VeryMuchAlive . bloggie .com

Logan Henderson

BlogPost 020

Leave It All Behind

Two days and we had heard close to nothing, just a few bullshit leads that went nowhere or back in a fucking circle. The guys were trying really hard, but they couldn't get ahold of anyone they knew would take them straight to where we needed to be.

Then Jaxs cell phone rang and it was an international number.

"Yeah?" He was frustrated when he answered, I'm sure they could tell. "Where the fuck are my kids, Jimmy?!" I wanted to climb through that fucking cell phone and strangle the person on the other end. "Abel? Are your sisters are okay? Are you okay?"

"Let me talk to him!" I demanded, reaching for the phone, but Jax pulled it away from me.

"You leave my fucking family out of this, Jimmy." he demanded to the man I had heard of countless times on the other end of the line. "That's impossible." The fuck it was, I'd meet any demand he had to get my kids back. "Jimmy, where the fuck are you?"

The line must have went dead cause Jax slammed it shut.

"What's going on Jaxon? Are the kids alright?" He nodded pacing around the room.

"The kids are fine, they're having a great time with Uncle Jimmy." I could see the fire spewing from his eyes, the smoke coming out of his ears and nose. "But he promised it won't last much longer."

"What did he want Jax?"

He looked over to Clay and a few other members. "He wants us to pay for our next shipment in three days; a shipment that we aren't going to get. He told me if I don't get him the 300k that I'll have to see my children again over his dead body.. Or theirs."

And I lost it. I stood up and threw three bar stools across the club house, screaming. I kicked a leg off of the pool table, causing it to fall at a slant, rolling balls all across the floor. I drove my fist into the door, breaking it and leaving two large holes.

"How can I fucking live like this?!" I screamed at all of them, rushing outside.

I couldn't do this. My children.. They took my fucking children, my life. They took the one thing I fucking cared about in this world, and they were going to try and take this away. If I just stayed away from him.

I wish I could just stop fucking loving him. I wish I could let go and my heart felt absolutely nothing for him. I didn't want to love Jaxon Teller; I didn't want to love this club; I didn't want to love this town. I only wanted to love my children and my life with them.

I swear to God if I get them back I'll run far away from this place and never come back. I'll start a new life with them somewhere, where none of this will ever find us again. I'll never tell them about Charming. I'll lie to protect from this place full of poison, this place full of nothing but sadness and death.

I sat at that picnic table with my head in my hands just crying my eyes out for what felt like forever. How were they ever going to come up with 300k? How were they ever going to get my babies back alive? Sometimes I just couldn't have any type of faith in this stupid fucking club.

But I had to this time. They were my only hope. I couldn't do this on my own, not this time.

Jax came rushin out of the club house with a stride that screamed he was ready to murder someone. He hopped on his bike, roaring it up.

"Where are you going?" I yelled out. I needed him right now.

"To take care of this. Stay here." And he rode off. Once again I lost my shit, crumbling down to the ground in the parking lot. Gemma came running over to me, bending down and hugging me close; I couldn't fucking do this.

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I was back at home, alone. Jax had called me, saying he was coming over and would see me soon. I was so impatient; I didn't know what to do.

He came bursting through the door, a duffle bag on his arm. He threw it down on the table and unzippe in, wads of cashing sticking out.

"How did you get this?" I asked, checking them all out. It was 300,000 dollars in $100 bills.

He looked like he was hiding something from me, not wanting to tell me the whole truth.

He reached across the table and grabbed my hands. "Listen, you and I are going to meet Jimmy at 7. Make the deal, get the kids. After that.. I have to go back to the club house where I'll be arrested." It was a response I didn't mean to have, but I instantly started crying. "I made a deal with the ATF, I'm taking the fall for all the guns." Fuck.

"You can't do that, Jax. You're gonna do time; long time." I was crying like a baby now.

"I know what I'm doing, Logan." He squeezed my hands harder. "But when they take me.. I want you to take the kids and run. I want you to run as far away from this place as possible and don't you ever fucking look back. You get them out of here, away from this awful place. Give them the life they deserve, Logan." He had a few tears rolling down too.

"I can't-"

"Yes. You fucking can and you fucking will, Logan. You can do this. You have to." He looked up at the clock in my kitchen. "We have to go." He stood up and grabbed the bag of money, heading for the door.

I didn't want this, not at all. This isn't how I wanted any of this to go down, it wasn't how I wanted to get out of this place. I wanted him to come with me, with the kids. I wanted to have a plan, things thought out. I didn't want to feel like I was running away.

