Annoying Snape

You think my life sucks? It gets so much better…

"Enter," Snape repeated as I just stood there. After I checked to make sure I wasn't hearing things or having a talking, very life-like dream, I turned the knob and entered. Not because he told me to, but because I would have even if he said to not enter. I don't do what he says, if he said marry me I wouldn't. Really, I wouldn't…Oh, what do you know?

I entered (shut up) and walked across the room to place my things on a table in front of his desk. Snape looked up at me as though to see if I knew what he had done. Of course I did! They didn't call me Hermione-Know-It-All-Bushy-Haired-Hitler-Revived-Into-A-Witch-Bossy-Bitch-Granger for nothing now do they? I don't think so. I know my stuff.

"Now Miss Granger, as much as it pains me to say this," Snape said suddenly, "you seem to be the only one able to finish your Potion. Therefore, despite my vast protests, I am forced to allow you to become my Apprentice. If you decline, believe it or not, Neville Longbottom, who somehow managed to get just as far as you did, finished also. I would be able to take him on as my Apprentice. I do not want to," he said bluntly. "That boy is a danger to anyone within fifty feet of his wand, a hundred with anything bubbling in a cauldron, and seems to be afraid of me. I can not work with him. Last detention he cried for half an hour after I threatened to chop him into bits and send him back to his grandmother." I snorted and Snape ignored me and continued his speech. "You are simply the best and if I am forced to have a student on hand at odd hours and five out of seven days, I would rather it be someone I know can do something without my guidance and threats. It counts as all your recommendations for school and will erase on bad mark from your record, which I highly doubt you have. So, what say you?" Was he really just going to pretend nothing happened?

There was a long pause and I sighed. "I guess," I said, a giant sigh racking my entire body. It was one of those sighs that makes you go into a coughing fit so bad that you completely come off looking like a smoker. Snape glared at me, I honestly don't see what is so bad about coughing besides the fact my lungs seem to think I'm dying, but never the less I was fixed with his evil stare and quickly went to work. Twenty minutes later we still didn't talk, he had simply sent me a note with my instructions on it and I began to go to work.

"Let me see what you've done so far," Snape said, gliding over and peering into my cauldron. He wrinkled up his brows in thought. "What's this?"

"A ladle, sir," I said politely. He looked back up at me, another priceless glare fixed on me.

"I meant in the cauldron," he spat and looked back at it quizzically. "I believe you added another dash of birwood than needed? Why?"

"Well, you told me to add some poppy seeds into the mix, if I did that not only would the entire potion have turned into a cat, but it would have been an angry, wet cat," I explained. "Plus, you wanted a Reliable Potion, not a cat."

Snape looked at me and then something sort of like a smile, not quite, came over his face. "Very good," he said wiping his hands. "You're the first person in the ten years I've allowed this, whose gotten it right."

"See that's because everyone else was probably too afraid to tell you that you did something wrong," I explained. He didn't glare at me, simply stood there looking at me. "I'm not though."

"And why is that?" Snape asked, his face looking thoughtful again. I didn't really know how to put it. Luckily, before I could answer, there was a friendly knock on the door. Snape turned to it, his eyebrows knitting again. "Yes?"

"Severus, dear fellow, it's Albus, may I come in?" Dumbledore asked from the other side of the door. I looked at Snape in relative shock for a moment.

"Please do," Snape said, turning back to his desk and walking away from me. Dumbledore walked in and looked around, his eye twinkling with interest.

"Oh!" he said when he spotted me. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, Miss Granger was just getting accustomed to her surroundings," Snape said, he looked back at Dumbledore again.

"I placed those memories you wanted me to place away for you, away," Dumbledore said, he glanced at me and then smiled. He extended some small bottles filled with a misty substance for Snape to take. "For when you're ready for them again."

What memories?

"Alright," Snape said, standing up and grasping them in his hands. I glanced at them, curiosity bursting through me. I wouldn't say I'm nosy, just really curious about everything around me and I usually eavesdrop if I want to know something.

"I won't keep you," Dumbledore said, he looked over at me again, his smile brightening. "I would just like to congratulate you, Miss Granger. Not many get an opportunity such as this."

