Chapter Twenty One
Natalie grabbed her purse and went to her office door, before she could walk out she was interupted by Gigi..
"Hey so i was thinking maybe tonight could be Karoke night, boys against girls, Rex is in , how about you and Cris" she smiled big and Natalie sighed..
"not a good time Gi" she said uncomfortably..
"why not we havent done it in ages, i mean if you need someone to watch Emma im sure your mom would love to, or even Cris's mom" Gigi began to carry on, natalie felt like the bad friend all over again, Gigi had no idea what was going on, that anything was going on..
Natalie walked across the room, she faced the window as she took a deep breath...
"Nat whats wrong, is it the trial, i know you went did it go ok?" she had concern in her voice..
"Its not the trial Gi that was fine, my part is done" she said honestly, she still couldnt face her..
"then what is it, Nat whats going on" Gigi walked in front of her now and Natalie swallowed hard..."nat?"
"he's back" was all she could say as Gigi looked at her confused and then her eyes got wide..
"as in the jerk who broke your heart"
Natalie walked away from her.."it wasnt totally his fault" she began to make excuses..
"oh my god Nat dont tell me that your falling for his shit again" Gigi made Natalie face her.."nat tell me your not" she looked into Natalie's eyes.."No Nat no...you and cris are good, you have a baby together, this guy...Nat he is bad news" Gigi was upset and Natalie couldnt even begin to explain anything to Gigi, mainly cause she had left out the huge detail, Gigi had no idea that Emma was Johns, she like everyone else thought it was Cris's, it was just easier that way..
"gigi i really dont want to do" she looked at her watch.."there is somewhere i need to be"
"are you going to him? Are you? What about Cris" she began to get loud as she looked at natalie..
"what about him huh...i care about him i do but i dont love him Gi, you know that" Natalie said defensively..
"but you love him, right...after everything he did how could you even stand to look at him" Gigi snapped..
"he wasnt the only one in the wrong here" Natalie began and Gigi cut her off..
Laughing sarcastically she said.."Oh please i dont buy that crap i watched what he did to you, he made you feel like shit"
"i know you wont understand Gi but...but he was hurting too" Natalie said low..
"Oh great is that what he is telling you,...im gonna kick his ass" Gigi snapped loudly..
"stop it Gi, ok..just stop" Natalie yelled finally..
"i really cant believe your gonna do this Nat, Cris is a good guy, a damn good guy" Gigi began..
"You dont think i know that, you dont think i feel like shit as it is" Natalie snapped back, the stress and pressure of everything getting to her, she felt like her walls were caving in..
"he hurt you Nat, this is wrong, very very wrong" Gigi held her ground..
"i wasnt asking for your permission" Natalie said low as Gigi looked at her with wide eyes..
"wow... wow Nat" she said with shock and disappointment as she turned from Natalie..
"i cant explain everything to you Gi, i just cant, not right now" she looked at her watch again..
"you know what just forget it, throw away everything for this loser, be my freaking guest" Gigi yelled as she walked out, slamming the door in Natalie's face..
She sighed deep, she might as well get use to it cause alot of people will be feeling the same way soon enough, she moved to the door and left, she had something to tell John..
John used his aggression to throw darts as he drank, he didnt even know why he was waiting for her but he was, he was suppose to be mad but seeing her, god he hated himself that he couldnt find it in himself to hate her..
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
He kept missing his shot as he played, the song in the background was affecting him..
So if you love me let me go Deliver me into my fate
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can?t destroy what isn?t there
If I?m alone I cannot hate
I don?t deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
Something changed in the air and it made him look at the door and there she was, her eyes locking in on his..She felt nervous as she stepped inside, he was standing by the dartboard and it was like he knew she came in cause he looked right at her, she almost felt frozen as she stood there, she could do this she kept telling herself as she walked over to the bar and ordered a beer, quickly she took a sip, she would need it..
John hated how his torturous eyes stared at her body in amazement, she was dressed simple, like he had seen her earlier at the park, just a pair of black slacks on and a button down shirt, form fitting though and a few buttons undone, he couldnt help but remember what she looks like without all those clothes on, she looked nervous and scared, she had something to tell him, he assumed it was something to do with Cris but then again why should he care, he shouldnt even be in lanview still..
I still press your letters to my lips So save your breath, I will not care I only wish you weren?t my friend
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn?t face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
I think I made it very clear
You couldn?t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
Natalie took her beer over by him, the song playing was oddly reflecting of her life and this situation, she took a deep breath as he picked up his beer and took a sip as she neared him..
