Disclaimer still hasn't changed. I own nothing except the ideas in my head, and even those have probably been used before.
Author's Note: Ok, so this is a long one folks. The longest in a long time. So, for those of you who like these long chapters and have been wanting more, yay for you. For those of you who aren't as big for the long chapters, there are page breaks. Feel free to take a coffee break during those periods.
Today's Chapter is brought to you in part by Finals Week at my college. You too can write fanfiction instead of studying!
I don't think my college actually condones that though . . .
The Incentive
By Fou Fou
Chapter 21: Intervention
For Garith, the past few weeks fell surprisingly into some sort of uneasy routine. The situation with Mara was balancing precariously in between sworn enemies and friendly acquaintance. Arguments had become a sort of familiarity common to a two person routine that had been doing the same act for years with little variation. Mara refused to become closer friends with him as:
a.) He was the enemy
b.) She was not a romance heroine written by some sappy romantic teenager who was bound and determined to pair up everyone by the end of an adventure.
Even when Garith tried to point out that everyone else (i.e. Andrew, Eric, Tom, Jareth, and Sarah) were all hooking up with each other or other people, Mara would say that just because everyone else was following the silly romantic trend, she was not about to submit to peer pressure. Not to mention the whole Sarah/Jareth thing was entirely certain yet, and Andrew, Eric, and Tom were still young and could reasonably be expected to break up with their current Significant Other). And so, she continued drawing her stick figure masterpieces, filling out her application for Snow Queen, and throwing mostly blunt objects at Garith.
When Jareth happened to walk by during one of these interactions, he often made the mistake of mentioning within earshot of Mara that he could cut the sexual tension with a knife and would the two just make out already. In return, Mara would commence to chucking objects at Jareth.
Garith was beginning to realize that Mara was somewhat a violent individual. (Jareth said she had always been that way, and frankly he was amazed that Garith was only now beginning to realize this). Somewhere over the course of their relationship, Mara had gone from being a skittish frightened kitten to a very confident, violent . . . Garith wasn't sure what. Woman he supposed. A bi-polar one at that. Despite the fact that she claimed that his very existence was the bane of hers, she would still crack a smile in Garith's general direction. Okay, so most of those times it was because one of her flying projectiles had hit its target. But there was always that one time that she would genuinely smile at him when he told a joke or the two were just chatting during one of their temporary truces.
She still refused to make a real truce and make the final jump the fence from enemies to friends. Garith knew she had trust issues when it came to anyone who was remotely involved with her family, but still, he'd like it if she'd just give him a chance.
It didn't help matters that Jareth felt disposed to point out that Garith hadn't exactly given Mara reason to trust him for the first four months of their acquaintance, so he really shouldn't be surprised that Mara was so reluctant to become bosom companions with him.
Garith continued to tell himself that Mara was just being stubborn. Sarah had liked him for those first four moths, and still liked him as a friend, and she had never been one of the Barbarian Horde.
"Sarah tends to make friends with individuals who don't deserve it," argued Jareth when Garith explained his reasoning for hope. "So really you're just deluding yourself. Look at her dwarf friend, Hogposh. Sarah is die-hard friends with that creature, even though he gave her a poisoned peach that almost made her lose to the Labyrinth.
"Meanwhile, I, who gave her everything she wanted; turned the world upside down and reordered time. Yet, I was placed into the category of 'enemy.' It took me months to earn her trust, and even now that is a bit tenuous as best.
"No, Sarah can hardly be used as a proper model of comparison. She is a law unto herself, and so is Mara for that matter. Sarah is the type to play matchmaker for revenge. Mara is the type to throw mostly blunt objects at your private regions or plot your political and social demise. Point in case, that whole Dragon incident a few years ago when she found out they were supporting her father in some movement against her. That was back when they didn't keep issues involving the K'Talven family a secret. If Mara found out who pushed for our marriage besides her father, she'd make their lives a living hell. She likes to hold grudges, which is precisely why I haven't told her their names. I am pissed off about this thing too, but I at least possess a level of maturity that Mara could never hope to reach."
Jareth on the other hand seemed to have gotten out of his "What if Sarah doesn't like me enough to become immortal?" funk and got back to what Garith assumed was normal for him. Garith and Jareth had formed a sort of truce over the past few weeks, though Garith had to admit that Jareth acting like Mara's surrogate big brother was a bit weird, seeing as that part of Jareth involved lots of promises of a one way trip to the Bog of Eternal Stench. Garith had never actually visited the esteemed vacationland, but he had gotten to near a Goblin who had accidentally stepped one foot into the bog, so he could appreciate the threat. After spending all this time with Jareth, Garith was beginning to sense where exactly Mara had learned her inventive threat making talents.
The only sanity in the Castle Beyond the Goblin City, oddly enough came in the form of Rawthorn, who did he best to break up the fights between "his unruly children." When he wasn't playing mediator, Rawthorn took to being in the private sector quite cheerfully. He had commandeered a suite's worth of rooms for experiments. This caused Jareth to mutter something about "damned interfering Elves. Think they can just waltz in and take over, like they own the whole bloody Underground." Jareth learned to deal with it however, since Rawthorn was creating the whole potion thing that could make Sarah immortal. Garith even heard him mention to Mara that he might make him Court Magician.
