Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. I do own Alexis, Arizona, Ellie, and Haleigh.
Chapter 21: Undone
Sam and Dean ended up stopping that night, so they didn't make it to Arizona's until the next night. Dean had been stalling. He stopped every chance he could. When they had stopped at their seventh gas station in the past five hours, Sam finally spoke up.
"Dude, would you quit stopping every half hour and just drive?" Sam asks. Dean looks at him funny and he adds, "You're stalling."
"What? Me stalling? No." the older brother says.
"Yes you are. You know you were hard on Lex and now you don't want to see her." he says.
Dean doesn't say anything and Sam just gives him a knowing look.
"Alright! Enough with that face. I freaked out on her, both of you, but I shouldn't have. With you it's different, we move on quicker. You're my little brother. We've fought hundreds of times before, but with Lex..." Dean says, trailing off.
"You've got to apologize, Dean. Because knowing her, she'll apologize to you. She seems to apologize even when something isn't her fault or was out of her control. I mean, look at her track record with guys in her life, they're either all dead or dicks, or both. When I called her yesterday, she didn't even want to come on the next hunt." he says.
"You're right. I guess I didn't notice it before, but she does apologize more often than she should or even needs to. That probably became instinct for her with that asshole Kyle. And you've got a point about all the guys in her life too. Now I feel like even more of an ass." Dean says, mentally kicking himself for what he'd said.
Sam's jaw had clenched at the mention of Kyle. "You know that hunt we had in Michigan around Christmas? The one Lex skipped? She told me Kyle lived in the town over and she hadn't been back there since. If I ever meet him, I'll make him sorry he ever laid a finger on her." he says.
"She's been avoiding the entire state because of him?" Dean asks, some shock and anger mixed in his voice. "If we ever meet him, I'll help you with that. Dick deserves it." the oldest Winchester adds, starting the car.
"So you'll apologize?" Sam asks, changing the topic off of Kyle.
"Yeah. I'll talk to her." Dean says.
"Good."
They pull into Arizona's driveway around 6:30 that night. Sam was going to go find Alexis, but Arizona calls him over first.
"Hey Sam, can I talk to you a minute?" she says.
"Yeah, sure." he responds, walking into the kitchen.
"I'm just a little worried about Lex, and I figured you'd be the person I should tell." Arizona says.
"What do you mean? Is she okay?" he asks, immediately concerned.
"She hasn't been sleeping. Only way I know is because I've known her since she was a toddler. She's never been a morning person, and every day that she's been here, she's been up before me. And if I'm up in the middle of the night, she is too. Which tells me she's either not slept at all, or barely. That girl is damn good at hiding things, if you haven't known her most of her life, you'd never know she wasn't sleeping. I didn't bring it up because I know she'd just shut me out, possibly even leave, so maybe you can talk to her. Get her to talk to you. She's got to sleep. How long has she been, you know, alive again?" the retired hunter explains.
"About two weeks." he says, trying to think back to the last time he actually saw her sleep.
"And how much have you seen her sleep during that time?" she asks.
"Now that I think about it, not much. Dammit. I should've caught it." Sam says. This wasn't the first time. How did I not notice?
"Like I said, she's good at hiding things. You've known her like two years right? You'd easily miss that. It's not your fault that you didn't notice, just talk to her. See if you can get her to talk to you about why she isn't sleeping. If she tries to tell you she has been sleeping, you can tell her I told you that I know she hasn't." Arizona says.
"I will. Where is she anyway?" he asks.
"Upstairs with Ellie. When you go up, send Ellie down here. She's supposed to help me bake brownies for school tomorrow." she says.
"Okay." Sam replies as he turns towards the stairs. Since Dean had heard most of their conversation, they share a look and Sam tells him just to talk to Alexis tomorrow.
When Sam gets upstairs, he hears a small voice coming from the end of the hallway, so he figured they were in there. As he gets closer, he realizes Ellie is asking, no, more begging Alexis to do something.
"Will you sing something pleaseee?" the little girl asks.
Once Sam gets to the door, he sees that Ellie is giving Lex her best puppy dog face.
Alexis sighs and says, "How about before you go to bed? You're supposed to go help your mom make brownies."
"Fine." the little girl relents. Ellie spots Sam and says, "Oooh you're boyfriend is here!"
