Fading Away

By SherryGabs

Rated: T

Sorry for the long delay. Many thanks to those who are still reading and those still reviewing. Also thanks to DesertAire for her note of encouragement. Enjoy!

Chapter 21

Gibbs didn't sleep well that night. His anger eventually burned out, leaving him exhausted, yet unable to succumb to a peaceful sleep. When he did sleep, nightmares made him relive his captivity. In his dreams Jonathan's face would change into that of a monster. Into that of Satan himself, red eyes promising pure evil.

Between sleeping and nightmares, he lay in the darkness thinking of the threatening outburst he'd directed at the people who he was supposed to be friends with. His rational side knew they were trying to help him, but the paranoid side of him kept forcing him to see that head doctors were all the same as Jonathan. Deep down he knew that not to be true, but he couldn't help the way he felt.

In attempts to try to avoid sleep, Gibbs purposely opened his mind, hoping to find more memories of the people and the job he'd been separated from. The memories were there, he could see flashes; but there was a hurdle blocking the full pictures he couldn't seem to get over. Of course, the harder he tried, the worse his head would ache. But if the pain would keep him from sleeping, he'd welcome it. Involuntarily and inevitably, he would fall asleep again, only to waken a short time later, abruptly and frighteningly.

He also realized the decision to be returned to Metro jail had been rash, a gut reaction to the feeling of being cornered by Ducky and Tony. He could be in either cell and still be forced to see a psychiatrist by a judge. At least here he knew he was cared about enough for his coworkers to go to the trouble they were trying to help him. But at Metro jail he would be just another face, another number; he wouldn't stand out. He wouldn't be surrounded by people wanting him to do things he didn't want to do. Maybe he would be better off there.

ooooOOOoooo

The rest of Team Gibbs didn't fare much better over the night. Though not plagued by nightmares, each was kept awake worrying about their boss and friend. Tim, Kate and Abby had all been upset when called and informed about what had happened between Gibbs, Tony and Ducky.

They hadn't been able to read the journals thoroughly, just skimming them because of their length. But that had been enough, along with what Gibbs had told them, to understand why he was refusing Dr. Bergstrom's help. But wanting to be taken back to jail before he had to was difficult to understand. They could only peg it to the man's stubbornness and desire not to face the demons that needed dealt with.

When Kate and Tim stepped off the elevator into the squad room the next morning, they found Tony already at his desk staring at his monitor, which wasn't even turned on yet.

"Morning, Tony," Kate said, putting her purse away before sitting down and turning her own monitor on.

When she got no response, Kate turned to Tim and shrugged. Tim looked at Tony and saw his mind was in deep space. He went over and waved his hand in front of Tony's face. "You in there, DiNozzo?"

Tony came out of his self-induced trance, shaking his head. "What?"

Kate smiled indulgently. "What were you so deep in thought about?"

Tony sighed. "The boss. What else."

"Any ideas?" Tim asked.

"Yes, McEnquiring mind." Tony came out from behind his desk and leaned on the front of it. "Gibbs is adamant about not speaking to Bergstrom." He shifted his eyes between the two agents. They could sense something mischievous behind that look. They weren't wrong.

"What I'm thinking will be breaking several of his civil rights, not to mention will probably piss him off enough to chew through the cell bars to get to whoever's closest."

"What are you thinking?" Tim asked suspiciously, though he had to wonder if he really wanted to know.

"Forcing him to talk to her," Tony stated, standing up straight. "Not telling him anything ahead of time. Just put her in there; outside the cell, of course. He won't be able to get away from her. Maybe eventually, he'll give in and speak."

Kate wasn't too sure she liked this idea. She decided to be the devil's advocate. "Or he may not. It could be just be hours of silence. He's a very stubborn man,
Tony. He could throw another tirade and end up hurting himself if he can't get to her. What are you going to do? Drug him to keep him nonviolent?"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Tony thought of the possibility.

"Tony, I was kidding!" Kate shook her head and stood up. "You know how much trouble you could get into?"

"What harm could a little sedative do?" He asked innocently, maybe hoping someone would agree with him.

"Little harm to Jethro, but it could cost you your badge."

The sudden voice behind Tony made him jump and he clasped his hand to his pounding heart. "Geez, Ducky! You been taking lessons from Gibbs on how to sneak up on people?"