Jax forced me to compose myself when we arrived to the meeting spot with Jimmy. We walked out and down to the dock area, where three large SUVs were parked, men jumping out of all of them. Jax pushed me behind him, just in case any craziness was to break out.

"I thought you were coming alone." Jimmy commented, walking over to Jax.

"It's my kids mother, but you'd know that." Jimmy smirked at him and snapped his fingers, the doors on one of the vans opening. Another man got out, carrying Jade in his arms, Nova and Abel hopping out behind him.

"I told you we were going to see mommy and daddy!" Abel told Nova. Jade looked like she had been crying.

"See, Jadey," Nova patted her little sisters. "Mommys right there, we telled you."

I tried to walk towards them, but Jax stopped me. When the men saw me move they moved closer, crowing themselves around my kids.

"Jimmy, please." I begged out. Jax whispered to me to shut my mouth and I did, trying to calm the sounds from all my tears.

"Where's my money?" Jax tossed Jimmy the duffle bag. He unzipped it an looked it through, counting his money. He nodded, looking pleased. "I gotta say, I didn't think you'd pull it off." He snapped his fingers at the men and they walked my children over, letting them run over to Jax and myself, handing Jade to Jax. "I just hope you've learned your lesson, Mr. Teller. Until next time." he winked, hopping back into the vehicles. They pulled away as fast as they came up.

I fell down to the ground, crying hard and pulling my babies close to me. Abel ran his hand over my wet cheek.

"It's okay, mommy." He kissed my forehead. "We just went with Uncle Jimmy. It's okay." He kept telling me over and over again, but I just hugged them tighter and tighter. I never wanted them to go away again like that, not ever. I'd rather slit my own fucking wrists.

"Logan," he laid his hand on my shoulder. Jade laid her head on her dads shoulder, wrapping her arms tight around his neck. "We gotta go." And this was even harder. I didn't want to do this, but I had to do this.

We drove back to the clubhouse, the local and undercover cars pulling in behind us, freedom lights flashing.

"Mommy, what's going on?" Abel asked me. Luckily Jade and Nova had fallen asleep.

"It's okay, buddy." Jax assured him. "You remember I love you and your sisters okay? And I love your mommy, very, very much." I wanted to completely break down and never get back up again, but I couldn't do that; not in front of my children. Jax just pulled me close into one last final kiss, feeling like he pulled away a part of me when he pulled away from the kiss, getting out of the vehicle. As soon as he was on the other side, he was being put into cuffs.

"Jaxon Teller, you're under arrest for the distribution for firearms in Charming, California. You have the right to remain silent..." I watched them take him into the back of the polive vehicle, slamming the door.

"What did you do?!" Gemma cried out at him, then looked over to me. She came running to the car, and I gave her the hush signal, letting her know the girls were asleep.

"Listen, Gem," I sniffled. "I really don't want the kids to be here and seeing all of this, I wanna get them home for the night, okay?" And as much as she didn't want me to, she patted my car door, signaling me to go home.

The next hour was the quickest of my entire life; I got home, telling Abel to stay in the car and watch his sisters. I packed everything we needed and anything that was important, shoving as much as possible into bags and taking them out one by one.

"Mommy whys all our stuffs in here?"

"We're gonna go for a little trip, baby." I lied. I hurried as quick as my feet would take me, back and forth, packing shit and throwing it in the trunk. If it wasn't crucial or sentimental, it stayed behind. 30 minutes and our lives were packed into the car, ready to go.

I looked back in my rearview, smiling at Abel. I had grabbed him a few of his cars to play with for the ride while he was still awake. I pulled out of the driveway, driving out of Charming, and never looking back.

And just like that, once again, I was leaving this all behind.

I was leaving behind the drugs.

I was leaving behind the violence.

I was leaving behind the gangs.

I was leaving behind the club.

I was leaving behind my students.

I was leaving behind my life.

I was leaving behind the people who grew to become family.

I was leaving behind my memories.

I was leaving behind my love.

I was leaving behind Jaxon Teller.

And I never fucking looked back.

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The more I get, the sooner I'm going to get the first chapter of Part 2 out, which I think you guys are going to like a lot more!

A friend of mine is helping co-write it with me. She doesn't have an account on here, but her name is Sydney.

Thank all of you for sticking through until the end, reviewing, favoriting, following and sending me private messages. I appreciate every single one of you!

Love always,

Arri Mason