Alexis turns her head towards the door to see him. "Oh. Hi. How long have you been standing there?" she asks.
"Not long. We just got here like ten minutes ago." he tells her.
"Oh." she says.
"Ellie, your mom told me to tell you to go help her in the kitchen." Sam tells the girl.
"See." Alexis says, giving Ellie a pointed look. She loved her, she really did, but damn was the girl persistent.
"But my mom sucks at baking!" Ellie exclaims.
Alexis laughs and says, "Tell you what, if you go bake brownies with your mom now and they suck, I'll help you with some later. Sound good?"
Ellie nods and runs out of the room.
"So how was the hunt?" Alexis asks him as she walks into the hall, motioning for him to follow her.
"Not great." he says.
"Oh. I'm sorry." she says, continuing to walk.
"Lex, can we talk?" he asks her.
"We are talking." Alexis responds, walking into a bedroom that he assumed was the one she'd been staying in.
"That's not what I mean." he says.
"Then what?" she asks.
"Would you just stop moving for a second?" Sam says.
She stops and faces him then asks, "What is it, Sam?"
"Arizona says you haven't been sleeping." he tells her.
She quickly turns from him and moves to grab something. "I'm taking a shower." she says, completely disregarding what he had said.
"Lex, I'm not dropping this."
"Dropping what?" she asks, pretending she hadn't even heard him.
"You're not sleeping, Lex. Again." he says.
"I'm sleeping." she says, not meeting his eyes.
"One or two hours doesn't count." Sam insists.
She grabs her bag and then walks into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She wasn't doing this, not now.
"We are talking about this, Alexis." he says through the door. There was no way he was letting this go. She needs to sleep. This isn't healthy. If she's not sleeping she's probably drinking more of those damn energy drinks again, which also isn't healthy. Why won't she just talk to me? he thinks to himself as he sits down on the bed, intent on waiting her out.
Sam had closed his eyes to rest while Alexis showered, but he didn't fall asleep. Yet somehow Alexis snuck past him and out of the room.
How the hell did I not hear her? Damn is she quite. He sighs and gets up to head downstairs, knowing Alexis was going to avoid talking to him for as long as she could. When he gets to the kitchen he sees that Alexis is helping Ellie with brownies and that there was a discarded bowl of batter on the other counter. He shakes his head. Arizona must have screwed something up. He then walks into the living room and sits down next to Dean, who was not so subtly watching Arizona. Sam was actually kind of surprised Dean hadn't really hit on Arizona yet. He hits on almost any girl he meets.
"I take it you two didn't talk?" Dean asks as Sam sits down.
"Nope. She avoided it, showered, and somehow snuck past me and down here."
"I can't believe I didn't notice it either. Whenever I wake up during the night lately she's awake. Don't know why I didn't figure out she hadn't been sleeping at all." Dean says.
"It's not the first time we missed it." Sam mutters.
"Probably won't be the last either. She's good at hiding things, very good. That should scare you. It kinda scares me." his older brother says.
"It does. If she wants to avoid something, she will. Sometimes it's almost impossible to get her to talk to me. I guess she's still used to being on her own, not having to talk to people or let them in." he says.
"It's a defense mechanism." Dean says, slightly catching Sam off guard. Dean wasn't one for meaningful conversations that he could consider 'chick-flick moments', especially not twice in a day.
"What?" he asks his brother.
"Not talking about things, not letting people in. It's a defense mechanism. If she doesn't let people in, she can't get hurt. She tries to protect herself by keeping people out. I'm guessing Kyle combined with Zac dying had something to do with that." Dean says.
"Oh. You're probably right. I wish she didn't do that, but I get it. It just means I have to try harder to get her to talk." he tells him.
"Give her your puppy dog eyes. That should work." his brother says.
"Nope. She's becoming immune to those and she can rival them." he says, remembering the last time he'd tried that on her. It was over some small thing, but she ended up getting her way, despite the puppy dog eyes.
"She'll talk to you, Sammy. She will. If she's not sleeping, that means there's more time for you to bug her about it." Dean states. He wanted to talk to her too, he hadn't been sleeping that well either, but if she was avoiding Sam, she sure as hell would be avoiding him too.
"Yeah, I guess. So when I walked over here you were checking out Arizona, again." Sam says, changing the topic.
