Chapter 21: Battle of the Blands
The next morning, the girls were talking in their trailer before breakfast. "So, how was the movie?", Bridgette asked. "Not very good. Just a dumb B-movie starring Chris. Believe me, you weren't missing out on anything." "I missed out on a perfectly good chance to beat the snot out of that punk", Eva said. Heather rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, you'll have another chance soon enough." Right on cue, they heard some drumming coming from outside. They walked out to see what was up, and so did Harold. They found Chef playing the drums and Chris standing by. Chef hit the symbols and Chris winced, then smiled. "Nice of you to join us", he said. "Today's movie genre is... drum roll, please." Chef did a drum roll. Chris prepared to speak but Chef didn't stop drumming. "Okay, Ringo, the spotlight's not big enough for the both of us!" Chef stopped. "Today's movie genre is..." Then he started again. "The rock and roll biopic!" Harold cheered. "Alright!" He ran over to Chris and Chef and played an air guitar. "Zip it, dude. So, any good rock and roll movie starts with kid from humble beginnings, drawn into the seemingly glam world of rock music. After overcoming enormous hardship, the kid gets a break and makes it big. Bigger than me, even. The kid is then drawn into a scandalous world of stuff I'm not allowed to talk about in front of minors. Things that lead to dangerous addictions, multiple divorces, the occasional night in the joint, and an untimely death while sitting on a toilet." Heather raised an eyebrow. "So... drugs?" Chris frowned. "Yes."
Confession Cam: Chris
"Please, do not try any drugs as a result of seeing this show. If you do, I will be sued, and will be unable to afford the maintenance of my fabulous smile."
Chris continued his speech. "A few things that any certifiable rock god needs to know that I CAN talk about? You need to know how to rock out on the guitar, work the paparazzi, and trash a hotel room." Chris laughed. "Any questions?" Bridgette raised her hand. "I've got one. Why is Owen standing over there?" Owen walked over to the others from where he'd been hiding and waved. "Hey, everybody!" Chris sighed. "Way to spoil the surprise, Bridgette. Okay, I'll tell you... because I'm the host, and can do whatever I want, I've decided to bring someone back to the show. And now you all know who it is already." Owen pulled everyone into a group hug. "Man, it's great to be back! I missed you guys." "Right now I just miss breathing!", Harold said. Owen let the others go and laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that!" Chris cleared his throat. "Yeah, Owen's parents filed a lawsuit and won. He did get his jaw busted, and could not perform properly on the show as a result, which resulted in his elimination. So now he's back.
Confession Cam: Owen
"My folks didn't really file a lawsuit. I'm just here to pay off our debt on the cheese cellar. Chris said he'd let me back on the show and gimme fifty grand if I stir up the doo-doo on set. I don't really wanna cause trouble, but what choice do I have?"
"Alright people, time for your first big gig! Meet me at the rock stadium in ten minutes. Don't worry how you'll find it, you can't miss it!" Chris left the teens at the trailers and Chef followed him with the drums. Two hours later, they reached the rock stadium, which was in the middle of the normal one. Chris glared at the teens and tapped his watch. "You're late! You were supposed to meet me here over an hour ago!" Eva glared back at him. "You said meet you at the rock stadium. How were we to know you set it up on ANOTHER stadium!" Chris smirked. "Not bad. First step to becoming a rock legend is to show up late to your own show." Owen walked onstage last, eating a sandwich. Chris glared at him. "What's with all the eating? I told you, no outside food!" He turned to Chef. "Didn't you strip search him?" Chef shook his head and Chris sighed.
"For the first challenge, you're gonna be rockin' out on the guitar!", Chris said. "But I don't know how to play guitar", Bridgette said. "I figured some of you wouldn't. Since you can't all play guitar and half of you probably can't read music, you'll be playing a fake guitar. The notes to play will be represented by colored spots on the screen up there, which corresponds to spots on the guitar. You will play simultaneously, during which you'll be eliminated. Every time you play a wrong note, you get zapped." Chris laughed while the teens gasped. "Don't worry, you'll live. Though you may never be able to play the piano again." "I can't do that anyway", Heather said. "Or use the phone." Heather screamed.
Confession Cam: Heather
"Thank goodness I can play violin. Playing a guitar can't be all that different, right? I hope so. I NEED to be able to text."
Chris gave the five teens their guitars, then left the stage. He sat down in a lawn chair in front of them. "Are you ready to rock out!", he yelled. "For those about to rock, I salute you!", Harold said. He saluted and Heather rolled her eyes. "And... rock on!" The music started playing and so did the guitar players. They tried to copy the pattern on the screen above them, with Harold doing the best. "Would you look at that? Harold's on fire! And, uh, so is his guitar." Harold's guitar began smoking and spewing out sparks. Then it caught on fire. "Water! Water!" Chef ran onstage and threw a bucket of water at Harold, who was electrocuted by the guitar. "Shoot..." Meanwhile, Owen was hopping around the stage while playing his guitar. He ran off the side of the stage and fell down, crushing his instrument. The girls kept playing. Bridgette's guitar exploded for some reason, leaving just Eva and Heather. Heather was doing okay, but Eva missed half the notes and kept getting shocked. She growled, gripped her guitar by the neck and slammed it down, splitting it in half. "Nice going, Eva, you broke it!", Chris yelled. Eva threw the neck at him. "Zip it!" "No, I was being serious. Rock stars do that all the time! You win the challenge." Eva smiled. "Oh. Well that's nice..."
