Going Gold

Chapter 21

Tesserot

I couldn't explain it, but even though Veito had been brought back to life safe and sound, something still seemed off about him. He was quiet, even more so than usual; and whenever he did speak, it was in a bitter, noncommittal tone. I wondered if he was angry with me, and I wondered if he really did have reason to be; if it was my fault that he'd died after all.

I had rarely seen my dad since I'd teleported for the first time in my life trying to escape him, and I hadn't spoken to him at all; but Tӫtka had assured me that he wasn't mad at me and that he was fine... I wasn't sure if I believed that last part. Nothing I'd seen of my father lately seemed fine.

I think some part of me still carried some resentment towards him, some primal instinct telling me that he was a danger to Veito, and to me. I tried to shake it off over and over; he was my dad, I should have no reason to fear him or be angry at him... but I couldn't get rid of the tiny worry that told me to keep an eye on him and watch my back as well as Veito's.

It had been two days since Veito had been brought back to life, and I noticed that he wasn't sleeping at night, and that he barely ate. I asked him repeatedly what was wrong, and he would just glance at me with something like nervousness before changing the subject. It was weird.

On top of that; I'd overheard something when my parents were talking, thinking they were in secret. I was just outside the door, about to ask my tӫtka something, when I caught their lowered voices, in some kind of debate.

"We have to tell him," my mom whispered, his voice sounded anxious even at such a low decibel.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Dad argued quietly, "It could stir up a lot of trouble."

"It's his body for the gods' sakes!" Tӫtka shot back, "He has a right to know!"

There was a pause, "How are you going to explain something like that to a twelve year old child?"

"I'll think of something," Tӫtka muttered.

My dad gave a doubtful snort, "Let me know when you do."

I had only heard about half of the discussion, but I had a guess what they were talking about. Something about Veito that Dad didn't want him to know, but that Mom thought he should. Something about his genetic problems? Had something gotten worse?

I wasn't sure how on Earth it could get any worse for him... and I made a silent vow to do whatever I physically could to protect Veito and be sure nothing happened to him, even if it killed me.

XXX

Vegeta

I was having a hard time keeping up. I wanted to be sure that Tess and Veito were alright after the traumatic events two days ago, but I couldn't turn my back on my mate for a second without him getting into some new kind of mess. It would be a lot easier if I could watch both the boys and Kakarot at the same time, but I sensed he was avoiding them, so I couldn't get them both in the same place at once. And he avoided me whenever I asked why. I had a feeling this wasn't the end to trouble; I could feel that there was some kind of storm brewing in the knotted cage of Kakarot's mind, and I dreaded the day when he at last had to face his "monster" once at for all. The careful limbo he'd kept up for a decade couldn't last, and it was already falling apart by the day.

Despite my worry for the boys and how they were dealing with the recent madness that had ensued since Gohan's death; my worry for Kakarot's sanity far outweighed everything else. It wasn't hard to see how unstable his state of mind was right now, and I knew better than anyone what that instability would lead to if it was allowed to fester like this for too long. Kakarot tended to bottle up his emotions, and then let them loose in crazy eruptions when they began to burst through their seams. I had a feeling that this last eruption that I could sense growing in him would be the worst by far... an unnerving thought to say the least.

Veito was another matter; one I worried about almost as much. I wanted to warn him to be careful, since there was an almost definite possibility of him being able to conceive like me. He was nearing the age when teenagers began to experiment, and even if it was years in the future before anything could – should – happen, I wanted him to know what to consider. I didn't want to lock him away and keep him from experimenting like that, unlike some human families; I just wanted him to have the facts so he could take them into account with whatever choice he made. I had learned the hard way about my own abnormal anatomy, and I didn't resent that, but looking back; I wished I would have known about it before it was forced on me with a single thoughtless decision. And if Tesserot was already as possessive of Veito as Kakarot said, it wouldn't be too long before he went into heat for the first time, and I wanted him to know why his brother was so overprotective of him.

I had no idea how I'd even know if what Kakarot guessed was true, but I had a feeling in my gut that it was. I probably should have brushed off the thought and told myself that Veito was too young to think about having sex, or that Tess wouldn't let him get near enough to another male for him to make that choice – I even considered telling myself that Veito probably didn't even think of other boys that way... which I was beginning to doubt... But I knew enough human – and even Saiyan – parents that had made that same mistake of deliberate ignorance, and paid the price for it. One could never be too careful.

But then, Kakarot did have a point. How would I explain something like that to Veito? I had the words and the experience to explain it upside-down and backwards, but whether I could break that kind of news to a child – my child, a product of this very subject - was different. And Veito did have enough on his plate without the added abnormality of being a hermaphrodite... something he wouldn't have in his genes if it weren't for yours truly.

Still, he absolutely had a right to know. And either way I looked at it, I couldn't deny that I would have appreciated if someone had told me that I could get pregnant before I actually did.

X

I managed to drag Kakarot away from his solitude for a sparring session with myself, Tess, and Veito the next day. I thought the exercise would help my mate relax a little, and would ease some of the tension and awkwardness between the father and his sons. Most people would scoff at the idea of violence solving those kinds of problems, but Saiyans were just weird like that. The physical action cleared the mind and took off a lot of stress, and training with fellow Saiyans brought them closer together somehow. It was hard to explain to any human that wouldn't be able to relate.

