Chapter 21

From high up on the ridge, the Portent was a black scrawl on the landscape. Further still down the slope, the twinkling lights of the adjacent mining colony shone through the fog. Swirling, low clouds scudded overhead.

The ground beneath the ship trembled and groaned. The movement was minimal, but felt by the legions of Decepticons, from the highest to lowest rank, who stood to attention in rows, staring straight ahead as they surrounded the ship, preparing to fly out on patrol. Starscream had ordered everyone off, emptying the huge vessel. He stood in the eerily quiet atrium, as still as a statue, his optics almost closed, a chink of red light shining through the lids. On his palm, shining like a pinhead, was Alexis' energy signature. Thundercracker thudded into the hall, heading for the doors. On the way past, he paused.

'Is she on the ship?'

Starscream didn't move. 'Yes.'

He'd been into her quarters, taking only a moment to spot what was missing - the thick duvet dragged from the bed, the wall plating in the corridor dismantled, leaving a small hole. There was no part of the ship Starscream could not venture - but Alexis had thought of that. Further scans had not been necessary. Even now her own body heat betrayed her on infra-red, and he saw in his processor the vivid lump, curled up like a woodlouse, deep in the Portent's workings. She'd crawled far into the tiny spaces between pipes, joists and wires. Anyone trying to reach her would have to dismantle half the ship.

Starscream finally moved, rousing himself as if from slumber. 'Be ready to come back on board when I call,' he said. 'In the meantime I want no one stepping on this ship until I give the order. Co-ordinate patrols, keep the soldiers busy. Be on your guard, Thundercracker.'

Thundercracker bowed his head. Down the ramp he could see Arcee, standing beside Soundwave and other members of his council. He strode towards the ramp, the heavy doors already beginning to swing shut. 'Good luck, Starscream.'

The leader of the Decepticons stood still for a moment, silence all around him. He paused, turning slightly, as if to head for her hiding place, but instead he moved towards the throne room. His heavy feet sent echoes resounding off the walls. He knew she could probably hear his movements. He arrived in the empty hall, seating himself, raising a hand to his com link.

The phone's ring trilled in his head.

He closed his optics as she picked up.

There was silence on the other end. Starscream imagined her curled up on her side in the dark, the phone clutched to her ear. She was waiting for him to speak.

'When did you realise?' he asked.

He heard a rustle as she moved in the blanket, and the intake of her breath.

'When you went out. Dirge told me about the forcefield. I saw the hold for myself. Everything's gone. Everything that can keep me alive.'

'Yes.'

'And now you can't send me home.'

'No.'

Her voice sounded thick, like she had a cold. She was silent again. Starscream gripped the armrests of his throne. 'Why are you hiding from me?'

Several storeys above him, in the dark, Alexis curled up tighter, pulling the duvet over her head. She scrunched her toes. In the nest of blankets she could smell her clean hair. The back of her neck throbbed, sticky blood congealing over the fresh wound, where her frantic fingers had ripped the energy signature from her flesh. Her fearful heart banged in her ribcage, her aching lungs swelling and falling. Fresh tears leaked down her cheeks. It was as if her human body sensed its impending abandonment and was calling every part of itself to her attention ... she bit back her sobs, the knuckles gripping her phone white with tension.

'Tell me the truth. Did you...' she stopped, overwhelmed, her face crumpling as she curled up tighter, her words tripping out in painful, short gasps. 'Did you... have my supplies... destroyed so you could... could...'

Starscream leaned forward on his throne, his head in his hand. 'Oh Primus. Alexis...'

She was crying quietly into the phone, biting down on her fingers, trying her best to stop. 'I swear to you,' he said softly, 'By all I possess, and all I covet, that I did not.'

'This is what you wanted,' she sobbed, wiping her cheeks in the darkness. 'Isn't it?'

He sighed. 'I can't deny it. But not like this. And witnessing your suffering has taken away any pleasure I might have had in the outcome. Please, come to me, so that I can look into your face and convince you myself.'

She didn't reply, her fingers curling over the duvet as she tried to calm her breathing.