"What? No I wasn't." his older brother says defensively.
"Oh come on. You were. You do every time we see her. Why don't you just ask her out or something?" he asks.
"Dude, she scares me."
"She scares you?" Sam asks, voice laced with shock.
"Have you seen her? She could probably kick my ass if she wanted to."
Sam just laughs.
"It's not funny! Lex could kick your ass if she wanted to too. She actually kind of scares me sometimes also." Dean says, slightly exasperated.
"Oh, I know she could. I just try not to give her a reason to. But yeah, she can be scary if she needs to be. She can also make herself look entirely innocent and naive, and that within itself is scary." he says.
"Woman hunters man, they're scary. Lex, Arizona, Ellen, even Jo can be scary at times."
Sam just laughs again.
Alexis spends the rest of the night avoiding Sam. It got to be a quarter to midnight and everyone but them had gone to bed. He hated this. The girl could ice you out and you'd die of frostbite before she let you back in if you gave her a reason to. And Sam had apparently done just that. He heads upstairs to the room Alexis was in and finds her reading on the bed. She glances up at him as he walks in but doesn't say anything.
"It's almost midnight, we should probably go to bed." Sam says, trying to approach the whole her not sleeping thing lightly.
"If you're tired, you can sleep. I can go downstairs and read." she says.
"No. You should sleep too." he says.
"Not tired." she says, not meeting his eyes.
"Dammit, Lex. Don't lie to me, just talk to me. I know you haven't been sleeping, and you need to. Just talk to me, please." he says, finishing with a softer tone than he'd started with.
"I can't." she says.
"Lex, come on. Just tell me why you aren't sleeping." he says, sitting down next to her on the bed.
"I can't." she repeats.
"Yes you can."
"No, I mean I can't sleep. I just can't." she tells him.
"When's the last time you slept? I mean really slept, like seven hours or more uninterrupted." he asks her.
"That car ride back to Bobby's from Illinois." she mumbles, knowing Sam wasn't going to like her answer.
"What? Lex that was like two weeks ago." he says.
"I know."
"So other than that day, you basically haven't slept well or at all since coming back from the dead?" Sam asks.
Alexis nods.
"What's going on, Lex?" he asks her, placing his hand on hers.
"I don't know. I'll try to lay down and sleep, but it ends up being hours before I can even fall asleep, and when I do, I'm awake in an hour or two, sometimes three. So I've started just not going to bed really." she says, the last part nearly inaudible.
"Do nightmares wake you up? And not going to bed at all? When's the last time you slept?"
"Sometimes. And um, the night I got here for like an hour or two?" she says.
"You haven't slept in five days?" Sam asks, shocked. He's barely functioning after two days of no sleep.
She just nods.
"Have you tried taking anything?" he asks.
"No. I don't want it to knock me out and then cause me to not be able to wake up if needed."
"Lex, maybe you should."
Alexis shakes her head no.
"Please?" he asks.
"No, Sam." she insists. She was not taking anything, not a chance. Any type of sleep medication never went over well with her.
Sam sighs and says, "Fine. Just try and sleep now and see what happens."
He changes and then lies down, motioning for her to do the same. Alexis does, but Sam falls asleep before her. She doesn't fall asleep at all. Of course she lies to him about it the next morning, saying she had slept for a few hours.
They stick around Nebraska another two days and Sam spent them watching Alexis very carefully. He was pretty sure she had lied to him about sleeping, meaning she was pushing a week of no sleep.
While Ellie was at school and Arizona was at the roadhouse since Ellen and Jo had gone on a hunt, Alexis actually passed out.
"Lex!" he hears Dean shout.
Sam is quickly on his feet and running to where she was.
"What happened?" he asks, bending down to lift her up.
"She just passed out." Dean says.
"That's it. I'm taking her to the hospital. She hasn't slept in like a week and she needs to." he states, turning for the door with her in his arms.
"She's not going to like that." his older brother says.
"I don't care. This is bad, Dean. At the hospital they'll at least give her meds to sleep. She needs to sleep. She can barely function let alone hunt like this." he says, worry evident in his voice. She was really starting to scare him.
"I'll drive then." Dean responds.
They head to the Impala and are soon at the same hospital Alexis had been in after the fire. Sam carries her in through the ER doors, Dean right behind him. She's going to want to kill me when she wakes up here he thinks to himself.
