Bella and Jacob said their goodbyes to everyone at the beach. Bella couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. She had really enjoyed the day, and was surprised at how well she got along with Rachel. They didn't have much in common with each other, but both of them were strong confident women who didn't need a man taking care of them, but loved and enjoyed having a man in their lives. Both of them felt they were more than capable of opening their own doors, or moving the couch by themselves, but both of them agreed it was nice to have a man in their lives willing to perform those simple gestures.
When Rachel told Bella that she was not much of domestic goddess and that her cooking abilities didn't extend much beyond frozen meals and the occasional baking she did, Bella offered to teach her. They planned a weekly cooking session, which Kim and Leah begged to join. Bella was feeling good, proud that she was not only making friends, but contributing something to the friendship instead of coming along for the ride. Over time she had learned that relationships were all about substance, whether emotional or physical. In the past she had not done a good job of providing that to anyone. She used to take, and now she was determined to give. Shrugging her shoulders, she guessed it was just part of being a grown up.
When Jacob pulled up to their house and saw Paul sitting on the steps, he knew something had gone wrong at Sam's today. Paul had never shown up at the beach this afternoon, and Rachel had been waiting for him. Jacob had told her that Paul had some pack business to attend to and caught holy hell from his sister for not telling her what it was.
Paul stood to greet his new alpha and extended his hand. As soon Jacob grasped it, he again felt a surge of power flow through him. Paul stared into Jacob's eyes. "It's done. You alone are my alpha now". The air surrounding them was electric. The magic that flowed through their veins, the blood of their ancestors asserting itself. Jacob Black appeared to grow in strenghth and stature before Paul's very eyes.
Bella felt awkward standing there. Clearly this was a pivotal moment for the these two men, as well as the pack. She turned back to the truck, planning to get her bag out as well as give them a minute alone. Jacob however, had other ideas. His hand shot out, grabbing her wrist and without shifting his gaze from Paul, his voice stern, not a question but an order. "Stay".
Paul's gaze shifted onto Bella, and back to Jacob. He would protect her as his own, she was mate to his alpha. The unspoken loyalty was evident to Jacob, who nodded his head in acknowledgement of the the silent exchange. He reached out to turn the key in the lock. "Paul, come inside. We all need to sit down and talk".
Jacob ushered them all into the kitchen, and while Bella busied herself getting them drinks Jacob and Paul got comfortable at the small table.
Bella put the drinks in front of them and seated herself next to Jacob. He covered her hand with his own, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "Thanks Bells". He then turned his attention on Paul. "So, you went to Sam and told him you were leaving his pack to align with me. How did it go"?
Paul shifted nervously in his seat. He wanted to be honest with Jacob and tell him everything, but with Bella sitting there, he didn't want to hurt her feelings. What Sam had said was such bullshit. She didn't deserve it. Then the shit with Rachel, well he wouldn't blame Jacob if decided to go for blood.
Jacob sensed Paul's discomfort with Bella. He was certain that Sam had most likely said some pretty rotten things that Paul did not want to repeat. But, it had to be done. Bella could take it. She was going to need a thick skin, living amongst the pack. Today would be the start of it.
"Paul, I'm assuming Sam had some things to say about Bella that you don't want to repeat. I can assure you that she can handle it". Jacob turned to Bella. "Bells, the wolves are like a family. Just like a family we sometimes squabble amongst ourselves. Sam is in a pretty bad place right now, and I think when he gets his wits about him, he'll be sorry for this. But, you need to let it roll off of your shoulders. There will always be things said at one point or another that none of us mean. Do you understand? Can you handle this"?
Bella knew that this was the true beginning. It was either suck it up, and learn to deal with issues like this or jump ship. She was determined to be the strong woman that Jacob needed by his side. She looked at the two men and swallowed away any self doubt. "It's ok. I can handle it".
Jacob turned his attention back to Paul. "Paul, go ahead. Spit it out".
"Jacob, it wasn't good man. When I walked in, Sam was pretty calm, sitting there with Jared eating some lunch. I told him that I needed to speak with him, but before I could say why he was jumping around the kitchen like a frickin' pogo stick, all excited that the leeches were back and Bella was with them".