'You still don't believe me,' he said.

'You know,' she said quietly, her voice sounding small in his processor, 'I knew the risks when I came, and I had started to think ... if we had to go to the core, that it might be a sensible move... if you had let me come to terms with it slowly...'

'I know. Please, Alexis...'

'Down in your circuitry, I nearly died, I was almost lost forever... what if it happens again?'

'Alexis...'

'There's nothing left? Nothing?'

'There are a few pouches, and one bottle of water at your workstation,' said Starscream grimly. 'That amounts to a day's fare, if that. I never thought your supplies would be at risk. Clearly I was a fool. When I find the mech that ...'

'What about the forcefield? ' She was pleading with him now. 'You can shut it down, I know you can! You've set up things like that yourself! Please, Starscream, please!'

'I can try to get to the bottom of this before you body starts to fail. But that puts a deadline of just a few days on us. In the meantime you're going to get weaker...'

She cut him off. 'Have you got the Requiem Blaster with you?'

Starscream frowned, confused. 'No, it's in the armoury.'

She sat up in the tangle of pipes. 'Bring it to the lab and leave it by the door.' Before he could query the demand, she hung up.

The walk down to the lab took several minutes, but felt like an eternity. Alexis took in the far-off ceilings, the glowing overhead lights, her heart thumping ever harder as she drew nearer, as if she were a prisoner approaching the gallows. On the threshold was the dwindled Requiem Blaster as per her request, glinting under the bright spotlights. Very slowly, she bent down, hefting its weight into her arms.

Starscream was seated down the far end of the lab, his optics glowing at her. As she entered, he made as if to rise to his feet, but she gestured with the tip of the Blaster. 'Stay there.'

Silently he complied, as she shouldered the Blaster with difficulty, climbing onto the long worktop. The empty surface stretched before her. Starscream sat, his head tilted slightly, his long-fingered hands resting on the table. She kept her distance and slung the Blaster into her arms once more, hugging it to her chest. 'Where is everyone else?'

'Outside,' he said calmly. 'It's just you and me, Alexis.'

She nodded, swinging the blaster round to aim at him. Her eyes burnt fiercely, she was breathing fast. 'Was all this your doing?'

'No,' he replied, his stare meeting hers.

'Swear it!' she spat through gritted teeth.

'I swear it.'

'Why would anyone destroy my supplies?'

'We will find out. Together.'

Suddenly all the fight seemed to leave her. Alexis lowered the Blaster and looked around helplessly, her shoulders hunched.

'I've got no choice. I've got no choice...'

Starscream sat in silence, watching the small human struggling to absorb the depth of her predicament. Dried tear tracks were on her cheeks, and the back of her flimsy top was stained with a trail of blood from her neck. 'Is it going to hurt?'

'It may do, a little.'

Her face grew fierce once more. 'I can cope with pain.'

His mouth curled in a slight, proud smile. 'I know you can.'

'Well then.' She bowed her head, trembling visibly, defeated. 'No reason to waste any more time.'

She'd showered, and changed into a loose, grey nightgown that came down to her bare feet, sitting on the edge of the polished worktop. Shaking fingers slowly pulled the pins from her hair, allowing it to fall round her shoulders. Starscream, in a rare moment of tact, was busying himself down the far end, giving her time to herself. She got to her feet, shivering slightly as he came towards her, swamping her in his shadow. She didn't look up, afraid of what expression she might see on his face.

'Are you ready?'

She smiled shakily. 'No. But... please, go ahead.'

'I'm allowing Thundercracker and Skywarp on board,' he said. She flinched, a hunted look crossing her face. 'Why?'

'They won't come in, Alexis. But I want them here in case they are needed.'

'You mean... if anything goes wrong,' she whispered.

He crossed over an adjacent worksurface. 'Your protoform is here. Do you want to see it?'

Alexis hesitated, then nodded, her mouth dry, incapable of speech.

