Episode Twenty-One: Confessions of the Heart

Jane was sitting on her couch with a Blue Moon beer in her hand. She couldn't help but smile. She was upset that Korsak and Maura went behind her to start the Barry Frost Scholarship Fund, but she knew it was a way that Maura could help Tasha. It was unobtrusive and anonymous. It was a loophole that Jane wouldn't have thought of to help Tasha with her schooling, but she couldn't help but approve of it. She knew that the teenager deserved it after everything that she'd been through, and she was smart.

She laughed at the thought of Korsak and Maura planning the scholarship fund together. She would have paid to have been a fly on the wall as they worked together, both trying to keep it from Jane and actually succeeding. She giggled as she realized that Maura hadn't broken out in hives when they told Tasha about the scholarship, because Korsak was the one that nominated her for it. Jane could only wonder what plans Maura had to continue the scholarship fund and what requirements she would ask for the recipient to have.

She took another swig of her beer, glad that it wasn't her problem to weed through prospective awardees. She would leave that to Maura and Korsak. But, she would be a good sport and go to any fundraisers that they had in order to support the cause and Frost's new legacy. She'd even wear her Blues or a fancy dress and not complain about it. It was the least that she could do for him...now. She would help them keep his memory alive.

It was starting to get warm and Jane was excited about the prospects of summer. She was actually going to take a vacation. It was only because Maura was demanding it and she gave in. Maura kept telling her that she needed a break and the longer the honey blonde talked to her, the more her mother pushed and Jane finally realized that it had been a stressful year...years for her. A break could be a good thing. The added bonus was that Maura was going with her. Well, Maura was planning the trip and Jane didn't have to worry about anything. That was the only point that was stressing Jane, but she knew that Maura was doing this for her. Maura kept telling her it was a gift and not to worry, but Jane was, slightly, because of the amount of money and she didn't know where they were going yet.

She finished her beer and went back into the kitchen to get another one, when she heard her door open. Her hand immediately went to her side only to remember that she didn't have her side arm on her. She grabbed a knife out the butcher block and dropped behind her cupboards. She wasn't going to let herself be an easy target, and she had no idea who would be coming over without calling first.

"Jane?" Maura asked as she closed the door behind herself, locked the deadbolt and set the chain.

Jane felt like an idiot crouching down behind the cabinets, but she wasn't about to stand up yet. She tried to calm her heart and her breathing. She wasn't sure why she was so on edge, but she was. She knew that she shouldn't be hiding behind the cabinets when it was just Maura, but she couldn't shake her weariness.

"Jane?" Maura called out again.

Finally, she knew that she had to do something. She stood up and opened the fridge. She grabbed another beer as she saw Maura coming back into the living room.

"Hey, Maur, whatcha doing here?" Jane asked as she tried to hide her irrational fear.

Maura gave her a look, but didn't comment on the situation. She just smiled at Jane and made her way towards the kitchen. She sat down on a stool by the countertop and looked at Jane.

"Where were you? I've been here for five minutes. I didn't see you," Maura told her.

"I was in the kitchen."

"You didn't answer me," Maura replied with some worry in her voice.

"Sorry, I must have not heard you."

"Are you feeling well?"

"Fine, Maur. I'm fine. What brings you here?" Jane asked her as she pulled out a wine glass and a bottle.

"A little early in the day, isn't it?" Maura questioned as Jane prepared to pour her a glass of red wine.

"It could be, I guess. I am just enjoying my day off. I have nowhere to be and nothing to really do."

"You could clean up or do laundry," Maura suggested.

"I did my laundry last night. I am good for a week, Maur. As for cleaning, I'll do it later. It isn't that bad right now. It's been worse."

"I know. I remember. I think I helped your mother clean up while you were in bed that last time."

Jane gave her a look, but didn't say anything. Maura just waited for her to say something, but she could see the look that Jane was giving her. It was saying enough. She couldn't help herself sometimes with Jane. It was too easy, but she loved her. She knew that Jane wasn't the cleanest but she did try. And it wasn't something that honestly bothered her. It was just part of Jane being Jane. But, she could tell that there was something underneath it all today. She just wanted Jane to tell her so that she could help her get through it.

"Can we leave Ma out of this?" Jane finally replied in question.

"Yes."

"Did you tell her about the trip?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She would ask too many questions and she would tell you. We both know that your mother can't keep a secret when it comes to her children and as much as I am thankful that she feels that I am like a daughter to her, I am not sure how she would react to me taking you away on a getaway if she knew the extent of our newly formed relationship. I figured that you would rather tell her. Was I wrong?"

"No, Maura, you weren't. I appreciate it. I am sure that she knows that something is going on, but for her credit she hasn't said anything. I think she is actually waiting for us to tell her for once. Which is amazing in itself, but I wonder how long she'll keep quiet," Jane mused.