Ducky smiled. "No. You just make it very easy." His smile disappeared. "But Katelyn is right. You cannot sedate Jethro to force therapy on him. Not without his permission, at least," he followed with a shrug.

Kate gave Tony a 'I told you so' look. "Thank you, Ducky."

"Well, I'm open to suggestions!" Tony waved his arms in frustration.

"Just before you so easily snuck up on him," McGee couldn't help but give an amused look in Tony's direction, "he also mentioned putting Dr. Bergstrom outside Gibbs' cell and just seeing if she could get him to talk."

Ducky pondered that. "Now that may be a doable plan."

Tony gave his own smug look at the two agents. "Hah!"

"But what if Gibbs reacts violently?" Kate asked, choosing to ignore Tony's juvenile reaction.

"Well, he can't hurt the doctor—as long as he doesn't have anything to throw through the bars," Ducky clarified, remembering the night before. "But I would be concerned about him hurting himself somehow."

"That's why I suggested slipping him something."

"Which was overruled," Kate looked at Tony pointedly.

McGee's face brightened with an idea. "What if we put Gibbs in an interrogation room and handcuff him to the chair or table? He won't be able to get up."

"He'd still be able to move the furniture," Ducky brought up after thinking a few seconds. "They're not bolted down."

Tony raised a finger. "I can have maintenance bolt down the table and chair. They can also install a ring under the tabletop to attach handcuffs. Shouldn't take too long. One of the interrogation rooms should be situated like that for more dangerous suspects anyway."

Tony, Ducky and Tim all smiled at their brilliant idea, but Kate couldn't share their delight. "It just all sounds so cruel! I mean, this is Gibbs we're talking about. One of us!" She frowned even more deeply. "How would you like to be chained to a table and forced to do something against your will?"

Ducky came over and put his arm around Kate's shoulders. "None of us would like that. None of us wants to put Gibbs through it, either. But Gibbs needs help and if the only way to get him that help is to force it, then force it we must. Think of it as 'tough love', my dear."

Kate sighed and nodded her head. "I know and I understand. I just don't like it."

Ducky squeezed her shoulders. "Neither do I. But sometimes unpleasantness just comes with our jobs."

Each of them thought a moment of how true that was. They saw a lot of sadness and cruelty. It was something that couldn't be avoided in their chosen careers.

ooooOOOoooo

Ducky went downstairs to the morgue to tackle some overdue paperwork. Tony called the maintenance department and told them exactly what he wanted done. They said they could have it done in a couple of hours.

Meanwhile, Abby had taken Gibbs breakfast, which he'd only picked at and ate very little. He wouldn't speak to her and that saddened the sensitive woman. She relayed this when she spoke with Tony when he came to visit her. He did his best to console her, thinking that Gibbs would have done a much better job in the past. But for now, that duty fell on him.

Ducky received a phone call from Dr. Bergstrom telling him she'd reviewed everything and felt positive she could provide help for Agent Gibbs. She could not clear her morning sessions with patients, but could come in right after lunch. She was that anxious to begin. Ducky thought she sounded rather tired and realized she must have stayed up most of the night reviewing the material. He conveyed his appreciation and looked forward to seeing her.

Tim received a phone call from Kevin, the guard in holding. He said Gibbs had requested that the agents "get their damn questioning out of the way, so I could be taken back to Metro jail." Tim didn't need to see the quotation marks to know he was quoting Gibbs.

The agents and Ducky held another meeting. It was decided that Tony would question Gibbs first, then have a lunch break in the interrogation room. After Dr. Bergstrom arrived, they would let her do her job while they watched from the observation room.

ooooOOOoooo

Gibbs was brought to the renovated interrogation room later in the morning. Tony followed them in and watched the guard release a handcuff from around one of Gibbs' wrists and feed it through the ring, attaching it back to the same wrist.

Gibbs pulled on the offending cuffs and noticed how the table and chair were immovable. "What the hell is this?" He knew this was the same room he'd been in previously and that the security measures weren't there before.

Tony closed the door behind the guard as he left and sat down in the opposite chair, which was still movable. He laid a file down on the table in front of him. "New policy," he lied. "All prisoners requiring handcuffs need to be cuffed to the table." He really did dislike what they were doing, even though most of it was his idea. He knew Gibbs had to feel trapped and it would only get worse.

