Chapter 17

(AN) I put the previous chapters in chronological order. They're still numbered and titled the same way, but now it will hopefully make more sense for new readers.

I decided to post this chapter even though we haven't seen what Team Gai has been up to during the recent manga events. As long as they don't come back and say 'Gee, we haven't been in Konoha for two weeks!' I think it'll work out OK. This update takes place around manga Chapter 319.

Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed this story! You make it all worthwhile! (/AN)

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Neji crouched stiffly on a rooftop just out of sight of Sakura's bedroom. He had been watching her toss and turn for hours through the open window without working up the nerve to approach her.

Their last meeting had not ended on the best of terms, and Neji was unsure of what to make of it. He had run into Sakura while she was on her way to meet her team before they departed for Grass Country. As they walked towards the gate, Sakura had briefly filled him in on the details of her new team member Sai, Danzo his superior, and Kakashi's replacement. Neji was extremely frustrated that she was being sent on an A-rank mission with an unknown captain, an equally unknown and slightly suspicious third member, and a Genin who had been absent for more than two years.

Sakura had argued that they would be fine, but Neji wasn't convinced. The mission involved Orochimaru and Akatsuki. The Hokage should have sent an ANBU team, not this random assortment of ninja. Sakura, however, had taken his misgivings personally and accused Neji of thinking she was insufficient for the task at hand. He denied it of course, but by that time, each had dug their defensive heels in. He wanted to go along with them despite the unconventionality of having a 5 man team; Sakura became indignant that he thought she needed protection. Finally, Sakura had left to join her team and Neji could only walk away and find something to distract his attention. Time had been unusually and unmercifully slow since she had left.

Upon returning from her mission in Grass Country, Sakura seemed distracted as she dismissively brushed off his attempts to question her about what had happened. He was worried that she was still angry about their conversation, but there was something else preventing him from getting any sleep that night. Earlier that day, he had overheard Ino and Tenten talking about how Sakura and Naruto had found Sasuke, and it gnawed at his gut that Sakura was avoiding him now.

He peered around the corner towards Sakura's window and saw her sitting up in bed. He could tell by her posture that she was crying, and he was once again assaulted by indecision.

He leaned his head back and stared up at the moon as if he could find his answer somewhere in the stars, but Sakura made the decision for him. "You might as well come in instead of sitting out there all night," she called softly.

Neji responded a bit faster than he would have liked and appeared squatting on her windowsill. The moonlight streaming over his shoulder was bright enough that he could see she had in fact been crying. His hand began moving towards her damp cheek before he could restrain his impulse to brush away the tear streaks. He had a hundred questions to ask her: What did you see? Did you find him? Do you still love him? How can I compete with an obsession? Instead he waited silently.

She hadn't looked at Neji yet, even when she had called to him. Instead she stared at her lap, or more specifically, at a picture of Team 7 on her lap. Neji felt another surge of what he refused to call jealousy.

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but instead a choked sob wrenched from her throat. Neji waited a moment before slipping his sandals off and gently lowering himself to sit on her bed with his back against the windowsill. The warm night air washed over them as he waited.

Finally, the crying subsided enough for her to speak, though her clenched fingers never relaxed from the picture frame. "Why can I never be good enough?" she whispered.

Neji knew he wasn't supposed to respond despite her pleading tone.

"I was actually beginning to think that maybe studying with Tsunade-shishou had made me a stronger person. That when it came time to save the people I care about, I would finally have power over the situation. That I could save…" her voice disappeared again into soft sobs.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Neji asked softly when she finally regained control of herself.

She took a few more deep breaths before raising her puffy gaze to look at him. Neji felt the pain in her eyes like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He again resisted the urge to touch her, to gather her onto his lap.

"We found Sasuke-kun," she said softly. "He… he tried to kill Naruto. And there wasn't anything I could do. Not a god damned thing."

Neji thought she was about to start crying again, but instead she hurled the picture across the room. The glass shattered against the wall, and part of the frame broke off in pieces. "All these years we've been thinking about how to save Sasuke-kun, and he tried to kill us! We thought he didn't realize how he'd be used by Orochimaru, but he knows and he wants to be used!"

Her outrage was short lived, and she deflated again. "I'm so stupid," she sighed. "I worked so hard… I'm so stupid."

"So everything you've done these past few years was for that Uchiha, and now you regret it all?" Neji asked quietly.

"No," Sakura replied dully, conceding to his point. "But I had hoped that I would finally be able to accomplish something. Finally make a difference."

"If the only measure of your worth is by the actions of a traitor, then I don't think there's anything else I can say to make you feel better," Neji said after a pause.

"He's not a traitor!" she said sharply.

Neji just held his hands up defensively.

"It's not just about Sasuke-kun," she said sullenly. "I was worthless in the fight against Orochimaru, too. I hit my head and was knocked unconscious, and Yamato-taichou had to save me. Naruto nearly lost control of the demon chakra, and I could only watch it happen. I feel like for every step I take forward, everyone else has taken three. I am always the one left behind. Even now, Naruto is out doing some crazy training scheme that Kakashi-sensei put together. As soon as we returned from our mission, I was dismissed to play with my dolls while the men went out to do the real work."

'Ah,' thought Neji as a bitter smile twisted Sakura's lips. 'This is the real source of tonight's problem.' This time, Neji did pull her onto his lap. She resisted at first, but his hands were firm, and she finally gave in and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I bet Kakashi's training has something to do with Naruto and the Kyuubi," Neji told her. "If Naruto gets more consideration and more attention, it's because of the demon inside him. Personally, I'm glad you lack that feature, and if it puts you lower on the village's priority list, so be it. At least there isn't a group of S-rank missing nin who want to catch and kill you."

"He does have unusual circumstances," Sakura sighed. "I wish I had known about the Kyuubi all along. I wish I had treated him better when we were younger."

"Maybe you should stop punching him through trees then?" Neji joked lightly.

"Someone has to keep him in line!" Sakura replied indignantly with a sniffle.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Sakura spoke again. "Isn't it strange to think that I was with my team for barely a year before we split up? Why do I let it still get to me? We've been apart twice as long as we were together, and yet a part of me still says that we can save Sasuke-kun. Even though he tried to kill Naruto, I want to save him. God I'm so stupid." She shook her head sadly. "We don't even know what we're saving him from."

Neji chafed a bit that Sakura still cared so much about that Uchiha, but he wondered inwardly how far he would go for Tenten and Lee. Probably further than he suspected. "We build relationships with our teammates through life or death situations, and we begin at a young age. Of course it would leave a deep impression," he told her. "Saving each others' lives builds strong bonds."

"I don't think I was ever so useful," Sakura said with a small snort of derision.

"What would Chiyo-sama say?" Neji replied softly.

Sakura exhaled slowly but didn't say anything.

"Don't forget that your new strength helped you and Chiyo-sama defeat a member of Akatsuki," he said. He hoped she could hear the pride in his voice.

"Thank you, Neji," Sakura whispered before growing silent again. Eventually her breathing slowed to an even pace, and Neji began to gently disentangle himself.

He paused when she stirred and whispered, "Please stay. Everyone leaves me. Please, stay for tonight."

He kissed the top of her head and waited until she was asleep before closing his own eyes and letting the soft sighs of her breathing lull him to sleep.