As for the chickens, the goblins, the many-eyed fungi, and the other inhabitants of the Underground, they continued to live out their lives in their usual chaos driven fashion.
Life continued with relatively few changes as everyone bided their time for the perfect opportunity to make their next move. So it was on a lazy afternoon in April when Mara received the letter from her sister. This in itself was not unusual, since Mara often had her mail forwarded to the Labyrinth. Usually it was the odd, semi-apologetic letter from her sister, giving the latest news on the family. The two hadn't seen each other in decades (her sister wasn't there that brief week when Mara had visited home and learned that her life as a single woman was over), the whole issue of Nomar making any face to face confrontation awkward (though Nomar tended to be a bit oblivious to that).
What made this letter different from the others was one tiny little detail.
"Bloody hell! She's coming here? My sister is coming here?" cried Mara, storming into the library where Garith was quietly reading a book.
"My dear Mara, do you think you could lower your general decibel level by a little bit, luv," asked Jareth, popping into existence in the middle of the library. "I think they could hear you halfway to the capital and back. What in heaven's name has gotten your knickers all in a twist?"
"Ari, my all so wonderful sister, is coming to visit, and it's quite possible that her darling husband and bouncing bundle of joy will be tagging along."
"Have you even met your nephew?" asked Jareth.
"No, and I don't want to. I hate children," said Mara stubbornly.
"Mara, you do not hate children. Whenever someone wishes their child to the Labyrinth you get all goo-goo eyed and talk in silly baby voices with a big happy grin on your face. Mara, you have the motherly instinctive love for children in troves."
"Mara, has mother instincts? And loving ones at that?" asked Garith, looking up from his book. "I've got one heck of a paper cut. Think you could nurse me back to health?"
"You want nursing? Oh, I'll give you nursing!" In her right hand, Mara called up a crystal and would have probably successfully chucked it at his private regions if Jareth hadn't stopped her by plucking the crystal out of her hand.
"He's not worth the effort, Mara. You don't need to . . . turn him hot pink with bright neon polka dots?" Jareth looked at the crystal with confusion as he read the spell's intentions.
"I was trying to turn him into Elmo the Polka Dotted Penguin . . ." said Mara weakly.
"I trust you understand this next to incomprehensible blathering?" asked Jareth, turning towards Garith.
"Yes, Mara and some of her friends made up a song. It was quite silly in fact, involving a full out dance number that addressed the issues of prejudice society. Which, my dear Mara, I must point out ignoring prejudices is a real sense of maturity. Therefore, I think you should cast off your prejudices and accept my olive branch," said Garith.
"You didn't give me an olive branch. You gave me a box of tampons and some chocolate over a month ago, and that has nothing to do with olives."
"I think he means it as a figure of speech, luv," explained Jareth. "So why is Ari coming over?"
"What's this I hear about Ari coming," asked Rawthorn coming into the room. "I haven't seen your twin in ages! How is young Reggie doing, by the way?"
"Reggie?" asked Mara, confused.
Rawthorn started at Mara incredulously. "Reggie? Reginald?"
Blank look.
"Your nephew? Good God, Mara, I realize that you don't like associating with the rest of the family," scolded Rawthorn, "But you could at least make sure you know the name of your sister's son!"
"I knew his name was Reginald, I just never heard him referred to as 'Reggie,'" said Mara defensively.
Rawthorn waved his hand, ending the matter. "Never mind that. Which members of the family will be visiting?"
"Ari, Nomar, and bouncy baby Reggie. And they're all coming tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Your family really just likes showing up unannounced and uninvited to stay here for an indefinite amount of time. They will be leaving at some point I assume," asked Jareth.
"I'd like to point here you invited me to come here," said Rawthorn.
"And you lured me over hear with promises of fine wine and sneaky plan making," said Mara.
"I'm not part of Mara's family," pointed out Garith. "Therefore I cannot be grouped with them."
"Well, I still feel like I'm being overrun by the K'Talven family clan," said Jareth grumpily.
"Technically, Ari is now part of the Light Elves' Royal Family, since we live in a patriarchal society where it is unacceptable for girls to keep their maiden name."
"Elves in general then . . ."
"I'm not an elf!"
"Just think about how bad it will be if we get married," said Mara.
"Oh, bite your tongue, Mara. You'll jinx us."
"So why exactly is your sister coming?" asked Garith.
"To giver sisterly advice about entering the world of matrimony or some hokey nonsense like that. She says she is simply thrilled that I finally found someone."
"You and Jareth have been friends for years. How is that 'finally finding someone?'" asked Garith.
"You've got me. Just because I'm her twin doesn't mean I understand how her mind tics. Believe me when I say that Ari is a mystery to me."
"I suppose you'll want to hide our steamy hot love affair then," said Garith, putting his book down to take Mara's hand. "Shall I play the cold emotionless bodyguard, or the jilted lover? Let it be known, Mara, that while we must keep our love a secret from the rest of the world, my heart still beats with passion for you, my one and only love."
It took a full five seconds before Mara found the voice to respond. "Your heart doesn't beat, Garith. You're dead." She turned towards Jareth, her hand still held tenderly by Garith. "Is he for real?"
