Chapter 21: Dreams and Landscapes

Ana's POV

I knew I was dreaming, but even so I felt carried by it. The silver sliver, a shining memory that danced daintily on pointed toes. I weaved precariously between the specks shimmering spectacularly before me.

Trees filed tall and firm, whisking by in a fight between slow motion and super speed. Twinkling leaves humming in a wispy breeze as I traveled through. A mystical world enveloped in the fairy dust of the sun's glitter.

I remember laughing. A full, and somehow mute sound that carried through the wind. My hair whipping around as I danced to a soundless beat.

And I spun.

Circles, round and round. Arms wide open, welcoming the wood spirits to me. Head titled back, eyes up and closed. The feel of my grin stretching my cheeks.

A feeling of fullness.

Freedom.

Hope.

Spinning, spinning, the world changed.

My arms pulled into wrap around me, and the glitter faded to soot, twinkling to shuttering, and laughter to stony silence that hurt my ears with its loudness. My cheeks cold, aching with the desire to stretch out once again.

No more circles.

Falling.

Pain.

Turned earth never hurt so much.

The air was cool when I awoke. Light played across my closed eyes, in a dance that enticed me to open them. I resisted for a minute longer, relishing the feel of soft silky sheets around me.

Silky?

My sheets were cotton.

My eyes popped open of their own accord, a small 'oh' forming on my lips as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings.

Looking up I saw the textured white ceiling peak at the center of the room then slant outward towards deep green walls. Cream colored molding accented them well. A large set of bay windows across the room streamed in light across the dark wooden floors. Handsome matching furniture sets were thoughtfully placed throughout the room. But I didn't give them much thought as I felt a shifting beside me and a hand wrapped around my waist.

I didn't even have time to panic when a voice spoke in my ear.

"Mmm, you smell good."

Edward.

Relief swamped me.

His beautiful face popped over my shoulder to look at me worriedly.

"Hey are you okay? Have a bad dream?"

I felt embarrassed by the thudding of my frightened heart.

"Uh, yeah," I cleared my throat with a small cough. "I'm fine I mean." He gave me a doubtful look. "You just surprised me."

It was his turn to look embarrassed. He frowned at himself.

"I apologize. I had not considered you waking beside me." He extracted his hands from me and I felt a sense of loss from his retreating touch.

"Don't." I whispered softly. He gave me a deep look, as if assessing what it was exactly that I wanted from him. He tentatively wrapped his hands around me once more. I closed my eyes and snuggled into him. Some of the rigidness left his body and he relaxed against me.

"Where are we?" I asked after a moment realizing I had no clue.

I felt more than heard his chuckle.

"My bedroom."

My eyes popped back open at that. His bedroom? I shouldn't have been surprised, but I didn't remember anything after getting into Edward's car last night.

"Oh," was my lame reply, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You fell asleep on the way to your house. I thought it would be better if you stayed with me. I hope you do not mind. I had trouble letting you go." The last part came out as a confession. It warmed me.

"I don't mind."

I felt his grip flex around me.

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked. I hoped I hadn't been too bad of a bed partner.

When he didn't answer immediately I turned in his arms to face him. He looked worried.

"What?"

He traced a finger down my cheek. It was warm from our constant contact through the night. It made me smile.

"You amaze me."

I truly hadn't expected him to say that. I'm sure confusion was written all over my face.

"You were restless at first, but overall you seemed to sleep peacefully. I do not understand how. After everything that happened I expected nightmares, screaming, or something. But, you were fairly calm all night." There was a sense wonderment and suspicion that colored his voice.

"That bothers you?" I asked it as a question, but it was more of a statement. He nodded his head. "Why?"

"It just seems normal that you would. What happened to you would have sent most girls your age into hysterics. But it barely fazed you."

Oh boy.

I knew his thoughts were leading him down a road I didn't want to discuss, but how else was I to explain?

"It really didn't faze me." I admitted. "Not that it wasn't upsetting, but I guess I feel like nothing happened." Edward's face darkened. "No, don't get angry. What I mean is that I stood up for myself and he didn't get to me. I wasn't just a victim." My voice pleaded for him to understand and his face softened again.

