I have removed 'chapter' 18a now that I have been assured the offender has read it. To anyone reading this story in the future and has no idea what I'm talking about…sorry, it's in the past.
20.
"Thanks for coming with me."
"Don't worry about it; that's what I'm here for, remember. I'm glad you changed your mind."
Lily nodded, allowing Sirius to give her a hug as they reached the blue door of the Order Headquarters. Alice and Frank had been very helpful in guiding her through the early stages of pregnancy but she had to remember that the couple were dealing with their own unborn child, and dragging Alice along with her to the hospital seemed a little unfair. Alice seemed to be stressing a lot as it was about her own baby, at least, stressing as much as Alice could stress, being the easygoing person that she was, but she didn't need to deal with Lily's business too.
Feeling she needed the added support for this occasion, she had instead enlisted Sirius's help in escorting her to the hospital to confirm the pregnancy. He had been sending constant owls since he had gotten out of hospital himself, apologising for his rudeness and offering to help her in any way that he could, and she finally took him up on his offer. He seemed to enjoy being involved in James's business; like it was something he was supposed to do. And Lily felt comforted by his enthusiasm, despite his lack of knowledge of pregnancy and children in general.
Of course the pregnancy was confirmed. It came as no shock to either of them after Sirius and a small group of very scared looking men had been forced to witness her vomiting into the only vacant urinal in the men's loo because the lady's bathroom had been at the opposite end of the hospital waiting room. There had been some awkward moments too when the Healer presumed Sirius to be the father and they had tried to explain that Lily was not in fact his wife and the real father was actually Sirius' best friend. When they had been passed on to the next Healer for the actual test Lily and Sirius just smiled when he congratulated them on becoming parents. It wasn't worth the embarrassment or any more disapproving looks by trying to explain. But other than that everything was quite simple and Lily was pleased to find herself managing the entire experience without getting too overwhelmed.
Sirius finally released her and rang the doorbell. "So, why did Dumbledore want to meet you?"
Lily pushed a lock of stray hair behind her ear, staring only at the brass number three in the centre of the door. Thankfully the pregnancy had been enough to deter him from asking until now, but it was also the reason he had insisted on accompanying her to Headquarters instead of going back to work straight away. She didn't want to tell him she was becoming involved in the mission again – he would not be happy.
"Svetkov's been looking for Abigail," she said, hoping the casual tone of her voice would be enough to deter him from becoming worried.
It didn't work.
"You mean you're…" From the corner of her eye she could see he looked disappointed. "Tell me you're joking, Lily."
She shrugged slightly, still not looking at him as she reached out to press the doorbell again. "I'm not a target, Sirius. As embarrassing as it is to say this, Svetkov fancies me… well, Abigail. James would have said something by now if the Deatheater's suspected me as a witch."
"You don't know that; those bastards haven't trusted him since the bank robbery."
"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, Sirius. Haven't I proven that?"
"But that was before you were preg-"
He silenced himself instantly as the door opened, revealing a smiling Caradoc. "Hey, come in," he said tucking a Muggle telephone more securely under his arm. "They're in the kitchen. Dumbledore says we have to get it done quickly; he's had to remove most of the wards so the line will work."
Lily nodded, stepping quickly into the house with a brooding Sirius behind her. He kept trying to send her warning looks as they entered the kitchen and took their seats, but she did her best to ignore him.
"Morning," Lily greeted Dumbledore and Moody, seating herself opposite them at the wooden table.
"Good morning," Dumbledore greeted the two in return.
Moody looked suspiciously at Sirius. "Aren't you on day shifts this week?"
"Healer appointment," Sirius returned innocently. "My arse is peeling from the anti-scarring lotion, I can show you if you-"
"Ah, wonderful," Dumbledore interrupted pleasantly as Caradoc entered the room and placed the telephone on the table in front of Lily. He took the cord and extended it to the wall behind her to plug it in.
"You know James is going to flip," Sirius muttered under his breath.
"So you had better not tell him," Lily whispered back.
Lily and Sirius stopped their muttering as Caradoc took a seat on Lily's other side. He retrieved the business card that Lily had been given from Svetkov and placed it on the table before her. She eyed the phone anxiously, twisting her sweaty palms in her lap under the table. Raising her eyes to Dumbledore, he gave her a brief nod and she revealed her hands again, pushing her hair behind her ears before reaching for the handset. Sirius slumped back into his chair sulkily. Nobody noticed. Slowly, she began to dial the numbers and pressed the handset to her ear.