"What happened to her?" a nurse asks as a gurney is brought over.
"She passed out and hasn't woken up. She hasn't been sleeping." Sam says as he lays her down on the gurney.
"Alright. We'll take her and run some tests, but we'll need some information from you two." the nurse says.
"Was that Alexis Harvelle?" another nurse asks as she walks over to them.
"Yes. I'm sorry, does she know you?" Dean asks before Sam could say anything.
"I was the main nurse on her case after the fire at Harvelle's Roadhouse a year and a half ago. She was the only survivor. I'm Haleigh." the woman says. She then turns to the other nurse and says, "I'll take this one. Can you pull up Alexis Harvelle's file for me?"
The other nurse nods and walks away.
Sam explains what he could to the nurse, Haleigh, and she tells him that they'll have to admit Alexis into the psych ward so they can give her some medication that will keep her asleep for a while. Psych ward? Shit, she's going to kill me he thinks to himself. Sam reluctantly signs the papers to admit her and then goes to talk to Dean.
"Sam?" Dean asks. "Hey, what's going on?"
"They admitted her to psych, Dean. This is freaking me out." he says, beginning to pace.
"Son of a bitch." he hears his brother mutter. "Alright, well they'll give her some meds and help her sleep right? That'll help."
"Dean, it's the psych ward. Hunters and psych wards do not mix well. Because she'll either have to lie, and they could catch her on it, or they'll keep her in a heartbeat if she tells the truth. And she's going to be pissed and freaked out when she wakes up." Sam says, continuing to pace.
"Hey, calm down. It's going to be okay. She's strong. She'll be okay. Did they say if we can see her?" his older brother asks him, gripping his shoulders to keep him from pacing.
"But what if she's not, Dean?" he says, voice full of worry.
"She will be. Now let's go see if we can find her."
It had been twenty-four hours and Sam hadn't left Alexis' side. He knew she would be okay at least physically, but he didn't want to leave. He didn't want her to wake up and be alone. She hated hospitals more than he did.
Dean had managed to get him to leave to go shower and get some sleep, but he was back that night. Alexis slept for a total of 58 hours. The nurse said she was what they called snowed, she was completely out cold with the combined medications, but all that sleep was needed. Sam had told Haleigh, the nurse, about the accident and drowning, sort of. He said it was two months ago and she narrowly made it out. She was curious as to why it wasn't documented, so he told her that Alexis refused the paramedics since she hated hospitals. The doctor told him that Alexis probably had PTSD, which caused her sleep deprivation. Some part of that was probably true. Just about any hunter has PTSD in some shape or form. But Alexis died and spent months with angels and was then brought back only to stop the damn apocalypse. The more he thought about it the more he could see why she wasn't sleeping.
It was nearing midnight of her third day in the hospital when Alexis finally wakes up. He had been asleep, his head resting near her hand, but he's immediately awake when he hears a faint "Sam?"
"Lex?" he says.
Her eyes jump around the room and the screen of the heart rate monitor shows that her heart rate was increasing.
"Hey, it's okay. You're okay, I'm here." he tells her, squeezing one of her hands.
When her eyes lock on his Sam can see how scared and disoriented she is. She looks like she's maybe fifteen, not 22, almost 23. He notices she was staring at the water and he grabs the cup for her.
After she drinks some, she speaks again. "What happened?" she asks.
"What do you remember?" he responds.
"Um, I was- I was in the living room, I think, with uh, Dean, and it just- it just went black. Now I'm- I'm here." she says, voice small and shaky.
"You passed out, Lex. You hadn't slept for a week. I brought you here, to the hospital. They, no I, had to admit you to psych. You slept for almost two and a half days with the meds they put you on." he tells her, guilt evident in her voice.
"I'm in the psych ward? No, no no no, I have to get out of here. I- I can't be here." she says, attempting to get out of bed.
He quickly puts his hand out and gently pushes her back down into the bed. "You need to stay in bed, Lex. You can't leave yet, you just woke up." he tells her, trying to get her to calm down.
"No. I need to get out of here, Sam. Now." she persists. She reaches over and presses the nurse button and not a minute later nurse Haleigh is in the room. She wasn't on psych, but had requested to stay with Alexis. She had said a familiar face might help.
