So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try

You and I could find a way to live
If you let me in one more time

I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me

It's breakin' me

"Breakin' Me" - Jonny Lang

He felt broken. Every piece of his meticulously crafted wall was torn down and he felt vulnerable, raw. The only balm to his ache was now a thousand miles away.

Tony sat on the deck of his Santa Monica condo. Having been back in L.A. for a few days, he realized how odd he felt. He had never really felt at home here, ever after four years of sunny days and beautiful sights. Oregon was home, Portland was home, Ada was home. But the pain he felt at being near her and not having her had driven him out of Oregon and here he was again, being kept away. He was going back for the inaugural ball and would be in Portland for two days. Tonight would be the last time he was probably going to see her. He had tried. Tried with gestures, looks, and had gone above and beyond the call of duty with the mansion to try and get Ada to give him a second chance, but it hadn't worked. He had even tried to get her best friend on his side, and while he succeeded, he had yet to hear from Ellie about her talk with Ada.

He didn't know what to do now. Should he give it one last shot or should he step away and respect her wishes? The last two weeks of the project when he had been in her presence every day had been sweet torture. The knowledge he'd be seeing her tonight had kept him up all night, wondering what he should do. Should he walk away for good or try one more time? How to make amends for his behavior, for hurting her, for giving up on them? He had seen dawn break and reluctantly got ready for his departure. Hopefully, the two hour flight from LAX to Portland would be sufficient time to come up with a plan.

Tony was jolted from his thoughts by the honking of the taxi downstairs. He stood up, took one last look at the horizon and walked back inside. He was downstairs in five minutes with his carryon. His body moved on autopilot, his mouth answered questions without thought; his mind and senses where otherwise occupied.

Ada watched as the butterfly traveled through one flowers, the search for the best its only worry; how Ada envied it. She was early for her lunch with Ellie and was enjoying the warm, sunny day outside their usual lunch spot, La Petit Provence in Alberta. Tonight was the Gala to kickoff the opening of the Wentworth Mansion for tours. Ada had spent the entirety of the past two weeks working closely with John on arranging everything and even Eva had joined in and added her superb event planning expertise. The Portland's Park and Recreation rep had clued them into how the Open House would be advertised and the mansion would be open to the public every day, February through December with varying hours. She was surprised to see the revenue projections. At that rate, her father's bad investments could be recouped in half the time she had discussed with Mr. Shaw. However, she thought that the house should remain leased to the City of Portland, as she felt proud to know so many people could learn the history of the home and enjoy its beauty as she once had when she lived there. She hoped the event tonight would go well, despite the turmoil in the pit of her stomach at the thought of saying goodbye to Tony.

Avant Designs had done a magnificent job in the restoring the home to its original glory. She was astounded by the level of detail Tony and the team had put into each room. The master suites were returned to their original state with the dressing rooms displaying original pieces. She knew, as she had been consulted in the most minute details by Tony, in person. Though she knew they could've been discussed by email or phone. But no, that had not been enough for Tony. While he had respected her request to not address any of their personal issues, he had taken every opportunity and, she was sure, created various ones to meet with her. They had met at the mansion, in his office, at Elephants in the Park and a few times, he had stopped by the store. She was sure they had seen each other more in the last two weeks of the project than the first three weeks after he arrived in Portland.

As much as she had wanted to call him on his excessive visits and calls, she knew it would appear contradictory. She had said she would meet with him regarding the mansion as much as was needed, and she intended to live up to her end of the deal. So, she faced him every time, with as much indifference as she could muster. He on the other hand had behaved as warm and accommodating as he had ever been. He never crossed the line of professional behavior but he made sure to hold her hand a little longer when they parted or watch her intently the entire time they would meet.

Through all this, Ada tried to understand her feelings and thoughts. She wanted to understand why her feelings had taken such a turn. Two months ago, she would have given anything to have him back in her life. To hear him say the words he uttered two weeks ago would have been a dream come true. Yet, when he did say them, she had felt cheated. She had felt that it had been too little too late. Her mind was in such turmoil that her heart was not allowed to savor the magnificence of the moment. She had wanted nothing to do with the chaos her life had become. She wanted her simple, boring life back. But no, that wasn't true either. She didn't want the pain back. Somehow, having experienced the few friendly moments with him had brought back a glimmer of the paradise she had lived with him four years back.

