28th Jan 2012: (Sat) 20 months + 37 weeks
Pacing in my living room I try calling Amy again. Pick up damn it, I have no one else to call. Finally she answers.
"Amy I need you to come look after Morgan."
"Ok but why? Are you alright?"
"I'm in labour so I want to make sure someone is here with her while I'm in hospital."
"Right I'll be there in about 10 minutes. Are you going to call Ricky?"
I take a deep breath as a contraction moves through my body. "I don't know. It's his baby too but we're like strangers most of the time still. I see moments when he can remember something but it's not enough yet. It's early stages so I can always call when things have progressed."
"Fine. I'm now leaving mine." She doesn't sound happy with my plan but I honestly don't know if he'd even want to be there or not. As promised Amy arrives so I drive myself to hospital, get checked in and taken to a delivery room to wait and am then left alone for several hours so I try to get some sleep.
"Can't you do something to help her?" I hear someone ask. A strong contraction hits me making my eyes fly open and my hands grip the sheets like my life depends on it. I cry out in pain and a hand grabs mine removing it from the tangle of blankets. I look to see who it is as the pain subsides and am surprised to see Ricky standing beside me.
"Amy called you didn't she?" I lie back against my pillows still clinging to his hand. "You don't have to be here if you don't want. I understand."
"I might not have a full memory of my life with you, or fully remember how we made this baby but that doesn't change the fact that it's mine too. I feel happy and content around you and that box of things you gave me has been helping. I can remember eating re-heated take out, you wrapped in a sheet, Morgan staring at me while I held her and so many other things. It's not a complete picture but being with you helps me piece it together. I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if I wasn't here." I can't stop the tears falling so I just lay there and let them run down my cheeks until another contraction hits. Several hours of this pass, us talking between contractions until they're so close together that it won't be long before our son is born.
"Ok Lou, you're at 10 centimetres so you should be getting the urge to push now."
"Thanks doc for stating the obvious. Do I have your permission to begin then?" I snap grumpily making everyone in the room laugh.
"Is your wife normally this funny?" One of the nurses looks at Ricky for an answer.
"Yes and it's usually when she's the centre of attention which she hates." I look at him realising that he's just remembered something then squeeze his hand hard as I feel the need to push.
"You can do this Lou, you know you can." Spurred on by what he said after several pushes a loud cry fills the room as I give birth to our baby boy. The doctor cuts the cord then he's taken away to be cleaned and weighed before being brought back to us. He's placed into my arms and I just watch his face watching us. He looks just like his dad, same eyes and hair colour, same look of wonder on his face. I go to pass him to Ricky but he refuses to hold his son so I look down trying to hide how much that hurt.
"What are you going to call him? I'm pretty sure baby boy isn't going to go down well when he gets to school."
"Killian if that's ok with you. I've loved that name since I read it in a book when I was about 14." We agree and then I try to get some rest before our friends and family arrive.
RPOV:
I get flashes every now and again and when I was asked about Lou's comment I suddenly remembered the day she went back to school after her parents died when she moaned at lunch about my idea to put a 'property of' sticker on her. Sometimes when that happens I'll say something but have no idea where it came from and it's so frustrating. When Amy called me to say Lou was in labour I felt that I had to be here like I'd hate myself if I missed it. Maybe I should have stayed when I got out after my accident and I'll probably regret leaving her to deal with a pregnancy, Morgan and not having her husband around to help but I was and still am scared that I'll never get back my memories. Being around the photos and objects collected in that house made the fear more real and I just had to leave. I feel bad that I upset her and I could see how hard it was for her when she'd visit me and I wanted to make everything better for her but I'm no good to her like this. I'm not the man she married and that kills me though I don't fully know why.
LPOV:
"Everyone I'd like to introduce you to Killian born this evening weighing 8lb 2oz." I say as our friends gather around the bed for a closer look.
"I said it before and I'll say it again, you make really good looking kids." Adrian wiggles her fingers at Killian who just looks at her slightly confused.
"Mommy have brother. Daddy come home?" Morgan scrambles onto the bed giving us puppy dog eyes that are so cute. Knowing that it's going to upset her I just stay silent so he can be the one to break the bad news to his daughter.
"No not yet. I'm going to find my mom." He walks out leaving everyone looking at me for an explanation. Morgan moves closer to Grace for a cuddle while I try to put into words what's going on.
"He's remembering a few things but it's not enough so he's going to stay with his parents for now. I really want him to come home with us but it doesn't seem likely at the moment. I know he cares otherwise he wouldn't be here but he won't even hold Killian and looks at him like he's someone else's son." I wipe my cheek free of tears still keeping my baby close as if I can shield him from the fact his father wants nothing to do with him.
"Would smacking him in the head work? That's what caused the problem in the first place."
"As good a plan as that is Jack I don't think it's medically proven that another blow to the head can cure amnesia. We just have to give it time no matter how much we may want to slap some sense into Ricky." Margaret says as she walks in the room instantly taking in my tear stained face and the baby boy in my arms. She joins me on the bed and gives me a hug while the others leave. I pass her Killian so I can cuddle Morgan and she takes the seat while I try to fight falling asleep but it's a battle I can't win.