Maura watched her. She could see the thoughts crossing behind Jane's eyes. She smiled at her lover, the detective and hoped that she would just voice whatever her concerns were.

"Jane?"

"Yes, Maur?"

"Are you happy with me?"

"Wha-? What? Where did that come from?" Jane inquired trying to read Maura's expressive hazel eyes.

Jane abandoned the wine and her new beer. She came around the cabinets of the bartop and stopped in front of Maura. She quirked her brow and cocked an eyebrow as looked deeply into Maura's eyes trying to figure out where the question came from. She, then, scrunched up her face in disbelief and sadness.

"Have I done something wrong?" Jane questioned.

The vulnerability in her eyes showing with the question. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. She knew that they were still in the infancy of their relationship. They hadn't really talked about it, but they really hadn't had time with all the cases, Jane losing the baby, and helping Tasha. They hadn't really explored anything but each other. They didn't seem to need to, or least Jane thought that they didn't. But, now, she could see that she was wrong.

"No, Maur, you've done nothing wrong."

"Then why?"

"Why what?"

"Why haven't you talked to Angela about us? About me? Are you ashamed of me?"

Jane heard the break in Maura's voice. It hurt her heart to hear that in her voice. She knew then that she needed to reassure Maura and quickly.

"No, Maura, I am not ashamed of you. Far from it. I haven't talk to Ma really about it because she likes to mettle. I want something to be my own for a while. I just want to enjoy you, us, our time together without any familial interference. If anyone should be ashamed of anyone, it should be you of me. I have nothing of value to offer you. I'm a broken woman, Maur. I am not worthy of you. I never have been and I never will be. You just don't see that," Jane stated.

"You just don't understand, do you, Jane?"

"Understand what?"

"I love you and that is all that matters."

Jane looked at her perplexed. Leave it to Jane to have a problem with Maura's emotional reason, even though she was the one that was constantly pushing Maura to be more emotional in her life. Maura would have laughed had she not known that Jane was curious as to what Maura actually meant by her phrase in a more scientific capacity.

"You have some data that proves this?" Jane inquired, her own anxiety about the situation and the discussion reflected in her voice.

"Yes," Maura answered.

"Like?"

Maura smiled at her. She stood up and got closer to Jane. She needed for Jane to understand her. She knew that Jane was one of the few who did. So when Jane asked for more, she was always ready and willing to give it to her.

"Besides your beauty?"

"Yes," Jane replied quickly with denial in her voice.

"You are extremely smart. You trust your 'gut' when you think that something doesn't seem right, even if you don't have proof. But, then you look for the proof. You are an exceptionally gifted detective that is loved and cared for by all of your partners. You are strong and determined and no matter how much that gets you in trouble, you always manage to find a way out of trouble."

Jane laughed. She did have a knack for getting into situations, but somehow she always got out of them. It wasn't always unscathed, but she had a tremendous ability to survive everything that the job threw at her and come out stronger each time.

"You stared death in the face and laughed at it. You sacrifice yourself for the greater good and aren't ashamed to do it. You have faith in a system that is horribly flawed and sometimes not on your side, but you still fight for truth and justice. You don't give up, ever, no matter how high the odds are stacked against you."

"But, I..."

"But, you are still a woman. You are still emotional. You still have feelings and you still need to break down. And, for some reason, you've chosen me to be the one that you break down with. It doesn't matter if crying after losing a baby or trying to laugh off an injury that you've sustained in the line of duty. You've put your faith in me. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever trusted me with something so important like that. I feel overwhelmed and in awe that I am the one that can give that to you. And, now on top of all that, you've let me hold your heart in my hands. You've shown me the depth of your feelings for me and still you tried to sacrifice your happiness for me. You put me before yourself and you tell me that you aren't worthy of me. Well, Jane Clementine Rizzoli, it is I who am not worthy of such a beautiful gift as your heart.

"I've never had a friendship like yours. I've never been really close to anyone. I've never had many friends, but you've gone out of your way to include me in things and made befriend the other detectives in homicide. You've taught me things about myself that I didn't know about myself. You've given me so much and all I can give you is my heart," Maura answered.

"How do I argue with that?" Jane questioned.

"You don't."

"I don't have money."

"I have plenty for the both of us."

"I not book smart like you," Jane stated.

"You are street smart and people smart."

"I am stubborn and hardheaded."

"But self-sacrificing and humble," Maura added.

"I only have my heart to give you."

"And, that is all I want."

"Then, take it."

"Only if you'll take mine and protect it with your love, Jane."

"Always," Jane replied as she leaned in to Maura and gave her a kiss.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Come home with me. I want to do something for you. I think that you will enjoy it."

"Maur, dear, we could do that here. I have a bed, you know? We don't have to go to your place just have sex," Jane replied.

"I didn't say anything about having sex, Jane. I intend to love you, but I want to prove to you how much you give me. But, I can only do that if you trust me. Will you let me prove it to you?"

"Yes..."