"Ah, I see that you'll be playing as if you don't love me, a cruel mistress. But I shall not let you forget me. I shall remain loyal to you until the bitter end. Know that my heart shall always belong to you, even as it does not still beat." Garith kissed her hand gently before Mara pulled it away, her face turning the same shade as her hair.
"So this Joe guy actually thought you were kidnapped by aliens? I guess that's not so far from the truth," said Eric.
It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon two days after Sarah had gotten home for break. After a rather silly reunion at the Texas Roadhouse (Sarah had informed the waitress covertly that it was Eric's birthday leading to a massive Happy Birthday greeting from the rest of the customers of the restaurant), the two were walking down the streets of their hometown, heading down to their favorite bookstore.
"I rather like the mafia theory myself, though the alien theory is probably closer to the truth. Does Mara count as an alien?"
"Well, she does have alien tendencies."
"I'm pretty sure that's just Mara being weird."
"Yeah, she tends to be that . .. oh my."
Eric opened the door to the bookstore, and found himself quite unable to take a further step into it as he stared with horror at the sight that he beheld. Sarah, who didn't expect for Eric to suddenly stop like that, ran into him causing the two of them to fall over into the store.
"Jeez, Eric, warn a girl before you decide to stop suddenly like that. I mean, really!" admonished Sarah as she stood up, rubbing her forehead. "What caused you to stop like that anyway, I mean it's just . . ."
Sarah briefly wondered if perhaps she had suddenly gone colorblind, since suddenly it seemed as if her whole world had turned red. She heard that it happened to people when they became angry, they saw red, but she didn't feel angry, so that probably wasn't the case. Then, she realized, that the reason why she was seeing red was because the entire inside of the store was covered with hearts.
Thousands and thousands of hearts.
"Wasn't Valentine's day back in February?" asked Eric, looking around.
"Did Mrs. Picklesworth actually approve of this?"
"I don't think she would. It kinda supports 'Public Displays of Affection,' and she hates that.
"Well, how could she NOT know about this. I mean she's always here!"
"Hello, dearies, it's so nice to see two young people together! And spending time in a bookstore. You know I love bookstores. There are so many interesting things to read here. Like this one by Johanna Lindsey. Oh, I simply adore her."
Eric and Sarah turned towards the cashier, to see a little old woman coming up to them. She was short, attired in a bright red dress, covered with little white hearts on it. Her glasses were pink tinted, in the shape of hearts, reminding Sarah of the plastic "movie star" glasses she used to wear when she was a kid. In the lady's hand, she was holding a book with the picture of a man and a woman in a very racy pose on the front.
Beside her, Eric sounded like he was trying not to laugh. Or barf. She couldn't tell.
"Where's Mrs. Picklesworth?" asked Sarah.
"Oh, my sister?" crooned the lady. "Oh, she's on vacation. In Disney World! I volunteered to take over the store while she enjoyed herself. Poor dear, works herself to the bone."
"I didn't think that Mrs. Picklesworth liked Disney," said Sarah. "In fact, I can quite remember her condemning the Disney film development in general. Especially the porn."
"Yeah, Disney owns like a third of the porn industry," said Eric.
The lady looked briefly off put by that. "Oh? I could have sworn she said Disney. And who are you?"
"Sarah . . and this is Eric," said Sarah wearily.
"Sarah?" said the woman, cheering up immediately. "Sarah Williams?!"
"Maybe?"
"You're the one who Jareth likes! Don't you have a life bond with him?"
Sarah felt the blood drain from her face. "I beg your pardon?"
"I think you might be mistaking this Sarah for someone else," said Eric, sensing that this situation was rapidly going from bizarre, to otherworldly. "This Sarah is my girlfriend."
The lady laughed. "I think not, Eric. You are going out with a Miss Alice, who works at a video arcade store . . I believe it is Arcade Games Unlimited? Just so you know her birthday is in two weeks. She wants a subscription to Star Wars Insider t in case you were wondering."
Eric slapped himself across the head. "It's her birthday next week. How could I have forgotten?"
"Well, she didn't tell you. But if you show her you know, she will be impressed," said the old lady.
"Wait, how did you know that he was going out with Alice?" demanded Sarah.
"I know many things, my dear, when it comes to matters of love, which is why I need to talk to you, Miss Sarah Williams."
"Eric, I think we should get out of here," said Sarah, grabbing Eric's hand and pulling him towards the door. "They have a Borders in Lincoln. We can go there."
"I don't think so," said the lady, smiling cheerfully.
"Yeah, well I'd like to see you try and stop us," said Sarah, putting and her hand on the doorknob to turn it, only to find it locked.
"Oh, I think I can," said the woman with a smile. "Now sit down, dearies, like good little children." Two chairs magically moved across the room right next to Sarah and Eric, and by some unseen force, the two of them were pushed into their own chair.
"Now, I've got some hot cocoa brewing up back and some cookies. We can all sit around and deal with this nice and civilized like."
"Civilized like? How is this being civilized?" protested Eric. "You're holding us hostage, who the hell are you?!"