Ring-ring… Ring-ring… Ring-ring…
"He's obviously not home, might as well give up n-"
"Shut up Sirius, or so help me God I'll-"
"Hello?"
She cleared her throat, sitting up sharply in her chair. "John?"
"Abigail?"
"John, how are you?"
"I have been sick with worry, Abigail! I have tried to contact you since Scotland but there was no answer at your house – I didn't know what to do with myself. How are you? Are you all right?"
Lily glanced around the table, four pairs of eyes staring adamantly back at her. "I know, I'm sorry," she replied, averting her own to the phone cord she tangled around her fingers. "There was an emergency at home."
"Nothing serious I hope."
Bastard.
"My friend, Ignis, had an unfortunate accident. I had to get away from the house, you understand. Things have been hectic."
"Of course. I am deeply sorry for your loss-"
She had never mentioned that Ignis had actually died.
"-Ignis was a beautiful woman."
Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.
"Yes, well…I met with the new owner; she said you had stopped by the house. I thought I would call."
"And I'm very glad you did! I have missed you, my dear; it has been too long since we have spoken. I was hoping, if you are not too adverse to the idea after such a long parting, that we might meet again?"
Lily glanced up and gave Dumbledore a meaningful look. "I'd love to." Sirius, if possible, slumped lower in his chair with a loud sigh. Lily thumped him blindly.
"Fantastic! Are you available this coming Friday perhaps?"
"Friday?"
Dumbledore nodded.
"Friday sounds great."
"Wonderful. There's a little place here in town; they do the most exquisite calamari-"
"Actually, I'm allergic to seafood," Lily cut him off, shifting to the edge of her seat and twisting the cord tighter than ever. "Perhaps it might be nice if we had a home cooked meal-" She bit her lip, hating that she had an audience as she put on a more flirtatious voice. "-I do believe it's your turn Mr Smith."
He chuckled on the other end in agreement. "Very well, very well, a home cooked meal for the lady."
"Lovely," she forced herself to smile into the receiver while also giving Dumbledore a firm look of accomplishment. "Seven o'clock?"
"Seven o'clock it is."
"And, John-" She tired to escape everyone's gaze as she once again put on that flirty tone. "-We will be alone, won't we?"
She felt rather than saw Sirius sit up straighter beside her, she could only imagine his outraged expression.
"Alone?"
"You won't have that pesky assistant of yours hanging around to ruin the mood."
Again he chuckled. "I'll make sure he's otherwise occupied, of course."
"Perfect," Lily all but purred. "Until Friday, Mr Smith…" She hung up before he had the chance to reply and released a long breath.
"Alone?" Sirius barked at once. "Why the fuck would you want to be alone with that monster?"
"James gets in the way," she snapped back angrily. "If he doesn't know about the spy already then it's because Svetkov doesn't trust him enough, like you said. If we're going to get anything out of this he has to be as far away as possible."
"That's just stupid."
"I think you'll find Lily is correct," Dumbledore interjected calmly as Lily opened her mouth to retort. "James himself has reported a change in Svetkov's behaviour as you know. It appears the Deatheaters have indeed lost faith in him."
Sirius shook his head, rising from his chair. "This is stupid," he repeated, giving Lily a firm look. "You know you're not cut out for this."
She could see the hidden warning in his eyes as he glanced toward her stomach and she returned it with a not so discreet glare of her own. "Shut it, Sirius."
"You know it's not just your own life you're putting at risk."
"Lily?" Dumbledore cut in gently. "Is there something you wish to tell us?" Moody was watching her suspiciously and Caradoc turned to her looking curious.
"Nothing," she replied innocently as possible, utilising her Auror skills as she looked each one in the eye to seem all the more honest. "As far as I can see, James," she added, stressing the name as she turned directly to the old Headmaster. "No longer has any part in this mission. He is in no danger, Sirius, you needn't be concerned about James's life."
Dumbledore continued to stare at her for a moment longer, as though he did not quite believe her but could not pinpoint the lie. "Very well."
She gave him a nod of understanding and Sirius stormed from the room with a loud scoff.
"Right then, Evans," Moody's voice cut through the uncomfortable silence. "You have three days to prove to us that you really are Auror material."
"Svetkov will not attack me," Lily told him. "It's just a dinner. I've been alone with him many times before."
"With James," Caradoc reminded her. She sent him a scowl and he shut up instantly.
"Constant viligence!" Moody barked, causing both Lily and Caradoc to jump in their seats. "You don't know what information the Deatheaters have on any of us. Three days, Evans, and I want to see that your duelling skills are up to par." He rose from his chair and followed Sirius out the kitchen, probably to reprimand him on being out of work.