The surface of the table opened up, and a long, gleaming body emerged, the limbs a dark brushed silver. The protoform was plain looking, with plating on the arms suggesting hidden weaponry. The optics were dark. A delicate crested helmet came down around the expressionless face. The Decepticon insignia winked from the curved breastplate. At a glance it looked slightly taller than Arcee, but shorter than Starscream. Her white face stared back at her in the reflection on its flank.

Alexis's gaze travelled the length of it, her blood roaring in her ears. She felt her legs give way, falling onto her knees. Starscream swiftly moved round, hooking his fingers under her arms as she gulped in air. She turned her face away, shaking her head.

'I can't do this...'

His fingers curled round, resting on her back. 'You have to.'

'I can't go in there,' she said numbly, still unable to look at it. 'Why is it all grey?'

'Hm.' Starscream frowned thoughtfully above her head. 'I can't find a human word for it... You undergo "Rrdz-ka"... your colours appear shortly after your Awakening. After you are protoformed, your own consciousness informs your attributes... you see?'

Alexis managed to laugh, but there was no mirth in the sound. 'Any other surprises?'

'Far too many to count, I am sure.'

'Not helping,' she said weakly, wiping away cold sweat.

Gently he pulled her to her feet. One long digit swept down next to her, pointing to a round, pale booth further down the worktop. 'Alexis, listen carefully. Over there is where your human shell will be kept whilst this is carried out. I need you to walk over to it, and lay down inside. After that I am going to sedate you, and the procedure will begin.'

The distance might as well have been a thousand miles. As if reading her thoughts, he bent down next to her ear. 'You must do this of your own free will, Alexis, to ensure I know your mind will not suffer as Spike's did. Do you understand?'

She nodded, and began to walk towards the pod. Every nerve in her body screamed, every sense heightened. She'd never paid attention to her breathing before, the way her lungs processed the oxygen and powered her movements. The cold metal of the work surface shocked her feet. Trembling, she stepped in, settling down into the pod, deliberately keeping her gaze away from the protoform lying on the opposite berth. She shut her eyes tight as she reclined.

'That's it.'

She heard Starscream move around to be above her. 'Do you want to know how the process works?'

She shook her hear mutely.

'It might help.'

'No,' she whispered. She wished fervently that she had thought to quiz Frenzy about his experience – it had never even occurred to her! And she had only half listened on Earth to Sari enthusing about it. Something about brainwaves… or was it transferred motor neurons? What would Sari say if she could see her now? What would Dad say? What would Jamie… she shook her head slightly. Those thoughts made the sick feeling in her stomach worse.

'S... Starscream,' she whispered, as he clicked two cables together above her head. 'W...when I w..wake up... Don't let me see... myself, lying here.'

''Understood.' His fingers descended, gently brushing her hair to one side. 'This will hurt.'

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, and cried out involuntarily as something freezing cold and sharp entered her neck near the base of her skull.

'Alexis, when you wake, do not move. Call my name, and I will come to you.' His voice was low, and calm.

'W...what? Are you not going to be here?" Her voice was high with panic. She tried to sit upright, but his free hand was over her, firmly holding her in place. 'Hush, hush. I will be here throughout, but I will retreat just before. Awakening is your most vulnerable moment as a transformer. If you awake in the presence of another, you are irrevocably bound to them. I assumed you would not like that.' She could hear the smile in his voice. 'Alone you are stronger.'

'Were you on your own, when... Ow!' She cried out again as another clamp entered her arm.

'When I awoke? I was with my wingbrothers, who were protoformed with me.'

A low hum began to sound behind her and she squirmed in the pod, adrenaline rushing into her bloodstream. 'Keep talking to me, please,' she begged, her hands gripping the sides tightly.

He leaned down, observing her. Her hair was pushed back, tumbling behind her into the pod, revealing her chalk-pale face, covered with a sheen of cold sweat. Her teeth were chattering and her eyes were still shut tight, her face set in a frightened grimace. Anticipation stirred within him even as his spark ached for her in this terrified state. 'When I was protoformed, I was pulled out of my pod and thrust straight into battle,' he said, as he clicked another wire into place. 'I had no name, no knowledge of where I was, of who I was. My first weapon was my null ray, fitted onto my arm. My directive arrived into my processor and some mech... I forget who he was, ordered me to the lip of the crater... the lab had been bombed, you see. We were born into war.'

