I do not care HOW badly or HOW slowly I end up finishing this fic. I WILL complete the darn thing, gosh dang it! DEAD. END. FICS. MUST. NOT. HAPPEN. EVER! BUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
The audience members, not yet recovered from the rubber duck's round of jokes, were still drying the tears of hilarity from their eyes when a short, blonde fellow took the stage. He was dressed in a frilly blue tuxedo that would've been fashionable for high school students to wear about 5 years ago.
"Alright!" the young man clapped his hands and beamed at the audience. "It's prom night! I'm so excited. I get to hang out in a sweat-scented high school gymnasium with all my classmates while dancing indecently and eating at the chocolate fountain."
"Although, to be honest with ya, I'll probably just be eating by the chocolate fountain all night. Ya see, my date is, well...I don't have one."
The audience members moaned sympathetically in response.
"Yah. I did try! I did ask someone but my mother said she had other plans this evening."
There was a moment of quiet as the audience processed the joke, then they started half chuckling and half choking.
"It's a frustrating thing for a high school student when your dad steals your prom date."
More laughter. They all finally seemed to be coming out of the rubber duck's hypnotic spell.
"It's okay though. I'm sure there are other people who came without a date too, right? Maybe I'll get my workout on the gym floor tonight after all. I just need to put on my most charming smile and try to remember all of my small talk strategies."
"Small talk strategy number one: search online for good small talk strategies."
Several audience members snorted and shook their heads as Tino pulled out his computer and started typing away on its tiny keyboard.
"The fact that looking these things up is my first approach may be an indication that I'm in deeper water than I know how to swim. That's okay though, because I was kind of hoping to get more than my feet wet tonight if ya know what I'm saying."
Several audience members cheered and whistled in approval.
"Okay, so apparently the best line for making small talk during a slow dance is...what color is your toothbrush?! What the-? I don't get it. Is that supposed to be a euphemism or something? Or is it a compliment, sort of round a bout way of telling them that you noticed their close attention to dental hygiene?"
Behind Tino, the curtains opened slightly. A tall figure stepped slowly onto the stage. His frilly tuxedo was navy blue, and there was no humor to be found in the ocean colored eyes behind the man's glasses.
"A comment about toothpaste flavor would have made more sense. Like, hey baby, ya want to taste a blast of tingly fresh mint? Pucker up, sugar lips-"
Tino didn't seem to notice that the tall figure was approaching until the bespectacled man stepped right behind him and muttered in a low voice.
"Yah, I like tingly fresh mint."
"AIHHH!" shrieked Tino convincingly as he stumbled backwards and nearly lost his footing. With a flushed face he spun around, looked up at the bespectacled man and squeaked again. "Eeep! Um...heh heh, hi! Is there something I can help ya with?"
"Th' music is starting," the taller man noted as "Dental Care" by Owl City started to play in the background "Ya want t' dance?"
"Oh! That sounds...but, I mean," Tino swallowed nervously as he looked up into the taller man's unblinking eyes "The first dance is for the prom king and queen, yah?"
"It's okay," the tall stranger assured him as he extended his hand towards Tino "I'm th' tooth fairy."
"TOOTH FAIRY?!" Tino exclaimed, so shocked that he accepted the stranger's hand without realizing it "But...but the tooth fairy has wings and a sparkly tutu, right?"
"Yah," Berwald confirmed as they started to dance "They're getting dry cleaned right now."
Tino blinked "You're dry cleaning your tooth fairy wings?"
"Yah. Laundry detergent 'nd the sparkles don't mix well."
"Ah, well," Tino nodded thoughtfully "I guess that at least makes sense."
"Hm."
They danced for about fifteen seconds in awkward silence. Then Tino, after giving a desperate glance back at the audience, let out a nervous giggle and looked back into the tooth fairy's eyes.
"So, uh...Tooth Fairy, er, Guy, what color is your toothbrush?"
"See for yourself," the tooth fairy replied, pulling a shimmering, rainbow handled toothbrush out of his jacket.
Tino gasped "Oh...I...it's...um...it's rainbow."
The audience snickered.
"Yah," the tooth fairy agreed as he stuffed it back in his jacket. "I am th' tooth fairy."
"Yes," Tino sighed with relief as the song finally ended and he let go of the tooth fairy's hands "Yes you are. Well! Heh heh, um...nice meeting ya! I think I...er, need to go powder my nose in the bathroom. Bye!"
"Wait!" the tooth fairy called, causing Tino to freeze in his tracks "I'll come with ya."
"C-come with me?" Tino stammered "But...but I thought tooth fairies didn't need to use the bathroom?"
"We don't," the tooth fairy replied calmly as he pulled the rainbow toothbrush back out of his jacket. "But I still need t' brush m' teeth."
Chapter Review: Open Response Critical Thinking Questions
1. So...what color is your toothbrush? ;)
2. Why are people from over 100 years in the future listening to Owl City?
3. In a universe where rubber ducks can float in the air of their own accord, why would the narrator even bother asking Question #2?
4. Is there any circumstance under which 'Dental Care' is an appropriate slow dance song? Please explain.
5. Are pretzel sticks, in your personal opinion, building material, melee weapons, salt cushions or highly ineffective writing utensils? Please use details from the chapter to support your answer.