"Well," she huffed quietly to the remaining two. "I really don't think that's necessary."
"You know, Deatheaters don't usually date Muggles," Caradoc added thoughtfully.
Lily sent him another glare and he hurried from the table, chasing Moody out the door.
& & &
Lily groaned as she lowered herself into the tub, the heat of the water relaxing her aching muscles instantly and she closed her eyes. Moody had been more demanding than she had remembered and he had literally compacted the two-year Auror training course into three days of pure torture. She had been forced to defend herself from every curse imaginable, practice stealth scenarios and he'd even made her run laps. Moody had got extra rough on her when he mistook her constant requests for the toilet to be an excuse to slack off for five minutes. And he almost cancelled her mission when she vomited, twice, during duelling practice. She had blamed it on Alice's cooking. But at least he had allowed her to leave earlier than usual for it, and she had found time to buy a ridiculously priced, but otherwise beautiful, black satin dress for dinner tonight which was currently hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
That's what Moody should have been helping her with; putting on makeup and selecting the best push-up bra to match her French knickers. Really, if she wanted information out of this guy, cleavage was her best weapon, not hexes! And now her feet were swollen to a point of ridiculousness; she wondered if she'd even get them into those fancy heels she'd bought especially for this occasion. She wanted the mission, but this was no way for a pregnant woman to be treated.
"Yoo-hoo, Lily?!"
Alice and Frank were home.
Rats.
They had planned to go shopping after Frank finished work but Lily had hoped they would have taken longer. She felt bad taking up their bathroom for an hour at a time when she barely knew the couple to begin with, and she had wanted to stay in here for at least two before she had to get ready.
"I'm in here! Do you need the loo? Just give me a second," she added, regrettably making to get out the hot water.
"I just wanted to show you my new things for the baby…where are you?"
"In the bath! I'll be right out!"
But Alice had other plans, casting an unlocking charm on the door and bursting in without so much as a knock. Lily dropped back under the bubbles with a slight shriek of surprise.
"Look at these tiny shoes!" Alice squealed, barging through the doorway with a mass of shopping bags and dropping onto the toilet without even glancing at Lily. "Aren't they the cutest?"
"Very cute," Lily nodded, resting her arms on the edge of the bath to get a better look and smiling at the baby slippers which Alice held out.
"Don't touch, you're wet."
"Sorry," Lily muttered sheepishly, reclining her dripping fingers.
"There's an owl waiting for you out there by the way," Alice added as she began searching through her shopping bags. "James's again by the looks of it." James had been sending daily greeting cards, reminding her of how sorry he was and that he was waiting for her when she felt ready to talk to him. Well, that wouldn't be happening. And after day five it was starting to get annoying. She was beginning to feel guilty for something that he had done and she didn't like it at all.
"And I got these – baby blankets, and some bottles, dummies," Alice began listing off the items and she pulled them from the many bags around her. "Changing mat, nursing pads-"
"Nursing pads? What the hell's a nursing pad?"
"Nursing pads," Alice repeated, holding the package closer to Lily's face. "For leakages."
Lily frowned. "Isn't that what nappies are for?"
"No silly," Alice chuckled, dropping the package onto the floor and retrieving more items to show off. "Not baby leakages. You know, for when you're breastfeeding."
"Oh," Lily said quietly, leaning over the edge of the bath a bit further to see the package on the floor where was indeed a picture of a woman's chest. "Is that likely to happen often? Leaking?" The whole idea sounded revolting.
"I imagine so," Alice replied vaguely, inspecting her shopping. "I got some baby shampoo and soaps, cotton swaps, nappy rash ointment, nappies of course – but I might consider trying some of those disposable Muggle ones – safety pins, a cute little comb, bath water thermometer-"
"Gee," Lily cut in, looking down at the collection of baby items that was soon taking over the bathroom floor. "You sure got a lot of stuff. Do you think maybe you're getting a little excited, Alice? I mean, is all this stuff necessary?"
"Of course it is," Alice replied, giving Lily an odd look. "These are the necessities. And don't forget all the furniture we bought for the nursery the other week – oh, remind me to buy a mattress for that cot."
Alice continued to gabble about her nursery plans while Lily eyed the collection of baby products around her. Nursing pads? Baby shampoo? And these products would all run out eventually – they'd need to be replaced. Not to mention all the baby food that would eventually be needed and clothes! What had Lily bought for her baby?