So break yourself against my stones And I won?t listen to your shame
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
You ran away, you?re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don?t ever let me know
If you still care don?t ever let me know
"hey" she said nervously as she stood there, he kind of just nodded at her, he wasnt sure what to say, he didnt trust his mouth to speak..."i didnt know you played darts" she said as she tried to find a way to say, just say it damn it , she kept thinking to herself..
"i havent played in awhile" he said honestly as he pulled the darts from the board and he looked at her.."do you play" he couldnt believe he was making small talk, he was suppose to hate her!
"sometimes" she smiled softly as her body screamed at her, he looked absolutely delicious, he had changed, she noticed, he wore faded jeans and a white tank top that hugged his very muscular frame, he looked wonderful..
"so um" he ran his hand nervously through his hair.."Im gonna head back tonight" he was totally lying, he knew it but he couldnt help it..
"Oh" she swallowed hard as her mind screamed to her, tell him damn it!
"well atleast AC is nice this time of year" she said nervously, she hated that she couldnt even say the damn words she wanted to.."Um so i um...i wanted to say" her voice shook as she looked at him..
"just before you say whatever it is your gonna say, can i say something" he cut her off and she took a deep breath..
"its kind of important" she swallowed hard..
"so is what i have to say" he said as he stood there, he honestly didnt even want to hear that she was moving on with Cris after all, cause thats what he assumed she was going to say, he was already going back to AC broken there was no need to pour salt on the wound..
"Ok, you first" she finally said as she sipped her beer nervously..
"wow this really sucks right now" he said honestly as he ran his hand through his hair and quickly finished his beer.."Im usually pretty good with words" he began..
She took a deep breath.."maybe you should just let me go first" she was losing her nerve and quick, her heart was pounding dangerously fast in her chest..
"damn it natalie can you just let me talk" he said a bit loud as he shook his head.."You never let me finish"
"Ok" she held her breath as she looked at him..
"natalie I" he began as his phone went off and he huffed..."youve got to be kidding me" he sighed with frustration as he saw it was his boss from AC calling..
"you should probably just answer that" she said quickly..
He sighed and answered.."Mcbain" he turned from her as he spoke.."what? How?" she heard anxiety fill in his voice.."and what are they doing about it" he began to yell.."No! No i cant believe this" he yelled again as he began to pace, now she began to worry as she looked at him..And then she saw it, his face turned pale and he looked at her.."are you sure" he was breathing heavy as he looked at her.."im heading there now" he said as he hung up and she was almost to scared to ask what had happened, but she didnt have to, he did.."carlo broke out of custody" her eyes got wide..
"what? How, how is that possible!" she said with shock as her blood ran cold..
"They were transporting him, he set up an ambush, i dont know...that doesnt matter" he seemed frantic, and he was...
"what do you mean that doesnt matter, where the hell is he" she began to tremble slightly..
"i dont know but i know where he is headed" he swallowed hard as he looked at her, she saw it in his eyes and she felt like she couldnt breath..
"you dont think he is coming here, do you" she had fear in her voice, he was coming for her, she thought about Emma and she began to freak out.."i gotta get Emma, i gotta get her and get out of here" she said frantically as he grabbed her arms gently..
"just relax ok, he wont hurt you" he began and she laughed sarcastically..
"he is on the loose, he's gonna kill me, i saw the way he looked at me in the courthouse, oh my god" she covered her mouth as she stood there, in shock..
"Listen to me, take Emma and go to your parents, they have alot of security there" he said as calmly as he could..
"ok ok...but what if" she began as he held her arms and stared her straight in the face..
"i wont let him hurt you, i promise you that" his eyes held truth and the he pulled her against him and hugged her tight.."now go,...get Emma and go to your parents, im going to see your Uncle" he said as he pulled back, she was crying now.."You need to keep it together ok" all she could do was nod her head, his heart was pounding heavily in his chest, he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.."go...Now" he said a bit more urgently and she took off running out of Rodi's, John immediately grabbed his phone and began to dial her Uncles number, the sound of his boss's voice in his head taunted him..
"thats not all John, when they searched his cell they found something, a picture of Officer Buchanan, she had a little baby in her arms, it was a newspaper article or something but there was a heart around the baby's head"
John felt sick at the idea as he waited for Bo to answer his damn phone, he was already running out to his car as he did so..
Natalie had broke every law of the road as she drove frantically to her house, she couldnt believe this was happening, Carlo was on the loose and the idea frightened her more than she would care to admit, she still had nightmares about him even after all this time, she pulled behind cris's car which was in the driveway, she knew she would look like a mad woman to him but she didnt care, she needed to feel safe, at her parents she would be..
As soon as she stepped inside her breath got caught in her throat, furniture was thrown about, glass broken, she was sure her heart stopped beating for a second as she stood there..