I knew at once that there was a flaw in my plan when Kakarot and Tess actually got face to face. Expressions and ki remained calm, but the bristling tail fur and change in scent revealed that there was still something bothering them both about each other; something that hadn't been settled yet.

And so, for the time being, Kakarot was paired up with me, while the boys faced each other. It had been a while since I had sparred with my mate, and I looked forward to seeing how much both of us had improved... I was disappointed when I saw how distracted Kakarot was, his eyes kept darting, his power fluctuating, and his heart was clearly not in the fight. I went easy on him where once I would have blasted him into the ground for losing focus; waiting for him to sort out whatever had gotten under his skin. I myself had been listless during a spar more than once, and Kakarot hadn't called me out on it, so I returned the favor for him. I did, however, try to reach the third level of Super Saiyan again after my recent ascension... and I was further disappointed to find that I had lost the switch to activate that power again. I was sure now, it was only involuntary; but despite that, I was glad that I had been able to reach it again before. It proved that the first time hadn't been an illusion.

Kakarot blocked or dodged every one of my attacks, not launching any of his own or even meeting my eye. Both of us were at level one of Super Saiyan, but my mate's power remained uneven and dipped low occasionally, and he kept biting his lip and furrowing his brow in consternation. I wondered what was bothering him so, but I could sense a translucent wall in his mind letting me know he didn't want me to pry. He wasn't blocking himself off or anything; he just needed to figure something out himself.

That was fine, I had no complaint for that; but over time, despite the fact that he didn't give any of his own attacks, his blocking became more aggressive, knocking me backwards a little when limbs clashed with sparks of ki, as if he were made of solid metal, not cooperating with my movements or engaging in the rather one-sided spar at all. I could sense in his unsteady ki that he was growing frustrated with something, and after a while he just broke away with a snarl of aggravation.

"Can we stop?" he growled, breathing hard even if he hadn't exerted a lot of energy.

I blinked, looking at the conflict boiling in his teal eyes, at his blonde tail lashing restlessly.

"Uh... sure, what's the matter?" I asked uncertainly.

"I don't want to talk about it," he muttered angrily, giving me a semi-apologetic glance before rocketing away, leaving an extremely confused atmosphere lingering.

"What's his deal?" Tesserot asked bluntly, pausing in his spar with his brother to drift over to me perplexedly, Veito trailing behind him.

"I have no idea," I sighed, releasing my transformation, my hair fading back to dark.

"His ki was all over the place," Veito said slowly, his black tail swishing, "Like he was fighting a battle in his head."

I looked at him, amazed at his perceptiveness as always. Veito just had a detached way of seeing through people and situations to infer things that others overlooked.

"Will you two be alright if I go after him?" I asked, concern sparking as I thought about what Veito had said, remembering what Kakarot had told me about his mental "monster".

"Yeah," Veito said passively, "We're fine."

"Whatever," Tesserot muttered, averting his gaze. I looked at him carefully; there was something about his posture that reminded me uncannily of his father...

I shook off the thought, "Go to Bulma's when you're finished training," I instructed evenly, "I'll meet you there once I've figured out what's wrong with your father."

Tesserot moved his bangs out of his face with a dismissive exhalation, "What's wrong with him? Would you like the list alphabetically, or in chronological order?"

I gave him a brief, parental-discipline snarl, "Don't be a smartass."

Tess shrugged, and I distinctly heard him mutter, "Better a smartass than a dumbass," as I flew after my mate.

He'd better watch his mouth, I thought irritably, I don't need his disrespect on top of everything else.

It didn't take long to locate Kakarot's ki-signature, and he hadn't gone far, to my relief. However... his ki was dangerously high, and I began to wonder as I pursued him if he'd blown a fuse again and was about to erupt... but over what? Nothing had happened that I could discern, unless something out our spar had gotten him angry, which was ridiculous.

I found him in the woods near his home, in a clearing that I remembered very clearly; namely I remembered it covered in snow while Kakarot and I pelted each other with snowballs... a long time ago, and yet not so distant as to be forgotten.

I was startled to find Kakarot on his knees, his ki alternating between a low, sizzling frequency of bottled anger, and recurring searing spikes of frustration and utter rage. His fingers were clenched in his blonde hair, his back to me, his tail not quite lashing, but more of shivering, suspended tensely over the ground.

"Kakarot...?" I began tentatively, approaching him. He wasn't blowing things up or shouting, and though I could sense burning anger clearly in his ki, his physical outlook didn't show it that much.

His whole body stiffened, and I caught a glimpse of one bright turquoise eye as he glanced at me quickly.

"...Get out of here." he said quietly, his teeth gritted and almost obscuring the words, his breathing coming in short, unsteady pants.

"What happened?" I asked, laying a hand on his shoulder.

He shook me off sharply, getting to his feet, his fingers still tangled in his own golden spikes. I could feel his temples throbbing as if the sensation was mine, and feel the bubbling frustration making his very skin pulse hot with each wave of it.

