So, as it is the eve of my Birthday,

(handy hint: I used the month and day right at the beginning of this story! - chappy 2)
I am gifting to you my lovely readers the next chapter!
My beautiful, amazing beta Immy said this is possibly her fave chappy so far. Aw!
I'm not going to lie, it's one of my faves too! (still caught up on the end of 19 - sigh...)
Cudo's to my fabulous reviews from Toe! (I missed you that much you get a mention!)
So my birthday gift to you is this chappy. Hope you like it!
Now please excuse me while I go and eat too much cake and drink too much butterbeer and decide if it sounds better to celebrate it as the last year of my twenties or the last year before the big three-oh! (OH godrics balls. someone get me a Firewhiskey!)

XOXO
Natstar

SHATTER ME

Chapter 21

"No! I won't allow it!" Sirius exploded out of the chair and began pacing around the room, hands clenched in fists at his side.

Hermione sat frozen as the room around her broke out in arguments about her. It became white noise as her mind swirled with the accompanying feelings of being pulled in and out through time; in and out of the swirling grey. The heart ache, the pain, the joy and terror condensed within her as the voices around her grew louder.

"It is not up to you Sirius! You cannot make that decision!" Professor McGonagall stood ground.

"The eighty percent chance that she is pregnant makes it my business!" Sirius shouted back.

Professor Dumbledore raised a hand to stop any further argument from the Head of Gryffindor. "Sirius, there are very few options available to us that can help ensure the safety and wellbeing of Hermione and that of the child. There is no other choice, but to send her back"

Sirius's face became aggrieved at the words. He had seen how the past had affected Hermione. "I will not risk losing her to the past again!" the argument had left his voice, but the emotions still hung in the air.

"Hermione, I need you to breathe." Madam Pomfrey, the only one who had not participated in the heated exchange now crouched beside Hermione's chair as she sat frozen. Her eyes were dilated and focused on the past.

Hermione rolled straight out of the fireplace, her fall cushioned by the hearth rug laid out before it. Hermione glared at the fireplace the flames dancing merrily on the log it was consuming. Behind her she heard a gasp and her name. She rolled and turned in one swift motion to be on her knees and her wand ready to be drawn. Yet the sight before her made her stop and stare at Lily in surprise.

Hermione being an only child with a small family had limited her to see many women pregnant. Lily lay on the couch with her stomach protruding from her. Her eyes snapped to Lily's face realising she had been staring.

"You're back!" Lily whispered to her in equal surprise. Hermione couldn't help but smile at the redheaded witch who had become a steadfast and understanding friend.

"And you're pregnant!" Hermione whispered back, "Congratulations Lily!" Lily could not help but smile back.

"Why are we whispering?" Hermione asked. She watched the smile change to a grimace and she nodded her head towards the kitchen and dining areas she recalled when she came through the day Lily and James moved in.

"Because I never realised how much like mother hens those four are." Lily grouched quietly. Lily tried to sit up again with no luck.

"Can you give me a hand? This little Hippogriff is jumping on my bladder" She asked Hermione. Hermione's eyes widened slightly and moved quickly to help her pregnant friend sit up; then with some difficulty standing up. Lily didn't let Hermione go as she made her way to the bathroom…

Hermione stood in the darkened hallway her mind on pregnancy and wondering what it would be like to have one of her own. More than anything she wanted to go straight to the man she loved and tell him that she loved him. But a small shard of doubt and fear she felt each time, would he still love her each time?

The sounds in the bathroom as Lily cursed trying to stand up from the toilet brought her back to reality. It was something to contemplate when she- if she could make it back to her own timeline, and if Sirius would still care for her after everything that was to come.

Down the hall she heard James's voice as his need to care for his wife and future child overtook the threats his wife gave in giving her some space. Hermione stood unsure what to do as she heard Remus, Peter and Sirius run as James voice grew panicked, fearing the worst. The others moved around the house trying to find where a very pregnant Lily could have gone.

The sound of a flushing toilet made Hermione jump and she moved away from the door. Steps sounded and James voice called down the corridor. His silhouette outlined showing his wand drawn. Hermione had hers out in an instant.

"Who are you? Where is my wife?" He demanded. Hermione stepped back again, not wanting to risk hexing Harry's dad if she could help it. The bathroom door opened; the light highlighting Lily's pregnant form.