"CRIS!" she yelled.."EMMA!" she ran frantically, stopping at Emma's room which the door was partially open, she pushed on it and it stopped, she looked down and saw why as Cris laid covered in blood, gasping for life.."Oh my god Cris" she dropped to her knees and looked at him, he was dying, she quickly jumped up and saw the empty crib.."Oh my god, Cris where's Emma" she dropped to him again as he faded in and out..
His voice was muffled and he spit out blood as he lay there, he was whispering something, and now she was crying..
"Oh my god Cris please tell me, where is Emma" she said frantically as she leaned down..
"They got her" he managed to say as her heart crashed into her chest.."I tried...i tried to stop them" his words came out with heavy breaths, he had numerous stab wounds to his chest and she began to cry hysterically..
"Oh my god!' she cried out as she grabbed her phone with shaky hands, dialing it as blood smeared her phone, she saw it all over herself, she was hysterical as he answered..
John saw her calling as he sped to the Lanview Police Department, he answered quickly, waiting to feel relieved that they got to her parents house ok but instead he heard frantic and hysterical crying.."natalie! Natalie where are you" he skidded his car to a stop, she couldnt even talk as she cried.."are you at home" his heart was racing as he waited for her to answer, she was absolutely freaking out..
"yes yes...please...she's...she's gone" she finally managed the words from her hysterical mouth, he thought he had heard her wrong, he quickly did a u turn and sped to her house..Cris's hand touching her arm made her jump as she sat there next to him crying uncontrollably..
"Im sorry" Cris mumbled as his grip got weaker and weaker, tears staining his face.."i tried" he said as his hand dropped from her and she looked at him..
"cris,...no...Cris...oh my god cris" she tried to apply pressure to his wounds, but there was so many of them, he was literally in a pool of his own blood, she tried to feel a pulse and nothing, his eyes looked to the ceiling but there was emptiness behind them, she finally screamed out in the room, the echo's going through the house and outside..
John had never been so scared in his life as he pulled up to her house, the front door was open and he grabbed his gun and ran to the door, looking inside he could see the place had been trashed, he carefully manuevered his way through with his gun out, he could hear sobs coming from a room and he followed the sound, thats when he saw her, on the ground with Cris, blood was everywhere, she jumped when she heard the door open..
"hey hey its ok, just me" John tried to reassure her as he looked down at Cris then at Natalie, he quickly leaned down to feel a pulse as Natalie cried and cried..Cris was dead.."natalie where's Emma?" he asked as his heart raced...
She grabbed onto John and broke down against his chest, hysterical and frantic.."i dont know, they got her...he said they got her" she repeated Cris's words as she panicked, John immediately dialed 911.
Natalie had to be sedated by the time the ambulance got there, she was completely flipping out and hyperventilating, even trying to fight John so she could leave to find Emma, her house was completely taped off and only the pool of blood remained as John stood in the doorway of the nursery, he was in complete cop mode, he had to be, her uncle was there as well..
Forensics had come and were sweeping the place for prints, all they had to go by was Natalie's ramblings but they hadnt made sense but they all knew what had happened, this was the work of Carlo and he was definitely hell bent on making Natalie and John pay, he couldnt even think of her daughter with that mad man, it made him sick, just as sick as he felt looking down at Cris's blood on the nursery floor..
"we have all of our available officers on the look out" Bo said as he neared John but he didnt look up at him.."one of the neighbors said she saw a black sports car earlier" Bo tried to remain calm but he was having a hard time doing so..
"bo cut the bullshit we both know who did this" John snapped at him.."he has Emma and i dont even want to think about" John trailed off as he stared back at the floor..
"were thinking positive here Agent, Carlo is a sick man but not that sick" Bo was almost trying to reassure himself..
"he had his men grabbed a defenseless baby" john barked loudly..He would find carlo and tear him apart with his bare hands! He stormed past Bo, he was angry.."Im going to see natalie" he said as he walked outside, he had to see her, he had to see if she was ok..
Natalie felt like she was in a fog as her family and doctors came into the room, she didnt know what happened but she couldnt move, she felt drugged and all she could do was lay there and stare at the ceiling, she felt like she was trapped in a dream or better yet a nightmare, she could hear people talking and their passing bodies but she couldnt grasp anything else..
John got to the hospital in a hurry, he was worried about her, she was given a heavy sedative and the way she looked at him when they stuck the needle in her arm killed him, she looked scared to death but she needed it, she was literally losing it and was becoming a danger to herself and possibly others..
He saw her brother and Gigi standing outside the hospital room and he neared them, Gigi's eyes got wide as she rushed over to him,she looked pissed.."YOU.. you did this!" she struck him with her fists and he stumbled back not expecting the attack as Rex grabbed Gigi and pulled her back trying to calm her..
"babe its not worth it" Rex said as he held Gigi against him..
