Summary: Doofenshmirtz makes a documentary about himself. In which, he interviews several of the important people in his life.
Not my best summary... Inspired by The Powerpuff Girls episode, "Shotgun Wedding."
Doof's Documentary of Doom
(This is a Doofenshmirtz-version of the Sam and Cat theme song, Just Fine, so I suggest watching that first. Instead of clips of the show and such, it's various Doofenshmirtz-related scenes: inators, fights, stuff from fanfics you've read, ex cetera. Instead of "Sam and Cat" being shown in the beginning, the title of this episode is shown. Doofenshmirtz is singing.)
-Doofenshmirtz-
You know I'll get far
Because I am the star.
I've finally made my dream come true.
I'll do it my way
No matter what you say-ay
'Cause nobody is gonna save you-oo-oo, yeah.
And I-I-I-I, I'll never say never
'Cause now my life is so much better-er-er, oh.
I am living my dream
If you know what I mean.
And nothing's gonna change my mind.
I've got big shoes to fill
And you know that I will
Because I'm gonna be just fine.
(Just fine)
Yeah, I am gonna be just fi-i-i-ine.
Me, myself, and I'll be ju-ust fine.
Hummmm.
(From this point on, this fanfic is to be viewed through a video camera.)
*D.E.I.*
Heinz Doofenshmirtz turned on the camera then backed away so that he was only shown from the waste up. He smiled at he camera. "Greetings, minions and-or underlings. It is I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, ruler of the entire Tri-State Area!" He paused. "Well, technically I'm not your ruler, yet. I'm making this documentary about myself for when I actually am ruler. You know, so you can know a thing or two about the inner-workings of me." *Doof's Documentary of Doom* "Did you hear that jingle, just now? It was allilerl- Allililil- Al-li-ter-a-tive. See, I can only say it slowly. Al-li-ter-a-tive." (For Your Ice Only)
Static.
Heinz was now sitting on his couch, his whole body visible. "I'll bet you're all pretty curious about me. Well, let's start with the basics. Let's see, uh," he ticked off the facts on his fingers, "I was born in Gimmelshtump, Drusselstein. I'm divorced, although I may end up getting married again after I make this, and I receive alimony checks from my ex-wife. I have a teenage daughter, although I don't know how old she'll be when I takeover, but she's currently a teenager. Um, my parents disowned me, and I was adopted by ocelots - long story. Okay, I-I think that's about it for the not-so interesting factoids. (A.N.T. Farm reference) Let's move on to the cool stuff."
Static.
The camera, once again, showed Heinz from the waste up. "People, animals, and robots I know. Yeah, yeah, that's a good topic. Okay, um, Charlene is the ex-wife I mentioned earlier. Vanessa is my daughter. Oh, and I just love that girl so much! I've always tried to give her a good life, because my parents gave me a bad one. Norm is an annoying robot that I created, who thinks that I'm his father."
"YOU ARE MY FATHER," Norm's voice came from off-screen.
"I am not," an irritated Heinz called. He returned his attention to the camera. "Roger Doofenshmirtz - the current mayor of Danville - is my goody-two-shoes younger brother, whom I dislike. Perry the Platypus is, well, a platypus, obviously, who doubles as my nemesis and my best friend. He-he's also my only friend, which...is a little sad, come to think of it. My only friend is a platypus, who is paid to kick my butt."
Static.
Perry was shown sitting on a chair (and was tied to that same chair), looking bored. Beneath him, his name and occupation (secret agent) was shown on the bottom screen.
"Thank you, Perry the Platypus, for agreeing to be interviewed," Heinz said.
Perry sighed, "I didn't agree. You knocked me out with a cartoony and highly overused frying pan and tied me to a chair."
Heinz ignored him. "So, what is your favorite thing about me?"
"Look, Beavis E. Butthead-" (Beavis and Butthead reference...obviously. "Y" [pronounced, "ee"] is Spanish for "and.")
"Please, hold all insults until the end of the interview, and answer the question."
"Look, it's not a documentary, if you make it about yourself."
