For The Thrill Of It
Chapter Twenty One: Bloody Knuckles
Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Kristen Shaw. She is of my own design
She punched the canvas bag in front of her, feeling the inside of the glove scrape against her knuckle in protest. She'd been doing this for a while now, so it was about time she began feeling it.
It'd been about a week since she'd seen Kirk make off with the red head. She'd been angry for about seven hours when she realized that she'd never been that girl; she'd never been the girl who got upset when she didn't get the boy. She was the tough as nails, suck it up and survive no matter what gets thrown your way girl. Yeah, it sucked that James had run off with someone else and yeah, it sucked how she felt but it wasn't the end of the world. Far worse things had happened to her before, and she'd gotten through them. That's who she was, and it seemed as if since she'd met Kirk she'd lost sight of that and turned into someone she didn't want to be. She'd lost her way somewhere and now she was destined to get it back. She was Kristen Alexandra Shaw; an independent, stubborn, sarcastic, tough as nails 23 year old who could do anything she set her mind to. She needed to get back to that.
"Cadet Shaw, you are requested in Transportation" the computer said from above, breaking her from her revere. She halted the bag from swinging, her breathing heavy and laboured as she backed up from the sack, tearing her gloves off to reveal scraped and slightly bloody knuckles. She grimaced, extending out all of her fingers before making a fist, flexing the skin as she headed towards the door.
"What's up?" she asked as she strode into the Transport room a few minutes later, her internal temperature manageable after the work out she'd just undergone. She was dressed in her loose black shorts and a black tank, feeling considerably under dressed as she walked into a room full of dressed officers.
"Aye, we're having a little bit of trouble with the transporter Cadet. It seems someone's tampered with the system, is that correct?" Monty asked, looking up from the control panel with his head set on, one eye coloured orange by his ocular view screen.
"Yeah" she said, nodding. She looked around the room and her eyes swept across James, making eye contact with him for a few seconds before looking back at Monty. She'd seen him around over the past seven days but she'd kept mainly to herself, focussing on work instead of him. Now that she was in Engineering, it was easy to avoid him. She felt something faint within her ping, but she easily ignored it.
"So you've altered technology that has been patented and proven useful by Starfleet?" James asked, speaking up. She looked backed at him and nodded, her face still plain.
"Yeah"
"You've modified a program that systematically transfers sentient beings from one location to another after two months of service?" Spock interrupted this time, her eyes going to him this time
"Yeah"
"Why the bloody hell would you do that?" Monty exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration as he just shook his head, staring at her incredulously.
"Ensures accuracy. Decreases the chance of losing people or body parts if the person moves. Faster transfer, faster they can get here, less of a chance of losing them" she said, laying it out in plain English as she moved to the control screen, her hands taping a few keys before she brought up the program's core function, showing him the subroutine she wrote.
"Oh. How'd you do that?" Monty inquired intriguingly, Kristen watching as his eyes swept over her programming, receiving a few nods of appreciation as he understood what she'd done.
"Amped up the particle accelerator, gave it some more power. Changed out the old biometric sensors for new ones" she explained before moving back towards the door, turning around as soon as she got there
"How much faster did you get it?" Kirk inquired, Kristen looking over at him again.
"I got it about a half second faster, but you can probably get it better. I ran into some calculations that I didn't know how to do so I had to scale my original plan back" she explained, crossing her arms over her chest. She saw his eyes go to her hands so she dropped them back to her side, crossing them behind her back.
"We done here?" she asked a few seconds later with aggression, looking at all of them expectantly.
"I believe so. Well done, Cadet. This is remarkable" Monty said, looking up approvingly as he grinned, giving her a nod before going back to the control panel.
She nodded back to him once and then turned to leave, her feet taking her robotically to the lift. She heard the rapid fall of running footsteps follow her out of the room and then the smell of his cologne filled her nose, revitalizing her senses almost instantly.