Nothing.
"So," Alice said a little louder, interrupting her thoughts. "When are we going to go shopping for you, eh? I know all the best places now!" She beamed down at Lily. "As soon as you get rid of that dreadful house and buy a nice little flat for you and the bub – or move back in with James," she added in an undertone. "Then we can start on your nursery! We can go get all the basics this weekend if you're not busy."
Lily dropped her gaze, cupping the water and drizzling it over her cold shoulders. "Maybe next month."
"Well you don't want to leave it too late, you know," Alice told her in a motherly fashion. "Furniture can be quite expensive; it's a good idea to start collecting bits and pieces as you go. There are hospital fees to consider too. You can't be rushing around trying to buy everything at the end, you'll be too-"
"I don't have the money," Lily cut her off, instantly regretting her sharp tone. She cleared her throat, and gave Alice a gentle smile. "Next pay day, we'll go."
She could see Alice trying to work out the Math in her head. How was it possible that she had no money? She was not living at home and had no bills to pay; she and Frank had not charged her rent no matter how much Lily had insisted; she didn't appear to go out socially… Where had the money gone?
Lily was overcome with an almighty sense of guilt as she eyed the shoes in the corner of the bathroom. She was glad she couldn't see the dress on the back of the open door because that might have triggered her gag reflex. What a terrible mother she was setting herself out to be. She had put a stupid dress in front of her baby's needs.
"Well," Alice said with a final tone. "Be sure to mark it on your calendar so you don't forget." She rose from the toilet seat, gathering up her many shopping bags. "I'll let you finish up in here; don't be too long, you know what my bladder's like these days," she added with a chuckle. She paused on her way out, spying the pointy heels on the floor. "Oh, are you going out tonight?"
"Yes," Lily said, relieved that Alice could not see the dress either because it still bore the price tag. "Not 'til seven though."
"Oh that'll be nice," Alice beamed, obviously pleased to see that Lily was getting out of the house for something besides work. "Tell me," she continued to mile, setting herself back down on the toilet. "Where are you going? Who are you meeting?"
Lily was under strict orders not to reveal information to other Order members, especially seeing as there was a spy among them. She could not imagine Alice or Frank in that position, but the last thing she needed was one of them revealing to Dumbledore that Lily Evans had been telling people about the mission. "I'm going on a date," she said instead, knowing that Alice knew she had no close friends to be socialising with. That was a depressing thought.
"A date?" Alice replied, her eyebrows rising sharply. The smile remained on her face but Lily felt it was forced out of politeness. Alice had strong hopes of her getting back with James. "Well that's lovely," she said, sounding forced now too. "Fast…but lovely." Lily was sure she didn't mean to be rude. It probably did seem odd that she had been prepared to marry James Potter at Halloween and now she already seeing other men. Lily wished she could change her story to make her seem less scandalous but it was too late. Before it had sounded like Alice had wanted all the details, but now she rose to her feet again, regathering her bags together. "Give me a shout if you need help getting ready."
Lily smiled her thanks and watched Alice disappear from the room, closing the door behind her. Lily leaned back in the bath, dipping lower until the bubbles brushed her chin. She felt like an idiot. She could just imagine the couple now; Alice telling Frank about Lily having found herself a date already – how indecent that was - how she was probably looking for another man to take her in now she was pregnant.
No, she sighed, Alice was too nice to think things like that. But there was no hiding the shocked expression she wore when Lily said the word 'date'. Alice certainly wasn't impressed, that was for sure.
Alice's excited babbling could be heard from somewhere in the house and Lily was sure she was unnecessarily showing her husband her collection of baby things. She got to work on washing herself to take her mind off the sick feeling in her stomach, which for once had nothing to do with the morning sickness. Alice and Frank were so prepared and Lily didn't even have the basics for her nursery. She didn't even have a housein which to have a nursery! What kind of Mother was she going to be for this child?
She splashed the water over her face, hoping to ease the stinging in her eyes. A solid ball formed in her throat, threatening to choke her but she swallowed it down, making her eyes sting more. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't.
Oh God, now they were giggling. She knew what that meant. She'd heard Alice's high pitched shrieks at night before everything went suddenly quiet meaning they'd cast a silencing charm around their bedroom. She sunk lower in the bath so that her ears were submerged. They were a disgustingly happy couple and it only managed to make Lily more miserable. She was jealous and she knew it.