"Your wife is right here." Lily said exasperatedly. She looked down the hall to her husband and huffed, "Put your wand away, unless you want Sirius to hex you for hexing Hermione."

"Hermione?" James said in surprise. They both heard Lily sigh again and the lights lit the hallway, displaying a large montage of photo frames with moving and still images of their friends and family. Yet Hermione was still focused on James who had not yet lowered his wand. Lily cleared her throat and James lowered his wand, raising an eyebrow at Hermione as she lowered hers…

The vision shifted and she was in the bathroom wiping her mouth as the flush of the toilet took the contents of her stomach down the porcelain pipes. Behind her she heard Sirius still chuckling at her quick exit from the room. She wondered why on earth someone would want something so horrifying between two slices of bread.

"I honestly thought the worst thing was second year when Ron vomited slugs for half a day, because his wand backfired." She said weakly as she accepted the damp face washer Sirius held for her, and a glass of water…

Hermione blinked as the sour taste of bile lingered at the back of her throat. All arguments in the room had stopped as everyone looked at her with concern.

"Perhaps it may be best for Sirius to escort Miss Granger back to her rooms." Professor Dumbledore said kindly.

Hermione did not wait for any more of an invitation and bolted out of the headmaster's office. She barely heard Sirius calling after her as she raced down the corridors. Steps sounded behind her but she paid them no heed as she burst into the nearest girls' bathroom, barely making it to the cubicle before she began heaving and emptying what little there was in her stomach.

When she had stopped retching, Hermione staggered from the cubicle to the sink, washing her face and rinsing out her mouth. Finally she looked up and stared at her reflection. For a second she thought she was looking at a ghost, upon seeing the paleness of her skin.

"How could that happen?" Hermione asked her reflection. Behind her someone snorted softly.

"I would have thought it rather obvious how it happened Princess." Sirius stood just inside the girls' bathroom watching her with concern. In normal circumstances she knew she would have yelled at him for his nerve; but right now his presence calmed her. Her mind wondered when was the last time normal circumstances actually applied since learning of the magical community. What was normal anymore? Certainly not everything that lead up until this very moment.

Looking at him through the reflection, she asked "What are we going to do?"

"Right now? I was thinking of finding a very large bottle of Firewhiskey and dealing with it all tomorrow. But given the circumstances, perhaps not." He replied. Hermione's gaze returned to her pale reflection. The conversations from the past hour swirled around in her head with memories of times she was never meant to have been part of.

"I'm pregnant" She voiced the two words that seemed to push to the front of her mind before anything else. Sirius shifted behind her, drawing her to look back at the man that she loved. The man who loved her in abundance. The man of the child that they now discovered they had made.

"I'm scared" she whispered.

"I know Princess." He moved to stand behind her, turning her to face him "So am I." He drew her to him holding her as she clung to him.

"Do you think you can walk to our rooms?" Sirius asked gently, as he shifted to look at her face. Hermione just nodded, not quite able to trust if she would vomit again. Hermione let Sirius guide her to their rooms, barely aware of everything and everyone around her. Those that did see her guessed she was only receiving further bad news, something many students feared, as it seemed to be something that became more and more frequent as the school year progressed.

As soon as they reached their rooms, Hermione still deep in thought separated from Sirius wanting to be alone again, as emotions threatened to bubble over. She retreated quickly to her own room locking the door behind her, leaving Sirius standing in their common room staring at the door, unable to help from feeling a sharp sting of rejection. After glaring at the door for a full minute he strode to the cabinet where he kept his Firewhiskey and drank deeply directly from the bottle savouring the intense burn down his throat and simmer in his stomach.

Hermione curled up on the window seat, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and her head resting on her knees. She stared out the window not seeing the view. Instead the image of her parents seemed to hover before her. As bookish and studious as she was, Hermione, had like many girls, spoke and gossiped with her mother about what she would do when she met 'the one'. She had always loved hearing the story of how her parents had met. It was incredibly romantic. It was her favourite story her mother shared with her.

Never before had she wanted her mother so much as in that instant, to tell her that she had found her 'one'. She imagined both her parents' reactions. Tears leaked out. She knew both would have initially reacted badly. Her father would be the first to come round. He always did. Hermione snorted through her tears as she pictured her dad trying to be intimidating to Sirius. Her smile died as she remembered that for all her imaginations none of it would ever happen. It had been taken away because of Voldemort.