"Hey there" he said, coming to a halt beside her. She looked up and over at him and smiled meekly before turning her attention back towards the lift.
"Hi" she replied keeping herself stony. She had herself on lock down, inside and out.
"What happened to your hands?" he asked a few seconds later, cutting to the chase. She kept her arms at her side as she turned to him again, glancing at him for a half second before going back to the lift.
"It's nothing, just trained a little too hard today" she replied with honesty, the lift doors opening in front of them as they both stepped in, Kristen pressing her level as James hit the bridge button.
"I figured you'd go back to the bag after what happened. Seems to be your coping mechanism" he said quietly, the ping in Kristen panging again.
"Actually you know what? I just forgot, I have to go over something with Monty for tomorrow" she replied back automatically, stepping swiftly off the lift and back down the aisle, hearing his protest get cut off as the doors slid shut, silencing him.
She came to a halt as she heard the lift zoom up and away, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes. She needed to get back to who she used to be and it was a lot easier to do that when he wasn't around bringing stuff up she didn't want to think about. She'd buried what had happened between them soon after it'd happened and turned her attention to other things. She didn't need him bringing up the fact that she'd been played for a fool, twice, by the same guy who was only interested in her for what she wasn't willing to give him; her trust and her virginity. And she didn't need him reminding her that that guy had been her.
After settling herself down she took the lift up to her room, showering and attempting to bandage her hand before giving up, knowing that she had to go see McCoy to make sure it didn't get infected. She pulled on her red cadet dress and swung her long, mahogany hair into a loose braid, walking out of her room and heading towards the sick bay.
"Hey McCoy, you got that bed I reserved?" she joked as she strode in, leaning against the door frame as he looked up from the arm of an Ensign he was stitching.
"Funny. Take a seat" he ordered, gesturing with his eyes for her to hop up on the bed beside him.
"So how you been, Leo? Feels like I haven't seen you in a while" she noted a few seconds later as he finished stitching the Ensign, taking off his rubber gloves and turning on his stool to face her.
"Because you haven't" he said without looking up, putting on a new pair of gloves as he pulled her hands off her legs where they'd been resting, as if he'd been expecting her. She felt a dull pain, one that hadn't really left since she'd seen Kirk today, deep in her chest in realization. He must have warned McCoy.
"Yeah, that's probably true. You've been really busy with all of the data you got from the Kobali; how's that going anyways?" she inquired, brushing the thought of Kirk intervening out of her mind as the Doctor surveyed her wounds with a critical eye.
"That's not it and you know it, Kristen. What the hell happened?" he said, looking up from her hands finally as the critical look continued as he stared at her.
"What do you mean?" she said, giving him a curious look before turning her attention towards his medical tray, moving to pick up a pair of tweezers but having her hand batted away by McCoy.
"Don't play dumb with me, Shaw. What the hell happened?" he pressed further, glaring at her now. She succumbed to his scrutiny and then just shrugged, looking down at her injured hands.
"I don't want to talk about it" she mumbled, hoping to leave it at that but knowing that wouldn't suffice.
"I could care less about what you do or don't want to talk about. So I'm going to ask again. What the hell happened?" he continued, his voice raising as he abandoned her hands.
"What the hell does it matter?" she asked aggressively, bringing her eyes off of her hands and to him, glaring right back at him now.
"What does it matter? I'll tell you why it matters. It matters because the Captain of this ship, the Captain whose job it is is to keep all of us safe, is walking around here like he's catatonic. Now I don't know about you, but a catatonic Captain is not exactly the kind of Captain I want flying my ship" McCoy bit to her, pushing back from her bed as he continued to survey her critically.
"That's not my problem. Can you just bandage my hand please?" she pleaded, showing him her bruised and wounded knuckles.
"Not until you answer my question" he said, standing firm as he went so far as to remove his gloves, folding his arms over his chest.
"Huh?" she asked, confused.
"I'm not bandaging your hand until you answer my question" he said, remaining firm in his stance on his stool.