Gibbs' gut was telling him it was a line of bullshit, but decided it wasn't worth an argument. He just wanted this over and done with.

Tony opened the file and flipped to the right page. "All right." He sighed for dramatic effect. It was time for him to be an interrogator again, not a concerned friend. "Morning of April 13th. Tell me what happened with the two police officers in the alley in Arlington."

Gibbs remembered the incident well, even if his mind had been a bit foggy that first morning of freedom after having been drugged to sleep.

He may not have been feeling the extreme anger he'd felt last night, but there was just enough frustrated emotion left over to make him want to show that he did not regret his actions over those few days. This was in contrast to what he'd thought earlier, that he knew what he'd did was wrong. That it was his own actions that would put him behind bars for who knew how long. But there was a part of him, thanks to the assistance of one Jonathan Nesmith, that continued to rebel when he felt the desire to.

Relaxing lazily back into his chair, Gibbs cleared his throat. "That was where Jonathan had dumped me off. I woke up."

"Do you remember how you got there?" Tony interrupted.

"No, I was asleep!" Gibbs thought it was a dumb question. Of course he had to have been asleep to then wake up. When he noticed Tony was still waiting for something more reasonable he rolled his eyes and explained further. "Sometime during the night before he had me get dressed. He then gave me a shot of something that knocked me out. I woke up in the alley."

Tony looked down at the report to quickly read what would be coming up next. He pretty much expected Gibbs explanation to be the same. "Okay. Then what?"

Gibbs first remembered how good it felt to breath fresh air and the foreign feel of clothes and shoes on him. Then he thought of the actions of the two police officers and he became annoyed again. He happened to glance up and saw the red light glowing on the video camera in the corner. Might as well make it worth their effort.

"There were several people sleeping in the alley. The two cops came in and one of them started poking them with his nightstick telling them to get up and get out. When they got to me the older, fat one —"

"Officer Mahoney." Tony filled in the name.

"Whatever." Gibbs really didn't care to know the cop's name. "He shoved his stick into my shoulder. I nudged it away and got up. He got pissed off and demanded my name and ID. All I could tell him was my name was John and I had no ID." Gibbs shrugged and smirked. "Well, that pissed him off even more. He none-too-gently stuck his baton into my gut. I told him what I was going to do with that baton if he didn't remove it. He thought that was enough to take a swing at my head with it. I blocked him and punched his face. The younger cop—"

"Officer Wilson."

"Who cares!" Gibbs almost shouted. "The other one came at me and I punched him in the gut then knocked him to the ground. The fat one looked like he was ready to kill me right there, so I dropped him on his ass and took off."

According to the report, Gibbs version was slightly different than the officers' statements. They reported he had been belligerent from the beginning and had attacked them with no provocation. Tony's first instinct was to believe Gibbs' version.

"Just so you know, Officer Mahoney's nose was broken." Tony informed him.

"Good!" was Gibbs' heart-felt response. "He asked for it. He was gonna put a dent in my head with that stick just cuz I couldn't give him a proper name."

Tony made a mental note to himself to have Detective Rhinehold look further into the incident and Mahoney's background.

"Tell me about the grounds keeper in Mitchell Park. Why did you hit him?"

Gibbs had to admit that he really didn't have a good reason for slugging the innocent man. "No good reason, other than being angry." His voice became softer as he tried to explain. "A few minutes before I had a run-in with a storekeeper. He'd called me a bum and told me the bench in front of his store wasn't for my use. It really made me mad that he thought I was a bum. I busted his broom in half and threatened him. I was still seeing red when I went into the park. I couldn't control myself. When he came up on me, I just wanted to punch him."

Tony knew that charge wasn't going to go away, though it was a misdemeanor. Out of curiosity he asked Gibbs what he had done for food during this time.

Gibbs shrugged, losing some of the steam he felt before. He hated to admit what he'd been forced to do. "Jonathan had given me a cell phone and a few bucks, but the money didn't last long. I either stole food or went hungry. Jonathan's whole idea was to see what lengths I would go to to take care of myself. He didn't think shoplifting was good enough."

"And he told you this when? After he picked you up to take you back to that farmhouse?"