Every day Frank would rush home from work to spend time with his wife. Sometimes they would disappear into the nursery and continue their renovations, or they would head out shopping like they had tonight. They didn't appear to go on 'dates' and always seemed quite content in eating the dinner that Alice would have prepared before snuggling up in the armchair, not wanting to impose on Lily by using her couch. Lily felt as though she was intruding most of the time and had started hanging back at work for as long as Ray would allow her and would retreat into the dining room the minute she got home or take a long bath. At least, until Alice interrupted with a desperate need for the toilet.
No matter how often Alice proclaimed that she loved having Lily stay, she knew she was close to outstaying her welcome. It might not be so bad if Lily had her own room, but that was not the way of things, and she knew she had to find a flat of her own very soon before things became too uncomfortable. But at the same time she was scared of being alone. She didn't know anything about being a mother, about being pregnant. She didn't know what she was supposed to do if something seemed wrong. Alice had Frank doting on her constantly, sending owls by the dozen everyday from work making sure she was okay. Who did she have? No parents, no partner, no best friend…
She had nobody.
& & &
Lily apparated to Headquarters just before seven as Moody had told her to. She really didn't think it necessary – she had worked undercover like this for years – but he had insisted and she didn't dare argue. The vacant expression on Caradoc's face was perfect as he opened the door. He did not recognise her at all as Abigail and could obviously not figure out how this stranger could see the house, never mind ring the doorbell.
"It's Lily," she said, trying not to laugh as he had just looked her up and down, clearly impressed with her dress despite her being a stranger. "Can I come in?"
"Y-yes," he said, looking mildly embarrassed, and averting his eyes from her altogether. "You look very nice," he added quietly.
"Thanks," she smiled, walking passed him and down the hall into the kitchen. Before she could open the door, angry voices could be heard from inside. She glanced questioningly over her shoulder.
"It's not pretty," Caradoc warned her. "Moody just informed Potter he's limited to desk duty. He was supposed to get out of contact with Svetkov days ago; he's refusing."
Lily rolled her eyes. Perfect.
The room fell silent as she opened the door, striding confidently to the table and dropping her handbag onto it noisily. James and Moody stared at her from either end of the room. Caradoc remained uncertainly in the doorway. She watched as James gave her an obvious look up and down before turning back to Moody.
"She's the Auror you have replacing me?" he said loudly, his fists clenched at his side.
"That's none of your business, Potter," Moody growled back. "This is no longer your mission."
"Like hell it isn't! I've worked too bloody hard to-"
"Potter!" Moody barked, silencing his at once. "You will be at that desk by nine tomorrow or you will be taken off duty permanently."
James and Lily's eyes widened in shock at the threat and she was sure she heard Caradoc gasp quietly from behind her. James' jaw hardened and Lily knew he was dying to retaliate but did not dare give Moody reason to fulfil that threat early. That job meant everything to him – it was his dream. Lily knew exactly how that felt.
He turned to her after a moment, looking at her properly for the first time. She could not place his expression exactly; a mixture of anger and pain… mostly pain. And she knew what he was thinking - they were both thinking it – the tables had been turned. Suddenly it was she who had everything that he wanted.
"Sucks, doesn't it?" she said unkindly.
His eyebrows rose only briefly before all signs of anger had vanished and it was only hurt in his eyes. She would not let herself feel bad for it.
"Lily-"
"Dearborn will accompany you out," Moody interrupted as he attempted to speak to her. "If I find out you have interfered in this operation in any way-" he added harshly.
"I don't need a babysitter," James finally spoke up again, glaring at Caradoc over Lily's shoulder.
"It's not for your benefit," Moody growled. "It's for ours. Get out of here."
In a small fit of outrage James kicked at the leg of the table in front of him before snatching up his cloak slung over the back of a chair and storming toward the door. He stopped very briefly by Lily's side; leaning in so closely that Lily could feel his breath puff against her dark hair. She refused to look anywhere but straight ahead, her expression cold. He whispered to her so that the other men could not hear.
"If he touches you, I'll kill him."
Lily did not respond and he hovered by her side for a second longer before leaving, slamming the door behind him. She knew that was his way of saying he did not resent her for this; he still cared for her. Perhaps he was even more sorry than before.
"You told James I was an Auror," she spoke, recalling what James had said when she first entered the kitchen.
Moody nodded. "That's why I called you here. I think we both know you deserve it, so... congratulations. I'll have you resit that test, make things official."
She smiled, almost laughed, picking up her handbag and looping it over her shoulder. "No thanks. Let's just get this over with, shall we?"
She had never seen Alistor Moody look quite so surprised before in her life.