Title: Make it Without You
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time
Author: Alwaysbringback-up
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)
Genre: Angst/General
Make it Without You
Pairing: SwanQueen
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.
A/N: Hey, guys! Here's the next update! I'm sorry it took me a while to get it up, but today is really the first day that I had any time to write. There might be some mistakes, as I hashed this entire chapter out in one sitting and only read it through once when editing. I just thought I would post it sooner rather than later!
As always, thanks for reading!
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
On my knees and out of luck,
I look up.
"Regina," David breathed, as he watched her frantically wipe away tears, her entire being overwrought with anguish and sorrow. Even in hushed tones, his voice was full of a gentleness and understanding that made Regina's stomach turn unpleasantly. As she met his baby blue eyes, she felt the stirrings of affection in her heart. She realized that she no longer felt the repugnance that she once felt for this man and his wife. But instead, she felt a genuine fondness for him. She supposed that it stemmed from the knowledge that the woman she loved more than anything had come from him. After all, how could she detest the two people who had made the blonde everything that she had become?
Still, Regina shifted uncomfortably in his arms. She wasn't used to anyone looking at her like that. All she had to do is gaze into his eyes, and she knew, he completely understood the depths of her agony.
He knew about her love for Emma, and he was determined to take care of her in the blonde's absence. He and Henry were one of the only ones that about the affair. Suddenly, Regina was undeniably grateful, because she couldn't imagine going through this ruinous grief alone. And for once, she didn't have to. Charming completely understood every emotion she was experiencing.
She'd only felt grief like this once before, when she lost Daniel, and she had hoped and prayed that she would never feel grief like it again.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.
"I…" Regina's voice cracked inharmoniously, jarring the both of them. Regina swallowed and attempted to speak again. "I- I'm okay," Regina said as she pushed Charming away, rejecting his attempts at comforting her. It was dangerous, allowing herself to be comforted in such a way. She feared that she might become accustomed to the feeling, and she knew how dangerous that could be.
"Regina," Charming sighed, "I hope that you know that don't have to lie to me. It's okay if you're not okay."
Regina perfunctorily forced herself onto her feet, desperately trying to forget the unparalleled suffering she was currently going through. "We just have to find her," Regina told him, her voice dangerously controlled as she expelled all emotion from her heart.
And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.
Charming nodded, watching wordlessly as she impetuously rushed off towards where the young boy was being loaded into the back of the ambulance.
Regina shouldered her way past several onlookers, and felt her heart slam to a stop in her chest as she truly laid eyes on the boy for the first time. She felt a compulsion to speak with the young man, as if that were the only thing that would make this situation any better. She just needed to understand why the blonde would sacrifice herself for the boy.
Regina opened her mouth to speak, her jaw working furiously as her mind rallied behind it. The brunette was stunned by how difficult it suddenly was to form words.
Lucas seemed to detect her presence, because he struggled to turn his head and look at her. His battle was hopeless, however, because of the C-collar that was fastened in place around his neck, immobilizing it. Still, for a heartrending moment he met her piercing gaze. Regina swallowed hard as she felt him stare back at her, as if he could see every emotion locked inside of her very soul. Regina let out a quavering breath as she squirmed under his studious gaze. She wasn't used to feeling so vulnerable. She was usually the one that made others bend before her, and now…now she couldn't stop herself but shrink under his gaze.
Regina took a daring step forwards, scarcely daring to breathe as she approached him. She shouldn't have considered him an adversary. After all, she knew from talking to him earlier that he was a wonderful young man. But on a certain level she wanted to despise him, because he was the reason that the love of her life was gone.
As she reached the gurney, Regina watched as Lucas lifted the oxygen mask away from his face. A paramedic tried to stop him, but Lucas pushed his hand away, determined to speak with the dark-haired beauty before him.
Regina leant forwards as she struggled to hear him over the sound of the rushing waters. She could tell that he was weak, as his voice was scarcely above a whisper and the boy was clearly exerting himself.
"You're her, aren't you?" he asked with a hint of amazement. "You're the woman I spoke with on the phone."
"Y-Yes," Regina exhaled shakily. Regina jumped in alarm as he feebly reached for her hand, as if desperate for the contact and the comfort that it offered. Regina struggled to find the compassion she once felt for this boy in her heart. The boy was clearly frightened right now, and in need of a friend. She wanted to be the sort of good person that Emma saw in her.
For a fraction of a moment, Regina envisioned the look of admiration that Emma often had in her eyes as the blonde looked at her. It was almost impossible to think she could ever be that kind of woman, in a world without the blonde. But here, now, in a world where she wasn't sure the blonde still existed, she vowed to be that woman. She had to be, if only to honor the blonde's memory. She reached out for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Hi, I-I'm Regina." Regina felt her throat constrict painfully as she spoke. "I spoke with you about my son, Henry."