"You?" Alexis says upon seeing the nurse.
"Hi Alexis. It's good to see you awake."
"I need to get out of here. Can you bring me my discharge papers?" Alexis asks.
"Now you just woke up. Tomorrow morning a person from psych will evaluate you and then we can see about discharge." the nurse says calmly.
"No. I need to leave now. I can check myself out if I want to. You won't be able to declare me medically unstable, trust me. I have a degree in psychology. You can't keep me here against my will. So the papers please." Alexis states.
Damn. She went from being disoriented and scared to calm and scary in a matter of minutes. And I had no idea she majored in psych.
The nurse honestly looked a bit scared. "I'll get them right away." Haleigh says and then leaves.
"Lex, maybe-" he begins but stops mid-sentence upon seeing the look on her face. He was not crossing her on this, not unless he wanted his ass kicked, physically or verbally.
Sam had called Dean, who was at Arizona's, to come pick them up and forty minutes later they were out of the hospital. The doctor had sent them with some antidepressants, apparently this wasn't the first time she'd been in the psych ward. Around two in the morning the first night she was there, Sam had snuck a peek at her file, unable to help himself.
There was a sizable list of hospital visits under her real name. So who knows how many times she'd actually been in one. She'd been admitted into a psych ward when she was eight. What was written was that she'd become depressed after the loss of two loved ones in two years. Her father and brother. Depressed when she was 8? How did I not know this? he thinks to himself.
That time she hadn't been eating and passed out, he remembers Ellen saying something like that but not that she was admitted into psych. No wonder she hates hospitals. From what Sam could tell, it looked like they put her on some anti-depressants after that and sent her to a mandated psychologist.
Oddly, the notes from the three sessions were in there, probably because there were next to none. Sam read them and found himself almost laughing. The psychologist sounded exasperated with her. She had apparently not said a word the first time or the next time and only one sentence the third time, which happened to be, 'This is a load of crap.' A side note also said that apparently Ellen had told the guy Lex hadn't spoken in a week. The girl could keep up a silent streak that was for sure. He just hoped this time would be different. Alexis hadn't said a word since talking to the nurse and when they got back to Arizona's she walked upstairs immediately. Great.
"She'll be okay, Sammy. Just give her some space right now. She'll talk." Dean tells him reassuringly.
He hoped so, but wasn't really sure.
"Listen, I found a hunt and Bobby said he'd go with me. Why don't you and Lex go back to Chicago for a few days, take the Impala. Bobby's going to pick me up here in a few hours. I'll meet you guys back in the city after and we can figure out where to go from there." his older brother says.
"Okay. Yeah, she shouldn't be hunting yet." he agrees.
"Alright. Look, I didn't get to apologize to her for freaking out on her, so can you tell her I'm sorry and I'll talk to her after this hunt?" Dean says.
"Yeah, I will." Sam says.
When Sam walks upstairs he sees that Alexis had already packed all of her stuff, clearly not intending on even staying the night.
"Lex, where are you going?" he asks her.
She looks up at him but just keeps packing.
"Lex?" he asks again.
"Chicago." is all she says. One word. Great.
"Would you slow down? We can go there tomorrow, okay. You just got out of the hospital." he says, trying to reason with her.
"No." she replies.
One-word responses. Perfect. Before he could say anything else she had brushed past him and was moving quickly towards the stairs.
"Lex, wait." he says, jogging to catch up with her.
"Sam, I just want to leave. Please, can we just go?" she asks him.
With the look she gives him, Sam relents. "Yeah, we can leave. Come on, Dean said we can take the Impala. Bobby is picking him up for a hunt soon."
Alexis just nods and continues down the stairs.
They'd driven in silence for almost two hours when Sam hears the slightest sniffle come from Alexis. He pulls off at the next motel he sees and checks them in. It was sometime around four in the morning anyway, they could both use some sleep.
"What are you doing?" she asks, wiping her hand across her face and trying to compose herself.
He could see right through it though. He knew she wasn't fine at all and had been seconds from crying just then.
"We're stopping for a while. Come on." he says, opening his door.
Once they get into the room, Alexis lays down on the bed, her back to him.
"Lex, you should probably take one of these pills they sent you with." he says, holding out the bottle.