"What"? shouted Bella. "The Cullen's aren't here. Why would he think that"?
"Bella, something is really wrong with Sam. He's erratic, and his personality is all over the map. Nobody thinks the vampires are back. Sam's just hoping". Jacob nodded his agreement with Paul. Paul took a deep breath. "Jacob there's more. When I told him I was leaving the pack, he said I'd be sorry when Rach was dead at the hands of a vampire. He told me he'd spit on my grief".
Bella paled. This was so much to take in. How could one person harbor so much hatred? Jacob was trembling. "Paul, I will make this clear one time. Nothing will ever happen to Rachel".
"I know, Jake. I think Sam has really lost it. Then, after I told him I was leaving the pack, he got another headache. It was bad. Jared all but threw me out of the place trying to get him under control again. I could hear him screaming in pain. Something is really wrong, man".
"Paul, when you get home today, I want you to pull Billy aside and let him know what happened. If you feel the need to tell Rachel, I won't stop you. It's your place, and I trust your judgment. Just don't let her go confront Sam. I had a private meeting with Billy and Old Quil after everyone left this morning, and they have a theory as to what is going on with Sam".
"I'm all ears, bro. Any explanation at this point would be a good thing".
Patiently, Paul and Bella listened to Jacob recount his meeting with Billy and Old Quil. Paul was wide eyed as Jacob told him the theory of Sam's Jekyll/Hyde behavior.
"I have to admit, Jake. It makes sense. I'd agree with the council. I think the other wolves will come to you naturally. Quil will do it because he's always been your friend, and Sam has already pissed him off. Besides, he knows that Emily won't keep Claire from him. Jared will be last. It's going to be a harder thing for him to do. He and Sam have been friends for a long time, and being the first two wolves to phase, well, they share a bond. Although, if Sam shows any more disrespect towards Kim, it'll be over in a heartbeat".
"Well, I just hope that this works out".
"and if it doesn't"?
"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it".
Paul stood up to leave. "Well, I'm going to get back to Rach. It's been a hell of a long day and I just want to pass out with her in my arms".
Bella, who had been silent through for most of the conversation, walked over to Paul. She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled his face down closer to hers. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Paul, for all you've done. I appreciate it".
Paul smiled. "Bella, the Blacks showed me what a real family is about. You're a part of it now. Family takes care of each other. Right or wrong, we take care of each other. I'm proud of you for the way you're handling this". Paul winked over at Jacob. "You've got a good woman here, Jake. Don't let this little fireball get away from you this time".
"No intention of it, my brother".
"Paul, will you come over Tuesday night with Rachel? I'd like to make you both dinner and get to know you better".
Paul laughed and hugged her. "Only if you let me bring Billy. You should have heard him complaining when I when we told him what we ate last night. See you both later". Paul walked out the door and into the treeline.
Jacob looked at Bella. "You really are amazing, you know that? Do you mind if we go in the living room? I'd like to start a fire, and there are still some more things we need to talk about".
"Sure Jake. Let me get some more tea. Is it serious"?
"Mmmm, yes and no".
"Well, give me a minute to get some tea and and I'll be in".
Jacob had just gotten the fire going and settled on the couch when Bella came into the living room. She sat down next him and spoke. "Ok, Jake, I'm all ears".
"Bells, this is really hard for me to talk about, but I need to tell you how I was after you left. I - I was really messed up and I did some things I'm not proud of, and I don't want you to hear about it from anyone else. I don't need you to hear the rumors and think they're true". Jacob sounded so broken that Bella's heart wrenched. What on earth could be so bad? She grabbed his hand in a reassuring gesture. "Jake, you know I'm not going to look down on you for anything, right".
He smiled weakly. "I hope not". Jacob took a deep breath. May as well just dive in. "Bella, I told you, I thought you were dead. I had a hard time realizing that you weren't mine. I figured that after the forest you went back to Edward and that the two of you were living happily ever after. I started having nightmares". He shuddered at the memory. "I would wake up in a cold sweat every damn night. I would dream that I found you killing someone in the forest. You'd look at me with red eyes, and I'd speak your name, but you didn't know me. Then you'd attack". He paused, his last words almost a whisper. "In my dreams, I let you kill me".