"I-I remember," his voice was extremely kind, his eyes meeting hers. It looked as if the boy was suddenly awestruck, "I don't know how I can ever thank you," he said softly. "I was so scared," he admitted. "To be honest, I don't think I've ever been so scared in all of my life. But you made me feel less alone. You made things seem less hopeless somehow. And for that, I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you enough." Regina felt tears spring to her eyes. She let out a hollow and pain-filled laugh.
"I didn't really do anything," Regina said, her voice practically bleeding sorrow. "Emma's the one that..." Regina let her voice trail off. It hurt too much to speak the blonde's name.
"I'm sorry," he said, picking up on her distress. "I can see how much she means to you. You should know that - she was so brave and selfless, and she risked everything to save me knowing full well that she might not make it. She's an angel."
"She is," Regina agreed weakly, her voice breaking as the tears overflowed and streaked down her cheeks.
"Mayor Mills," one of the paramedics interrupted. "I'm sorry, but we really need to get him to the hospital he needs surgery."
"O-Of course," Regina breathed as she met the man's sympathetic gaze. "Be brave, Lucas," Regina implored the boy. "I promise that I'll come see you at the hospital as soon as I can."
Lucas reluctantly let go of the brunette's hand as the paramedics began to lift him into the back of the ambulance. Regina stood, watching numbly as the one of the firemen shut the ambulance doors, banging on it twice in order to tell the ambulance driver that he was good to go. The ambulance sped off without delay; it's sirens roaring it disappeared into the distance.
But there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Regina turned back in order to search for David. She found him standing near his truck bed.
In the few minutes since she had left him, he had already amassed a small crowd of rescue personal. She approached from behind, watching as he unrolled a large map of the area. She felt a trace of amusement as she watched him wrestle with the paper for a few moments, as it sought to return to its dormant and curled up state. After struggling with the fabric for several moments, David finally wised up and set tools down on its corners to keep it in place. Then, the blonde ran his hands gently over its middle, smoothing over the paper. Finally, David let out a satisfied nod, and bent down to examine the map closely.
"Alright, everyone," David shouted loudly, pausing and glancing up as a car sped to a stop on the road.
Regina glanced to her left in order to see Mary Margaret hop out of the vehicle. The pixie-haired brunette rushed over in a panic, with Ruby and Henry hot on her heels.
David met Snow's eyes and spoke calmly. "Gather round," he shouted, and the small crowd pressed closer to the back of David's truck. "We're all here in order to help with a massive rescue operation. As most of you probably know by now, my daughter," Regina flinched as his voice cracked on the last word. She felt his pain as equally as he did. David swallowed thickly and attempted to speak again, "My daughter was swept away by the floodwaters a mere few minutes ago during a rescue operation." Regina watched as David met Snow's misting gaze. "She saved a young boy's life, and now? Emma needs our help." David's met those of those in the crowd. "This… is a volunteer only operation. I want to be perfectly clear when I say that this operation will be difficult and dangerous. The water in the river is still rising, and I don't want any of you participating in it unless you are absolutely sure about it."
"I think you can all agree with me when I say that time is the enemy," David said as he grabbed a sharpie and started dividing the map up into quadrants. "The water in the river is freezing cold, and Emma won't be able to survive exposure to it for long," David paused briefly, in order to look up, "That's why I think the best thing to do, in this case, is utilize a divide and conquer strategy." David was thankfully met with a consensus of nodding heads.
"Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing how far down the river Emma has been swept," David breathed as he resumed breaking the map on either side of the river into quadrants. "The water is moving pretty fast, though, so we need a way of getting farther down the river. What I'm going to do is, break all of you up into groups of four. Each group will take these designated GPS coordinates and begin your search of the area as fast as humanly possible." David started labeling each quadrant of the map, and writing out the necessary coordinates. "I'll give each of the group leaders a walkie-talkie, so that if you do find her, you'll be able to alert me and the paramedics."
"We would like to participate in the search, as well," a team of paramedics spoke up. David nodded his assent.
"I have a hound that can help," a man spoke up from the crowd. Regina turned to find the man holding onto the leash of a tracking hound. "His name is Copper, and he's good at tracking anything."
"The water will likely have washed away any trace of her," Ruby spoke up, "But it's worth a shot. I can help track her, too. All I'll need is something that has Emma's scent."
"I can get you something of hers. Just give me a moment," Regina spoke up, before closing her eyes. In a fraction of a heartbeat, Regina had disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and reappeared in her bedroom.
With her breath coming fast in her lungs, Regina rushed over to her bureau, and started rooting frantically through its drawers. She knew that she had something of Emma's somewhere in its confines. The truth is, she'd kept it on purpose, for the nights in which things got particularly hard, and she needed Emma's comforting scent. Regina's hands shook as she tossed aside other items of clothing carelessly. Finally, near the bottom of the drawer she found it. Regina snatched it up in her hand, and stared at it.
It was going to be nearly impossible for her to give it away, but she would if she must. And if it wound up saving Emma's life, she could think of no better reason to give up something so precious..