"No." she says.
"They're supposed to help."
"Well they don't." she tells him.
He sets the bottle down and moves to lie down next to her. "Well then will you at least talk to me?" he asks.
She turns to face him and he could see she was close to crumbling entirely. "Lex, I'm sorry that I took you there, I just didn't know what else to do." Sam says.
"No, it's-it's not that. I just- this wasn't supposed to happen, not again. I- I thought I had it under control. That-that I'd get past it and not- not have to go there again." she says quietly.
He pulls her over to him and says, "Hey, hey, it's okay. You're going to be okay. This isn't your fault. Why don't you just get some sleep, we can talk more tomorrow, okay?"
She nods against his chest and he waits to make sure she actually falls asleep before he closes his eyes.
They both get up seven hours later and go to get some food before hitting the road again.
"I'm sorry." she says suddenly as they're walking to the car.
Sam turns to face her and asks, "For what? You didn't do anything."
"For this. For all of this. You shouldn't have to worry about me this much. My stupid problems don't need to be yours too."
He puts his hands on her shoulders and says, "Hey, your problems are not stupid. And I have to worry about you, you're my girlfriend and I love you. Worrying comes with that. But don't think that whatever you're going through doesn't matter or is unimportant, okay? You can talk to me, I want to help, Lex."
"But you shouldn't have to. You deserve so much better, Sam. Someone without so many problems. Someone - just someone better than me." she says sadly.
"There is no one better than you." he tells her firmly. She doesn't say anything else so he adds, "Let's just go get some food and get to Chicago."
It's close to noon so they end up going for lunch at a Cracker Barrel in Omaha. When they walk in, Alexis must have caught the date on the calendar as she turns to Sam and asks, "Wait, it's October 3rd?"
"Yeah. Guess so." he says.
"Great. Just fucking perfect." she mutters.
"What's wrong?"
"My birthday is in 4 days. That's what's wrong."
"Oh. Well we'll be in Chicago so we can do something. Maybe even go on a real date. We've been dating over a year, you know, not counting the time you were dead, and haven't had one single real date." he says.
"Wait, really?" she asks.
"Yes really." he says.
A small smile spreads across her face, the first time he'd seen her truly smile since the night she 'got back.'
"Let's eat." he says.
Once they get seated, Alexis orders the country chef salad and he orders the grilled chicken salad. Dean would probably make some comment about them not eating real food if he'd been there.
Once the waiter walks away after bringing their drinks, Alexis speaks up, "So, I think I owe you a bit of an explanation."
"You don't owe me anything. You don't have to explain if you don't want to, though I'd like you to." he tells her. He didn't want to make her say anything she didn't want to.
"Well, uh, this wasn't the first time something like this happened. Not the second either actually." she begins.
He hadn't known that, it wasn't in her file. He still felt a bit guilty for reading that, but he didn't read everything.
"The first time it wasn't sleep deprivation, it was not eating. Like at all. I was barely eight, it was right after Matt died. I guess I couldn't handle losing him and my dad so quickly. I didn't know how to. And really, I shouldn't have had to. But that's life I guess. I had passed out and freaked both my mom and sister out. They brought me to the hospital, the same one I was just at, and I was admitted to psych. It was horrible. I think had I been a normal kid, a kid who didn't know about hunting, it would have helped. But I knew about it, and I couldn't talk about it. So I was stuck. I was either left to lie or to not say anything at all. I took the not speaking route. They got me to eat again and made me see some stupid psychologist. Pretty sure the guy hated me because for the three total mandated times that I saw him I think I said a total of five or six words to him, and they were all at once. I'd sit silently and he'd try everything to get me to talk. I didn't make a sound. I just sat staring off. They'd also put me on antidepressants, the ones that they could for an eight year old." she says, pausing to take a sip of her drink.
"I hated them, but my mom made me take them for a while. They made me feel weird, not like myself. So that summer ended up being the first one I spent away from my family. I think it was also when I really started to drift from them. I'd stayed at Bobby's and read anything and everything I could about hunting and did whatever training Bobby would allow. Now that I think about it, I think I met you once that summer. Sort of." she recalls, thinking back.
"What? What year was this?" he asks, trying to think back to any summer he'd been at Bobby's and met a girl.
