The rest of the holiday break ended much too soon. They spent the new year together as they had every other day over the break between semesters. They read, laughed, cried, kissed, and sat together quietly.
The Friday evening after the first week of classes, Severus was in a rather foul mood. Hermione's party with Slughorn was about to begin. The original party date had been for December 20th, but had been moved back as Horace was in search of very rare potion ingredients and had received word that there were some available in India. I wish it had been the 20th. Before I kissed her. Before she was mine.
He had seen McLaggen escorting her down the hallway as he went searching for Draco. McLaggen's hand rested on the small of her back. Even though she moved away from his hand, Severus had to turn down a different hallway so he could be sure did not confront the idiot boy. Mine.
He had spent the day and evening ignoring her requests to gain access to his mind so she could speak to him. Talk to your arm candy, girl. It was petty, and he knew that, but he couldn't stand the idea she was there with someone else. Fool. Even if I wanted to take her, I couldn't. What would I do? Have her show up with the Dungeon Bat? Anger and jealousy coursed through his veins and brought him to the darkest place he'd been in within himself since he had asked Hermione to keep his secrets.
Stopping in his tracks, Snape caught sight of a blur of white blonde hair. He made his way quickly down the corridor and caught Filch dragging Malfoy into Slughorn's party. Damn it. She's in there with McCockface, and I need Malfoy and now he's in there too. Fucking hell. I suppose Potter is in there as well. Might as well deliver the old codger's message and make it completely unpleasant.
Snape gathered himself before entering the party. When he walked in, he walked in with all the confidence in the world. He was both intimidating and captivating and he radiated power. Every head turned toward him. He scanned the crowd. Where is she? He caught sight of Potter behind a sheer curtain with the arm candy. McLaggen.
He yanked open the curtain and McLaggen promptly bent over at the waist and vomited on Severus' shoes.
Oh, you must be joking. Fool! "You just bought yourself a month's detention, McLaggen," He seethed. He caught Potter sneaking away from him out of the corner of his eye, "Not so quick, Potter."
Potter stopped, "Sir, I really think I should rejoin the party. My date..."
Bloody hell, "Can surely survive your absence for another minute or two. Besides, I only wish to convey a message."
"A message?"
"From Professor Dumbledore. He asked me to give you his best and hopes that you enjoyed your holiday. You see, he's been traveling," Snape said.
"Traveling where?"
I think not. Snape turned and walked away. He saw Filch confronting Slughorn with Malfoy, who claimed he was gatecrashing the party.
"I'll escort him out," Snape sneered.
"Certainly. Professor," Draco's voice was snide. Insolent brat.
On his way out, Hermione stepped out of the bathroom to his left. He met her gaze, and assessed her well-being. She looks fine. He looked her up and down once. Her pale pink dress on her porcelain skin caused a shiver to run up his spine. God. Looking back at her face, he saw a sadness there, a nervousness, as she chewed her cheek. He could feel her hum again. No.
Then he shoved Draco out of the room quite forcefully. As they made their way away from the party, he quickly grabbed Draco and threw him into the wall. He pinned him there, towered over the scrawny boy, and put all his hatred for the night into that confrontation. Despite Snape's volatile mood, Malfoy rejected any offer for help.
Snape released his shirt collar and Malfoy practically ran from him. He stared at the wall for a moment before returning to his quarters. About an hour later, after persistent requests, he allowed Hermione access.
Severus, you've... been ignoring me.
Yes.
Why?
Jealousy. Pettiness. At least he could admit it.
In a moment, I'm leaving this party. Can I come to you?
If you must. He broke the connection and scowled. The image of the younger boy's hand on her back replayed over and over in his mind and his stomach twisted and turned over inside of him.
He was standing behind his couch when she opened the door. He approached her in two long strides and his mouth descended on hers before she could even close the door entirely. He reached up and pushed it shut behind her, then picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist and pinned her back to the door. Her arms went around his neck as she allowed him full access to her mouth.
His tongue found her jaw. He nibbled on it and then moved his teeth to her throat. She moaned and he could feel her throat vibrate on his mouth. His hands moved from her waist to the bare skin on her thighs. They traveled upward lightly, pushing barely under the fabric of the dress. No. Stop.
He pulled away from her and set her down. She looked at him. At first, she was in a passionate haze, but her face quickly darkened and she reached out and shoved him away from her. He flinched. Don't hit me.
"You're an arse, Severus Snape!" She yelled at him, "You ignored me all day and all evening. I was worried sick over you! How am I supposed to enjoy a party that I earned because I am one of the top students in the class when you're being childish and ignoring me!? You had me upset the entire day!"
His eyes went wide and he dropped them to the floor. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Then, I come here, angry and worried, and the first thing you do is snog me! Not that it wasn't enjoyable, but I think an apology is in order!" She spat.
Apology? "I did nothing, Granger. Nothing except shield myself from your day and your date," His voice was lethal.
"Excuse me? Just ten minutes ago you were saying your actions were petty and born out of jealousy."
"That does not mean I was wrong to feel them, or that I should apologize. You are the one who went to a party with another on your arm, hanging all over you," Venom again.
She glared at him, "Seriously, Severus?"
He sighed and the defensiveness and anger fell away from him, "No. You are right. I should not have treated you this way. I apologize for ruining your party."
Her eyes searched his face. He certainly would not make things easy on either of them, "I forgive you."
He dropped his chin a little lower and stared at the floor. She approached him and grabbed both of his hands in hers. His eyes found hers. There was a blazing fire behind his as he stared at her.
"We could snog, if you want," She giggled.
"No," His answer was quick and firm, "I cannot."
"What? Why? You just did!"
"I cannot. I cannot. I want you too badly, and I have spent an entire day wallowing in dark emotions. My self-control is wavering, and this is not how I'd like to do this," He said quietly. I'm sorry. I want you so badly.
She nodded and sighed, "I'm going to go back to my dormitory." Fuck.
"You are upset."
"Yes, Severus. I forgive you, but today was downright awful. Now, I wanted you to make me feel better, and you 'can't.'"
She dropped her hands away from his and his face begged her not to be angry. Please, Hermione.
She turned on her heel and spun away from him. No. He grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled her back to him. His hands were on her hips and he pushed her against the back of the couch. The kiss was fierce and held within it anger, desire, jealousy, and darkness.
He tugged her right leg up around him and held it there firmly. He could not get close enough. A touch starved man, Severus devoured any skin he could. He moaned and pressed closer. His desire pressed against her heat. She moaned and ground against him to seek the contact she craved.
"Hermione, no," He shook his head and spoke softly, "I do not want to do this like this. After this sort of day. Please, do not be angry with me."
Her eyes were half-open, "I understand."
"You should go," He said.
"Yes. Probably," She said as he returned her to her feet.
"I am sorry, Hermione. The desire for you is not the problem. I am... quite broken," He sighed, "And there is a darkness in me that I try hard to escape from, but I am not always, or even usually, successful. I have no intention of ever mixing that and this," He gestured between them.
"You're not a bad man, Severus, but I will go," She said. She stood up on her toes to press her lips to his cheek.
He didn't turn to watch her leave. He clenched the back of the couch and hung his head. His body was hot all over and jealousy still raged in his veins while something else all together raged in his pants.
I need a shower. A very, very cold shower.