Regina vanished in a cloud of smoke and reappeared at the front of the crowd. She held out the article of clothing for Charming.
"Here," Regina said with a croak, "It should still smell like her."
"Where- Where did you get that?" Snow asked curiously, as she met Regina's eyes. She sensed that there was something not quite right about the look in Regina's eyes, as she handed over the sweatshirt to Charming. Regina's eyes held far too much emotion, for the brunette's typically reserved browns. Snow didn't want to admit what she saw. After all, there was no possible that Regina was in love with her daughter, was there?
"I…" Regina knew that she couldn't exactly tell the truth, and so she silently decided it would be okay to lie. Just this once. "I let myself into her room. I figured that if anything constituted an emergency that it was this. If she wants to yell at me later for raiding her home, she can. I just - wanted to help."
"Thank you," Snow said as she hugged Regina, wanting to comfort the woman who was currently in so much pain.
And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.
Regina pulled away as quickly as she could manage, but not soon enough. Regina felt a pang of affliction for the woman, as she watched David hand over Emma's shirt to the dog's owner. It was unbearable, having to give away something so precious to her. The man seemed completely unaware of the item's value as he placed it in front of his hound's noise and issued the dog a command. The man handed it off to Archie, who let Pongo sniff it, before it was finally handed to Ruby. The red-head took a sniff of the item, and closed her eyes as she focused all of her attention on the blonde's scent. As she opened her eyes once more, it was to meet Regina's studious gaze.
Regina swallowed hard over the lump in her throat as she recognized the look in the woman's gaze. Regina had no idea how, but the redhead knew. Ruby knew about her and Emma.
Ruby seemed to read the look of excruciating distress on Regina's face, because the woman's gaze seemed to soften. The redhead slowly walked over to Regina and carefully handed over Emma's sweatshirt, returning it to its owner.
"Th-Thank you," Regina whispered. Despite her best efforts to cover it up, she couldn't keep the redhead from hearing the way her voice cracked under her words. The item vanished from her hand as she sent it back to where she had gotten it from.
"I wouldn't want you to lose something so important," Ruby spoke earnestly.
"It's not really mine," Regina attempted to discount the red-head's words, but she knew it was in vein.
"I- I can see how much you care about her," Ruby said so quietly that Regina almost couldn't hear her. Regina felt her head bob rigidly, almost as if it could not be denied no matter how much she tried to fight it.
"Mary Margaret, Regina, Henry, Ruby," David's voice seemed to jar Regina out of the moment. "Do you all wish to volunteer?"
"Do you really have to ask?" Ruby asked smartly as she placed her hands on her hips and gave David and impetuous look. David laughed at this.
"I guess not," David returned, as he held out a wireless walkie for his wife. "You guys will take this quadrant two miles downstream," David told them as he pointed out the appropriate area on the map. "You should be able to take the cruiser to M-20 East, and go from there. Be careful, though. Other roads might be washed out because of all of this rain."
"What about you?" Snow asked.
"I'm going to go with Archie, Grumpy, and Will," David replied. "I trust you guys to take care of eachother."
A half an hour later, Regina, Snow, Ruby, and Henry were in place along the river, making their way South. Regina had pulled on a pair of waders and boots, so that she could trudge through the deep mud on the river's west bank without ruining her clothes. She was barely aware of her surroundings as she continued to stumble her way through the edge of the woods. Her arms and legs were unbearably stiff with the cold, and it took everything in her to ignore the icy and wet breeze that cut her with each gust.
Her thoughts seemed to come too quickly to make sense of them, and Regina pleaded for a respite. It felt like every detail was being engrained into her mind, overloading her with sensation. The sights and sounds, the emotions she was experiencing, it was all too much. She tried to shut it out, in favor of retaining her ability to reason or think critically, but it was a constant battle.
She was just desperate to avoid thinking about what would happen if they couldn't find Emma.
Regina let out a cry as she suddenly felt her magic ripped away from her. Instantaneously, the brunette tumbled forwards, dropping to her knees as she felt an unexpected pain lance through her entire being. Regina reached up to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut, as she let out another hoarse cry. This time the sound was loud enough to reach Snow's ears.
I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.
"Regina?" Snow shouted in concern, as she rushed towards Regina's fallen form. Regina could faintly hear the snapping of branches as Snow carelessly stepped on them in her hurry to get to the brunette.
"Mom?" Henry's worried voice seemed to break through Regina's panic. Regina frantically searched for her magic, desperate to prove to herself that it was still there. Then, finally with a breath of relief Regina felt it spark to life inside of her.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Regina's eyes snapped open to meet Snow's and Henry's concerned gaze.
"I…" Regina whispered as she struggled for breath, a harsh discordant sob escaped as she let fear seize control of her heart, "I can't feel her magic." Regina thrashed on the ground as Snow tried to help her to her feet.
"Whose?" Ruby asked.
"Emma's," Regina said as she met the redhead's gaze. "At first I thought that I had lost my magic, but now I think I merely detected the loss of hers."