"He is dead cause of you and Emma is missing, you should of never came here, NEVER!" Gigi cried as she yelled..
Rex ushered Gigi away as John stood there, guilt washing over him, had he done this by coming to Lanview, if he had stayed in AC could he have stopped this from happening? He ran his hand through his hair as her parents came out of the room, looking surprised as they saw him..
"agent i didnt know you were in town" Clint said quickly, it was apparent that her mother had been crying, she excused herself quickly to get a cup of coffee.
"I just want you to know Sir that we are following every lead we can, we will find him" he said seriously..
"we just want our grandbaby back safe and sound, with Cris gone" his words trailed off as sadness overcame him..
"Im sorry for your loss" John said honestly, he didnt want it to come down to this, Cris had died trying to save Emma, it affected him more than he would ever admit..
Clint nodded at him and then went to find his wife as John stood outside the door and then he slowly went in, she was laying in the bed, the sorriest sight he had ever seen, she was out of it..
He made his way over to her and brushed a piece of her hair out of her face.."im so sorry Natalie" guilt consumed him as he stroked her hair and her eyes began to open..
"John" came out as a whisper as she looked at him through tiny slits..
"yeah its me" he said softly as he looked at her..
"you gotta...you gotta find your...your daughter" she said just above a whisper as her eyes fought to stay open..
John felt incredibly bad, she apparently thought he was Cris even though she had said John, he brushed her hair back some more.."were gonna find her Natalie, i promise" he said softly..
"she...she needs you...she ..she needs her ...daddy" she said breathless as her eyes closed and he swallowed hard, she definitely was delusional, he kissed her forehead..
"Im gonna bring her back to you, i promise" he said as he looked at her and she fell back asleep..
It was about two hours until she finally began to come around and face reality, all she knew is that she hurt, physically, mentally, emotionally, she moved some in the bed and she heard a noise from across the room and she tried to focus on the person walking towards her, she finally did..
"John?" she said with confusion as she looked at him, her body tensed as she shot up in the bed.."Emma where is Emma" she said frantically as john put his hand on her arm..
"were looking for her" he said softly..
"But your here, how can you be looking for her when your here" she began to panic again..
"natalie you need to calm down, if you dont they will drug you again, please..i need you to be strong" his words hit her in the gut..
"But john, she is out there...my baby is out there" she began to sob and he pulled her against him..
"I know and were gonna find her, we will" he didnt even know if he entirely believed that but he was gonna die trying that much he did know..
"and Cris..he didnt...he didnt make it did he" she already knew the answer to that and his look confirmed that..
"im sorry Natalie" he felt horrible for her..
"he didnt deserve that, he didnt" she cried and John went to hold her again.."No" she pushed him back and he looked at her surprised, shocked really.."you wont even want to touch me after i tell you this" she said seriously..
"natalie i dont know what your talking about" he said with confusion as she wiped her eyes but she kept crying..
"thats your daughter out there, she's yours John" she finally blurted it out with tears as he looked at her, he didnt think he understood her..
"Natalie listen they gave you some pretty heavy drugs" he began and she shook her head..
"i know what i am saying damn it... John she is yours, emma is yours!" she cried out now as he looked at her, his heart beginning to race..
"no...natalie she is yours and Cris's" he said with confusion..
"Oh god why do you have to make this so hard" she cried, he really didnt understand what she was saying, she looked at him.."emma is yours, not cris's.. i was pregnant with your baby" she cried as he still looked at her confused..
"no...how..there's no way natalie" he said in shock, he couldnt comprehend this..
"I lied to you about a lot of things, she is yours i can assure you that much" she covered her face and he felt his chest get heavy as her words went through him.."im a horrible person, i wanted to tell you so bad and i almost did but i called and Cait answered,...i...i freaked out, hung up...i couldnt" she cried with her face covered, he got up now, running his hand through his hair..
"No... she cant be...i mean i saw her.. i did...and she" his words trailed off as natalie finally looked at him, the realization that was in her eyes almost made him fall down as he looked at her..
"im so sorry"she said with tears...
He walked to the window and stared out, he felt like he was going to pass out.."She's mine?" he needed to say it outloud.."thats my daughter?" he looked at her with tears in his eyes, all Natalie could do was nod yes as she looked at him, she knew it was coming, he was going to rip her apart, she could see it.."But Cris" he began but then stopped..
"he knew she was yours, he was the only one that knew" she spilled it all as she looked at him, she was crying.."i found out when you left, i wasnt even going to keep her..and now..now she's gone" she began to cry hysterically..
John walked up to her fast, tears in his eyes.."You need to tell me right now that your not lying!" he raised his voice some..
"Im not lying...she's...she's yours" she cried..