"Thank you, sir," I said, a faint blush creeping onto my cheeks. I still looked over at the vials Snape had quietly placed into his desk drawer.

"Good-night," Dumbledore said, he smiled again. "Be nice, Severus." Snape glared at him as he left, then he turned back to me.

"I believe you have another potion to get started on, do you not?" he barked at me. I was quite surprised with his behavior throughout all of this. Honestly, I did some pretty naughty thing to this man and he just…forgets them?

"Can I ask you a question?" I asked, timidly.

"I suppose, if you must," Snape sneered, he looked up again from his potion, impatiently.

"Are you not even going to mention what happened today?" I asked, my voice slightly teasing. "It's pretty obvious what you did, and why I got the Apprenticeship."

"Because you were the only one I trusted enough to place under these types of potions," Snape repeated, he looked very annoyed now as though I were looking for trouble.

"No I mean the whole face thing," I said, trying very hard not to loose my temper. Snape looked even more angry now, I don't see why he's denying this.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he barked.

"I think you do," I snapped, placing a hand on my hips and trying with all my might not to slap him. "You walked up to me and squeezed my face!"

Snape stared at me for a long moment. Finally, he spoke. "I did no such thing," he snarled. "I suggest you get back to work before I not only kick you off of this position, but make a year's detention with Filch cleaning out animal bowels, seem like a summer stroll." I just stared at him in disbelief.

"Yes, sir," I muttered and went back to work. There was a long period of silence. "What about the shampoo, then?" I asked.

"Excuse me?" he barked, sharply. "Did you not hear me when I ordered you to not talk again? Do you ever keep your mouth closed?"

"No, not often," I replied, my tone matching his.

"Miss Granger I am going to take a point for your cheek," Snape remarked, his tone seething.

"Well now my other cheek feels left out, you might want to take a point from it also, keep the peace, you know?" I asked, my tone like it usually was when I was talking to Snape. He looked at me in shock.

"Consider it done," he said, his tone cold enough to freeze my approaching tears. Why was he doing this? I want some ice-cream and a tin of cookie-dough. If I gain weight because of this man I'll kill him.

"Spiffing," I snapped. He turned and went back to his work. There was another, really long pause. "You're a face squeezer!" I cried out. He dropped whatever he was placing into the cauldron, onto the floor and turned to me, I thought for a moment he might take out his wand and kill me. Before he could, I began talking, well more like physically showing what he did. I strode over to him and grabbed his face like he did to me. "Ring any bells? Toot any horns? Is that little light bulb flickering on yet?" I asked, I looked into his eyes and only saw shock, anger, and pure disbelief.

"Get. Off. My. Face. NOW!" he roared and I let go of him, my cheeks blazing. "I do not know what in the world has gotten into that already inflated head of yours, but if you do not cut this childish behavior, I am going to pull your paperwork from the Ministry and hire Mr. Longbottom. Is. That. Clear?"

"Crystal," I squeaked, my cheeks still on fire. Something was really off.

"Get back to work," he spat, straightened his robes, and went on with his work. I watched him working and continued with my own potions, fixing all the purposeful mistakes he had made. I honestly feel bad for the kids who had a wet, angry, potion smelling cat hissing around the room. Also, some of the things that would have happened if you didn't change the potion, were pretty dangerous. Like a snake, and an explosion. I would have been pa-hissed if any of that spewed into my face. I would have had a B-fit so fast it would have beat Superman's flying speed. "Are you finished with Potions two through five?" he asked, some twenty minutes later.

"Yes," I replied, my face still laced with embarrassment. "Also I've done six through nine."

"No doubt that you would have," Snape said, his tone mocking me. He walked over and peered into the vials, his eyes glanced at the thickness, color, and weight of the potion. "Very well. Here is the next list of potions. There will be no need for you to correct any of my mistakes." I glanced over the list.

"And if I see any?" I asked, realizing too late that this would most likely piss him off.

"Like I said, I don't need you to correct anything. I have made no mistakes, I make no mistakes when it comes to something like this," he snarled, his tone was heavy with uncontrolled anger. He turned and I felt words spill out of my mouth before I could do anything about it.