"Regina," Snow said softly as she reached out for the brunette once more. "It's going to be okay. I'm sure Emma is…"
"No!" Regina screamed, her pain and temper flaring almost violently, "Don't tell me that it's okay, because it's not! I have always been able to feel her magic, from the very first moment we touched. Always!" Regina hated herself for crying like this. She felt so weak, crying over Emma like this, but she couldn't help it. She was so afraid of what it meant. The fact that she couldn't feel the blonde's magic anymore, lead her to believe that the blonde was no longer alive.
"Regina," Snow would not let herself be deterred by the brunette's coldness, "My daughter is strong. She's a fighter. So whatever you think has happened, I'm here to tell you that it's going to be all right."
"Damn it, Snow," Regina hissed, rebuking the woman who only wanted to help her, "How can you possibly be optimistic at a time like this?"
"Because… someone has to," Snow said as if it were the most obvious answer in the whole wide world.
"Mom," Henry said as he knelt down in front of her, taking Regina's hands in his own as he tried to comfort her. He knew how scared she was, because he was too. "Grandma is right. I know it's hard, but you have to believe. You just have to believe that she's going to be okay."
"But…I'm so scared," Regina finally allowed herself to confess for the first time. She could barely make out the sight of him, through her tears. And yet, she could see him with undeniable clarity. His bright green eyes reminded her so much of Emma, and it was like she can see the blonde staring back at her through Henry's eyes. "I told her I hated her," Regina told him. "And I just…what if it's one of the last things I ever said to her. What if she's gone forever and I don't get to tell her how much I love her? What if - she never knows any differently?"
"She knows. I'm sure Mom knows how much you love her, but I understand exactly how you're feeling right now," Henry said softly, his gaze suddenly full of pain and sadness. "The last time I saw Mom, I said a lot of things I didn't really mean. I- I said them because I was hurt, and because I wanted her to hurt too, but they couldn't have been further from the truth."
"If that's true, then how are you okay right now?" Regina asked.
"Because I have to believe that I'm going to get a chance to tell Mom how much I love her," Henry slowly reached out to wrap his arms around her in a fierce embrace. Regina returned the sentiment wholeheartedly, before she felt him draw back. "Now come on," he implored her, as he offered her a hand, "Mom needs us."
The timing couldn't have been any better, for it was then that their walkie-talkie crackled to life with interference. Regina nearly jumped out of her own skin, as her heart pounded uncomfortably in her own chest. This seemed to enliven and embolden her. She quickly pushed herself to her feet, before assailing the blonde's mother and snatching the walkie-talkie out of Snow's hand. She struggled to make out anything through the sudden static, but she could not. Still, she had a feeling that something important was happening. With deft fingers, Regina started fidgeting with the dial, rapidly scanning the frequencies for any trace of news.
"I've…." Regina's heard Charming's voice cut through the waves of static.
It was nearing dark outside when Pongo pulled himself out of Archie's grasp and started streaking away from them. Charming let out a sharp breath and took off after the black and white Dalmatian, jumping and weaving around logs. His breath came ragged in his lungs as he refused to slow down, struggling to keep the dog in his sights. He continued on like this for a hundred or so yards, before he came to a bend in the river. And there in the shallows, facedown in the water, was his little girl. David skidded to a sudden stop. His breaths seemingly wouldn't come any longer. No words could describe the amount of pain he felt as his eyes took in the scene. He didn't know what he'd expected to find, but this certainly was not it. With a feeble puff of air, Charming forced himself into motion once more, snatching the walkie from his hip as he rushed towards the waters edge. Without care, he stumbled over countless fallen limbs and turned his ankles in shallow depressions in the mud.
"I've got her," David spoke into the walkie as he pressed down the button at his side. By the time he reached the water's edge, he'd found his stride once more. He tore into the shallows, his feet kicking up water as he rushed towards his little girl. By the time he reached her, his entire body was wracking with tremors, as if he couldn't bear the fear any longer and it was boiling over.
With certain gentleness, Charming grabbed Emma under the arms and turned her over. The blonde's lips were tinted blue from the frigid waters. Then, as gently as he dared, Charming started pulling her backwards to the edge of the water.
"I need the paramedics!" Charming shouted into the walkie, just praying that someone was near enough to help him.
"Emma," he almost whimpered the blonde's name as he lovingly stroked the side of her face.
He gently pulled her up onto the shoreline, so that her upper body was out of the water, and leant down low over her chest, pressing a hand to her breastbone. He silently hoped that it would lift in breath, but it did not. Then, Charming leant down over Emma's nose and mouth, praying to feel the wisp of a warm breath on his face, but again he felt nothing. With a sense of dread building, Charming's finger pressed against Emma's pulse point. Emma's heart was not beating.
"No," Charming couldn't keep the sob from escaping. "No, Emma," he begged his daughter, "Please." But he knew that she could not hear him.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
"She's not breathing," Charming spoke into his walkie, his voice broken, "I'm starting CPR now."