Four years had not been enough to erase him from her heart. He was a part of her; tattooed into her being. As much distance as she could put between them, it didn't matter. Her heart beat faster, her blood ran thicker, her body lit up, just for him, all for him. But then again, lack of love was not the issue. After much analyzing, she realized it was lack of trust. How could she trust him with her heart when he had made a point to mistreat it so? He had purposely sought out to hurt her, to make her regret not fighting for them four years ago; and that hurt. It hurt to know that the one person she had trusted after her mother's death, who'd she'd given her whole heart to, who had such power over her, could use it to destroy her. When he had left four years ago, she made allowances thinking he has hurt himself. She had seen his face when she backpedaled on their engagement, she knew she had hurt him deeply. But now, after all this time? What had she done to deserve such treatment? If he didn't want to renew their love affair, that was fine, but to try to hurt her? To take revenge after so much time had passed? She didn't know if she could reconcile this Tony with the loving, protective and generous Tony of past. Even if the past two weeks had brought back his gentle side. Every time he talked to her, touched her hand, looked at her, she saw the real Tony; the Tony she still loved. But what guarantee did she have that this Tony would remain? How could she know he wouldn't up and leave her once again with her heart in her hands.

She was now decided, it was best to cut her loses. Tonight would probably be the last time she would see him. He had kept his distance by not visiting the Ellis' home, and she had heard from Michael he had flown home last weekend. He had neglected his business in L.A. and Texas for over a month, surely he was going to waste no more time here. She would brace one last meeting with him and saw her goodbyes. If all went well, she could maybe resume her drama free life soon, despite the gaping hole in her heart.

Ada's thoughts turned to Ellie, who was now late for lunch. Ellie had been hounding Ada about Tony for the past week. Apparently, Tony and Ellie had bumped into each other at the park a few days after the group had returned from the coast. Ada had updated Ellie on everything by then, and while Ellie had been outraged at Tony's behavior concerning Lexie, she was on the fence about giving him a second chance. She had been pensive for a few days and then one night, when Ada went to her home for dinner, Ellie tried to plead Tony's case with Ada, saying that she should at least give him a second chance to redeem himself. Ada had refused to engage in the topic saying she was not ready. Ellie just told her to think about it carefully before she dismissed him altogether, that everyone made mistakes. Ada had thanked her friends, recognizing her sincerity and they had moved on from the topic.

What had puzzled Ada was how Ellie had appartently transfered her dislike of Tony to John. All of a sudden, John was persona non grata to Ellie and she made it a point to scowl and sneer every time he has mentioned in conversation. Ada couldn't figure it out, because though Ellie had never encouraged any relationship with John, she had never disliked him so openly. Granted, Ada hadn't known John for more than year. They met when she became heavily involved with charity work. He served on the boards of several organizations and had taken an instant liking to her when Anna and Frank took her to a fundraiser breakfast for Animal Aid. When Ada joined the Animal Aid Board, John took it upon himself to serve as her 'guide' and became a regular at the Ellis household. Anna and Frank didn't seem to mind, and Anna had gone as far as to tease Ada about him until Ada had firmly put that notion out of her head.

Come to think about it, John's behavior lately had been odd. As much as Tony had requested her attention for the Mansion restoration, John had requested it for the Gala event. It was as if one knew of the other and they were competing for who could engage her the most. She had to admit spending time with John was a heck of a lot easier than with Tony. She didn't need to be on guard with him, there were no weaknesses to watch out for. However, John's attentiveness couldn't be ignored. She had been clear with him before about the nature of their relationship, but somehow, it felt as though he glossed over that. His comments and insinuations sometimes could be interpreted as blatant come on's. Even Eva had said something to Ada after one of their meetings. Ada wondered now if this was to be the topic of conversation for her luncheon with Ellie.

"Hey" said a breathless Ellie, as she fell into the chair accross Ada. She was wearing a pretty summer maxi dress with leather sandals and her hair in a messy bun. Her Ray Bans sat perched on her head and her I'm-a-mommy-but-I-can-still-carry-a-pretty-leather-tote hung from her thin shoulder.

"Hey yourself! I thought I was being stood up!" replied Ada with a friendly brow tilt.