"I'm but a little old lady," she said with a toothy smile. "And don't even think about trying anything. For one thing, I have infinitely more powers than you do, and second, I've got police on standby. And really, my dear, who do you think they'll believe? Two college students saying that this little old lady used 'mystical powers' and attacked them, or the poor little old lady saying that out of the blue, two young miscreants attacked her, and demanded fpr for all the money in the cash register at gun point?"
"One problem with that story, Grandma, neither of us have a gun," said Eric.
The woman waved a hand dismissingly. "Easy enough to solve. You Eric, now have a gun in the pocket of your sweatshirt."
Rolling his eyes, Eric reached into his pocket and was shocked to find his hand touch cold metal.
"And now, it has your fingerprints on it," said the woman cheerfully. "And don't think waving it at me is going to help. I can make it disappear just as easily as it appeared. And it will still have your fingerprints on it."
And like that, the gun disappeared out of Eric's fingers.
"Now that that is all settled, I'm going to go get those munchies," said the woman with a grin as she turned around and headed towards the back of the store. "Don't go anywhere you two."
After she was out of sight, Sarah and Eric both tried to get off their chairs, failing miserably. "I think it's safe to say that we are in a bit of a pickle," said Sarah.
"Bit of a pickle? Who says that nowadays, besides probably Ned Flanders? That sounds like something he would say," said Eric.
"I'm just saying that I think this successfully counts as one of those encounters with the third kind. And I have no idea how to deal with it," said Sarah. "Too bad Joe isn't here. You know that police officer? This would be totally up his alley. I think is one big goal in life is to meet an alien. Or another intelligent species that isn't human."
"So, do you know this lady?" asked Eric.
Sarah shook her head. "Haven't the slightest idea who she is. But I'm telling you, she's definitely from the Underground, even if she didn't acquire their higher taste in fashion. The only problem is I don't know who she is working for. I doubt that she works for the Underground Council, not with her spouting all that love nonsense. But somehow, I doubt she's working with Mara either. I have the oddest feeling that Mara would be more inclined to slug this woman than side with her."
"Well isn't this just peachy."
If it had been up to Mara, she wouldn't have put up so much effort in preparing for her sister's arrival. "If she has a problem with the Labyrinth or me, she can just stuff it," she argued when she was given the assignment to make sure the goblins made sure her sister and her family's rooms were in order. Mara complained bitterly through every step of the cleaning process, so much that Jareth eventually snapped for her to shut the hell up because she sounded like a bratty child.
Jareth was able to catch the boot she had thrown at him in retaliation before it caused any damage.
"Your reflexes are good," remarked Garith after Mara had left to have her grumble party somewhere else.
"You tend to get good reflexes when you hang around with Mara. Soon you'll be a true master of the Force as well, my young padawan"
Garith wasn't too sure what to think of the random Star Wars reference from Jareth.
Somehow, despite Mara's attempt at sabotage, the Castle Beyond the Goblin City was fit for guests just in time for the great arrival.
"Well if it isn't my darling sister," said Mara, barely able to contain the sarcasm. "It's really been too long."
"Too long indeed," remarked Ari. "I'm sorry I missed you when you came home a few years ago."
"Yeah, maybe you could have stopped this wedding, too," said Mara, smiling brightly.
"Now, Mara . . ."
"No, Ari, I'm being serious. If you are here to wish me happy félicitations on my good catch for a marriage partner, then don't waste your breath. I'm not in the mood."
"Not five seconds, and the claws have been drawn," murmured Jareth to Garith. "God, this is going to be fun. If you think Mara has a grudge against you, you have never seen Mara's grudge against her family. It's downright nasty."
"Are we talking full a out catfight here?" asked Garith.
"Worse," replied Jareth, taking a few steps back. "I suggest you get out of the way."
"Mara, I would have thought you'd be thrilled to marry Jareth. You've lived with him for so long . . ."
"But notice how marriage never came up, never mind the fact that Jareth was definitely screwing around with half of the young ladies of court. No disrespect meant, Jareth," she added as an aside.
"None taken."
"So, really, sister dear, why don't you just go back home and tell father to take his . . ."
"Hi, I'm Garith. It's a pleasure to meet you," said Garith, covering Mara's mouth before she could say what she was about to say.
"Hello, I'm Ari of the Light Elf House. Are you friends with Mara?" asked Ari, looking back and forth between the two.
"Hardly. He's the bodyguard dear old daddy hired on behalf of the Underground Council to make sure I behave. Apparently someone put it into their heads that I was trying to find a lifebond for Jareth to make our upcoming engagement null and void." Mara glared at Garith.
"Ari, it's so nice to see you!" said Rawthorn, coming into the throne room where everyone was standing. "I've been so looking forward to seeing you again. Where is you husband and darling son?"
"Uncle, I didn't realize you were here!" exclaimed Ari, giving Rawthorn a hug. "They're coming along shortly. They had a few things to grab before transporting over."
"Oh it will be so nice seeing Nomar and the bouncing baby," remarked Mara.
"Mara, don't make this harder than it already is," said Ari through clenched teeth.
"Whatever are you talking about, sis? You're the one who decided to come here. Now how about you say what you have to say and leave. That way we both can move on with our lives, you with your happy little 1950s family, and me with my arranged marriage."
"I see that this is going to be one of those visits," remarked Ari.
"When is it ever anything else?"