Charming reached down to his ankle, pulling the flare gun from his holster. He placed a flare into it, lifted the gun, and pulled the trigger. The flare soared into the air and exploded, streaking the sky with red. This was a signal to anyone else nearby that Emma had been found. He only hoped that the paramedics would find him.
Charming discarded the flare gun and reached for Emma, tilting her head back. Gently he prized open her mouth and dug into it with his fingers. He scooped the mud and silt from her mouth, attempting to clear her airway. It took several tries to get all of the debris out, but eventually he could see the back of her throat. Finally, when he was satisfied that he'd gotten it all, he began his rescue breaths. He breathed into her mouth, pinching her nose with his fingers, as he attempted to breath life back into her.
As soon as he expelled all of the air from his own lungs into hers, he started compressions.
"Come on," David urged breathlessly, "Come on, Emma." He started counting as he brought all of the weight down on his hands. "One, two, three, four, five," David breathed in spurts. He couldn't help but flinch as he felt the cartilage crack under his hands. It hurt him to know that he was likely hurting her, but he also knew that he had to do it. He had to try, even only if for the sake of trying. He had no idea how long she'd been without oxygen, without life, but he had to try to save her. He knew that he would never be able to look Snow or Regina in the eyes again, if he couldn't save her.
He was well into the third round of compressions, when he heard a sound from off to his left. Charming's head turned to the North as he saw paramedics rushing towards him. When they reached him, he forced himself to relinquish his hold on his daughter. It was harder to do than he ever thought it would be. Still, he knew it was for the best.
"Her heart is not beating, I started CPR, but she hasn't responded so far," David told them.
"That's probably a result of Respiratory failure," the paramedic told him. "Given the circumstances, that's not abnormal. We might still be able to get her back," he explained as he started the compressions, once more, while his partner opened the AED.
"We've got to move her completely out of the water," he told his partner, as his eyes found Emma's legs. "We can't shock her like this."
"Alright," we'll move her at the next break. The paramedic continued to count aloud, the number encroaching quickly on thirty. When he finally hit the number, he gave his partner a nod. His partner grabbed a hold of Emma under the arms and pulled her completely onto the river's banks. He dropped her onto the mud, so that his partner could continue compressions while he readied the AED.
After the next round of compressions, the first paramedic placed his fingers on Emma's neck, repeating the gesture David had done earlier. He gave a shake of his head, alerting his partner that there was no change. Emma's heart still wasn't beating. His partner quickly cut open Emma's shirt, and Charming gasped as he saw Emma's bare torso for the first time. He let out an involuntary sound, as his eyes took in the ribs that were seemingly threatening to poke through Emma's skin.
The paramedic grabbed a towel, and with sure movements, dried Emma's chest so that the pads would adhere to her skin. Without delay, he pressed the oval pads onto Emma's chest; one over her breast on the right side, and another on her left, below her arm. Charming flinched as he heard a voice come from the small machine. It said something about analyzing heart rhythms.
"Clear the patient," the first paramedic called out, as he suddenly stopped compressions.
"It'll tell us if there are any shockable heart rhythms," he explained to Charming. "If it wants us to deliver a shock, that's actually good. Because tt means that there's still electrical activity in her heart."
"And if it doesn't?" Charming couldn't help but ask.
"Then we keep doing compressions, and hope that changes," the other paramedic answered as he met Charming's gaze. He waited with baited breath, as they waited for the AED to finish its analysis.
"Why aren't you doing compressions?" he asked finally.
"Because that interferes with the AED's analysis," he told him. "It sort of fools the machine into thinking that her heart is beating, even when it isn't." Charming nodded. He thought that he finally understood.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he heard the AED speak again. It was good news.
"Shock is advised," the machine spoke in a monotone voice, "Charging..." The paramedic resumed compressions as he waited for the machine to charge. He was only to about 16, when an alarm started going off on the devise. It said something about being ready to deliver a shock.
"Clear!" the paramedic called out, as he wrenched his hands from Emma's body, and held them straight up. The other paramedic repeated the command, signifying that he was also clear. He pressed his finger over a flashing button on the device, and Emma's chest shot off the ground as the shock was delivered. The other man didn't miss a beat, as he resumed compressions, delivering two rescue breaths when he got to thirty.
This time, when he went back to compressions something changed. Emma's chest shot off of the ground. Water sprayed from Emma's nose and mouth without warning, as the blonde coughed violently. The blonde's chest heaved up and down, as it raked for much needed oxygen after the blonde's lengthy deprivation. Almost reflexively, one of the paramedics helped Emma sit up so that the blonde could spit up the rest of the water. Seemingly, for the first time in minutes, Charming relaxed. He couldn't help himself as he rushed forwards, pulling the blonde into his arms. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of the blonde's damp head.
