"Roger, what are you doing out here?" Marty asked walking carefully out into the living room where Roger was sitting with RJ on the couch.
"I didn't want him to wake you. You need your sleep." he said quietly looking up as the three month old baby slept in his arms.
"He's sleeping. Why don't you put him in his crib and come back to bed?" she said sitting next to him.
"I like watching him sleep." he said leaning over to kiss her.
"Me too." she said looking down at her son. "Are you OK?" she asked looking up at Roger.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking, that's all." he said smiling at her.
"Oh? About what?" she asked caressing his stubbled cheek.
"This. Our life." he said leaning over to kiss her.
"You better not be going where I think you're going." she said looking him in his eyes.
"I'm not. Don't worry, I have always respected your wishes. I was just thinking of how perfect our lives are. You and me and RJ. I mean, I forget sometimes that we're HIV positive." he said smiling at her.
"So do I. But then I have to take my pills and I remember. I have a confession to make Roger." she said as tears filled her eyes.
"What is it Baby?" he asked caressing her face.
"I broke my own rule. When you're at work and Mark and Collins are out here with RJ and they think I'm sleeping, I cry. I cry for the life we could have had, the life we should have and the life we'll never have." she said beginning to cry as Roger brought her head on his shoulder.
"Baby, you're allowed to think about those things. And you're allowed to cry about it. I knew you were being too strong." he said holding her close as he kissed her head.
"But you don't cry. You've been a rock." she said still crying.
"I have a confession to make too. I've been going downstairs to the alley where I found you and cry alone for years. Collins and Mark have found me a few times." he said crying with her.
"I'm so sorry Roger. I mean, look at us. We've both been so busy trying to be strong for each other, we've been going through all it alone." she said wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Stupid, huh?" he said smiling at her.
"Why don't you put the baby down in his crib and you and me sit up and talk all night like we used to?" she suggested taking her head off of his shoulder.
"What about RJ?" he asked looking over at her.
"Let Uncle Collins and Uncle Mark spend the day with him. They'll love it." she said smiling at him.
"OK." he said getting up carefully as to not wake the baby up. When Roger came out of the bedroom, he made coffee and he and Marty stayed up all night talking and crying with each other. They did 5 years worth of crying over their disease and the fact that they are gonna miss many important events in their sons life. It was dawn when the activity in the living room woke Collins up.
"What's going on? Are you OK Marty?" he asked coming out of Roger's room, where he had been sleeping since the baby was born.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Me and Roger just thought we'd sit up and talk, since we've been hiding from each other." she said wiping her eyes.
"She found out you've been crying in the alley all these years, huh?" he asked getting a cup of coffee.
"Yeah, and she's been crying alone in the bedroom when I wasn't home and you guy were out here with the baby." Roger said wiping his own eyes.
"Oh Babygirl. I knew you were being too strong." he said looking at her.
"Yeah well my husband over here has shown me that I was being stupid for holding everything in. I still don't want everyone looking at us like we're dying any day now, but no more hiding our feelings from each other. We are a family and we should be open and honest with each other." she said getting up to hug Collins as the baby started crying.
"I should get him." Roger said getting up and starting towards the bedroom.
"No, Uncle Collins will get him while mommy and daddy get some sleep." she said leaning up to kiss Collins on the cheek before going into the bedroom to get RJ and bring him to Collins.
"It would be my pleasure Babygirl." he said taking the baby from Marty so they could go in and get some sleep. As Roger and Marty laid down in their bed, Roger wrapped his arms around Marty and held her close. When Mark got up at 9:30, Collins was sitting on the couch playing with the baby.
"Where's Roger and Marty?" he asked rubbing his eyes before putting his glasses on.
"Sleeping. They were up all night talking. It seems Roger told her about crying in the alley all these years and she's been crying alone in the bedroom. Marty said she wants us all to stop hiding our feelings. She still doesn't want us to act like they're gonna kick it any day now, but she does want us to be open with our feelings." Collins said smiling up at the baby, who he was holding over his head.
"Thank God. I was so sick of hearing my two best friends suffering alone." he said pouring himself some coffee.
"You mean you knew about Marty?" Collins asked going into the kitchen to him.
"Of course I knew. But I only heard her the first night Roger went to work after RJ was born." he told him drinking his coffee black.
"And you didn't tell me?" Collins asked propping the baby on his hip.
"And what? Involve someone else in my suffering? Yeah right. No thanks." he said as Roger and Marty emerged from their room.
"Good morning guys." Marty said holding Roger's hand.
"Good morning. I heard you two finally came to your senses." Mark said as Marty reached out for the baby.
"Yeah, sorry Mark. We were just talking last night and I realized I was being unfair. I mean, we're a family but we couldn't be more disconnected. I put the fear of God in everyone that even my own husband was hiding from me. I don't want that." she said bouncing the baby on her hip.