Hermione had had a plan. The day she got her letter to Hogwarts and after her visit from Professor McGonagall explaining to her and her parents about a secret world full of magic and unicorns, Hermione had written down a plan. It may have been an eleven year olds plan at first but she had kept it and changed it as she progressed through her magical learning. Her plan had initially had things blank like a career, who she would marry. She knew she only ever wanted two children and this was reaffirmed after meeting the Weasley clan. More importantly over hearing one night Molly wistfully dreaming about what she had wanted in life if she hadn't been raising a large family.

It wasn't part of the plan for her to fall back in time. Nor was falling for Sirius Black, but she had. It wasn't part of the plan to lose all her memories of Sirius but, the Unspeakables that found her lying broken and bleeding by the stone arch with the whispering veil saw to that. It wasn't part of the plan to discover that she was pregnant and still in school. And it wasn't part of the plan to stay 18 years old perpetually.

Tears slid down her cheeks, for all the memories that she would never be able to have with her parents in the picture. The two biggest on her mind were for her dad to walk her down the aisle. The other with her mum being there for her through the pregnancy she now faced. Her parents never deserved the fate that they did. Since the end of their fourth year, Hermione had been trying to find a way to get her parents out of harms way without them learning why. In fact she had the plan. She had everything and practiced the spells as best she could before the end of the school year.

Her parents had talked often of Australia. They kept in contact with an Australian couple that had attended university with them when they were studying to be Dentists. She had planned to make it out to be a surprise trip, and because of her studies would not be able to go. All that planning went to waste the night she went with Harry to the Department of Mysteries believing they would be saving Sirius from Voldemort.

Hermione snorted again and wiped her eyes. Well she had indeed done that. In so many ways, since that night. She took a deep breath. She was letting her emotions best her. She was in this without her parents to be there for her. It was time to start working out the problem at hand; how to go back in time without getting stuck in that time, without alerting anyone in the past. Hermione frowned. The first concern was to confirm when in time she would need to go back to. Figuring out the how would come after learning the destination. Summoning a fresh roll of parchment, her favourite quill, and a calendar, Hermione set to work.

VVVVVVV

Sirius sat in his armchair glaring at the door. For the better part of four hours, he had tried to break through whatever spells she had put on the door to keep everyone out to no avail. She had used the same spells on the bathroom door to prevent him from entering her room to her bedroom. His lip curled into a snarl as he flung another spell at it ineffectually.

He got her back and she shut him out. At a time when he knew she needed him; and if he was being honest, when he needed her more than anything. He had remembered Lily's pregnancy in detail. That first moment that James had yelled through the mirror worried that Lily was dying. She had locked herself in their bathroom and the only sounds that were able to be heard were vomiting and crying.

Sirius was there instantly and immediately sent for Remus and Peter and Marlene to support James and Lily in whatever was about to happen. Apparently Marlene had been the key to getting Lily out of the bathroom. Sirius was there as much as James had been for Lily with her pregnancy. The night she went into labour was one he would never forget.

He was emotional from Hermione's visit and volunteered to stay with Lily when another call for the Order of the Phoenix had come through. James, Remus and Marlene had answered the call leaving Sirius with Lily. He was shouting himself hoarse down the mirror at James, panicking on what to do. James had managed to calm Sirius down and step him through helping Lily whilst in mid battle as Remus and Marlene covered him. James even shouted to all around he was having a baby.

He took another sip of the firewhiskey as he continued to glare at the barrier preventing him from being with the woman he loved. More than anything he wanted to hold her; comfort her and discuss the implications of the news. He had spent the better part of the time between trying to get into her room looking at it from every angle. He knew she would have to go back in time. It seemed that her timeline was stuck somewhere between 1978 and 1981 - From their first time to the time when his world turned into a twelve year nightmare.

The thought made him growl and flung another spell at the door. This time it was blocked by Hermione who now stood in the doorway with her wand out in one hand and a large stack of parchment in the other. She merely raised a querying brow at him as she moved swiftly across the room towards the corridor beyond. Sirius slammed the now empty bottle down and prowled after her, stopping her at the door by holding his hand against the door.

"We need to talk." His voice came out more forceful than intended.

"Actually there isn't anything that hasn't already been said Sirius." Hermione huffed at him. She jumped back in surprise when he slammed his fist against the door.