"Sir, with all do respect," I began. He stopped, his body gone stiff with anger. "you didn't answer my question. I simply asked what to do if I do find a mistake."

He turned to me slowly. "Miss Granger," he barked, his voice thin and waspish. "I have told you that there are no mistakes on this piece of paper, yet you seem to feel the need to make one. I have given you instructions, I have laid everything out for you, there should be no problems, yet you seem hell bent on making one, why is that?" he asked angrily.

"Sir, it says add Capricorn oil into the base after stirring for three minutes," I said, he nodded, still not seeing what I could possibly see wrong. "Capricorn oil is grown in an African desert, three hundred miles from the nearest form of water, the rain that does fall on it, is magically evaporated before it touches the leaves. If I add the oil into the cauldron it would most likely act violently." There was a wringing pause.

"Did you read on?" Snape sneered. I paused, quickly scanning the list. I re-read his directions and felt my cheeks flame up instantly. "Well?"

"No, sir," I said, my voice small and weak.

"Will you kindly read what the instructions tell you to do?" he asked, his voice mocking and teasing. I tensed and read the words, my voice now hardened with embarrassment.

"'Place fairy dust on top of the mint leaves. Leave for two minutes, or until the two have congealed onto one another. Stir the ingredients for three minutes. Add the Capricorn oil-'"

"There you are, Miss Granger," Snape said, his voice ringing across the rooms. "Perhaps if you focused more on what you should be doing right, rather than what others are doing wrong, you wouldn't make common mistakes," Snape said, his voice as sharp as a tack.

"Yes, sir," I replied. My mind was screaming at my mouth to open up and give him a piece of my mind, to lash out at his tone, but my mouth stubbornly refused. Something was wrong.

Snape worked for another ten minutes then placed his ladle down on the table and stalked over to the desk and turned back to me.

"Miss Granger, I need to make a quick errand. I trust you no longer need to be babysat and I can leave you here, alone?" he asked, his tone mocking.

"Yes, sir," I replied instantly. I was thinking only of breaking into the cabinet and seeing what memories he had closed up. How rotten am I?

"Good, when I get back, I expect that entire list to be done," he ordered, his tone clipped, and then strode from the room, the door slamming forcefully behind him. I stood there for a moment before testing the water. I threw a quill at the desk to see what happened, nothing. I placed a pinkie on the desk to see what happened, nothing. I opened the drawer, nothing. I pulled a random vial out of it, nothing. I opened it up, something. With the impact of a charging bull, I was slammed into the wall behind me. I saw a memory, his memory, of all the things that had happened between us. This was almost like Snape last year, I guess before he fell in love with me. Snape didn't want to remember everything we've been through…

Once the memories were placed back into the drawer, I settled back in my seat, my mind now buzzing deliriously. Either he put them away because he was in love with me and didn't want that to interfere with my work, or something happened. The door burst open and Snape strode back in. he glanced at my table, the potions neatly line up in a mocking row.

"Very well, you may go," Snape snarled, his entire body slumping with relief of my nearing exit. "I'll see you tomorrow, same time, same place, then? I wouldn't be late."

"I won't be," I said, my tone in a tight, clipped fashion. He thinks he can belittle me? Well I am not intimidated by this man anymore! Well, alright I am so lying. This is Snape pre-love for me. He's mean and doesn't really like me at this point. If all his memories are gone-

Isn't this what I wanted? didn't I ask for this? For some magic miracle to take his memories away? So that I could start over without all the stuff that happened between us?

"You're gaping, Miss Granger," Snape called, I started and smiled weakly at him.

"Long night," I explained, he didn't respond.

"Good night, Miss Granger," Snape said, his voice pointed on the good bye. "I daresay we'll meet again in class?"

"Yes," I replied and began to edge out of the room. I wanted to say something, I needed to say something, his memories of me were sitting in a bottle. Snape's head was bent and he was correcting essays. I watched him for a moment.

"If you are not gone when I look up you'll be here till dawn scrubbing the floor," Snape growled. He looked up, only to see my robes swishing away.

Annoying Snape

Memories Gone

"Where were you?" Ron hissed, his voice sounding shocked that I would ever be late for a class. I sighed and placed my bags down on the table, I wasn't late, really. I was actually an entire minute early, which was late. Usually I'm here thirty seconds after the lunch bell.

