The fright that Lily had caused Otis in the shower got her thinking, she knew and understood that Otis was jumpy and overly cautious about everything, Otis was a control freak and never wanted to be caught unprepared. Otis took his knife everywhere when he went out and everywhere round the house but Lily had no idea that he took his knife in the shower with him too. She never thought Otis was that skittish, his childhood she understood had made him that way it was understandable but the shower was a time to relax, a time of contemplation and time to yourself it made her wonder why Otis thought it was necessary to take his knife in there with him too. There was obviously some kind of thought processes going on where Otis thought he would need to protect himself in the shower or maybe Otis hated how vulnerable the shower made you feel and never wanted to be caught off guard without a weapon. So Lily decided she would try and talk to him about it, she thought maybe she could help and put his mind at ease make him understand that he was safe, if he was struggling she could try and help him and if she could then the effort would make it all worthwhile.

Otis was asleep when she finally plucked the courage to go and talk to him about it. She loved to see him sleep so peaceful and sweet like butter wouldn't melt a mass of beard and dark brown hair. She sat on the bed beside him and stroked his wavy hair; she loved to stroke his hair while he slept. He gave a sleepy moan and a grumble; she couldn't help but giggle he was always like a grumpy old man. He slowly opened his eyes and grumbled in protest at being woken up; he didn't sleep the best at night so he liked to be left alone to sleep when he could.
"Sorry baby I didn't mean to wake you" She whispered.
"S'alright mama" He groaned as he heaved himself up and rubbed his eyes, she loved how cute Otis looked when he was sleepy. "What's up mama why the wakeup call?" He frowned, Lily gave a sigh she knew how this was going to go.
"I want to talk about what happened in the shower" She began.
"You woke me up to admit how stupid you were?" He grinned raising an eyebrow.
"Why do you take your knife in the shower with you?" Lily asked bluntly, Otis sighed irritably he had thought he had got away with that one that she wouldn't push for answers but Lily knew him like a book by now so it had been a foolish assumption.
"Always good to be armed mama" Otis said shrugging his shoulders.
"Otis!" She said sternly, don't bullshit me" He sighed in reply she could always tell when he was lying.
"I...erm" He sighed "My parents never let me shower said I didn't deserve it that they wasn't increasing their water bill for me, but I needed to shower I needed to wash my dad off me so I used to have to sneak into the shower unnoticed"
"Otis your safe now no one's going to hurt you" Lily said sympathetically.
"I know I guess it's just imprinted pretty deep" Lily closed her eyes and sighed it made her so upset and angry to know how badly her Otis had been hurt.
"Did, did something happen to you there?" She asked Lily hated to think of the answer; Otis sighed and slowly nodded his head. Lily opened her mouth to ask him but he waved her off.
"Another time mama, another time" He mumbled, Lily nodded her head understandingly she knew better than to push him, he would open up to her in his own time.

Little Otis skittered across the dark, cold and deadly silent hallway from his tiny bedroom to the bathroom. He knew his parents would be furious if they caught him using the shower but he had to, he could feel his skin crawl he needed to wash his dad off him. As far as his parents were concerned him using the shower was creating an unnecessary bill and spending their money but he felt so dirty he was willing to risk a beating to feel clean again. Otis sighed happily as the steaming hot water scorched his skin it was such an amazing feeling to feel the water wash away his shame and humiliation.

Otis closed his eyes and tried to relax his parents were asleep; he was trying to be as quiet as possible.
"Enjoying that are you" He heard a calm voice growl; Otis's eyes flew open like a dear in headlights and yelped.
"D, Dad p, please, I" He began stuttering terrified of his father's anger and seeing that his father was naked too he knew what was coming, he cursed himself for being so stupid how had he not heard his father walk in and he cursed himself for taking the risk in the first place.
"Nice to see you took the effort to get yourself clean for me" His dad grinned.
"D, Dad please I'm sorry" The little blonde haired blue eyed blue begged looking up at his father.

His father put his finger to his lips and Otis stopped talking instantly.
"Just be nice for daddy and I won't tell mum, we'll say no more about it" His father said calmly he said pointing down, Otis looked down and saw he was erect. Otis thought about it hard if he told his mother then he was in for hours of beatings and pain but if he just did this one thing he could go back to bed unharmed. Slowly Otis nodded his head it was embarrassing, humiliating and shameful but it was the least painful solution.

Slowly his father pushed Otis to his knees in front of him and he took him into his mouth trying not to gag. He felt so ashamed with himself for selling himself out like that but he couldn't put up with anymore beatings. Otis tried so hard not to vomit when the warm liquid filled his mouth and hot tears filled his eyes as he was forced to swallow. His dad was true to his word he walked out and left Otis alone to return back to bed but Otis couldn't get rid of the feeling of disgust he felt with himself.

In the evening on the way to bed she walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed and got a shock. Otis was stood in front of the mirror pulling a serious face with a razor in one hand gliding it across his arm not a serious cut but deep enough to bleed.
"OTIS! OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL" She yelled shocked, Otis's eyes went wide as he realised she'd caught him. "What the hell are you doing?" She yelled grabbing the razor from his hand cutting her finger tip in the process. She cursed and sucked her finger and looked up at Otis her face filled with anger.
"Otis what the hell" She cursed again.
"I, I'm sorry mama" He could see how angry she was.
"Otis what happened to you, what are you going through?" She demanded an answer grabbing some bandages out of the cupboard.
"Nothing mama, don't matter" He mumbled shrugging his shoulders.
"Otis you're cutting yourself you're going to tell me now!" Lily said sternly, Otis backed away from her slightly, startled by her temper. "For God sake Otis I'm not going to hurt you Otis I'm worried about you" Otis sighed he knew better than to be stubborn with Lily when she was angry so she began to tell her about what his father did to him in the shower.

When he finished he looked away from her, he felt so ashamed he couldn't look her in the eye as she wrapped his cut in bandages.
"I, I just felt so ashamed I sold myself to get no beatings, I'm disgusted with myself" He growled she could see the hatred for himself in his eyes.
"Baby no, don't blame yourself, your father shouldn't have done that to you, you did what you had to survive" Lily said putting her palm on his cheek.
"I hate myself mama" He mumbled.
"Don't! Hate your father for putting you in that position, if I can love you, you can love you too" Lily said smiling.
"Love you too mama" He said giving a weak smile.
"Come on you silly man let's get you to bed" She smiled taking his hands in hers and leading her to the bed.

Lily couldn't hold Otis close enough, couldn't give him enough comforting snuggles she wished he would understand how much she loved him and just how special he really was.
"Otis... please don't do this again" Lily whispered ghosting a finger across the bandage "Please don't hurt yourself again if, God if anything bad happened to you I don't know what I'd do" Lily begged, Otis said nothing. "Otis please, promise me!" She said sternly.
"I promise mama" He said taking her face in his hands and planting a kiss on her lips, God he couldn't believe he had this girl he was so lucky.
"I don't want you punishing yourself anymore for what your PARENTS did" A tear ran down her cheek and Otis wiped it away with his thumb.
"I promise mama I love you so much" He would always beat himself up over what he had suffered and things that he'd done but with Lily by his side he knew he could deal with it, he was a survivor not a victim.