"Isn't that illegal?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow to him that he just waved off.
"Probably, but then again I am the Chief Medical Officer on this ship so what I say usually goes" he pressed, standing firm.
"So?" he continued, giving her a harshly critical look.
"McCoy, come on" she pleaded, willing with him to let it go. She wasn't going to talk about what had happened, especially with the Captain of Team Kirk.
"No, you come on. What the hell did you do to him?" he said, narrowing his eyes as he shook his head once or twice to the side.
"What did I do? He thinks its my fault?" she asked in incredulity, gesturing to herself as she narrowed her eyes at him this time in disbelief.
"He doesn't think anything now a days. All I know is that we get back from the Kobali home world and its like you want nothing to do to him. Care to explain?" he inquired, cocking his head to the side as he looked at her, demanding an answer just with his eyes.
"No, actually. I don't. God, I don't need this. I'll do this myself" she said, sliding off the bed and moving over to the medical cabinet, taking what she needed.
"See, now what you're doing right now is illegal" he said from his stool, Kristen pulling bandages, disinfectant, and spider web bandages to close the gaps. She'd just finished pulling everything from the cabinet, glaring over her shoulder at him.
"It's what I do, McCoy. I do what I need to to get by, it's kind of my thing. So forgive me if I could care less about what is legal or not" she bit, going over to a bed and dumping all of her things there, ripping packages open as she watched him watch her.
"All he's ever done is care, Kristen"
"Yeah, that's his issue. Too much caring. About me, about Emily, about that red head I saw him with last week" she scoffed, shaking her head as she laughed before going back to her hands.
"What red head?" McCoy asked, intrigued at her words.
"The red head he took back to his room the day after we got in our fight" she said, abandoning her hands and looking over at him, her eyes pointed and expectant.
"He took a red head back to his room?" he asked, now confused as his eyebrows rose slightly.
"Yeah, I saw them leave the mess hall together"
"They could have gone anywhere" he pointed out, calling out the nagging logical thought she'd been thinking about all week whenever she caught herself thinking about him.
"Please. They went back to his room" she scoffed, shaking her head again. It was the James T Kirk they all knew; of course they went back to his room.
"And you know that for a fact?" he pressed, turning himself towards her as he rose from his stool, his arms still crossed.
"Where else would they go?" she asked, giving him yet another expectant look with her eyes.
"Answer my question. Did you follow them where they went? Have you asked him?" the Doctor pressed again, taking a step towards her.
"Oh, yeah. Great conversation opener, don't you think? Hey, I know I have trust issues based around the fact that you're a man whore but by the way, did you have sex with that red head I saw you leaving with the other day?" she sneered, rolling her eyes at the Doctor in sarcasm.
"Well, I'm sure if you asked him politely..." he replied back, Kristen rolling her eyes yet again.
"Besides the point. I didn't ask because I didn't need any other reassurance" she said, shooting him down as she looked back down at her hands.
"Look Kristen, I'm not saying that he didn't take her back to his room, but I still think you should –"
"Just stop, McCoy. I love the fact that you're sticking up for James, but I don't need the He's a great guy speech from you again" she sniped, holding up a hand threateningly before looking back down at her medical kit in front of her, ripping open another bandage.
"Fair enough. Let me help you with that before you kill yourself" he muttered, coming over as he put back on his gloves to help her out, giving her one of his rare smiles. She hopped back up on the bed, letting him work in silence as she continued to push back all the stuff she'd locked away this past week.
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"What'd you do to your hands?"
Kristen looked up from her dinner, smiling to Nyota as she watched her friend set down a tray of food in front of the seat opposite of her on the table, sitting down across from her.
"Just a few bad punches to the bag" she explained, gingerly touching her bandaged knuckles.
"Imaging it was Kirk's face?" Nyota joked, taking a gulp of water as Kristen just winced.
"Too soon" she grimaced, making a face that Nyota just frowned at.