"Ana," he started but I shook my head.

"This really isn't something I want to talk about. I'm going to have to explain all of this again to my dad later, and I just don't want to think about it right now." With the dream heavy on my mind the subject was just too much to talk about at the moment.

Edward sighed, "Whether you want to think about it or not, you're going to have to. This is a big deal."

His pushing was getting on my nerves. As if I didn't know that?

I sat up pushing the covers to the side and hopped to my feet. It was too early to argue.

"Ana," his voice was exasperated sounding. It made me even angrier. But I ignored him and looked quickly about the room for some shoes. I needed to get some air. I noted I had been changed into my favorite pajamas which meant my clothes were around here somewhere. I saw my sneakers by the door.

I started to walk to them, but they disappeared before my eyes. I was stunned enough to take a step back. I turned to look at the offender.

"Edward." I growled angrily. The culprit was grinning unabashed with my shoes dangling from his hand. "Give me my shoes." I ordered more than asked.

"You have quite a temper. Funny, I never really noticed it before." He replied evading my demands.

"You haven't seen my temper, and if you don't want to I suggest you give me my shoes back immediately." I was giving him a death glare that I was sure would have worked if he wasn't already dead.

The infuriating man, simply smiled even larger at me.

"Oh I think I would love to see it."

He really didn't understand how upset I was. A large mistake on his part.

"Fine." I bit out. I turned away from him and walked to the door. I didn't need shoes anyways I told myself.

Edward was at the door, blocking my way in a flash. My heartbeat skipped.

"Let me by." I tried to sound firm, but he just kept on smiling at me.

"You shouldn't go out in this weather without shoes Ana." His words were condescending, scolding. I knew he was teasing me, but I was past the point of teasing.

"Let me by." I spoke each word slowly and with as much venom and confidence as I could muster.

He laughed and advanced forward.

I felt the blood drain from my face as the past mixed with the present.

Another person blocking the door. Another face grinning at me.

I staggered back.

The door burst open.

Jasper was at my side.

"Get out!" He shouted at Edward. I felt so dizzy. The room was spinning, and my lungs were constricting.

"Can't…. breathe." I panicked trying to claw my way out of tight air.

I heard voices shouting around me. But I didn't comprehend.

"Ana!"

"Leave! You did this!"

"But,"

"Go!"

I was shaking, and I felt the coolness of the floor on my cheek. I must have fallen.

"Ana, I need for you to breathe for me okay. I need you take in a big breath." Jasper's calm voice called to me. I tried to focus. I felt like a fish gulping on dry land.

"In, come on. Breath in." Air came whooshing in filling my chest, but it hurt. I focused on Jasper's face.

"Good girl! Alright, let it out. There you go, let it all out. Back in. Good, good." He coached me until the room stopped spinning, and my lungs were cooperating.

I shivered as I gained control.

"You okay?" Jasper asked me. I nodded.

"Better, yes." He gave me a doubtful look. "What just happened?"

"You had a panic attack."

When I thought about it that seemed pretty logical. I had never had a panic attack before though and I wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

"Oh." I looked around the room realizing we were both sitting on the floor. Jasper helped me to my feet and set me back on the bed. "Where did Edward go?" I asked noticing he wasn't there.

Jasper looked angry.

"I sent him out." I must have looked confused enough for him to elaborate. "Ana, he caused your panic attack. Holding you against your will after what just happened last night? He was basically asking for it to happen."

I wanted to object, but I knew he was right.

"Everything just happened so quickly. I mean he made me mad, but…" I trailed off unsure of how to explain.

"It wasn't anger you were feeling Ana." Jasper told me quietly. "You were feeling cornered. You were scared."

I realized the truth of his statement. I had felt caged.

"How did you know?"

His mouth quirked in a smile.

"Edward never told you? Figures." He rolled his eyes playfully. "I have the ability to feel and control people's emotions." He let that sink in for a minute.

"So when I started panicking…" He nodded at where I was leading.

"Yup. I felt it. We all try to stay out of each other's business, but with strong emotions I don't always have control over 'listening in' so to speak. I imagine it's the same for Edward as well."