"Uh, it would've been the summer of 1994. Yeah, the more I think about it you were there for a few days. Your dad had said Dean was lost on a hunt." she says.
"I think I remember that. My dad had dropped me off with Bobby. I was 10. I remember Bobby introducing me to a girl he called his niece, Lexi. That was you." he says, astonished.
"That was me." she says with a small smile.
"You didn't talk much. I don't think you said more than three words the few days I was there. Barely even saw you." he says.
"Yeah, I didn't talk much that year. Really didn't talk much until I started hunting unless it was to Bobby. He became the only person I really talked to for those eight years. I'd make small talk with my mom or Jo, but never really had full conversations with them. I spent every summer after that between his house and Caleb's. I'm actually a little surprised I never saw you again."
"Wow." he says.
"Yeah."
The waiter came with their salads then and they ate mostly in silence. It wasn't until they were back in the car that Alexis continued her story.
"So, as I was saying before, this wasn't the first time something like this happened. I told you about the first, which is the only one in my file I think, well until now. The second time was a little different. It was after Zac died. I stopped eating again, but also stopped sleeping. I knew it was bad, and when Bobby came for the burial, he could tell. He got me to come back to his place with him, but it wasn't really helping. I voluntarily checked myself into a center that was supposed to help with things like that. They of course told me it was all PTSD related. But they did give me some medication to help me sleep, which it did. I slept for like twenty hours straight I think. The place actually helped a bit, got me eating again and sleeping a bit better. I spent about a week there and then went back to Bobby's and threw myself back into hunting. I'd thought I'd had it under control. I'm not even really sure why it came back like this this time. I mean no one died. Well I did, but I'm alive again. Maybe that's part of it, I actually died, so did Dean, and now we have an apocalypse we're supposed to stop. I just thought I could handle it on my own. I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I didn't mean to drag you into this mess." she says.
"You don't need to handle things like this on your own, Lex. I'm here and I want to help any way I can. You just have to talk to me." he tells her.
"But you shouldn't have to help. Like I said before you deserve someone so much better than me."
Sam pulls the car over for a minute, tired of hearing her talk about herself like that. "Stop doing that. Stop putting yourself down. I still don't get how you don't see what I see. There is no one better than you, Alexis. Not for me. I love you. I don't care about all of this, it's part of you and it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't make me love you any less. If anything, it shows me how strong you really are, because you've been dealing with this most of your life along with the other crap you've been through and you're still here. You're my girlfriend who I will help and be there for anyway I can. Okay? Just please stop talking about yourself like that. It hurts me to hear that, to hear that when you look at yourself, you don't see what I see. There are so many good things about you, Lex, that I could go on forever." he tells her, not caring that he was starting to sound cheesy.
She turns to face him with glistening eyes and says, "What the hell did I do to end up with you?"
He smiles a bit and says, "Don't know. So do you believe me?"
"I'm trying. I'll try to stop talking so negatively about myself, I will. It's just hard. You're really the first person since Zac who's seen me in such a positive way. With just about anyone else I'm either too young, too weak, not good enough, or just a screw up."
"Well you're not. That's on those people, okay? Not you. Maybe you were a bit young for hunting at 16, but then again, so were Dean and I when we started. I mean my dad raised us in it. Most of the time I forget I'm two years older than you. And you are not weak, not at all. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're also not a screw up. I mean everyone screws up once in awhile, but you are not a screw up. And you are enough." he says sincerely.
"I love you." she says.
"I know." he responds as he pulls the car back onto the road. "Now to Chicago."
The couple didn't arrive in Chicago until after nine that night. When they walk through the door of the apartment Alexis says, "There's a small grocery store not far from here that's open until eleven. I'm going to go get some things since there won't be almost anything here."
"I'll go with." he tells her.
An hour later, they're walking back through the door, each carrying a few bags of groceries.
"I'm not exactly tired, so I think I'm going to go to the hot tub for a little while." Alexis announces once they finish putting away everything.
He raises an eyebrow at her so she repeats, "I'm not tired. I mean it."
"Okay. But do you have to go to the hot tub? Can't we stay here?" he says. Then he remembers the bathtub in the master bathroom and a smirk appears on his face.
"What are you thinking?" she asks, noticing the smirk.
"Oh, just that there's a bathtub that could be pretty similar to a hot tub right in this apartment. And it doesn't even require a swimsuit." he says.
