Disclaimers: I do not own Hey Arnold! It's owned by Viacom. I do not own George Lucas's Star Wars saga.
Author's Note: Thank you for all your support.
"From you portrayal of accounts," my wife reflected, "this so called free agent you speak of appears to me as if he regarded his intelligence above your own."
"You've got it all wrong, sweet cheeks," Arnold's wife replied defensively. "First off, Brian's services were not free and sec...what the...?"
My cell abruptly cut her off in mid-sentence. Who on earth is callin' me now? I unfolded the phone and saw I number I didn't recognize. Could it be..? Was she returnin' my call? While goin' at this rate, my nerves were shot, but I had to make it look good.
"Baby, do you know anyone with the number 813-329-2475?" I asked my sweetheart.
"Honestly, I haven't a clue as to whose number that could be." She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.
"Man, all this tea's makin' me have the need to run to the men's room," I knew the excuse would suffice, "so if you'll excuse me ladies and gentleman."
"Whatever floats you boat, Geraldo," Arnold's wife returned eyein' me with great suspicion. What was it that had Arnold's girl so in tune with other people's thoughts? I wasn't fazed by it. I was goin' to the bathroom to check on a phone call, anyway.
It wasn't the most appropriate facility to have a 'friendly' conversation in, but I was jus' seein who was callin' and I had a feelin' I knew 'cause nobody except my agent called this phone. Once I reopened my cell, I froze...maybe it was a wrong number and I was overeactin' to the whole thing. My thumbs shakily punched the numbers I'd read a minute ago. My heart was pumpin' the blood now as I listened to each ring.
–My apologies, but I'm presently unavailable as I'm in surgery. Please leave a name followed by a telephone number and I"ll promptly return your call.-
"Oh, my...holy...I cannot believe it, man! She actually called me back!" I didn't know what I was thinkin'. All I knew was I was ecstatic! In fact, I was so delirious I never realized I'd closed the phone before leavin' a message. Then I got to considerin'...should I call her back and leave a message?... "What the hell? Why not? I got nothin' to lose."
I crazily repeated the action of punchin' in her number so I could tell here I was thinkin' about her.
"Hey, it's me, Gerald. I'm jus' callin' 'cause I've been thinkin' about you lately. It's been a long while, but I wanted to know how life's been treatin' ya over the years. Catch ya later. Bye." I've got nothin' to lose! I've got my wife and possibly my career to lose! Yet, if I was doin' this, was I truly satisfied with my present day life?
When I sat back down at the table, my wife's lovin' eyes looked up into mine, causin' me to feel the guilt, followed by confusion to set in. What was I gonna do know? Since it was gonna take some time to weigh the matter, I decided I'd pick up where the previous conversation had left off, and challenged my wife's question.
"Baby, what makes you assume Brian thought he was smarter than us?"
"That's my perception from what's been related to me. Now, what I fail to believe is how you two could possibly be so gullible."
"Gullible?" Arnold was genuinely puzzled by her declaration. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is you undoubtedly believed Red was an authentic tour guide. Didn't you eventually become aware of all the peculiarities surrounding yourselves?"
"We finally caught up with her...the last day in San Lorenzo...it wasn't a pretty picture."
"Got that right," Arnold's wife mused, "Man, was that a blow to my ego. It was Brian who helped throw these two off. Yeah, yeah, you're dyin' to hear about it, but let's get back to the point at which we were at. You wanna hear more?"
"By all means yes! Do tell!" Always eager for gossip, my wife was. Phew! That meant no one noticed my undeniable enthusiasm.
"Yeah, go on." Time to sit back and relax.
My head was still throbbing from the allergic reaction I'd had a couple days ago, but it wasn't near as severe as the burn my ears received from Brian's stern lecture. The jerk was at it again. He'd admitted to me I was one of the most inventive teenagers he'd ever met, but I lacked the ability to use common sense. Though it was only a telephone conversation, his words sliced right through me lie a warrior's finest battle sword. Too bad I was over a thousand feet in the air, crammed into a stupid cable car sandwiched between two familiar faces I'd known since preschool. One wrong move and I'd blow my cover in a heartbeat. Now that he'd be back at the hotel room tonight, Brian would have to deal with me in person and I wasn't about to let him view me as some sort of crazed lunatic. He hadn't heard the last from me.
"This is where your parents rescued that little boy, Arnold? Wow! You never cease to amaze me, buddy." Tall Hair Boy was spellbound by my beloved's narration of his dad's journal.
