Rifiuto: Non Miriena
September 1, 2008
"I can't believe you put me on bedrest, Allison!" The good doctor chuckled. She'd put her foot down and ordered Jo into the infirmary three weeks earlier, after her blood pressure rose due to Zane's near electrocution. Her husband had ended up in the infirmary after Henry's old ship the Columbus returned, and Kim Two Point Oh walked off the ship. Long story short: a computer virus that had jumped from organic computer to human had sent all of GD into a panic, and Jo had been forbidden from seeing Zane, for fear it would jump to her and hurt the baby. Carter, Allison, Henry, Tess and Kim were able to find a cure and everything was fine, but the incident had sent Jo's blood pressure through the roof. Allison had ordered her to the infirmary, and hadn't let her leave since. And the week before Zane's electrocution, Jo's baby shower had killed two of the women attending and nearly killed Tess, leaving the mother-to-be a bundle of nerves and stress, thinking she was cursed. Zane, however, hadn't left her side, sleeping in the chair by her bed for the last week, and jumping if she even lifted a finger. "Allison, I have work to do!"
"Jo. Look down. You can't go to work. You're in the last couple weeks of your pregnancy; you shouldn't even be on your feet, let alone running around town with Carter doing investigations. You're staying here until that baby is born, no matter what you say!" Allison replied; Jo glared at her, tempermental and upset that Allison was so calm about this. A moment passed, before the deputy asked,
"Fine, but can I at least go down to Cafe Diem and have lunch with Carter like we've been planning?" She hurried on as Allison's expression darkened. "Instead of one of the tables or the counter, we'll sit in front of the fireplace on the sofa, and I'll put my feet up, and I won't move until it's time to come back here. Please? Allison, I'm going crazy laying here with nothing to do. And you won't let me go home because you want to keep a close eye on me- Allison, please, I'm begging you. It's just for an hour- two at most. Please. I have to get out of here, otherwise I'm gonna go completely bugnuts."
A moment passed before the doctor took a seat on the edge of the bed, reaching up to lay a hand on Jo's round belly. She studied the younger woman, before trailing her fingers over the distended skin. "I saw the look on Zane's face when he thought he'd lost you three weeks ago. When we couldn't get your blood pressure down, and you went into a seizure, remember?" Jo swallowed, laying a hand on her belly beside Allison's. "We were able to stop it in time, and Bug is fine, she's healthy and strong, but... Jo, you can't go putting yourself into danger like this. You have another life besides your own to protect." Gently Allison rubbed her swollen stomach, feeling the baby kick. "Feel that? That's Bug, telling you that you need to take it easy, for her. And that once she's born, you can do whatever you want, but not before. Understand?" Jo nodded, laying her head back against the pillows and letting out a frustrated sigh. Allison got up, going to her. "I know it's frustrating, and that you're miserable and you just want this to be over with, trust me, I've been there, but you have to be patient."
"She's never going to be born." Jo muttered, meeting Allison's eyes. The older woman chuckled.
"I know it seems that way, but she will be. Real soon. And when she is, you'll get to hold her and... and she'll be yours. For the rest of your life, she will be yours and Zane's to raise and protect and love. Just be patient." And with a kiss to Jo's forehead, Allison left, seeming to skip out of the infirmary with all the energy of her second trimester of pregnancy. Groaning in annoyance, Jo turned back to staring at the ceiling, her hands wandering over the expanse of her belly, skimming over her belly button, and resting where the baby's head had settled, positioned and ready to make her big debut. Jo looked up at the soft sound of chuckling, to see Zane leaning against the doorway, two cartons in his hands.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, pushing herself up. Zane quickly set the cartons on the chair and helped his wife. Once she was settled comfortably, he took a seat beside her, opening the cartons.
"Well, Carter said that you two were planning on having lunch, and since Allison has forbidden you from leaving this bed until Bug is born, Carter and I figured we would bring lunch to you." He said, as Carter entered, wheeling a cart with drinks, dessert and plates on it into the infirmary.
"I love it, thank you." She whispered, laughing softly as Carter stopped the carter at her bedside and pulled up a chair.
"How are you doing, by the way?" Zane asked, getting up to finish dividing their lunch. She sighed, laying her head back. "Everything all right?" He asked, sitting beside her as Carter took the chair. Gently, Zane reached up, brushing her bangs out of her eyes and trailing the back of his finger over her cheek. "Bug okay?"
"Bug's fine. She's... she's big and strong and healthy... and her head is..." She winced, shifting as much as she could. "Right there." She exhaled slowly.
"You okay, Jojo?" Zane's blue eyes instantly filled with fear, and she met his gaze, giving him a small smile.
"Just Braxton Hicks. I've been experiencing them for the last week and a half. Allison said that I'll experience them until I go into actual labor. They're just... practice ones." She said, settling back. She sighed. "Can't we just go one week without one of us ending up in the infirmary?" Zane chuckled softly, glancing at Carter, who shrugged and gave the couple a soft smile in return.