"Well, there was a time when we visited it was a much happier affair."
"Yeah, that was before you decided to show up and steal my fiancé, you little home wrecker."
"Hi everyone, we're here!" came Nomar's voice as he and little Reggie came into existence in the middle of the room. Completely ignorant of the tense atmosphere, he walked over to Mara, he gave her a one arm hug (the other one was holding Reggie). "Mara, what a delight to see you again."
"Pleasure to see you too, Nomar," said Mara, smiling cheerfully. "And if it isn't little Reginald. Nice to finally meet you."
The little kid in question, who didn't look much older than five, merely smiled shyly before hiding his head in his father's shoulder.
"Jareth, boy it's good to see you again," said Nomar, going up to Jareth and hugging him too. "Nice to see you finally ready tie the knot here with old Mara here. You don't know how happy it makes me to see you two together, you two lovebirds."
Mara rolled her eyes.
Rawthorn, sensing the possibility of another Mara explosion said, "How about I show you to your rooms? You two must be very tired from the transportation spell. It will give us a chance to catch up. Young Reggie must have grown at least three inches since I last saw him."
"Thank you, uncle," said Ari grateful.
When the four of them had left Jareth turned towards Mara, furious. "Could you get any nastier?"
"Sure. It's not that hard, where Ari's concerned," replied Mara, nonchalant.
"Mara, she's trying to make amends."
"Oh yes, and coming here and flaunting her happy family really goes a long way towards making amends Jareth."
"Mara, do you still like Nomar?" asked Garith suddenly.
Mara froze, taken aback by the question. "What do you mean by that? He was my fiancé!"
"But do you still like him?" asked Garith intently.
"Um . . . I dunno. Does it matter?"
"Mara, what's the point of being mad at your sister if you don't even care for Nomar anymore?" asked Jareth.
"B-Because it's the principle of the matter!"
"Mara, she didn't make the move. It was Nomar who broke up with you from what I saw, she didn't push him into anything," said Garith.
"Yeah . . .wait, how did you know that?" demanded Jareth, turning towards Garith.
"Garith went scuba diving in my mind around Christmas. Had a fun time poking around didn't you?" asked Mara, fully aware of what reaction Jareth was going to have.
"You were poking around in Mara's mind? Does the word 'decency' even enter into your vocabulary!?" demanded Jareth, slamming Garith against the wall.
Ah, though Garith with a grimace, I guess this going to be one of those protective older brother moments.
"It was an accident!" he protested.
"He liked it though," added Mara, putting in her two cents worth, the sudden reappearance of her family prompting her impish self to the front of her persona. "Made his vampire thingy get all tingly."
"You get turned on by rummaging through people's minds? How sick can you get, Garith?" demanded Jareth.
"Though I should probably say in his defense . . ."
"Mara, don't anything. Somehow I doubt you'll actually help my case."
". . . it was because he cut me and was drawing blood that probably got him all excited. Remember when I showed up in Sarah's room with the cut on me. . . .that was a present from Garith. Of course he was very sneaky and I didn't notice him do it . . . sorta like a peeping Tom in a weird way. . . though not really . . perhaps a leaking Tom? Since he was leaking blood from me? . . . No that just makes it sound like he was using the facilities . . . which reminds me, can you use the facilities, Garith? Being dead and all?"
"I'm not going to deign that with a response," said Garith. "Mostly because it is getting very difficult to breathe. . . Jareth can you please remove your hand from my windpipe?"
"Ah, I see you two did I said and stayed put. It's so nice when young ones respect their elders' wishes. Your parents must have taught you well."
"Oh yes, we're the prime examples of college students, and ever so respectful," remarked Sarah. "The fact that we can't get up has nothing to do with it."
The woman ignored the comment and handed them both a mug of hot chocolate. "My own special recipe. But don't worry, it's not poisoned or anything. Cookie dear?"
Both took a heart shaped cookie, glancing at the woman suspiciously, who was pulling her own chair up so she could face the two. "Now down to business. I'm sure you are both wondering why I am here."
"Actually the question of who you are was sorta in the forefront of my mind," said Eric. "I somehow doubt you're Mrs. Picklesworth's sister."
The woman chuckled. "You got me there. You're a real sharp one, sweetie. Alice is lucky to have you. You can call me Granny A."
"Well, then, 'Granny A' what are you doing here?" demanded Sarah.
"Why, I'm here to talk to you, darling. You've attracted much attention in the Underground. This boy does know about the Underground I assume?"
"Well if I didn't, I think I would know by now. Isn't the Underground supposed to be a bit more low key about their dealings?" asked Eric.
"Only the weaker ones who are afraid of the Aboveground lie low. Me? I've been involved and had my hands in the affairs of mortals for years. I don't particularly care who knows about it."
"Wouldn't that piss of the Underground Council?" asked Mara.
"Perhaps. But there is only so much they can do against someone like me."
"Which begs the question about what exactly you are," remarked Eric.
"Why, I am me, of course!" said Granny A brightly. "But stop distracting me. We are here, of course, to talk about Sarah."
"I'm a Libra, if that's what your wondering," said Sarah.