"The next day." Gibbs nodded. "I'd slept in another alley that night and it was cold. I felt pretty sick the next morning and just walked around for a while trying to warm up. I'd fallen asleep in another park and woke up when he called the cell phone. He picked me up, asked what I'd been doing and gave his opinion on what I should have been doing." Gibbs remembered the anger and face slap he'd received from Jonathan. But then the doctor did an about-face and told him how well he'd done after hearing about the assaults. The man's behavior had always been like night and day, anger and calm, hard and soft.

Gibbs didn't want to think about that. He shook his head, clearing the thoughts away. "You know what happened after that."

Tony didn't feel the need to rehash the time around Jonathan's death. "Well, then let's fast-forward to the next day. You were driving Nesmith's Cherokee and were pulled over by the state highway patrol. What made you attack Officer Jenkins?"

Gibbs hmphed with humorless mirth. "Well, let's see… I'd just killed someone, was driving a stolen vehicle with no driver's license… Need I go on?"

The sarcasm wasn't lost on DiNozzo. It really just saddened him. "You realize it was all caught on his dash-cam? That's how the police got your description for the BOLO they had out on you."

He just shrugged. "Hope it caught my good side."

Tony slammed his fist down on the table. "Is this all just a joke to you?" This snarky side of Gibbs wasn't something he was used to. That was an answer he himself may have given in this situation, but not his stoic boss.

"Yeah! See me laughing?" Gibbs blue eyes burned. "Well, the joke's on me, isn't it? Because I'm totally screwed! Now can we get this over with?"

"Fine!" If Gibbs could dish out the sarcasm, so could Tony. "What the hell made you want to pick up a hooker? Cracking from a lack of shacking?" He could practically hear the gasps coming from the observation room. "Bet she was a redhead."

Angered, Gibbs tugged on his cuffs. "Yeah, she was a redhead. Great looking ass, too!"

"Too bad she was an undercover cop!"

Tony stopped himself before saying anything else out of frustration. Shaking his head and waving an arm as if shooing a fly away, he let out a heavy breath. "Look, let's just calm down a little. Just a little more and we're finished." He knew this to be true when he glanced at his watch and noted that it was a few minutes past noon.

"What else is there?" Gibbs sighed, wanting this done with.

"When the vice cops searched you, they found a knife with blood on it, a 9mm Glock and over $2000. Wanna tell how you got them and whose blood was on the knife?"

Oh that. Definitely screwed! "Needed cash for the hooker cop lady. I got the knife off Jonathan's body. Used it to mug a drug dealer when I saw the wad of cash he had. Got the gun from him, too; and the blood was his."

Tony looked up sharply. "Don't tell me there's another body somewhere!"

"No." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Just scratched his neck a little. Maybe smashed his face against a brick wall, too." He looked away as he said this.

Tony looked relieved, knowing the unknown drug dealer wasn't about to press charges. "Did you use the gun or knife in any other crimes?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Nope. The cops had me in custody thirty minutes later."

Tony closed the file on the table in front of himself and wondered how the hell he could fix it so his mentor could avoid jail time. He felt his body tense in anger at how much trouble Gibbs was in and who was responsible for it.

"We're done," he stated, standing up stiffly.

"Taking me back to jail now, finally?" Gibbs asked expectantly.

"After lunch." Tony didn't meet his eyes. "Abby'll get you something better than a crappy bologna sandwich and stale chips. You can eat in here. No need for you to go back to the holding cell."

Gibbs leaned back in his chair in resignation at being stuck there for a little while longer.

Tony closed the door behind him as he stepped into the hallway. He leaned tiredly against the wall as Tim and Kate joined him from the observation room.

"Cracking from a lack of shacking?" Kate mimicked.

"He certainly brings out the best in me sometimes," Tony jibed.

"He's really got an uphill battle facing him," Tim stated, though it was obvious to them all. "Think the DA and judge will take Nesmith's actions against Gibbs into account?"

"They'd have to," Tony answered with some uncertainty. "Might help if I get down on my knees and beg."

Certainly aware of the fact that their interrogation was the easy part of their plan, the three agents couldn't help but wonder about Gibbs reactions when Dr. Bergstrom started on him.

TBC

Hope you liked it. The last third of this was done with a cloudy brain induced by Robitussin. Forgive me if it wavers or seems weird. LOL.