He watched Alexis relax slightly into the pod, her stiffened body slackening, her face unpinching. A small trickle of pale fluid began its journey into her arm.

'Skywarp was appointed wingleader of the new squadron. There were six of us.'

'Skywarp?' she laughed shakily, her eyes still shut, and his mouth curled in a grin.

'Indeed. Dear old Skywarp, who begrudged his role of responsibility, and has avoided it ever since. I forget where we went... my memories are very hazy. I couldn't even tell you what planet I was on.'

'Did Megatron have you protoformed?'

'Megatron?' Starscream laughed. 'Oh, my dear, I hadn't even heard of Megatron back then. I had many mega-cycles of grinding service ahead, seeking energon mines, crawling up through the ranks, surviving the Pits, and solitary confinement... entering the Science Academy... many thousands of years before the Decepticons were formed. Plenty of time for me to become monstrous, and disillusioned, and utterly devoid of care or mercy. Ideal qualities for a Decepticon Commander, when the time came.'

Alexis smiled. Her hands slipped from the edge of the pod, resting at her sides. 'And one day you met me.'

'And one day I met you. Troublesome, meddling, foolish.'

She smiled wider, her head slipping sideways. 'You flatterer.'

'Remember,' he said softly. 'Call my name. And don't try to move. All will be well, Alexis. All will be well...'

His words faded from her hearing. She felt herself sinking into dark, warm waters, all sight, sound and sense pulled away on a single, bright thread.

The doors to the lab hissed open and Starscream stepped out, wearily. Skywarp and Thundercracker were on guard, and they turned to face him as the doors shut. 'Well?'

'Success.' Starscream gave them a tight smile. "My energon reserves are low. I'm going to a store. Keep watch.'

Thundercracker stepped forward. 'I will go, Starscream. Or we can fetch a drone...'

He waved him away. 'No. You stay here. Guard the door. Do not go in.'

He stalked off down the passage, his wingbrothers watching him go. Skywarp gave a low, impressed whistle. 'Primus. Wonder what she looks like? This is just nuts!' he bounced on his heels, chuckling. 'When do you think she'll wake up?'

'Not yet, if Frenzy is anything to go by.' Thundercracker glanced at the closed door. 'I hope she'll take it okay. She's a good kid.'

'I reckon she'll be real sexy.' Skywarp rubbed his hands together as Thundercracker sighed in exasperation. 'Although... who'd have thought it? Starscream's ended up with a human, you've set your optics on an autobot... I'm the only one dating a normal!'

'You are unreal, Skywarp.' Skywarp chuckled lecherously as Thundercracker straightened his shoulders. 'Who said anything about coupling, huh? This is a survival measure to ensure Alexis' safety! Primus knows she's earned our protection.'

'Yeah, yeah. And Arcee?"

'My business is my own,' said Thundercracker, staring straight ahead.

'Can we expect an announcement any time soon?'

'As your Commander, I command you to shut your hole!'

Skywarp leaned over, his mouth next to his brother's audio. 'You looooove her...'

Thundercracker swung his fist at Skywarp's jaw, but Skywarp had vanished, reappearing behind him, beside himself with laughter.

'Damn you to the pit Skywarp! This is not the time for...'

'Starscream?!'

Both wingbrothers froze, Thundercracker's fist held in mid air. They stared at one another, optics wide.

'Was that...?'

'I think so...'

Theatrically they both crept to the door, bending their heads close to the join.

'Starscream? Are you there?'

It was unmistakably Alexis' voice, sounding high and anxious.

'Should we go in?' Skywarp reached for the door controls, but Thundercracker swatted his hand away. 'Are you glitched? Didn't you hear what Starscream said? I'll go and get him. You stay here.'

Thundercracker transformed and shot off down the corridor, the howl of his engines fading as he whirled out of sight. Skywarp leaned back against the wall, lacing his fingers together. 'Primus...'