"Sorry. If it helps any, he's been less...friendly as of late" the communications officer offered before biting into the sandwich on her plate.
"That doesn't help, but thanks anyways" Kristen said, giving a weak smile before going back to spooning peas across her plate.
"Do you think about him a lot?" Uhura asked after a few short seconds of silence, withdrawing Kristen's attention.
"Unfortunately every day. But then I remember everything else and I push him from my thoughts" she explained, giving a broader smile before it faltered, Kristen thinking of him again before pushing him away, refusing to go there.
"I'm sorry. We can hack into the database and see who the bitch is and then tag her door?" Nyota offered, looking up hopefully from her sandwich in such a way that Kristen just had to laugh.
"Nyota, seriously. I'm fine, I'm over it" she said a few seconds later, keeping the smile on her face.
"That's the scary part, you seem fine. You just had your heart broken and you're fine" Nyota exclaimed, giving her a pointed look before shaking her head.
"I've never been that girl. Yeah, it fucking sucked but worse shit has happened then some guy only chasing me for sex" she offered, taking a sip of her water bottle.
"Like?"
"Like stuff I'm trying to let go of" Kristen finished, avoiding it with such profession even she was impressed.
"Let me ask you something. Did you love him?" Uhura asked a few seconds later, Kristen frowning at her. She'd never thought about love.
"I don't know. How do you know if you love someone?" she asked naively, looking at Nyota with intrigue. She'd been so caught up with all the trust drama she'd never stopped to think about what the intensity of her feelings had meant.
"It's different for everyone. For me its wanting to jump the person's bones every second of every day and for Spock it's the fact that I can listen to him talk or watch him communicate and see more emotion in him than I see from other people. But it's like I said. Different for everyone" Nyota explained, taking another bite of her sandwich after.
"Doesn't really matter now though, does it" Kristen muttered a few seconds later, running a hand through her wavy hair before shaking her head.
"It matters a lot, actually. Because if you love him, you look past the fact that he's a playboy and you just be with him, because I can tell he loves you back" Nyota said, taking her by surprise.
"What? Ny, a week ago you were telling me he couldn't be trusted!" she exclaimed, giving the comm. Officer a crazed look with her eyes to emphasize her confusion. Nyota had just Ninja-ed her brain with one very comment.
"And now I'm telling you that ever since you and him called it quits, he's been sulking around this ship. He's way more moody and withdrawn than I've ever seen him and I think it's because you're not longer in his life." Nyota said, finishing up her sandwich as she pushed the now empty tray away.
"What the hell am I suppose to do, Ny. One day he's Public Enemy No.1 and now he apparently loves me. Fuck, this is confusing" she grumbled, wanting to rip out her hair in frustration.
"I'd start with talking to him. Regardless of whether or not you love him, I have a feeling there's a lot you want to say to him for what he did. And I don't think you're ever fully going to be over it until you say it" Nyota finished, giving Kristen one final expectant look before rising, leaving her alone for what felt like the infinite time in the mess hall as she thought about her life and what had become of it.
She was determined to go back to the person she used to be, but she knew Nyota was right. She had to deal with James first before she could ever move on.
((Author's Note: A few people mentioned in reviews that they're loosing interest in Kristen, and I don't blame anyone for thinking that way or for thinking this story has lost some of its steam. I lost interest in this story but I think I've gotten it back. I'd like to thank everyone who's sticking by me firmly, it means so much to have continuous support despite the obvious lack of interest in the past few chapters. I'm bringing Kristen back; I'd some how turned her into this emotional being but that's not who I intended her to be. She's the tough as nails, arrogant, smart mouthed, sarcastic girl I wrote about in the first fifteen chapters. That's who she is, and that's who I'm taking her back to. Anyways, let me know what you think of the chapter and expect a new update within two days, at least. Updating everyday, albeit nice for everyone, I think is what caused me to lose interest. But no fear; I'm coming back slowly. Thanks again everyone))