"Actually, judging from my dad's description, this entire cable car system's been revamped. These cars kinda remind me of the submersibles used to explore the Titanic." Any physical contact with Arnold had my pulse determined to rip my heart out of it's safe chamber. Whether I was feeling unpleasant or no, it was never an issue when he was in my company. No matter the circumstances, his presence always lit me on fire. If I could only peel this ski-like mask off and confess, 'hey, it's me, Helga. Are you that dense? Don't you realize who I am and how I love you that much to be taking all these risks? Why, I'll sacrifice my life for you, pal!...'
"Yeah, except these are all windows, unlike the subs that immense themselves into the ocean. Man, Arnold, this thing's got too much glass for me. I'd hate to think what'd happen if someone busted a window. What do you think, Red?...Red?"
"Are you okay, Red?" I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to detect my warmhearted football headed angel tenderly squeeze my shoulder.
"Huh?"
"You all right, buddy? I realize these confirming quarters are uncomfortable, but we've almost reached the lower mountain. What's it called? The Morro da Urca?"
"Exactly." If Gerald unexpectedly discovered my true identity, he'd cease to call me buddy in no time flat.
Maybe Brian was right. If I'd attempted to assist Arnold with this trip as myself, and not as some fried up tour guide, he might have openly accepted my offer, allowing the possibility of a potential relationship between us, but nooo, I had to be a coward, tuning my back on my fears rather than facing them head on. What added to the complexity of this already confusing situation was Arnold's sensitive behavior toward not only me as Helga, but also toward me as Red. The worst part of it was, I caused my latest predicament by allowing Gerald to leave us alone for a few minutes once we reached the top of the Sugarloaf. Guess I'd have to stay in line 'til all this mess I'd created blew over. Why in the hell did I conduct myself so poorly while were up there on the mountain?
The inability to control such intense urges while carrying out our most recent conversation had me doubtful of my own capability to contain them by the time we returned to Hillwood. What had I landed myself in? Quicksand, that's what I'd landed myself in, and I was sinking fast! Time to ask the ass for some real advice.
Either she was too humiliated by what just happened back there on the Sugarloaf, or she was lost in deep thought. Whatever the reason, I felt the need to make sure she was all right, especially after the last tour Gerald and I ventured along on with her. Since she'd answered his question with so little information, I kinda figured ti has to be the embarrassment she probably felt that was causing her to keep quiet. After all, if I was anybody else, I'd have filed a lawsuit against her for it, but there was something inimitable about her that prevented me from the idea of pursuing legal action. She was probably upset because her unprofessional behavior could possibly cost her the career I was told she enjoyed with a passion.
Because I had no comprehension as to what possessed her to kiss me like that, I chose to pretend the incident never occurred. From the previous discussion Gerald and I'd had with her, I was under the impression she was an awfully lonely woman. At any rate, the shock I'd experience from it wasn't what was distressing me. The truth of the matter in that I wholeheartedly embraced her salutation by returning it with immense fanaticism was my primary concern. Rewinding the entire scene in my head had me reenacting the guilt I felt knowing I was kissing a girl I wasn't involved with, and being well aware my mind was on another girl I'd truly thought I might be in love with. I made the effort to relax in my cramped seat, playing it cool on the outside, while envisioning every event leading up to the kiss. In all honesty, I missed Helga terribly, and I knew I couldn't go to Gerald with this, so where was Brian when you needed some good advice?
"You did what!" Brian coughed up the beverage he'd been drinking. "Helga, this is the second time you've been on the brink of blowing your cover! Yet again I have to conjure up to ridiculous excuse to conceal your true identity. I'm letting you know now, Arnold will eventually catch on, and when he does, don't expect me to bail you out. The jungle in San Lorenzo's a very dangerous place, and I've got to protect you...from more than your unmanageable lust."
"Look, pal! I don't know what happened up there, but I just couldn't control my urges and followed my instincts!"
"Your instincts just landed you into a pile of-" he slammed the back of his head into the hotel bed's pillow, "forget it. Whatever I say isn't gonna change your behavior. Such actions will, without a doubt, lead you to your downfall." I felt anger burning up my insides.
"I don't have to take this crap, and I sure as hell don't need you! I'll make arrangement to fly Arnold to San Lorenzo myself!"
"Really?" Brian smiled mischievously while folding his arms behind his head, then crossing one leg over the other. "And how do you plan on paying for these arrangement?"
"My dad can wire me some mo-...that's right, Bob and Miriam think I"m at Olga's. Great! Now I'm stuck hangin' around a pompous jerk!"
