A/N: In my personal headcanon, Jasper loves animated/kids movies. I don't know why I decided on that, but it's adorable as heck so I kept it.
When it came to handling the Avengers, Phil had the utmost confidence in Jasper Sitwell. While recovering from the wounds dealt by Loki, he was asked by Fury who he thought best fit the bill for handling the assignment in his steed. The director had barely asked the whole question before Phil gave him his decision. Admittedly, it was a lot to put on the other man's shoulders but Jasper could handle it, he was sure. He had expected the man to be a little more stressed out with such a big assignment, but Jasper took nearly everything in stride. Except for one thing.
"I don't understand this," Jasper says, the second Phil opens his apartment door.
"I'm sorry?" Phil answers.
Jasper just stands there and stares at him, looking dead on his feet. Phil steps aside and motions for the other agent to step inside and have a seat. As he closes the door and watches Jasper sit heavily in a nearby chair, Phil decides against putting a pot of coffee on and puts a kettle on to boil instead. He shuffles to the living room after the younger agent and stiffly lowers himself into the chair opposite.
"Care to tell me what's bothering you?" Phil tries.
"Do you remember the process you had to go through to become an agent?" Jasper asks. "And how it included several written exams?"
Phil blows out a harsh breath. "That was a long time ago."
"For you, maybe," Jasper snorts.
Phil rolls his eyes but smiles indulgently. "Get to the point, Jasper."
"Did we give up on that recently?" Jasper asks him.
Phil quirks an eyebrow. "No. Why?"
"Because I'm wondering if any of the agents you oversee have any understanding of the concepts of basic grammar and spelling. Or proofreading," Jasper says pulling his briefcase onto his lap. "Look at some of these. Look."
Phil knows very well what he's going to be looking at, but it's clear Jasper's having a hard time of things so he's not going to deny him his chance to vent. He reaches for his reading glasses and looks over the files as they're handed to him. Unsurprisingly, the misspelled names leap right out at him. Shining examples like 'Steve Rodgers' and 'Agent Coulsen' and 'Clint Burton' make him wonder if perhaps he should have warned poor Jasper beforehand. Aside from this is the usual inability to distinguish between there/their/they're, you/you're and any other number of inaccuracies. He winces in sympathy.
"I mean… 'Steve Rodger'? Really? You can't correctly spell the name of a national icon?" Jasper says, shaking some of the files on his hand. "And this! This! Who the fuck is 'Jarvis Sitwall'? Are they fucking kidding me with this shit?"
Phil hums sympathetically, letting Jasper continue on. The kettle cries shrilly from the kitchen, but Jasper continues to rant, regardless of the fact that Phil has risen to see to it. He pours two mugs of tea as he listen to the younger agent bemoan the poor spelling on the forms he's supposed to review and sign off on.
"And this is just today!" Jasper grinds out. Phil sets one of the steaming mugs down on a coaster on the coffee table sitting between them before reclaiming his own armchair. "Do you have any idea how much white out I go through in a given week? Look at this. Look at it."
He holds up his hands and Phil can see the numerous smears of correcting fluid on the younger agent's hands.
"Is proofreading too difficult a task? Does S.H.I.E.L.D. train these people to handle alien invasions but not how to write a report?" Jasper demands. "If you don't know how to spell someone name, just fucking ask. Don't throw out your best guess. It's just… It's just… What is this? No. Really. I want to know. WHAT. IS. THIS?"
Phil sips his tea quietly as Jasper leans forward and presses his face into his hands, pushing his glasses up to his forehead in the process. The older agent looks to the briefcase stuffed full of reports, knowing they're not even a fraction of what Jasper has on his plate today. It shouldn't be funny that the other man is having a mental breakdown over typos and misspelled names, but it's hard not to find it at least vaguely amusing. Of everything Jasper's had to deal with these past few months, this is the only thing that's managed to get to him.
"When was the last time you slept?" Phil asks.
"What's sleep?" Jasper grumbles.
"Jasper," Phil says in a warning tone.
"WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL 'TONY STARK'? THAT ASSHOLE'S NAME IS EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE. HE MAKES SURE OF IT."
"Okay, you're going to have a nap," Phil says.
"I don't need a nap," Jasper snaps.
"Really? You're in my apartment screaming and nearly in tears over a few typos," Phil points out.
"It's not a few. If it were a few then I could deal with them," Jasper declares angrily. "This is the systematic destruction of the English language on my desk. Every day. All day. I see it in my goddamn sleep."
"Fine. Drink your tea and we'll go through them together," Phil says.
"You're not supposed to be working," Jasper reminds him testily.
"It's paperwork. I think I'll live," Phil snorts. "Besides, do you have any idea what it's like not being allowed even light duty? I could use a distraction, to be honest. You'll be doing me a favor."
Jasper begrudgingly drinks his tea as they proceed to go through the files, correcting whatever needs it as they review and sign off on them. They're talking throughout, but the younger agent's responses grow slower and slurred over time. Eventually it gets to the point where Jasper goes to finish off the contents of the mug, but instead peers suspiciously at the bottom, swaying in his seat.
"I thought I was just tired," Jasper declares. "But you fucking dosed me."
"Just go to sleep, Jasper," Phil says, not looking up from the file in his lap.
"No," Jasper says.
"I don't think you have much choice," Phil points out.
"I hate you," Jasper informs him. He closes his eyes with a sigh. "When're you coming back?"
"As soon as I can," Phil answers. He leans back in his chair and regards the younger agent slumped over in his, glasses sitting crookedly on his face. "You know, Director Fury asked me directly who I wanted to take my place while I recovered. You were my first choice."
"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope," Jasper mumbles, chasing it with a brief giggle.
"Something like that," Phil agrees.
Maybe he'd spiked that tea just a wee bit too much. But then, Jasper never did respond well to drugs. When Phil hears gentle snoring, he rises from his seat and makes his way to the hall closet and retrieves a spare blanket. His left side twinges uncomfortably as he reaches for the blanket, but at least he can lift his arm above shoulder level these days. He walks back to the living room and moves the files from Jasper's lap to the coffee table. Phil had said that Jasper had been his first choice but really, Jasper had been his only choice. Okay, so Phil maybe, probably has some trust and control issues that he should work on, but the point is that there is only one person he trusts to handle his job and that one person is currently passed out in an armchair in his living room.
Jasper doesn't stir as Phil puts his glasses aside and covers him with the blanket in his hands, but Phil wouldn't have expected him to. With how much Phil put in that tea, the younger agent will be out for at least several hours. He's going to give Fury a call to let him know what's going on, but before that he has a more important call to make.
"Barton," Phil barks, when he hears the call pick up, before the other man can even get a greeting in.
"Uh, hey, boss. How's the recuperation going?"
"Fine. I need you to do me a favor."
"Shoot."
"I need you to stop enlisting agents to purposely misspell names in their reports. You're driving Sitwell crazy."
"…so you know about that, then."
"Yes. You've had your fun, knock it off."
"Sure. Is, uh… is he okay?"
"He suffered a minor mental breakdown. I took care of it."
"You mean you drugged him."
"As I said, I took care of it."
"Yeah. Right. You want me to bring some pizza and booze over later? I found a really nice camrip of ParaNorman."
Phil sighs, but bites his tongue in regards to the archer's unabashed pirating. He glances at Jasper before answering.
"I'm sure he'd like that."