Bella's eyes were welling up with tears, she reached for him. "Oh Jake. I'm so damn sorry. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you".
Jacob leaned back into the couch. "Bella, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just need to you know what it was like. The dreams lasted every night for months. I got to the point where I didn't sleep more than a few hours. I was afraid of the dreams coming. Leah tried to help me. I didn't want her help. I didn't want pity. I just wanted it to stop. All of it. I was grieving for you, for us, for myself. We were just kids, Bells. I didn't know how to handle any of it".
"When the fog started to lift, I got angry. If I had known where the Cullen's were, I would have left La Push and tried to kill them all. I- I started drinking heavily. One night I went out to the garage, and I ripped apart your motorcycle. I took it all apart, piece by piece. I raged, and threw parts around. Dad, he didn't know what to do, so he called Embry and asked him to come over. I wanted to take the bike to the junkyard and get rid of it. Embry wouldn't let me. He picked it everything up and took all of the pieces home with him".
"After that, things got worse. I was angry most of the time. I decided that even if you couldn't see me, that maybe you could feel me somehow. So, I started to date. Quil was thrilled". Bella raised wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "Even though he's imprinted to Claire, he still dates women" Jacob explained.
"I'm not dumb. I know that the girls around here find the pack attractive. They didn't pay much attention to any of us before, but after we phased, they started throwing themselves at us. When you were here, I didn't care. But, then you were gone, and I took advantage of it. There were a lot of families who would have been thrilled for me to get involved with their daughter all because of who my dad is. I didn't give a shit about any of them. They were a way to forget. I took out a bunch of them. I fooled around with them, used them to get whatever I wanted for the night. I know there are rumors that I had sex with most of them". Turning to Bella, he tried to show her the truth of it, in his word and his eyes. "I didn't. I was a complete dick, but I wasn't heartless. I did sleep with a few of them. I'll tell you who they were if you want, but it was only sex. It was just another way to lose myself, to get over you. I figured if you didn't care, then why should I"?
Jacob started to shake, and covered his face with his hands. "Bella, in a million years, I wouldn't have guessed that you would come back here. I wouldn't have done those things if I had known. I'm so sorry. You have to know how sorry I am". Jacob was in tears. Remembering the dreams, and recounting his past, it was hard. What if this made Bella leave him again? He couldn't blame her if she did.
Bella wrapped her arms around Jake. He had held her together so many times. He had so lovingly pieced her back together when Edward had smashed her heart. She had thrown away his love, and for that she would always be sorry. The damage she caused him broke her heart. She was to blame for Jacob's mistakes as much as he was. "Jacob, it's ok. This is partly my fault. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here. Take a deep breath and calm down. I don't want to know who the girls were and I don't want to know how many. You didn't love them. It's you and me now. It's ok". She held onto him until his sobs subsided and he could continue his story.
"One day, Embry came over to see me. One of the girls I had taken out, a really nice girl, had been crying on his shoulder. I didn't sleep with her, but I did string her along a bit. I took her out a few more times than I normally would have. She- she reminded me of you. Her name was Shelly. She loved the same books as you, and she loved to cook. She was shy. I treated her like shit, Bells. She was so much like you, and it was like I was taking it out on you. It was an asshole move, and I knew it".
"Anyway, Embry found me and kicked the shit out of me. I was so screwed up over it that I just let him. He kept egging me on, telling me to hit him back. To let my anger out on him. He kept telling me that life was hard, but that maybe you were happy and I needed to let you go. I started hitting him back. I broke his damn nose. We phased and ran for days. When it was over, I cried. Embry went with me to apologize to Shelly. I told her everything. She was more forgiving than I deserved. She left for college the next fall and I've heard she's doing well. Studying to be a therapist. I guess I may have had something to do with that.
Slowly, I started to heal. I still thought about you constantly, but the dreams didn't come as often. I was sleeping again, and needed to do something with my life. We had all graduated high school by then, but college was a lost dream us. Embry and I got some grants to start the garage. Things kept going well, and then I decided to build this place. I still couldn't get you out of my head. I knew I was being a matryr, but I kept thinking of what you would like in a home. I really did build it for you, Bells. Then you came back, and I didn't know what to do. I was so afraid you'd hurt me again. I was scared to death you'd leave. I had so much to work out in my own head. That's why you didn't see me much. I spent most of my time running as a wolf. Just trying to convince myself that you weren't going anywhere. Really, that stunt you pulled with Leah was what kept me from losing it. I was so intrigued by you. She'd let me see some of the time you two were spending together. She kept telling me to pull my head out of my ass. That you and I needed each other. I wanted so badly to tell you about the imprint. I was so afraid that you wouldn't understand, or think that I didn't love you enough".