"Yeah, you do tend to get a bit scary." Mark said smiling at Roger.
"I know and I'm sorry guys. You guys are my brothers and Roger's my husband and I had you all so scared to feel anything. I'm gonna stop, I promise." she told him smiling at him.
"Good for you. It was breaking my heart listening to the two of you suffer through this alone." Mark said setting his coffee mug down.
"You heard me?" Marty asked him as Roger put his arm around her.
"Yeah, I mean I only started hearing you when Roger went back to work after RJ was born, so I don't know how long you were doing it before then." he said walking over to her.
"I wasn't. Not until after the baby was born. I didn't want to stress him when I was pregnant and then the thought of leaving him just got to me. I couldn't hold it in any more." she said as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Baby, it's OK." Roger said reaching out for the baby.
"Yeah, I mean you're allowed to be pissed and scared that you won't have the time you deserve with your husband your son. You were being way too strong for my taste anyway." Mark said reaching out to hug her.
"I know. I'm sorry Marky. I mean, I love my life. I really do. I mean, I have you guys and Roger and RJ. I just don't want to die yet. I don't want my son not to know his parents, you know. I mean, he's our miracle baby. He's healthy, at least for now and we love him so much. I know you guys will make sure he knows about us, but it's not the same as mommy reading him a story or daddy singing him his songs, you know?" she asked crying in Mark's shoulder.
"Yeah, I do know. You are the most incredible person I know, Marty. I mean, you're smart, strong, beautiful, an amazing wife and mother and the best sister I've ever had and I have a sister, so you know I have a frame of referrance. I know this family needs you. You keep us all together. You're not going anywhere any time soon. And when you do, RJ is gonna have plenty of film to watch showing him how incredible his parents are. I promise." he said caressing her head on his shoulder as her shoulders shook as she cried.
"Yeah Baby. You made sure of that with the documentaries you made him make. RJ's gonna know us and know we love him and that we're watching over him. Right along side Angel and Mimi." Roger said rubbing her back.
"Babygirl, you are the most unforgettable person I know. Not only do you light up any room you enter, you keep us brats in line." Collins said trying to lighten the mood.
"That's what I love about you Collins, you always know just what to say to talk me off the ledge." she said laughing as she looked up at him.
"No problem. Anything for my favorite girl." he said wrapping his arms around her and Mark.
"See how special your mommy is." Roger said smiling down at his son as he cooed in his arms.
"OK, enough of this. Who wants to go for breakfast?" Marty said smiling up at them as she wiped her eyes.
"I love you Babygirl." Collins said kissing her head.
"I love you too Marty." Mark said kissing her cheek.
"I love you guys too. Why don't you let me and Roger get dressed and we need to change stinky over there and get him dressed. Give us 10 minutes." she said smilng up at them before she and Roger went into their bedroom.
"OK Babygirl." Collins said heading to his room to get dressed.
"Come on little man, let's get you changed. We're going out this morning." Marty said taking the baby from Roger.
"I can take care of him Baby." Roger said as the baby leaned into her.
"Nah, I got him. I'd like his clothes to actually match." she said laughing before leaning in to kiss him.
"Hey, I'm not that bad." he said laughing as she went through the baby's dresser drawers.
"Oh no, you're not that bad. You only put him in a black and grey t-shirt and green sweatpants yesterday." she said taking out a onesie and some clothes for him.
"OK, you got a point." Roger said slipping into his jeans.
"Yeah, I know. It doesn't make you a terrible father, it just means you have no fashion sense whatsoever." she said smiling at him as she set the baby on his changing table.
"You know Marty, I love you. And you are an incredible mother." he told her as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"I know you love me. That's how I've made it through everything all these years. Your love for me. It gave me strength to deal with everything. That rape, my diagnosis, all of it. I couldn't have gotten through any of it without you." she said without turning around as tears streamed down her face.
"Baby, you made it through the last 5 years because you're a survivor. That had nothing to do with me." he said turning her around.
"But Roger, you were there to pick me up. Literally. Through everything. You gave me a reason to survive it all. I never thought I'd be able to have a normal life again. But look at me, I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world and we have the most beautiful baby there ever was. And that's you." she said as he wiped her face.
"You gave me strength to, you know. Hell, you gave everyone strength." he told her leaning down to kiss her.
"Well, you never gave up on me. When I couldn't be alone, had nightmares or even when I was diagnosed. It would have been easy and perfectly understandable if you did, but you didn't. You loved me more than I thought I deserved. You were there when I didn't think I had anyone. I love you Roger." she said wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him close.
"I love you too Marty. Now, why don't you let me change and dress him so you can get dressed." he said leaning down to kiss her.
"OK, thank you." she told him smiling up at him.