"I said go," Kakarot snarled, "Get lost, I d... I don't want it to hurt you..."

"Don't want what to hurt me?" I demanded, "This 'monster' of yours?"

"I can't... I can't hold it back for long..." he forced out, "Go. Now."

"I'm not going anywhere." I said stubbornly, "What the hell happened? Answer me."

"You have no idea..." he growled, his grip on his hair tightening, "You don't know..."

"I don't know what?" I pried sharply.

I watched a trickle of blood run between his fingers, and I stared. He must have been digging his nails into his scalp, as if trying to pull something out of his head... trying to get rid of the monster...

I felt his ki jump higher, his teeth bared and grinding together, as a yellow blur of energy encircled him, lightning skipping over his skin. I could only watch as he leapt to the second level, his hair bleaching pale blonde, a single lock of it flapping in front of his face as his eyes squeezed shut tightly. His ki was pushing me backwards, and my boots dug indentations into the ground as I forced myself to remain standing there.

'Vegeta...' I heard his thoughts, shaky though they were, 'Get away from here... Please...'

"What is wrong with you?" I shouted, "Get a grip, Kakarot! I don't understand why you're so upset!"

Blood ran thicker down his knuckles, as he dug his fingernails deeper into his skin beneath the roots of his golden hair. I was about to speak again, to attempt to get closer to him and stop him from doing this; when his ki went absolutely insane, blowing me several feet away as a huge gale of it roared from him, his shout of agonized desperation and rage almost drowned out by the deafening thunderclap of pure energy. His hair lengthened and billowed in the wind of his ki, like a comet's tail of spiked gold.

I held on to the ground until my fingers drove shallow trenches into the earth, spiderwebbed with cracks that radiated outward from me. The storm of energy buffeted me like a leaf, my tail snapping against my control in the wind, my eyes squinted against it; I refused to open them all the way for fear that they'd be plucked from my head. I ascended to keep my balance, fighting fire with fire, and I caught a blurred glimpse of my mate enshrouded in the blinding light of his own internal chaos, personified by the maelstrom of ki that he'd conjured.

I felt something tugging at my chest, an ache that seemed to coordinate with the flashes of ki Kakarot was emitting... almost like a failing heartbeat...

I snapped to attention, terror for my mate rushing through my blood.

"KAKAROT!" I shouted, struggling to be heard over the din, "Kakarot, your heart -! Stop, you're killing yourself!"

Several trees were uprooted as his energy shot even higher, chunks of earth and debris flying in all directions. I winced as I was nearly blown backwards, bracing against the buckling ground perilously.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" Kakarot screamed, fury and self-loathing tuning his ki so that it was almost painful; that and the terrifying beauty of him bringing tears of despair and unbearable love to my eyes.

I couldn't muster enough voice to make myself heard over the chaos, and I doubted he'd hear either way.

'Kakarot...' I sent to him, tears streaming down my face before being blown away by the gusts of energy, 'Shi-kḁdria, please...'

How could I have ever thought I was stronger than him? I thought in awe, I don't have a hope of reaching this level of power... but at what cost was Kakarot driven to it?

Kakarot fell to his knees again, and I could sense he was unable to stand, his ki draining along with his life-force at a rapid rate that made my head spin with fear.

Without thinking, I channeled my own energy into him, trying to keep his fragile heart from stopping, to keep his dropping energy replenished... His hair stained itself black, returning to normal, his power plummeting too quickly for me to keep up.

'Take it...' I thought desperately, funneling as much of my ki into him as I could, 'Take it all, take everything I have! ...Just don't give up on me, please-!'

I caught a blurry glimpse of dark rivulets of blood running down his forehead and neck from where he'd torn mercilessly into his scalp, and I felt my ki slipping away, pouring futilely into my mate as he collapsed to the beaten ground, his own depleted energy sucking mine away. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop him from taking it now.

We're both going to die... I thought discordantly, somehow unable to react to the idea. I felt sluggish, heavy, and I slumped to the ground, my chest heaving for oxygen that just wasn't there... as my draining energy still trickled into Kakarot, his hand an inch from mine. I don't think I could have even summoned the will to lace our fingers together one last time...

And I heard somewhere in the depths of my mind as it shut down, the quiet, defeated words of my mate as his fluttering heartbeat slowed.

'...I'm sorry... shi-kḁdria...' he murmured brokenly, and I couldn't even sense what emotion he was feeling anymore.

I wasn't sure whose thought the last three words I heard was, but I lost the last bit of consciousness I had as they touched my blackening mind.

'...I love you...'

TBC

((Still borrowing people's lines... I believe "better a smartass than a dumbass" is from Sixteen Candles... it was something like that anyway. I'm not sorry for the huge drama/angst here, I was trying to make this the climax of the story before it draws to a close, I hope it met your expectations, lovely readers, it was damn hard to write.

So... only a couple more chapters for this story, thanks for bearing with me, and for your nice reviews that really keep the inspiration flowing. And we'll see what triggered this whole explosion of anger from Kakarot in the first place shortly.

-Shinsun))