"She's so full of spirit," said Granny A in a 'quiet' aside to Eric. "She'll be so good for His Majesty." Louder she said, "But that's not what I wanted to know. I was called here on behalf of a friend . . ."
"Which friend?" asked Sarah.
"Oh, no one that you've met. He was quite busy with other things when you were vacationing in the Labyrinth. Though if you must know, he helped Jareth break into the Underground Council to help rescue Mara. But you and your love were in a lovers spat at the time, so I understand if you don't remember. You were probably wallowing in the grief from being at odds with your one true beloved."
"Actually, I think I was napping."
"Brilliant way of dealing with your problems, Sarah. When in trouble, merely take a nap and it will all go away."
"Thanks, Eric. Your sarcasm is duly noted and appreciated."
"Too bad it doesn't work in college."
"Well, technically . . . ."
"Sarah, sleeping through a physics exam will NOT make the physics go away. You'll just end up failing. Though it does beg the question, 'When your face hit your desk during your physics final. . . was that an elastic, inelastic, or perfectly inelastic collision?'"
"You're really weird Eric, I hope you realize it."
"Well I was just wondering. . . "
"Children! Can we get back to business? You mortals really do love going off on your random tangents. It can be quite infuriating at times."
"Sorry," said Sarah and Eric together.
"Now, as I was saying. My friend who asked me to come here is concerned that this marriage between Mara and Jareth might actually take place."
"I guess that means she is not on the side of the Underground Council," remarked Eric.
"Now, Rawthorn – Mara's uncle in case you forgot my dear – has created a potion that will make you immortal, minus that whole business about becoming a vampire. You won't be quite as powerful as say me, but you'll be able to hold your own in the court."
"Damn, Sarah, you get to be immortal?"
"I haven't told Jareth I was willing to do the immortal thing yet," said Sarah, defensively.
"Yes, I know. They made it just in case you change your mind. The wedding is only in two months. And really, that is not much time. My friend is becoming increasingly worried that things might not turn out the way he wants. Never mind the fact that I told him that handsome young vampire is entirely smitten with your elf friend, but he thinks I just have silly romantic ideas because I read the tabloids entirely too much."
"What do tabloids have to do with Mara and Garith?" asked Eric.
"Apparently, unbeknownst to Mara, the two of them are having a passionate love affair," remarked Granny A. "It was on the cover of the Underground Enquirer."
"Now see, I didn't think they would have tabloids in the Underground. I never saw any," said Mara.
"That's because you were in the slightly less civilized part," remarked Granny A. "The Labyrinth isn't exactly the example of high Underground Society."
"Since when did tabloids become a mark of high society?" asked Eric.
Granny A glared at Eric, but refrained from answering the comment. "As I was saying, it would seem that plans to further any sort of attachment between either Mara or Jareth towards their chosen life partners is not working. My friend is worried about this."
"Why?" asked Sarah.
Here Granny A looked uncomfortable. "Um, I'm not sure really."
Five second pause.
"You mean you're not sure why you're holding us hostage?" asked Sarah.
"No, I know why. For shits and giggles. Though I think Marriak normally isn't interested in political affairs like this. He's much more of a fan of living outside of the law, if you catch my drift."
Sarah and Eric exchanged glances. Clearly 'Granny A' was more than slightly deranged.
"So, we're being held captive for no real reason?" asked Eric.
"Oh, there's a reason. I am here to suggest to Sarah that she might as well admit to the fact that she is lifebonded or whatever with Jareth-boy, and she should figure out a way to strengthen that bond enough for the marriage ceremony."
"Uh, we already tried doing that. Underground Council got in the way," said Sarah.
"Well that's because you didn't have me on your side. You see, I have a personal reason to be involved with this."
"Really, and what is that?" asked Sarah.
"Mara."
The elf in question, had been doing a fairly good job at avoiding her sister for the past thirteen hours. So what if her sister came to visit her? She came, she was in the same building. They talked . . . okay, yelled . . . so Mara had done her job as a good host.
This left to reason that Mara and no real reason to actually spend any more time with her sister Ari than absolutely necessary. Or the rest of her family.
For Mara found she was having somewhat of a moral dilemma, one that she was currently blaming on Jareth and Garith. She wasn't sure which one deserved the greater part of the blame, so at the moment she had the both at a tie for severely pissing her off.
And what was the moral dilemma, one might ask?
Nomar.
In particular, her feelings about said elf.
Really, it was starting to royally piss her off, as most moral dilemmas tended to do. This was mostly because they were dilemmas of a moral nature that for some reason she found herself examining.
Because if she still had feelings for Nomar, then really she should have every right to be pissed off at her sister. And she would actually feel justified in doing so.
But if she didn't, then she would just be petty.
And, to her annoyance, it was looking as if the latter was the one that was true for her.
When did that happen? Mara asked herself. When did I stop loving Nomar?
The day he ended their relationship had always been etched firmly in her mind. After all, Nomar had been the first, hell, her only love she had ever had. She remembered years after they had broken up still obsessing over him. Her eyes never left his form is she saw him at a party, the stab of jealousy she felt as she watched her sister on his arm. Even today, she felt a pang of something when she first saw him. But it was only a mere echo of the pang she always remembered feeling. The horrible weight pressing down on her chest, as her mind flashed through memory after memory of their time together. The pang that felt like it would suffocate her, the pang that would bring unshed tears being her eyes and tighten her throat.