"It's okay," he told her as she continued to rake in avaricious breaths. She continued to spit up frothy, almost brown liquid that made Charming's stomach turn unpleasantly. But he tried to tell himself that it was good she was getting it all out. "You're okay," he soothed her as she finally collapsed into him with an exhausted moan. Emma closed her eyes again, too weak to keep them open.
"Thank you," Charming's voice cracked, as he let himself get emotional. Tears escaped from his eyes as he held her tightly in his arms. "Both of you! Thank you so much!"
"Sir," one of the paramedics spoke up. "Look, I know that you don't want to let go of her, but she's still in need of our help." He nodded, and let go of his little girl.
"David?" David's head jerked towards the sound of Snow's voice. His jaw fell open in surprise as he found the brunette. She let out an involuntary wail as her eyes took in the sight of it all.
Snow tried to push forwards, to take Emma's hand, but David rushed to intercept her and pulled her back at the last moment. The paramedics were right. Emma was still in need of their help, and he couldn't let his wife interfere.
They both watched as one of the paramedics unzipped his bag, and started placing leads all over Emma's chest, trying to get a read on just how badly off Emma really was. One thing was clear now, as the first sounds of Emma's heartbeat filled their surrounding. Emma's heart was beating erratically, almost faltering as it tried to beat.
"No," Snow said as she struggled against him. "Please! I have to- I can't just watch. Please, you have to let me hold her hand."
"Shh," Charming started to croon in her ear as Snow fell apart, her heart shattering into thousands of pieces on the ground as she watched. "You have let them work. I know how hard this is. Believe me, I know. But you have to trust them to help her."
Snow continued to let the tears fall as a paramedic started an I.V. line and started running fluids into the blonde at full speed.
"Come on," Snow heard one of the paramedics mutter as he felt at Emma's pulse point again. "Come on." Emma didn't stir.
"Her oxygen stats are dropping," the other paramedic called out, "We've got to get her on oxygen. Now!"
In another few seconds they had a BVM on her, and started delivering a breath every six seconds, helping Emma to breathe.
"Alright, let's get her onto the backboard in - one, two, three," they lifted in complete sync and strapped Emma's lifeless body onto the narrow board so that they could carry her. Snow rushed forwards, straining to grasp Emma's hand. Tears fell from her eyes in a steady stream as she ran alongside the two paramedics.
As they arrived at the ambulance, Charming looked up and his gaze unexpectedly slammed into Regina's dark brown eyes. He stopped breathing as he saw her facade crumble before him. The mayor looked on from where she'd parked the car, and felt her entire world lurch to a sudden stop as she took in the whole scene, with a look of complete helplessness on her features. She could see one of the paramedics breathing for Emma, as he squeezed some sort of bag. She couldn't bring herself to breathe, or to move, as she took in Emma's lifeless body, watching dazedly as the blonde was lifted onto a gurney at the back of the ambulance.
Regina's worst fears took a hold of her. What did all of this mean? Was the blonde even alive?
No, it couldn't be happening. Emma was supposed to be stronger than this.
"Wait," Regina gasped as she rushed forwards, sprinting towards them. She took in Snow's bereavement and feared the worst. "Is… Is she…?"
Snow remained hopelessly mute, her cries coming much to hard and fast to even manage a single word.
"Damn it," Regina cried out in agony. "Would someone please just tell me?!"
"She's alive," Charming told her. "She heart wasn't beating when I found her, but it- it is now…"
"Is she going to be okay?" Regina questioned him, her tone desperate and fearful. "Please, I…I need to know."
"I…I don't know…," Charming whispered with a haunted look in his eyes, "She's still having a problem breathing on her own… That's why they're using the BVM."
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
At hearing him say this, another sob tore it's way past Snow's lips. This cry increased in volume, as Emma's grip was torn from her own and Emma was quickly lifted the rest of the way into the back of the ambulance. Before any one of them could even react, the doors were quickly slammed shut, sealing Emma away inside. Regina felt herself held back, as the ambulance suddenly jolted to life, lurching away from them with its sirens blaring at full blast.
"Come on," Charming spoke calmly as he reached out for their hands. "We should get to the hospital, so that we're there if they need us. Just in case."
Thursday, November 5th, 2:27 p.m.
Storybrooke Hospital
Two hours later, Regina stood immobile outside of Emma's room, her gaze on the glass door unwavering. Henry tugged at her hand, attempting to set her into motion, but her feet seemed to be affixed to the floor. After feeling his persistent tugs, Regina tore her eyes away from the glass, glancing in his direction. Henry looked back at her, searching her eyes for a trace of courage.
"Aren't you going to come in?" he asked hopefully. "Come on, Mom. You know she'll want to see you."
"I- I can't," Regina shook her head, hesitating for the briefest moment.
She couldn't help but feel saddened as Henry's hopeful gaze faltered, and was instead replaced with disappointment.
"Why not?" Henry asked her.