"You mean Doc-umentary. Get it? 'Cause-'cause you usually call me 'Doc,' and this is a documentary."
"I get it. Can I go home, now?"
"Just one question. Then, you can go."
"Fine."
"What will you do, when I become ruler of the Tri-State Area?"
"Bang my head against the wall, until I lose consciousness."
Static.
Major Francis Monogram stood in the front door of his house, giving the camera a blank look. His name and occupation (leader of Division 7 of the Organization Without a Cool Acronym (O.W.C.A.)) appeared on the bottom of the screen.
Heinz started, "Hello, Francis-"
MM slammed the door shut, cutting him off.
Heinz grinned at the camera. "Oh, I am going to give him such high taxes, when I'm ruler!"
Static.
Roger Doofenshmirtz (beneath him, his name and 'Current Mayor of Danville' was written) was shown in front of the camera. "Heinz, I don't see how you expect to 'take over' the Tri-State Area."
An irritated Heinz remarked, "Just answer the questions!"
Roger sighed, "Very well, then."
"What is your favorite thing about me?"
"Well, that painting you made all those years ago was marvelous." (Magic Carpet Ride)
Heinz felt proud at that statement. "Yes. Yes, it was. Now, what will you do, when I become ruler of the Tri-State Area?"
Roger shrugged. "Well, I still don't see how you're going to make that happen, but I suppose I would probably just ignore it."
This angered Heinz. "Oh, yeah? Well, I bet your Second-Dimension-self didn't ignore Second-Dimension-me!"
"What does that even mean?"
"I-it's a long story. There was a movie and a one-shot. You had to be there."
Static.
Phineas Flynn (whose name and 'Kid I Like' was written below him) smiled at the camera. "Well, Dr. D, I think you're really nice, for a bad guy. And, you're really smart and fun to be around and stuff."
"Aw, that's so sweet," Heinz gushed, "but it doesn't answer the question. I want to know what your favorite thing about me is."
"Hm... Well, I guess I really like how you're an inventor, like me and Ferb."
"Okay, and what will you do, when I become ruler of the Tri-State Area?"
"That depends. Will like your Second-Dimension-self, or will you be nicer than him?"
"...I...don't...know..."
Static.
Now, Ferb Fletcher (Underneath was his name and 'Other Kid I Like') was being interviewed.
"So, Ferb," Heinz began. "What is your favorite thing about me?"
Ferb blinked.
"I-I'm not that good at Ferb-ese, yet. Could you, please, answer in words?"
Ferb nodded. "You have many good qualities, but, if I had to choose just one, I'd say that I find you to be quite a good inventor, despite the self-destruct buttons you put on all of your inventions."
"...Wow. That's the most I've ever heard you talk at one time."
"Actually, I had a small monologue, in one episode." (Lizard Whisperer)
"Ha! Yeah, right!"
Static.
Candace Flynn. Underneath, her name and 'Teenager I Can Relate To.' "I don't have time for an interview!" Candace yelled frantically. "I've gotta bust my brothers!" She ran off-screen.
Heinz poked his smiling face in front of the camera. "Hee hee. I used to try to bust my little brother for things." He frowned. "Alas, he never got in trouble."
Static.
A very annoyed Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. Underneath, her name and 'My Somewhat Evil Daughter.' "Dad, it's not a documentary, if you make it about yourself."
"Perry the Platypus said the same thing. E-except for the 'Dad' part." Heinz replied. "So, what will you do, when I become ruler of the Tri-State Area?"
Vanessa cocked her brow. "Don't you mean, if you take over? I mean," she shrugged, "Perry always stops you."
"Yes, but, some day, I will defeat him."
"If you say so."
Static.
Back to Heinz in his lair. "Well, that's about it. Some people like me, some people don't, ex cetera. But, it doesn't matter, because I will eventually take over the entire Tri-State Area! So, when that happens, good luck, Tri-State Area." He turned off the camera. (Good Luck Charlie reference)
The End
Yeah, no real plot. I know that. I just thought this would be fun to make. :P
So...review!