But today, it was different. If Mara had to place a name to it, she would have said that it would have been like a reflex. As if her body had thought, "Oh, there is Nomar, we're supposed to be sad," but hadn't really put the heart into it.
Was it possible for Pavlov's theory to work in such a way?
It was quite an odd realization for Mara, and it wasn't one she was particularly thrilled about contemplating.
Maybe she was just being petty.
And now that she thought about it, what was it that really interested her in Nomar to begin with? His long blond hair that used to leave her daydreaming for hours now held little appeal. His blue eyes were too bright, meanwhile, he himself wasn't. He never really noticed if anything was wrong. His view of the world was placed it into shades white, with a smidgen of off-white. It was as if the whole world was just one happy place. One happy family.
That was his problem. He was too happy. Too go lucky. Too innocent.
Too innocent? Mara, if that doesn't sound sketchy, I don't know what is.
Which then led to the question, if Nomar was no longer her ideal, what was it? And when did it change?
Dark hair I guess. Which is funny, because I think I liked Nomar's blond hair because it was so unlike the rest of the dark elves.
Dark eyes. Blue tends to inspire images of water, and that just makes me need to pee.
Tall. I don't want a guy shorter than me.
Dark. I like a guy with a dark sense of humor. Someone who will laugh at my angry stick figure drawings.
Handsome. Someone that will really make the heads turn.
Well, I really fit the stereotype, now don't I? Tall, dark, and handsome, yup that's the man I want.
When Mara tried to imagine in her mind her image of her ultimate guy, and gasped when the image came to her:
Garith.
"So why would you care about Mara?" asked Sarah.
"Because I happen to realize, even if the Underground Council does not, that Mara will never stop making a nuisance of herself if she is stuck in a relationship she doesn't want to be in. Jareth won't keep her in check as much as he does now, because he'll be as pissed off as she is. The fact that he hasn't given her full reign as of yet frankly shocks me, but perhaps he is smarter than I originally guessed. Best not let Mara go all vengeance lady until after there is no hope.
"No, what will keep Mara in check is if she has someone to distract her. Someone who she actually cares for. Someone like Garith, who, if you pardon my coarse language, will keep her so entertained by their bedroom antics that she won't have the energy to spend it elsewhere causing havoc."
"So you want to hook Mara up with Garith because of sex?" asked Sarah. "And here I wanted them together because of love."
Definitely chalking this up as one of the weirdest days I have ever had. Screw the whole Labyrinth thing, this is just bizarre.
"Well, naturally dear, I want them together because of love as well. After all, love and lust are the two things I know best." (Eric had a hard time keeping a straight face through this . . . somehow the mental image of Granny A in her wrinkled skin, bony arms, and red dress and white hearts dress, just didn't mesh with the whole 'lust' thing) "The only reason why the Underground Council hasn't seen things my way yet is because the whole lot of them are a bunch of pricks who don't even know the meaning of the word sexuality. Which, I should add, I think is something everyone should explore. Our sexuality is very much a part of us. Though if you do have sex, please be safe about it. That's what's so nice about your world; you have all these contraptions to help keep sex safe!"
God . . . I think this is worse than 'the talk.'
"So what do you want us to do? I can't exactly go back to the Underground. The Council has made sure of that. Believe me, I tried the whole wishing myself back thing."
"Well, since I think Garith and Mara are probably going to take their time about this whole thing, I believe it is necessary to find a way to cement your bond, in order to buy some time for those two lovebirds to realize they are made for each other. So here."
Granny A got up and shoved something into Sarah's hands.
"You want me to improve my relationship with Jareth with a small hand mirror? What am I supposed to do with it? Make myself all pretty so that when he sees me he will fall so head over heels in love with me that we forget all problems?"
"Darling, the man is already head over heels for you. No, this is your way of calling him. Like a telephone if you will. I understand your bedroom mirror used to have similar properties. This one is a bit more powerful, and harder for the Council to track down. So talk to him! Make up! Strengthen that bond! Learn about each other's fantasies!"
"Gee, thanks," said Sarah.
"And on that note, I think we should be leaving," said Eric, looking at his watch. "We've been here much too long as it is."
"Alright, it was nice seeing you two. We should have a chat some other time. It would be fun!"
Eric and Sarah smiled, both thinking that fun would probably not be the best word to describe the encounter. As they both tried to get up, they found that the spell keeping them to the chair had disappeared. They said their goodbyes as politely, and left the store as quickly as possible.
As Eric and Sarah walked down the street away from the bookstore, Eric turned to Sarah and asked, "So which was more scarring, the dinner with Joe the policeman who is convinced that you were kidnapped by aliens, or Granny A?"
"Granny A, most definitely. Still I can't help but feel a strange sense of Deus Ex Machina."
"Ok, when I said I wanted an intervention, Aphri, that wasn't exactly what I had in mind."
"What do you mean? I thought it went rather nicely."
"I thought I specifically said to be low key about it. Not to make a big deal."
"Yeah, I was."
"Aphri, you locked them in the bookstore, used magic to keep them in their seats, and fed them your very sugary cookies."