"Look at it this way, Jojo. We're in here because hopefully, our little bug will be coming into the world in another week or so." She nodded, and after several minutes, they settled down and had lunch, talking and laughing and chatting like any other day. Carter told Jo just how hard it was to handle the town without his deputy, and Jo told him that she was desperate to get back out and work, but wouldn't be able too until after Bug was born. Zane's phone rang halfway through lunch, and he excused himself to answer it, leaving Carter and Jo together in silence.
"Hey stranger. Long time no see." The sheriff chuckled, and was releaved to see Jo smile and relax. He got up, sitting beside Jo and laying a hand on her belly. "Sooo, you're in the home stretch. Two more weeks. You nervous?" Carter gently rubbed her belly, an action that helped calm Jo's frayed, strained nerves.
"Terrified. I... I've gone to war, been wounded in combat, watched my friends die, been caught up in a dust cloud... but none of it compares to this." She whispered. Carter nodded, swallowing.
"Actually, Jo, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." She looked up at him, waiting. "It's about... what happened to you and Zane..."
"With the virus? Carter, we're fine. Bug is fine. We're all perfectly healthy." He shook his head.
"No, I mean... about... what happened to you and Zane in New York. On September Eleventh, seven years ago."
"Nothing happened, Carter. We survived-"
"You did, but your friends didn't, and it obviously affected you. You watched them die- Jo, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to move on, let alone live like you and Zane have. You're making this family- but... but you've always got this... this cloud behind your eyes. This... pain. It's haunting you, Jo. We can all see it. You have to talk about it, otherwise it'll eat you alive." She shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes.
"I can't. I just... I can't." Gently, Carter reached out and took her hand, meeting her gaze.
"Jo, someone told me once, that your past has a way of catching up with you, no matter how far you run. That... history has a way of haunting you. Jo, what happened that day- that's a part of your history, and you need to put it to rest, otherwise you'll never be able to get over it."
Carter waited, giving her time to gather her thoughts. She reached down, running her fingers over the distended skin of her belly, sniffling. "It was... September two-thousand-one and... my friends and I had just... graduated from our respective military schools, we were... spending a couple weeks in New York City... a last trip together before going to our respective bases... and on that day," She sniffled, looking up as Carter took her hand, squeezing gently, giving her his strength. Neither noticed Zane in the doorway, listening.
"It's okay. Take your time, Jo."
"Zane and I literally ran into each other- we were in a coffeeshop, and... I gave him my number and we left... and... we went to the North Tower, and as I was stepping into the elevator with them, my phone rang. I stepped out to answer it; Gwen said that they would save me a place at the booth in the restaurant... and they went up..." She let go of Carter's hand, reaching up to clasp her pendant, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I was in the lobby, when Flight Eleven hit..." She met his eyes, her own misted with tears. "I heard and felt the explosions, but I didn't know what was going on. And then... security started gathering everyone and ushering them towards the doors... I only left when one of the firemen carried me out into the street and..."
She looked up when Zane settled on her other side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. He took her other hand, pressing a kiss to her palm.
"Easy, Jo. Take your time, you don't have to rush." Carter whispered. She took a deep breath.
"I... I don't remember anything after that- except the North Tower falling. I don't remember the South Tower falling at all. I must have... ducked for cover... and went back... and I was covered in dust... and I watched as the North Tower fell... and then I was running, holding on to someone's hand. He pulled me behind a parked van in downtown Manhattan, and we huddled, as the cloud washed over us..." She met Carter's eyes, hers now leaking tears as she laid her past bare.
"You and... Zane?" Carter asked, looking at her husband. The younger man nodded.
"I was... there, for a job interview at... at NYU, and... spent some time in downtown Manhattan... I rushed down to help after the second tower fell and... it was so hard to see, it was so thick... and people were screaming and running and PASS monitors were going off and debris was everywhere... and... I don't know how I found her, but..." He met Jo's gaze, reaching up to brush her tears away. "I'm so glad I did." She pressed a kiss to his hand, taking a deep breath.
"So... you protected her. You got Jo away from the towers and... protected her."
"I've always protected her. From that moment on, I've always protected her. And I always will." Zane whispered. Jo shook her head.
"It's not fair, that I survived and they didn't. I shouldn't have gotten out of that elevator... I should have stayed in that elevator and gone up to the restaurant with them..." She choked out. Zane shook his head, moving to meet her gaze.
"No, no no! Jo, don't you dare think that! If... if you hadn't survived... we wouldn't have the life we have now, we wouldn't have the family we're going to have... we wouldn't have Bug..." He took her face in his hands. "Jo... I can't imagine my life without you in it. And... and the possible thought of Bug never having come into existence... I can't bear to even consider it... you and Bug are the most precious things in my life..."
"It's not your fault, Jo. You didn't crash that plane, you didn't cause that tower to collapse. You are just as much a victim as everyone else who was there that day. You have to understand that, Jo. What happened on Nine Eleven was not your fault." And then, he got up, pressing a kiss to her temple before leaving, only to find Allison in the doorway, concerned.
"What did you do, Carter?" He took her arm, pulling her from the infirmary.
"I helped Jo let go of her guilt." He whispered, turning back to see Zane hold Jo against him, whispering softly and rubbing her back.