Tears were streaming down Bella's cheeks. Thank God for Leah. She had done more for her than she'd realized. Bella knew she was lucky to have that woman as a friend. Then there was Embry. All he had done for Jake. Now she could understand why he warned her. But, she wasn't leaving. Even all of this, it just made her love Jacob more.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. Sometimes we have to work for it, sometimes it just happens. In their case, they had both worked for it, paid a high price for it. "Jake, you know I'm still not leaving you. I can't now. I love you. I hate that you went through so much pain, but I'm glad we're here now. I know how much love can tear you apart. I'm so glad that you had Embry. Jake, please, Iook at me".
Slowly Jacob raised his head. The pain was etched so clearly on his face. Blinking, he willed his eyes to open and look at her. Bella rested her hands on his cheeks. Jacob leaned into her, allowing himself this small gesture of comfort. "Jacob, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave you again. We'll never be perfect, but we have each other. I can't promise things will always be easy between us. I, I know you feel bad. I know you were afraid to tell me. I understand the pain. I dreamed of you too. All of the time. Sometimes I would dream of you kissing me on the mountain. Other times I would dream that you didn't come back to me, that you died that day. I dreamed of our children". Children. That brought a small smile onto Jacob's face.
"I promised myself when I decided to come back here that I would be whatever you needed me to be. I swore that if you hated me, I would take it. It would be my burden, my cross for putting you through so much pain. But, you're right. We were kids. Kids put into an impossible situation. Jacob, look at all you have become. You are good, and kind. You help your father, your tribe. You lead your pack with such strength of mind. Your friends love you, your family loves you. I love you. I'm in love with you, Jake. There's no turning away from it. There's no turning back for me". Leaning in, she kissed him hard. Anger, fear, forgiveness, love, all powerful emotions. Tonight had been draining for them both.
Jacob held her in his arms stroking her hair. With his head resting on her shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around her, he spoke once again. "Bella, will you come with me? I need to show you something".
Bella disentangled herself from his arms. Jacob took her hand, and led her down to the garage. Flipping on the lights, he guided her over to the corner of the room. He let go of her hand and smiled. In front of him a large blue tarp was covering something. Jacob removed the tarp and turned to Bella.
"Embry brought it to the shop right before we opened for business. Every night, I'd stay late, putting the pieces back together. I just couldn't let it go. It healed me somehow".
Bella stared at the red motorcycle in front of her. Memories of Jacob putting her back together flooded her mind. Jacob had healed her heart back then, working with his hands, putting the pieces of the motorcycle together like a puzzle. Bella shook her head. "Jake you're amazing. You know that, right".
"I think this old bike was put out to the trash for a reason Bells. Somewhere up above, the spirits knew you and I needed something to help us heal. It's put us both back together". Jacob wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "I've only ridden it a few times. It's yours, Bells".
"No, Jake", she sighed. "I think my riding days are done. From now on, I want to ride with you, my arms around you". An idea struck her. This motorcycle had helped her and Jacob start a new chapter of their lives. It gave them both release and healing.
"Jacob, I think we should give it to Leah. You could teach her. Teach her how to ride, teach her how to maintain it, help her fix it when it needs it. Maybe it can heal her too. She's getting there, but she needs to let go of her fears. Maybe this will help".
"I think she'd like that Bella. I really do".
They were both quiet, thinking of all that had happened to bring them to this moment. No matter what the future held, they could get through it. Bella knew they needed one more thing to bring this night full circle.
"Jake"?
"Yeah".
"Do you have any warm soda in this garage".
Jacob smiled. "Nope. I've upgraded. I keep them cold. Want one"?
"Yup". Bella grinned. She smiled like a loon when Jacob opened the refrigerator to get the sodas and discovered the leftover dessert.