"You know why," She told him. "Look, I…I think that it'll be easier for everybody involved, if I just stay out here," Regina told him. "But you should go ahead. I'm sure she'll want to see you." Henry nodded, placed a gentle kiss to her cheek, and then disappeared inside. Regina stared after him longingly, covetously. Oh how she wished she were brave enough to go inside.
Emma looked up from where she was perched on the edge of the bed as the door opened, and Henry came bursting inside. Emma let out a small breath, the moisture from her mouth fogging the mask still secured over her airways. Emma's eyes were still heavy, and she observed the world around her through an almost hooded gaze. Still, Emma's heart leapt as the tall, sinewy, boy ran to her like he hadn't seen her in years. And Emma supposed that maybe it felt like years since the last time they'd seen eachother. After all, their last conversation hadn't gone well.
"Henry," Emma rasped, as he slammed into her with the force of a bulldozer. Emma shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around the boy, holding him as close as she possibly dared. And for a fraction of a moment, Henry rapturously hugged her back.
"Ma," Henry whispered as he held her just as tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried."
"I know," Emma wheezed. "I was, too, kiddo."
"I- I'm so sorry," Henry said tearfully, as he pulled away to meet her eyes. Emma felt his hands on her cheeks, and she smiled back at him, her eyes filling with tears as she saw just how heartbroken the boy truly was. "About what I said to you, Ma, I-I want you to know that I didn't mean it. I was just so hurt and I let my feelings get the best of me."
"It's okay, Hen," Emma said as she lifted a hand to the boy's face affectionately, "I know. I know you didn't mean it." Emma felt the crushing weight in her chest lessen. "And hey- I want you to know that I'm okay. We're okay."
"She is. She's going to be fine," Whale injected himself into the conversation, as he stood up from his doctor's stool. "We've got her on oxygen and fluids. We're going to give her lots of Intravenous antibiotics in order to prevent any infection from developing." He looked between two sets of bright green eyes, "I'm just going to get the suturing supplies. I'll give you two a minute."
"I love you," Henry said tearfully.
"I love you, too," Emma told him. "Henry, listen, I want you to know that you always come first." Emma hesitated briefly. She was apprehensive about what she had to say. "And so, if- if you don't want me to take the job, I won't."
"That's just it," Henry told her, his eyes holding a wisdom that was beyond his years, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, too, and I think you should take the job, Ma. I was just afraid, because I thought that if you took the job, that it somehow meant that I would never see you. But I know that you would never let that happen."
"I wouldn't," Emma confirmed, "I would never let that happen. Nothing in this earth could possibly keep from you. I love you Henry."
Emma glanced up and over Henry's towering shoulders as she heard the door open once more.
She was surprised when Whale stepped into the room, followed by Charming, and lastly Regina. Emma suddenly felt the air robbed from her lungs, as two chocolate brown pools met her own. Emma suddenly choked over her own saliva as she swallowed, her whole body wracking with coughs, as she struggled to take in oxygen. Emma finally seemed to catch her breath, and with trembling hands pulled the oxygen mask away from her face. Sweat pooled on her forehead in the humid hospital room, as she watched the brunette's uncertain approach.
"Regina," Emma breathed, her voice rough and gritty, "I'm so sorry. I never should have put you in that position. I..." What happened next occurred so fast that Emma's mind couldn't even keep up with it. In fact, it took a moment for the sensation of Regina's assertive lips on hers to really sink in. Emma's eyes fluttered closed out of something close to ecstasy, as Regina's lips crashed against her own. Regina's warm hands, elicited a shiver from her body, as the woman coaxed every bit of feeling out of Emma that she could manage.
Finally, Regina's lips left her own, wanting...needing more. Emma's eyes widened in surprise, as she slowly reached up with the pads of her fingertips to investigate her kiss swollen lips. There, Emma's skin tingled furiously.
"Regina," Emma breathed, as she reached out towards the woman, gently taking her by the hand.
"You scared me," Regina said as tears built steadily in her eyes. Emma watched as emotions rapidly played across the brunette's face. For a fraction of a second, Emma saw something akin to affection in the brunette's eyes, but then, those emotions gave way to something darker...something that scared Emma just a little bit.
"Don't you ever do that to me again," Regina said with a trembling voice. "I swear to God, Emma..."
"I know," Emma interrupted. "I know! I'm so sorry."
"You have no idea, the sort of thing that you just put me through," Regina repeated, unable to hold back the torrent of emotions that was traitorously bringing tears to the brunette's eyes. Emma's features softened as the blonde finally felt like she understood where a lot of the brunette's feelings had come from.
"Regina," Emma said with a softness that she hadn't used towards the brunette in a long time, "I can only imagine what it must have been like for you. And I really am sorry. I swear that I never meant for it to happen this way. Please..." Emma tugged on the brunette's hand, gently trying to get the brunette to come back to her. "Come here," Emma pleaded with the brunette.
"No," Regina said stubbornly as she wrenched her hand from Emma's grasp, much like the way the blonde's had been wrenched from hers only hours before. "I'm sorry. I never should have come in here. This was a mistake. That kiss was a mistake."