I nodded trying to understand.

"So you helped me calm down?"

"I attempted to project calm, you were having a hard time receiving it than most others do. I almost wonder if it's a similar situation with me as it is for you and Edward. Somehow you are able to block our abilities."

"Oh, well thanks for helping me anyways."

He gave me a slight smile. "Anytime." His face turned serious. "Ana, I don't want to push you, especially considering what just happened, but you really should talk to someone. I may not be able to manipulate how you feel, but I can sense it. You have a lot you're holding on to, and it's going to make any relationship hard if you can't let go."

His words hit a spot in me. An aching spot that begged and pleaded with me to talk to someone about my pain. But that spot was always so overwhelmed by the rest of me.

"I don't know if I can Jasper. There's so much going on inside me. There's so much I'm afraid of saying. I don't think I would even know how to go about it."

"I think you problem is you're afraid of what others will think of you."

I nodded my head. It was true.

"I am. I just can't imagine talking about how I feel to someone who doesn't really understand what I've gone through."

Jasper seemed to consider my words and gave me a searching look.

"No one is ever going to have the same experiences as you. But that doesn't mean that they wouldn't be able to understand what you have had to deal with. We all have our pains and weaknesses. Closing yourself off because of them hurts a lot more though. Really think about talking to someone Ana. It would help."

And with that he left. I sat on the bed for what felt like a while, but I imagine it was only a matter of minutes. I contemplated what Jasper had told me. And if it were possible to speak to someone.

The problem was, I didn't want Edward to know. Not yet. It was still way to soon. We had only just begun to date. I needed time to get used to the idea, but that was progress right? Getting used to the idea of actually talking about it?

A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hey."

Edward was standing uncertainly before me.

"Hi."

"Jasper said he thought it was fine if I came back in."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to freak out."

He shook his head vigorously.

"No, Ana. You have nothing to be sorry for. I should have realized that you were upset. I didn't realize I was pushing you so hard."

"Well I didn't either. I thought I was fine, until I wasn't. I'm so screwed up Edward it's not even funny."

He quickly moved to sit beside me.

"Ana you are not screwed up. I think you are so brave and amazing. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. And if you need time then I'll make sure to give it to you. I never want you to feel unsafe or cornered with me."

"It's not how I feel. I mean not usually. But yeah I guess I do need some time to process. I don't want you to feel like I don't want to talk to you. It's just really hard for me. I'm not used to having anyone who cares or wants to know."

Edward looked so sad. I didn't want him to be.

"Please don't be sad. We only just started being together and I just need to get used to the idea of someone being there for me. Please understand." I felt like I was begging, but I needed him to be on the same page as me.

His face relaxed and he gave and agreeing nod.

"You're right. We have only been together for a short time. It seems like ages that I've known you." He gave a smile. "I will try to slow down. And if you feel like I'm moving too fast just tell me. I promise not to be upset. Scouts honor." He said holding up his fingers. It made me laugh.

"Deal." I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. It felt so comforting. And it amazed me how only a few minutes before we were arguing. I felt so conflicted.

"Stop worrying. It'll give you wrinkles," Edward teased. It drew a giggle from me.

"I'm not worried. Wrinkles are sexy." I winked at him. He barked a laugh.

"I'm sure they would be on you." He purred. I rolled my eyes.

"Alright Casanova, calm yourself." He rolled his eyes at me. "So aren't you going to show me around your house?" I asked excitedly looking around at the things I hadn't noticed earlier. Like the fact that the room was shaped like a hexagon. Very cool.

"Oh, sure. Well this is my room," he stated obviously. "Through that door is the bathroom, and the other one over there is my closet. It connects to the bathroom." He gestured to the two doors a few feet apart on the middle left wall. "Then as you can see that door is for the balcony," he told me pointing to the walls to the right.

I got out of his bed and wandered into the bathroom. It was huge and beautiful. The taupe tiled floor shined beneath my feet. Soft brown rugs accented nicely. To the right was a long counter with two sinks, jack and jill style and a huge mirror across them. Just past the sink was a claw foot tub that was calling my name, but I passed on by with a great deal of resistance.