"Dammit Hermione! There is everything to talk about!" Sirius shouted. Hermione stepped back reflexively, yet her eyes flashed dangerously. Sirius took a breath before pressing.

"Princess, we need to talk about you, us and-" He couldn't finish the sentence. Hermione didn't flinch back, instead stepped towards him.

"You mean the part where I am pregnant from dallying with you in the past? The part where both of us were stupid enough to forget contraception? Or was it the part where I need to go back into the past to fix my age and have the child that we made?" She asked. Sirius grimaced, "Yes, that."

They both stood in silence staring at each other with words spoken and unspoken hanging between them. Sirius dropped his hand from the door, "Sweetheart, what I am trying to say is: you don't have to do this on your own."

Hermione gave him a wry look struggling to not snicker. "I certainly hope so, because this didn't happen on its own." Sirius's face did not show any sign of humour, in fact he scowled even more.

"Hermione, we need to talk, work out a plan, not just for this, but after." His tone was stern but Hermione heard the worry and anxiety in it. She had heard it often enough when she jumped in and out of time. In and out of his arms each and every time, but right now he was in the way of the one place she always went to when a time of crisis came up. The library

"What do you think I have been doing all this time?" She held up the ream of parchment still clutched in her hand. "I have to go to the library. And when I come back then we can talk." Sirius stood firm, unmoving except a brief shake of the head.

"Sirius! Please move! We don't know how much or little time we have! I need to research!" Hermione near shouted at him. She caught herself from stomping her foot, which incensed her even more.

Sirius folded his arms and leaned against the closed door. "Not until you and I discuss this first. Preferably after you eat something Princess, because I know for a fact you have not eaten a thing."

"Dammit Sirius! I need to work this out!" She was now yelling, and waved her hand full of parchment in frustration.

"I NEED YOU!" He yelled back. Hermione stopped what she was about to say. "Hermione, I just got you back! We are finally together sharing the same time! No pain of losing you and wondering when you will appear! No more memory loss where you forgot me entirely!" He grabbed the parchment out of her hand and flung the pages into the air. "That can bloody well wait a little longer than it already has!"

"Sirius! Now you are being utterly ridiculous!" Hermione shouted outraged as she watched her pages float to the floor in disarray. She moved to pick up the parchment but Sirius stopped her and moved her clear of the scattered sheets and the exit to their rooms.

"No, I need you to not shut me out!" He growled, "I want to work this out with you Hermione! I want to be with you!" He pleaded the last. His hands were still on her arms, but he no longer held her in place, instead caressed up and down as he sighed heavily.

"Hermione I love you. I have always loved you. I have loved you for so long. You have been there for me longer than anyone else in my life." His hands slid down to hers lifting them as he stepped forwards kissing both hands. Whatever anger had pent up within her melted as his lips pressed against her skin.

"I finally have you whole again and part of my life. I don't want to miss a moment of it. And before anything else tries to tear us apart I really don't want to miss this opportunity for this moment." Sirius's voice became husky as he gave her a half smile before dropping to one knee before her. Hermione's eyes widened at his movement, as he let go of her right hand to reach into his coat pocket and pulled out a very old and battered small wooden box.

"Ever since you came back I have held onto it every day waiting for the appropriate time." He spoke softly as he one handed opened the lid revealing the sparkling ring she has seen only once before, the last moment before she had been torn away from him and thrust back into the veil the final time.

He looked up at her his half smile reaching his eyes, looking at her with such love. Some call it puppy dog eyes, but Hermione knew better. Her breath hitched as their eyes locked and she felt the coolness of the slim gold band on the tip of her finger. "We never got to finish this last time. But I hope, if you will still have me: Hermione Jean Granger would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

The ring remained poised as he waited for an answer. Hermione found herself unable to speak and mutely nodded as tears of joy welled, distorting and magnifying her vision as she felt him slide the ring onto her finger. It felt peculiar against her finger, yet not in a bad way. It felt like home.

"Oh Sirius," She finally found her voice. She snickered as he kissed her palm, her wrist and up her arm until finally capturing her lips tasting the tears that had leaked from her eyes. He pulled away just enough to whisper "You make me feel like the luckiest man alive Princess," drawing her back into another searing kiss. The pages of her research lay forgotten on the floor as he lifted her into his arms carrying her back to his room.