircled my slight frame.
"He gave me a lot to think about." I felt Edward's arm encircle my waist as he led me toward the staircase. "Mom, Bella's here, she's staying for dinner!" He called, never breaking stride as we made quick work of the steps.
"So, what'd you both talk about?" He asked, a playful tone about his features. He knew as well as I that I didn't have to say anything. "Oh you know." I teased, poking at his shoulder when he reached the door to his room.
He smiled, lifting a finger to his lips in a silencing gesture. I nodded in understanding, quietly pushing the door open to reveal the subtly lit bedroom. Edward urged me into the room and shut the door quietly behind us.
"How long has be been asleep?" I wondered aloud, looking toward the familiar crib. "A few hours or so." He answered, reaching into the crib and softly rubbing Andy's cheek.
"Hey buddy." Edward whispered quietly, patiently waiting for Andy's little eyes to open up. "Someone's here to see you." He cooed, and my heart tugged a little at the gentle tone to his voice.
Andy gurgled a bit, his tiny fingers subconsciously going to grip at Edward's hand. Edward smiled down at his son, reaching his other hand beneath Andy's tiny torso and pulling him to rest against his chest.
"Da." Andy breathed quietly, his auburn head resting gently beneath Edward's chin.
"Hi Andy." I cooed, standing from my place on the bed and coming to stand beside Edward. I racked my fingers through Andy's soft hair and laid a quick kiss to his pink cheek.
"You're so good with him." Edward whispered, smiling down at me. "He's easy to be with, he's a sweet baby." I complimented, looking between Edward's gentle smile and Andy's half awake form.
"Yea, he's good. Arn't you little man?" Edward whispered, bouncing lightly in a attempt to bring Andy out of his sleepy haze.
"Da, da, da." Andy cooed, patting at Edward's shoulder in an attempt to calm his father's movements. We both laughed at his antics.
"How was your afternoon?" I asked after a few moments. Edward shrugged slightly leading me toward the bed once more. "It was quiet, got my homework done, did some cleaning." He gestured the expanse of the room, pointing toward the newly organized toy chest and closet. I giggled.
"I'm proud of you." I teased, kissing his cheek lightly. He wrapped the arm that wasn't supporting Andy around my waist and pressed his lips to mine gently.
"Thank you." He whispered. "For what?" He shook his head lightly.
"For just being here." I nodded, leaning my head into his shoulder.