She called out again. 'Starscream!'

'Uh... it's Skywarp,' he replied, turning and pressing his mouth to the door. 'Don't worry little 'un, Screamer will be right back!'

'Hello? Is someone there?'

She couldn't hear him. Skywarp cursed quietly, and reached for the door controls.

Alexis stirred in the pod, opening her eyes, her vision blurry. Footsteps came into the room and she struggled upright. 'Starscream?'

The mech moved closer, his footsteps cautious. 'Uh... no... it's Skywarp...'

She sighed. 'It didn't work. Looks like we'll have to think of something else. At least I survived. I know it sounds awful, because he'll be so disappointed, but I'm kind of relieved.' She blinked a few times, trying to focus on the adjacent work surface. The protoform had vanished. 'That's weird. When did he realise?'

Skywarp hesitated, taking another tentative step forward. 'When did he realise what?'

'That the operation failed. The protoform's gone!'

'Sweetspark.' Alexis stared down as he took her hand in his, seeing him properly for the first time. 'I think you might be a little confused...'

That was when she looked over again, and saw the pod on the opposite table. She wasn't lying in it, after all. Her gaze flew back to Skywarp, who no longer towered above her as a giant. He was beaming at her. 'I gotta say, you look... well... you look good, missy!'

'Oh god,' she said softly. Her hands, her gray and white, metal hands flew to her face, clinking against her hide with a soft tinging noise. Instead of softness she felt smooth, hard features. The hands moved over her head, exploring the contours of her helmet. 'I don't ... I can't ...'

She sat up fully, swinging her slim legs over the side of the berth. Normally she would have to be careful of such a lethal drop, but no more - it was a mere jump. She stared down at the swinging feet - toeless, smooth, alien robot feet. Surely they didn't belong to her. Skywarp stepped back. 'Woah, woah, woah, honey. Stay still. Starscream's gonna fry my circuits as it is for being in here. You need to stay down!'

'I need some air,' she croaked. Her voice sounded the same, but smoother, as if everything she said was run through an auto-tuner. She pushed herself shakily forward, clattering to the floor. 'I need to get outside...'

Her mouth was parched, her vision swimming. She gasped, trying to fill lungs that weren't there. Skywarp vanished, re-appearing behind her. The back of her head bumped against his cockpit. 'Can't have you doing that, I'm afraid. Back on the berth...'

She fell forward, crashing against the table, shutting her eyes... her optics... so as not to see her lifeless human body huddled in the pod... but it was empty. She numbly observed Starscream had at least kept his promise and moved her body. Her new fingers closed around the tiny Requiem Blaster, which now looked like a child's toy in her grasp. She was vaguely aware of Skywarp speaking as she pushed herself upright.

'... so I know that this is a confusing time for you, uh, but you really need to lay back down, and I don't wanna force you, 'cause that'll get me in trouble. Okay? So just come back over here, lay back down, I'll get you some energon cu... woah... wait, what are you doing?!'

The Requiem Blaster grew heavier and heavier, springing from her fingers and attaching itself to her forearm, like a faithful friend, recognising her even in this alien body. Skywarp went very still as she raised it, her hands trembling.

'I need to go outside and throw up,' she said hoarsely. 'I need air.'

Skywarp considered reminding her that she didn't need to breathe any more and that the urge to throw up was probably a vestigial remnant in her brainwaves of the old nervous system she had left behind... but he thought better of it. 'Alright,' he said. 'Can you tell me where you plan to go? So that I can let Screamer know just before he kills me?'

She staggered to the door, her optics flickering, adjusting to her new size and weight, conscious of the faint humming in her head, the taut, restrained power of hidden weaponry in her torso and arms. 'I'm going to the one person who knows what this feels like.'

AN: I'd be pleased to know what people think of this. I never ever thought I would go there with Alexis, yet here we are! I know there are two camps: those who have been waiting for this for a while, and those who perhaps didn't want it to happen. Either way I hope you enjoyed it. :-)