There was a fancy glass shower with jets all around. If I hadn't seen the tub first I would have thought the bathroom couldn't get more awesome. Still I kept on going, though I was nearly aching to try out the shower. I walked into the closet surprised at how large it was inside and the wide array of clothing in there. Expensive clothing at that. I brushed my hands along as I walked through back to the room.

Coming out I noticed for the first time a wall full of music. It was literally shelved from the ceiling down to the floor and a massive stereo system was dead center. It contained a record player, a multi-disk CD player, cassette player, and any other music playing device. It nearly took up the whole wall. How had I missed that? It was literally right beside the bed.

I meandered over to look at some of the albums. Some I recognized, some I didn't. Curious I looked at the record player, surprised and yet warmed to see 'The Postal Service' with the cover of "Such Great Heights" by 'Iron and Wine'. The song I had played for him just a few short days ago.

Smiling I left the media to walk over to the balcony doors. I stepped through onto the wooden planks. It was gorgeous. We were so high up. I estimated we had to be on the third floor.

The balcony braced the whole right side of the room, and a wooden stair case spiraled down to the lower floors. There were a few sitting chairs and a table. I walked over to the railing and looked over into the yard.

It was huge too. Straight down was a large deck equipped with a pool, hot tub, lawn chairs and a shack with a bar. Past the porch was an expansive yard that had to be at least two acres, maybe more, which was bordered with trees. About half of the yard was purposed as a garden with arches and fountains and the other half an open green space for playing.

I hadn't even seen the rest of the house and I was already in love.

I felt Edward walk up behind me. He braced his arms on either side of mine on the railing and leaned in.

"You like it?"

"I'm in awe. It's Nirvana. I can't imagine a more beautiful, elegant, and peaceful looking place. It looks magical Edward. Like a painting you would see in a fancy gallery. I'm almost speechless."

Edward chucked.

"Well if Esme didn't love you already, she does now."

I looked at him surprised.

"You mean she did all of this?" The incredulousness in my voice must have shown. He nodded. "I knew she was fabulous, but Edward this is incredible. I mean the taste and the placement of everything. It's absolutely exquisite."

"Oh yeah. Esme is probably going to keep you forever after all of that." He laughed at me.

"Oh, I forget. Everyone can hear us." I could feel the blush coming on.

"Don't worry. Most of the time we pay each other no attention."

"Still. No such thing as privacy huh?"

Edward shrugged. "All the rooms are sound proofed so it helps, and our rooms are arranged in a way that minimizes sound flow. It's not so bad."

"I guess it must be similar to how you hear thoughts."

He looked puzzled by my statement.

"I mean, you can constantly hear stuff, but you choose to ignore it. Like block it out? Like when I'm in a crowded room I can hear a lot of different conversations if I want to, but I can block it as well, where it mostly just sounds like background noise."

Edward was giving me that look again. The one where he looks stunned.

"How do you do it? How do you understand so well?"

More blushing… yay me!

"I don't. I'm just being logical. So can I see the rest of the house?" I asked excitedly hoping to change the topic off of myself.

He grinned.

"Absolutely."

I'm cutting this chapter here due to a typical lack of interest in scenery explanations. Often when I read I find myself skipping over any descriptions and going straight for dialogue, so I'm trying not to bore ya'll with a lot of house details.

However, if you do want to know, I will be happy to expand. I already have ideas for the house, I just didn't want to be super long winded with a full tour in detail. Not that I'm against writing it, again I just don't want to bore anyone. If you would like to hear a full description let me know, I may send it to you or add a chapter that goes into further detail if I get a lot of requests for it.

As for now I will explain stuff as needed.

And now I need to give a shout out to my reviewers! FangsandDaggars, sealinsocks, Isntbella, and a Guest (stillreading22). I appreciate the time it took for ya'll to give me feedback which I always love! Feel free to leave more love!

I would also like to thank all the people that have favorited, followed, or just read my story. Your support is noted and appreciated as well.

Feel free to leave me some feedback, I ALWAYS READ IT! Seriously, and I reply too :D

-Shadows