"If you're unwilling to cooperate with me," he sighed, "I'll discontinue rendering my services."
"What! You're kidding." I was unnerved by his blunt ultimatum.
"Helga, you can either listen to my suggestion with respect, or you can board that plane and fly home right now." His wild green eyes told me this was no game. He was dead serious.
"All right! All right! Sheesh!" This was decidedly not the most desirable time to displease the man. "Listen, Brian, I...I...I'm sorry...it's just that-"
"You're only apologizing because you know you can't pull this off without my help."
"Here's the deal. I haven't handed all the details of the entire story over to you."
"Obviously," he returned, "so, talk to me. Let me know what's going on. Maybe I can be of assistance."
"It's a long story, so I'm gonna give you a basic outline, and by the way, there are some things I don't plan on telling you."
"I don't expect you to. My clients are treated with honor." He lifted his eyebrow. "Where would you like to start?"
"You see, it's like this. My gut feeling tells me Arnold has feelings for me. Why you say? We've been hangin' around each other a lot at school lately, and on two separate occasions, even though I don't think he was conscious of his own actions, he almost kissed me. Why did I have to go and screw up by kissing him as Red and not as myself!"
"Wait a minute...stop." Brian absorbed the information, examining the weight of it's content. "You said Arnold almost kissed you? Why did he refrain from actually doing it?"
"He didn't. I ran from him both times he attempted it."
"You ran away from him? What would cause you to run away from the guy you unmistakably adore?"
"I don't know!"
"What made it so easy for you to kiss him as Red, and not as Helga?"
"Will you stop asking me all these freakin' questions!"
"Do you want my advice or not?"
"You're gonna help me out then?"
"Why not? I've got nothin' better to do," he propped himself up, stroking his unshaven chin. "Tell me, what was Arnold's reaction after you kissed him as Red?"
"Um...uh...how can I put this...he was all-" a soft rap on the door disrupted my train of thought. "Just when I'm starting to make progress. I don't feel like putting that mask on to entertain anyone right now."
"Then don't. Get under the bed covers and whoever it is, I'll tell 'em you're exhausted from today's events." I didn't hesitate to take up his offer and dove into the other bed, lifting the sheets up over my head.
When I heard the door creak open, I couldn't resist taking a peek. It was Arnold, and because I knew I was taking a great risk by sneaking a look, I quickly pulled the blanket back over myself, but still allowed myself to listen in on their conversation.
"Hi, Brian."
"Hey, what's up?"
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
"Not at all. Red's sleeping and I've immersed myself in this book I've been reading. Anything I can do for you?"
"Yeah, I need your advice on something. Do you think we can talk for a while...privately?"
Privately! Letting a feeble grunt slip forth, I immediately composed myself so that I wouldn't cause any other stressful situations.
"Sure, let's go." I felt a gentle pat on my back from above my comforter. A soft whisper came to my ear. "You and I will have this conversation later. Go back to sleep, girl. We'll be out of you hair in a sec."
As the door closed with a subtle click, I was left to ponder over my irrational actions.
"Usually, I ask Gerald for his input regarding these circumstances, but this time, I really can't." I was hoping Brian wouldn't make light of this ordeal.
"What makes you think you can't talk to Gerald about your trouble?"
"First of all, he can't stand Helga and secondly, he'd think I was insane for what I did this afternoon."
"What exactly did you do to make yourself feel this way?"
"It's not actually what I did, but how I reacted to what someone else did."
"Go on."
"It has..." I hesitated for a moment, "it has to do with your partner."
"Red? What about her?" He arched his brow curiously.
"She..she kissed me when we were on the Sugarloaf."
"And your response to her action freaked you out," Brian returned while retrieving what appeared to be a guitar case he'd brought along with him, "Why?"
"Well, because I felt this burning attraction toward her, but I wasn't thinking about her when I kissed her back."
"You kissed her back!" he asked taking a deep breath, then running his fingers through his unkempt hair. "Hold on. You're saying your mind was on someone else while you were engaged in physical activity with Red? Was the other girl per chance Helga? You did mention her."
"Uh, huh." It proved difficult to find the right words to explain the position I'd put myself in. "Right now, I'm totally confused because I have this bizarre fascination with Red, but I'm not in love with her. Then when I find myself in a lip lock with her, all I can think about is how much I miss Helga and how much I want to..."
"You were saying?" he pushed me further, taking his guitar out of its case.
"What I'm saying is, all I could think about was how much I...how much I wanted to..to kiss Helga like that. The last thing I want to do is hurt Red's feelings."