"Yeah, that's low key."
"You showed magic, Aphri. Showing off with magic is not low key."
"It is compared to my past gigs. Would you have preferred I went goddess on them?"
"Oh God, no. I'm not sure they could deal with that."
"Well, I am pretty spectacular in my goddess state."
"Spectacular wasn't exactly the word I had in mind."
"Anyway, I accomplished what you wanted didn't I? I gave Sarah that blasted mirror that is illegal in at least five different ways, but will let her contact her beloved Jareth quite nicely without interference from the interfering busybodies in the Council."
"That was quite repetitive."
"Oh, shove it, Merrick."
"Well, at least she might be able to strengthen the bond between them enough for the wedding. Are you sure Garith likes Mara and that it could work out?"
"I was a goddess of love, Merrick. If there is one thing I know, it's love. There is some definitely hoo-ha going on there, even though Mara is probably too stubborn to realize it. Though I really don't see why this Mara thing is such a big deal."
"I told you, I'm not going to answer that."
"Ah, pish posh. We were college chums together, Merrick. You can tell me."
"No, because you are a horrid gossip."
"I'm hurt, Merrick, really hurt."
"I'm sure you'll manage to get over it."
"What she we do about Mrs. Picklesworth over there?"
"We'll modify her memory, and she'll wake up in her bed tomorrow morning, and be convinced the whole thing is a dream."
"I forgot how much you liked this sorta thing. Makes me feel like some sort of Bond girl, standing here beside you and your . . ."
"Aphri, you look nothing like a Bond girl."
"Well, a girl can dream."
"Whatever, let's just muddle her memory and get going."
And that was the last thing Mrs. Picklesworth remembered before she lost consciousness.
And sure enough, when the next day came and Mrs. Picklesworth found herself in her bed rather than tied up and gagged in a chair, she was almost able to convince herself that it had been a dream.
If it hadn't been for the fact that the heart decorations were still adorning her store.
Author's note:
There. I hope that makes up for the fact that I have been a horrible updater for the past two years at least. And don't try to deny it, I realize fully well that I have been dead to the fan fiction world for 6 months at a time, only to update with a short little chapter. I really hope this chapter can help get the creative juices flowing long enough to end the story by the end of the school year. Until then, I'll probably hold off on the Labyrinth Academy, even though I do have half of the next chapter written. Don't worry, I'm not abandoning it, I just want to get this done.
Megs . . I heart you as always. Thank you for betaing this, even though we are now several states away.
"When my face hit my desk during my physics final... is it an elastic, inelastic, or perfectly inelastic collision?" . . .that came from my good friend Sarah after she took her Physic's final.
And finally to reviewers that I heart so very much:
Kirara: Thanks. Yeah, the whole thing with Cosset and Marius sorta started out in my math class a few years ago because my friend was a bit obsessed and was asking if I would somehow involve that. (We had also preformed it the previous year) Of course, neither of us had a particularly high opinion of Cosset, so I had every intention of having her cameo appearance be a incredibly silly. I understand what you mean by 'juvenile' though, and I'm not offended – the writing style that I did this in does tend to seem like it's coming out of a young adult novel – Meg Cabot probably.
The Jolly Glomper: Yes, there is a book, though I can't seem to find it. There is a transcript of it online that you can find, along with an original script at if you're interested at looking at it. Just look up "Labyrinth Online Literature" in Google
Autumn: I'm working on getting this done, I feel that It's time to wrap it up, and I can finally see the end in site . . . this story has turned out a bit longer than I originally intended – I originally planned it done in about 10 chapters. Hope you like this chapter.
Sweetbabby33: Hope you liked this chapter, sorry about the wait. Next one is in the works.
MissBe: I can tell you one thing, all the sub plots is a bit daunting. Reading back on previous chapters, I have found sub plots that I originally meant to carry out, that sorta of died out. For example, in the 'Elmo the Polka-Dotted Penguin Chapter,' Andrew actually shows some signs of liking Mara; insisting on holding on to her hand and whatnot. I just completely forgot about that. Hopefully when I finish this, I'll be able to go back over everything and do a rewrite to fix my mistakes. Glad you like it though!
AngelMusic: Unfortunately, I think Persephone by Xaviere Jade updated twice before I got this chapter up, maybe we'll be able to sync up our updating after this one!
Crystal13moon: Glad to see you've been spreading the word 'slammer' around! The world shall have crude names for men as well as woman. Hope you like this chapter!
Ohiowriter: It's nice that your wrist is better. It's a pain when typing when all you can feel are your wrists. Sorry about the wait.
Casseeinamirror: Thank you!
Kourtsizzle: Has it been four months? I hope not. Fortunatly, I only have one class for this month long semester I'm in, so I'll try to write a chapter or two. Chop sticks are very persuasive threatening devices.
AnimeAlexis: I have no intention of forgetting this . . . I shall finish it, I shall! I just sometimes drag my feet about it, much to the displeasure of my beta.
Draegon-fire: You guessed right on Aphri . . . and earlier chapter mentioned that Mara had annoyed Aphrodite about something . . . she just has the intelligence that in her revenge, she knows that it would be better to get Mara together with someone she likes, than someone she doesn't. Mums the word of Marrick though.