"Sorry, but when you have two kids under the age of four vying for your attention 24/7 and still get to appointments on time, then you get to complain. Until then, you're lucky I'm only 15 minutes late!" retorted Ellie already engrossed in the menu.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, cry me the mommy river again why don't ya!" Bit back Ada with a smile, despite the little shot of envy that ran through her at wanting and not having what Ellie had just described.

"Have you ordered?" Asked Ellie, smirking at Ada's last remark.

"Not yet, but I know what I want." replied Ada.

"Great, let's order then, I'm starving. And I am sorry for being late. I get a little nervous leaving the kids with Mark sometimes, I feel he's too laxed and tries to make up for me not being lax enough."

No worries, I've been enjoying he sun before I have to run home and get ready for what will hopefully be my last formal event of the year!" replied Ada.

The waitress came back, took their order and brought back their drinks. After a few minutes of small talk, Ada was shocked when Ellie asked "So, what's going on between you and John?"

"What?!" asked a bewildered Ada,

"What's going on between you and John?" repeated Ellie in more slowly. "And don't say nothing, because I have heard it from three different people this week that they've seen the two of you very cozy together almost every day. What's going on? Are you really dating him?" Ellie was sitting back on her chair with her arms crossed and her crossed leg bouncing nervously. Ada read all the signs and recognized her friend was very serious.

"I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to deflect or keep anything from you, but as I repeated to you two nights ago, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is going on between John and I. I've told you and I've been clear with him, I don't have control over what other people say or think Ellie. I never knew you to pay attention to silly gossip." Replied Ada, getting annoyed with the topic already. She'd never known Ellie to be interested in gossip, let alone unfounded gossip. And what's more, to believe said gossip instead of believing in her.

"Look honey," replied a calmer Ellie, reaching across the table and placing her hand on Ada's, she continued with a gentler tone, "I'm sorry if you think I'm meddling where I shouldn't but I really care about you and I would hate for you to get hurt. You're right, and I normally don't pay attention to people gossiping, but one of the people I'm referring to is trustworthy and has shared some concerning information. I feel you need to know what you might be getting yourself into. Even if you do hate me after I tell you." Ellie said the last part while looking away at the Saturday traffic. Ellie's leg began bouncing nervously once again.

Ada was curious what could be causing her usually worry-free friend to fidget like her three year old. She didn't know what Ellie was talking about but the prickly feeling she felt all over was not a good sign. Bracing herself she calmly asked, "What are you talking about Elli? Who's this person and what did they say?"

"Well, I can't tell you who, sufficient to say I and Mark trust her. She's respectable and knows what she's talking about." Ellie was now looking straight at Ada. She continued speaking, but now she leaned on the table toward Ada as to prevent anyone from overhearing. "This person only said something in deference to my connection with you."

Now Ada was really worried. Someone that was unknown to her had felt the need to warn one of her closest friends about John. What could it possibly be? Just as Ellie was about to launch into her explanation, the waitress came with their food. They waited until she refilled their water glasses and walked away.

Ellie looked up from her plate straight into her best friends eyes, she feared the information she was about to convey would deplete the little trust Ada had regained in the opposite sex. Nevertheless, Ada's safety was of paramount importance now, she'd help Ada deal with the emotional scars later. Besides, maybe this would help Tony's case.

Ada watched Ellie's emotions flicker across her face, she saw the worry, apprehension and nerves take over her friends soft features. Her stomach was now in a one big knot and there was no way she'd be able to partake in what she had deemed a delectable lunch. She was afraid of the information Ellie had come across because her life seemed to only get more and more complicated lately. Unable to take it anymore, Ada finally broke the silence that seemed to stretch between them "Please just tell me," uttered a now jittery Ada, "the suspense has taken my appetite now."

Ellie's comforting gaze focused on Ada and after taking a deep breath, she began her tale.

I can't apologize enough for my long absence. Really I have no excuse, I definitely haven't abandoned my story but I hate that it has dragged on for longer and I honestly couldn't decide how I wanted to continue it. I hit a wall and just sat there reading other people's wonderful work. But I'm back and I hope to present you a longer chapter in a few days. I know this is short and boring but necessary to understand a little about Ada's frame of mind. Besides, the story needed to move a little faster for me.

Thank you if you're still reading. Please leave a review. I really need some insight. :)