"I had to look something up," I hissed back and began to unpack my bag. Neville took his seat in front of my, nearly blocking my view of the door. I looked around the room, and still didn't see Snape, or any sign of him in fact.

"What," Harry said, stressing the point. "was so important you were nearly late…for Snape's class?"

"I just had to check something on memory modification," I explained. All I got in response were two blank looks. Before I could explain a door slammed and Snape strode in, looking miserable as ever.

"Settle down," he barked. Was that really needed? Only idiots breathed once he entered a room. "Take out your books and turn to page 636," Snape ordered and opened his own, teachers edition. "Can anyone tell me what Sapphric root is-besides Miss Granger," Snape said, almost instantly. He turned to see that not only was my hand not up, but I was looking at my nails.

Everyone else had followed his gaze and were now too staring in shock. So I answer every question he ever asked, so what? If I didn't he'd get cranky and his cranky pants are so tight they must be cutting circulation off to his boys.

"Miss Granger, can you tell us what Sapphric root is?" Snape asked, his voice not hiding any of the shock he must be feeling at this point. If this had been say McGonagall's class I would have been sent to Madam Pomfrey to check for a fever. I shook my head no. "No?" he echoed, his voice and face showing complete and utter shock. "You don't know the answer?"

"No, sir," I repeated, my voice low but firm.

"Did you not read the chapter?" Snape asked, he was now sounding confused. "I mean to say that usually whenever I assign work, you're spitting out about things we haven't learned yet."

"I didn't read ahead, sir," I said, trying not to giggle.

"So you didn't do your assignment?" Snape asked, his tone now becoming slightly more amused with whatever punishment he was thinking about.

"I did the assignment," I said, slithering it out of my book and handing it to him. He read it over and then turned the page over twice before looking up at me.

"It's three and a quarter feet long," he said, his tone once again back to disbelieving.

"I'm aware of that," I said. "It was the required length, was it not?" I asked. Ron nearly fell out of his seat.

No one else said anything. The main question on anyone's mind had to be, 'Did Hermione Granger go crazy?' The answer? I've never felt saner in my entire life.

Snape thrust the paper back at me, his face still shocked. "Does anyone know what Sapphric root is?" he asked. Neville raised a shaking hand. It was the first time he even spoke out in class. Snape turned to him looking more shocked than ever. "YOU know Longbottom?"

"I think so sir," Neville replied, his voice cracking with anxiety and fear. Snape looked back over at me, incredulously.

"Longbottom knows but not Granger?" Snape said, as though working it out in his head. The entire class nodded their heads in agreement. "Granger doesn't know an answer, but Longbottom does?" More nods. Snape had the look of, 'WHAT is the world coming to?' plastered on his face and turned back to Neville. "Well then, what is it?"

"It's used to cure most forms of the common cold. It doesn't take away your symptoms, simply lessens them so that it's not as brutal," Neville explained, his voice still quivering with fear. Snape stared at Neville, looking almost afraid. Everyone waited for what Snape had to say.

"Your assignment is one the board," Snape said, his voice clipped. He turned away and went back to his desk. Neville sat there, his eyes darting around for a moment before relaxing some. He glanced back at me and met my wink, then crushed the small scrap of paper I had slipped into his hand before class began.

A/N Please read and review. I understand, not my best, and before I get a million reviews claiming they're confused, I want to explain. Something happened and Snape had to take his memory away and keep it hidden for a while, while doing that he extracted all his memories of Hermione. Do not fear, he gets them back. You'll also figure out why he gets them taken away. This is the Snape before he realized he loved Hermione, that's why he is always so tolerant of her, so don't get all antsy. Anything else just tell me.

Also, last chapter I said it was Saturday and then changed it class, my mistake. I had written another bit to the chapter but took it out and forget to change the days, simply ignore it. Thank you.

Oh yes, there will be more pranks for those of you prank lovers and more romance for those romance lovers, I know this probably isn't funny, but I wrote another part of the story and I liked how it came out, sadly I couldn't post it without a fill in chapter, almost like foreshadowing, so just bear with me. It gets better.