"Oh. Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" she asks.
"I am."
"Well then. After you." she says, gesturing towards her bedroom door. Sam walks in and Alexis follows him.
"Most bathtubs probably aren't even big enough for you are they? You're a giant." she remarks.
"Maybe you're just short." he says with a laugh.
"I am not short. You're just tall." she says as she runs the water in the bathtub.
"Yeah, yeah. And I guess most tubs are too small. But this one won't be a problem." he says.
She pours some bubble bath in and waits for the tub to fill.
"Is this going to make me smell like a girl?" he asks.
"Maybe. But it smells good." she says with a small laugh.
He just rolls his eyes and says, "The things I do for you."
"Well you suggested it!" Alexis exclaims.
He chuckles, "I know."
Alexis turns on the jets and then turns to him and says, "You first, oh tall one."
He pulls off his clothes and sinks into the tub and then watches as Alexis does the same.
"I think I like this suggestion more than the hot tub." she says as she adjusts herself in between his legs.
She leans her head back to rest on his chest as he says, "I think I like this idea better too."
A few minutes later, Alexis lets out a long sigh, prompting him to ask, "What's going through that pretty head of yours?"
"Just thinking about the past few weeks. I mean we seriously do have an apocalypse to stop. What if we can't? What if Lucifer walks free? What happens then?" she says.
"I don't know. But hopefully we don't find out." he tells her. "Let's try and forget about hunting and angels and everything for the next few days." he says.
"Okay."
"Hey, Lex?" he asks a few minutes later, remembering she had said she majored in psychology.
"Yeah?"
"Uh, back at the hospital, you said you had a degree in psychology. Do you?" Sam asks her, not sure if she really did or she'd just made that up to get herself out of the hospital faster.
"Yep. Completed college online with psychology as my major the summer before I turned 21. I think had I not ever known about hunting, I'd have gone to college. I mean I had good grades and a pretty high ACT score. I did apply to a few places actually and got into them all. Two even offered full scholarships, but I ended up sticking with hunting and online school." Alexis says.
"Wow. What colleges did you apply to?" he asks.
"Uh, Harvard, Stanford, University of Chicago, Northwestern University, and Columbia." she tells him.
"And you got into them all? Damn." he says.
"Yep. Both Stanford and UIC offered me full scholarships. Just ended up not going." she says.
"Which one do you think you would have picked?" he asks her.
"UIC. It's a beautiful school and would have been near Zac."
"Do you wish you would have gone?"
"No. I've made some decisions that I regret, but that's not one of them."
After a few moments of silence, Alexis changes the topic. "So, did you really mean what you said about going on a real date for my birthday?" she asks.
"Of course I did." he tells her.
"Okay." she replies.
The two spend another twenty-five minutes relaxing in the bathtub before getting out. They both put on pajamas and then lie down on the bed.
"If you have trouble sleeping or wake up in the middle of the night, wake me up, okay?" he asks her before turning off the light. She doesn't respond so he says, "Lex?"
"Yeah, okay." she finally says, turning away from him.
He frowns and ponders questioning her more. When he hears a faint sniffle, he goes with questioning her more. "Lex?" he asks.
She doesn't respond.
He brings his hand to her shoulder and gently tries to turn her to face him. "Hey, what's wrong?" Sam asks.
"Nothing." she mumbles.
"I don't buy it." he says.
When her eyes finally lock on his, she begins to cry. She hadn't cried yet. Not once since she'd died and come back to life, so he figured it was better to have her let it all out. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to him. "It's okay. Just let it out. You're okay, I'm here." he soothes, rubbing his hand in small circles on her back. He kisses the top of her head and just lets her cry. A few minutes later her body relaxes and she falls asleep with her head against his chest and her left hand lightly gripping his shirt. Sam adjusts himself so his left arm is wrapped around her waist and the top of her head is just below his shoulder. He closes his eyes and listens to the light sounds of her breathing until he falls asleep too.
A/N: I'm not entirely aware of the medical terms for what I discuss in this chapter or possibilities of this happening, but I tried to make it realistic. This chapter doesn't cover any episode, it's entirely original. To give you an idea of where I'm at in relation to the show, the hunt Dean goes on at the end is 4x5 and I will not be covering it.