"Regina," Emma tried to stand, but her legs failed her and she sank back onto the mattress.
"Don't!" Regina snapped, "Please don't say what I think that you're about to say. I don't want your fucking pity." With that Regina turned away from Emma and stormed towards the door. "It's clear that whatever we used to have is over," Regina told Emma, just before she threw open the door, "I'm done prolonging the inevitable." Regina barreled through the doorway like an unstoppable force and Emma felt all of the air in the room instantly get sucked out after her. Emma took in the whole scene with a look of bewilderment on her features. She had no idea what had just happened, or how the brunette could have gone from kissing her senseless, to cold and detached in less than a few moments.
There could never be a sound quite so loud as when the door slammed shut behind her.
Emma instantly felt Charming's sympathetic gaze directed towards her. Emma met his eyes. "Dad, do you think you could..."
"I'm on it," David promised her before rushing for the door.
Charming practically raced down the hallway after Regina. She just barely managed to avoid flattening a nurse that had unwittingly gotten in her way.
"Regina!" Charming called out after her, as he tried grabbing her from behind. She would have nothing of it. Still, Charming was persistent to say the least. He tried wrapping his arms around her in an attempt slow her down and offer some measure of comfort. However, Regina fought. And she continued to fight against Charming until they were halfway down the hall. Regina couldn't stop the sob from escaping.
"Easy," he said calmly, "Easy, Regina." But the brunette would not stop struggling against him. "I think it would be a good idea for us to get a little air, don't you?"
"Let me go," Regina hissed as she tried to shake off Charming's hands.
"Regina," Charming groaned in her ear as she elbowed him sharply in the ribs, attempting to get him to just let go. "Easy, Regina! Calm down… You really need to calm down."
Regina felt tears fill her eyes and spill over. Regina stopped fighting him, as her body suddenly wracked itself with violent sobs. Regina felt helpless, as all of her emotions suddenly spilled over. Everything that she'd tried to internalize since Emma had slipped from her grasp, suddenly hit her full force. And it was devastating.
"I- I love her," Regina sobbed, as she nearly sank to her knees, "I thought that I lost her… I honestly thought that she was dead. I couldn't feel her magic, and it- it scared the hell out of me Charming. I can't even put into words how scared and devastated I was."
"I know," Charming, said, his voice incredibly soft, as he held her up.
"And she's completely fine," Regina said as she reached up to wipe away her tears, "When I walked into that room, I was so relieved that she was okay that I...I couldn't stop myself!" Regina reached up to press her thumbs to her eyes, in an effort to somehow hold back the tears. But it wasn't working. "God, David. That kiss... was everything that we used to be - before it all imploded. It felt so damned good that I never wanted to stop."
"What's the problem with that?" Charming asked.
"I don't get to feel that anymore," Regina said. "I ruined it. I ruined us." Charming did the only thing that he could and hugged Regina from behind.
"I have a feeling that Emma feels much the same way as you do. Maybe if you tried talking to her about it, she would tell you as much," David suggested.
"No."
"No?"
"I- I'm so angry!" Regina burst out. "God...what is...what is wrong with me?"
"Nothing," David told her. "Regina, absolutely nothing is wrong with you. It's a normal reaction to an extremely stressful situation."
"But it's wrong!" Regina argued. "I...I don't get to feel like this. She's the one who nearly died. I don't get to be mad at her for that!"
"Regina, look at me!" David told her gently. "No...I mean it. Really, look at me."
"No one should ever try to tell you how you should feel," David told her. "If you feel angry, then that's okay. But - maybe taking that anger out on Emma right now would be a little unfair. I understand that you're hurt. You were scared that you'd lost her, and I was too. But, you also need to understand that Emma - she's sorry, Regina. And a lot of this was just as out of her control, as it was yours. She was just doing her job. She saved that boy."
"I know!" Regina cried out in exasperation, "I- I'm sorry," Regina squeezed her eyes shut.
"It's okay, Regina," Charming said as she slackened in his hold. "Well, it's not okay, but it's okay," Charming let out his own huff of exasperation. "Ugh, I think you know what I mean. Look, I'm sure she knows that you didn't mean to hurt her."
"What am I going to do?" Regina asked him.
"Just be yourself, Regina," Charming told her. "Go in there and talk to her. There's no reason to hide anymore. She already knows the real you. I'm sure she'll understand where you were coming from. She can't blame you for being hurt. You nearly lost her."
"I don't think I can face her," Regina said as she shook her head.
"Yes, you can," Charming argued. "You love her, Regina. And, I think you need to be with her right now. You need to see that she's okay with your own eyes."
A/N: So this was a bit dark in places, and a bit lighter in others. Hopefully, it moved back and forth between them in a realistic way. I do like Regina and Charming's interactions, and hope that you did too.
Please let me know what your thoughts are. Reviews always help me determine areas where I need more clarity and concision in my writing!