"If I were in your situation, I'd take the time to let Red know how you, yourself feel about her."
"I feel so bad because I never meant for this to happen. What I really need right now is thousands of miles away."
"What's that?"
"I need...Helga..." My own answer surprised me. "I need the girl I've...I've...fallen in...love with."
"This is your first time admitting your affection for Helga...isn't it?"
"Um...yeah," I confirmed, "I guess it is, but I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same way about me."
"Have you proved this to be true?" Why did he keep pelting me with all these inquiries?
"No, but the last couple of times I've gotten close to her, she's done the so called hundred yard dash. I swear she looked terrified on both occasions."
"Maybe she wasn't afraid of you, but was wrestling with her own feelings toward you."
"I don't know. What you're saying might be true, but all I know is that I have this tremendous yearning for her. It's like nothing I've ever encountered before. You know, I really wish she was here." Just talking about her caused my heart to burn with desire.
"Believe me, Arnold," Brian advised while tuning his instrument, "Helga is here."
"Huh?" What was he talking about? "What do you mean she's here?"
"She's right here," he answered, pointing his index finger to his head.
"I know she's on my mind."
"I wasn't finished. She's also right here," he said placing his fist firmly to my chest. "Comprende?"
"I get it, but I still wish she was here."
"No doubt about that, so why don't you do this? Why don't you go talk to Red for a little while...straighten things out with her. Don't worry about how she'll react. She's a pretty laid back person."
"Are you coming with me, Brian?"
"No, I'm gonna sit out here for a while and play a few tunes. Besides, it's best if you two have a private conversation."
"Okay then. See ya later, Brian."
"Later, Arnold." After I'd walked a few feet I heard him mumble, "Why am I always assigned teenage soap opera cases?"
He sounded exhausted, which led me not to take his comment literally. My greatest intention for the moment was to clear things up with Red, so I once again made my way to her hotel room.
My hand slid out from beneath the covers to retrieve my cell phone. What did Brian want now? I thought I should be entitled to some peace and quiet. Guess not.
"Yeah, yeah, what do you want?"
"Your boy's on his way back to our room. He needs to resolve some issues with Red."
"What!" I sat up on my knees. "What do you mean he has to resolve issues with Red! Has he found out who I really am? What am I gonna do? Help me out, Brian!"
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Simmer down, kid! He still thinks you're Red, but what he's gotta say might possibly cause you to have a heart attack."
"Oh, please, Brian."
"Then again, he might not mention-"
"What did Arnold tell you?"
"What Arnold and I had was a private discussion. If he wishes to discuss the material with you, I'm sure he will. Now, if I were you, I'd either turn all the lights off in the room, or grab that new mask and your face cloth, pronto!"
"You mean he'll be at the door any second?"
"Yep, go to it, girl."
Just as I heard my agent's last word there was a quiet knock on the door. Since there was no time to gather my burn victim props, I scrambled to turn every light off in the room before opening the door. I decided I'd better stay behind it until he entered the room.
"Red?...Red?...I know that you answered the door, but where are you?"
Man! My beloved was too gorgeous for my eyes to behold tonight. Slamming the door quickly, I tugged on Arnold's shirt sleeve, prompting him to follow me to the bed next to mine. How was I gonna have a conversation with him sans my mouth piece? An idea hit me. I opened the end stand drawer feeling for a pencil and some paper. Upon finding both writing tools, I let them drop on the desk, so he'd get the hint.
"Look, Red, I'm sorry I came unexpectedly, but I need to talk to you about something. It's about...what happened this afternoon." I knew I'd have to turn on some kind of light if I was to have any means of communication with him, so I slipped back underneath the comforter and felt aimlessly for the light.
"You want me to turn the light on or something, Red?" That told me, he heard all the racket I was making in the attempt. I tugged on his shirt sleeve again. "I'll take that as a yes."
What do you want to tell me? I wrote down once I could see some light through the sheets.
"Well, I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for how I reacted today. I don't want you to think that...that I..."
Hey, you don't have to explain anything to me, Arnold. I remember Gerald mentioning you missed a girl back home.
"Yeah...I do, and when we...did what we did...I kinda..."
You were thinking about her, weren't you?
"Um...yeah, and...I feel really bad. You must think I'm a real creep."
No. You're lonely. I'm lonely. What difference does it make if you're thinking of your girl back home? Besides, you won't be seeing me after this trip is over.
"I'm really sorry, Red. For some reason, I feel drawn to you, but I can't use you like that."
You already did once. Why would a second time around be any different?
"I can't. It's not right."