"Okay, time for our second challenge!" Chef led the cast members to a red carpet set, and Chris arrived soon after in the lame-ousine. Chef opened the door when he pulled up. "Welcome back to the rock and roll biopic edition of Total Drama Action", Chris said. "Now, in order to become a true rock and roller, you must know how to work the paparazzi. First part of your second challenge is an obstacle course of fans, photogs, groupies and autograph hounds. You'll start at the lame-ousine, walk up the red carpet, past the obstacles, and finally backstage. One of you will win. The rest will be celebrity roadkill. Eva, for winning the first challenge, you get our backstage pass and will start halfway through." Chris handed a card to Eva. "Now, if you could all have a seat except Eva..." The other four teens sat down in some director chairs at the edge of the red carpet. "And, action!" Eva ran by the fake paparazzi and fans. "Move it or lose it!", she said. She shoved a few of them out of her way, and since they were made of cardboard they broke in half. She punched one of the fake photographers. "Keep that camera outta my face!", she said. Last up was the bouncer. Eva glared at the fake buff guy and held out her pass. "See this thing? This means I get in there. Move it!" And, the bouncer receded into the floor. "Nice work, Eva! Now that was a rockstar attitude. Next up, Owen!"
Owen went to the lame-ousine and came back out. "Aww, yaaaay!" He waved, smiled and blew kisses at the photographers, but then got blinded by a flash from a camera, fell over and rolled down the carpet to backstage. Chris facepalmed. "Next, Bridgette!" Bridgette ran from the limo and passed the photographers. She waved and smiled as she went by. She high-fived a fan and took a sandwich from a tray, then went backstage. Next up was Harold. He came out of the limo and did some odd hand gestures, trying to do some "rock on" horns. "Rock and roll! I mean, rock and roll! I mean, uh, rock and roll!" He chuckled and walked down the carpet. "Get on with it, sissy!", Eva yelled. Harold started crying, covered his eyes and ran backstage. Last up was Heather. She came out of the limo waving. "Good evening, everyone! Thanks so much for coming to see me!" She walked past the photographers, doing some turning poses on her way. Next was an autograph taker. "Ooh, a fan! Here you go..." She scribbled her name on the notepad and walked on. She hugged a groupie, then took a shopping bag from a fake guy holding it out to her. She also took a sandwich from the tray. Then she ran to the bouncer and whispered something into its fake ear. The bouncer receded into the floor and Heather walked backstage, blowing a kiss out the door before closing it. Chris gave her a thumbs up.
Chris walked out and over to Chef, who handed him an envelope. "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for", he said. The teens walked out to join him as he opened the envelope. "Okay, here's the photos the cameras took. Eva punched, Owen tripped, Bridgette ran by, Harold, if that's not a cry for help I don't know what is, and Heather posed. So, our winner is... Heather!" The others looked confused. "What?" "But I made the best time!", Eva said. Chris laughed. "Who said this was a race? Your job was to work the paparazzi. All you did was hurt them while the others went by too fast, while Heather, due to her change of heart last season and immense ego-" "Hey!" "-actually gave them her time. So she wins, and gets an advantage in the next round where you'll compete for invincibility."
Chris brought the five teens to a fake hotel room. "Finally, the ultimate rock star challenge: trashing the hotel room. You've got thirty seconds on the clock, with Heather getting an additional ten for winning last time. And... action!" The teens got to work. Harold failed to smash a phone, Bridgette broke a photo, vase and mirror, Owen picked up a couch cushion and looked for change that had fallen down there, Heather broke some other mirrors, and then tried to pull the TV off the wall. "Oh come on, move already!" Eva walked up to her. "Move it! This is how it's done." She picked up the TV and hurled it through the fake window. Then she broke a lamp, stepped on Owen's foot and pushed him away from the couch, which she picked up and hurled into a wall. The wall fell over and Chris walked up to them. "Okay, forget the extra ten seconds, I think we have our winner! Eva gets immunity tonight. Now, you guys need to figure out who to kick out of the band."
On their way to the ceremony, Heather was talking to Bridgette. "So it's agreed, then?" Bridgette nodded. "Yep. Voting off Harold. As long as the others don't all vote for someone else, I think it'll work." Heather smiled and hugged Bridgette. "Thank you... I don't know how to say what this means to me. I appreciate your loyalty... how's that?" Bridgette smiled and returned the hug. "Thanks, Heather. No problem. Hopefully we'll both make it to the finals because of this."
Confession Cam: Bridgette
"I don't like this at all. Sure, being in Heather's alliance is helping me stay here, but it's at the expense of my friends, and she's starting to get mean again. Helping her get revenge isn't right. So, uh... I'm gonna get to the final three, and then vote her off before the finals! Yeah, that's it. Good idea, right?"
The girls arrived at the stadium, which no longer had the rock stadium onstage. Chris walked up to his podium. "Now for total drama", he said. "Five left, one must go, and it won't be Eva. So, make your votes!" They did so. "Alright. The gilded Chris awards go to Eva, Heather, Bridgette, and... Owen." Harold gasped and Heather glared at him. "That's what you get for trying to make a second alliance!" Harold gasped again. "You knew about that?" Heather nodded. "You betrayed me, Harold. Now you're paying for it. Adios, amigo." Harold got up to leave. "Well, goodbye guys..." "Wait!" Bridgette ran over to Harold and hugged him. "I'm sorry about voting you off. Are you mad?" Harold shook his head. "No, I understand. I wasn't being honorable enough, I deserve this fate." He turned to Heather and got down on his knees. "Oh, milady, I'm sorry! I should not have betrayed you!" Heather turned away. "I appreciate your apology, but it's too late now. Get out of here." Harold frowned and got up. "Yes, milady." He walked away and hopped in the lame-ousine. "Rock on, Total Drama peeps! I'll be rooting for you! Except Eva." Eva growled as Harold's ride drove off. "Whatever. I don't need your support anyway."