Look, Arnold. What you choose to do on this trip is your own business. All I'm saying is, if you're 'lonely', I'm willing to be a 'stand in'.
"Thanks for the offer, but my moral conscience still tells me it's not right."
In other words, your moral conscience tells you, it's not, to quote the elder Skywalker, 'the Jedi Way'.
"Heh, heh. You have a sense of humor, huh?"
Most people don't see that side of me. Let me go get my mouth piece so we can carry on a real conversation. Do you mind turning the light out for me? Trust me, you don't wanna see my 'naked' face again.
"Got it." Why couldn't I act like this with him as myself? There was no time to answer that question now.
After Arnold turned the light back out, I ran into the bathroom and grabbed the mouth piece I'd left on the counter top, then figured I'd better take the new mask as well as the face cloth in case there might be the possibility of physical contact. As I sat back down on the bed, I felt relieved I was once again, my alter ego, Red.
"So, where were we?" I asked aloud while turning the light back on.
"I can't use you just because I miss someone back home, whether I'm lonely or not."
"And I already told you, what difference is a second time around going to make?"
"Red, I like you, but I don't..." he cast his eyes down into the floor. It was painful for me to complete his sentence for him, but I did so anyway.
"But you don't..." I swallowed hard. My football headed angel looked so confused, "you don't love me."
"No," he answered directing his eyes toward me.
"What is it about me that makes you think of this other girl?"
"I don't know," he returned, rubbing the back of his neck. "Is it all right if we stop talking about this?"
"Sure. I'm glad you took the time to let me know what was on your mind. It was awkward this afternoon, wasn't it?"
"I wasn't expecting it, especially since I've heard you were so shy. You took me by surprise."
"That happens." I took in those fresh green eyes for a moment, then realizing what I was doing, averted mine as quickly as possible. Something must have dawned on him, because his posture became erect once he'd noticed me observing him.
"Hey, did you know you have beautiful eyes? They remind me of someone I know."
"Eh, my eyes aren't anything special." Please don't find me out! I pleaded with myself.
"You shouldn't put yourself down like that. I've gotta get going soon, but do you mind if I sit next to you for a minute?"
"Not at all." If this was leading up to what I thought it was leading into...eh...I decided I'd forget it. It was probably nothing. Oh, he smelled so wonderful! What was he doing wrapping his arm around my back!
"There's something I want to ask you, Red. Why don't you ever look directly at me, like you do with Brian?"
"Because...I can't."
"Why not?" he seemed irritated, "most professionals make direct eye contact. Is there something you're not telling me?"
"No! Um...I mean...I have nothing to hide." What a lousy lie!
"Then look into my eyes, Red. Trust me." I instantly turned the light switch off.
"All right. I'm looking into them right now."
"I know."
I couldn't help it, and I knew Brian would probably kill me for this, but I leaned in on him, brushing my lip against his. His instantaneous reaction was to pull me down on the bed with such ferocity, I was confused as to whether I should be delighted or frightened out of my mind. The passionate kiss I'd received answered it for me, so I let myself go, embracing everything he was delivering. In my heated state, I couldn't help but unbutton his shirt, then I made the mistake of trying to slide my hands into the front of his pants. He rolled to the opposite side of the bed and sat up, sounding as if he needed to catch his breath.
"I can't take this!" he choked, "Red, I can't use you, and I don't know how old you are, but I'll only do that with the girl I'm in love with...and only when I'm good and ready. Now,if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna call it a night."
"I'm sorry, Arnold. I didn't mean to-"
"Let's just keep the rest of this tour professional, shall we?"
"Whatever floa- listen. Before you leave, there's a question I'd like to ask you."
"What's that?"
"Is it my hair that reminds you of the girl you miss back home?"
"She doesn't have red hair! Good night!" With that, he slammed the hotel room's door and I was yet again, left in the dark."
I was so angry, not with Red, but with myself I didn't return to my room right away, otherwise, I'd probably have taken it all out on Gerald. What was I thinking! Though I wasn't dating Helga, I felt miserable, and even if she didn't like me, how could I do this to her! I came across the pool patio to see Brian still outside, so I thought I'd join him.
"Hey, Brian, mind if I sit out here with you and smoke for a while?"
"Rough night, eh?"
"Yeah," I answered, lighting up a cigarette.
"Don't stay out here too late with me. You need to get your rest, because tomorrow we head into the jungle."
"Into the jungle," I laughed sarcastically, "I'm already there."
As always, my thanks goes out to all those who've stayed with this fic. Your input is always welcome.