Disclaimer: Not mine.
I Need to Breathe
Chapter 21
Lunch in the Lab
Once the students had left for the summer, and Hermione had settled into a routine she began to search the back hallways on the unused floors, hoping to find a place to turn into her home. She found a suite of rooms that would put her on the opposite side of the castle, as far from the Headmaster as she could find. The space was large, and sunny. She stood at the window in what would be the sitting room and was pleased to see the lake and mountains beyond it. She walked into the bedroom, wrapping her arms around her waist and thinking how cold it was for the beginning of the summer and wondered what it would feel like in the winter. Falling on her knees in front of the fireplace, she reached up to see if the flue worked only to have soot rain down on her.
She stood and brushed off her jeans, before using her wand to clean her body and the floor, making a mental note to have Filch see to it, knowing no matter what the weather she would want to build a roaring fire. Crossing to the window and seeing the view from there, allowed her to see the Apparation point near the main gates. She unlatched and pushed the sash window back, seeing the same lake as she had from the sitting room. She wondered why the window was charmed to show the font of the castle, thinking it odd that someone would not want to look out onto the sloping green expanses. Shrugging, she closed and latched the window closed.
Turning back to the room, she opened the only other door expecting to find the loo only to see not just it, but a large sunken tub and a shower stall tucked into the corner. She frowned, and wondering why obviously new chambers should be empty, she returned to the sitting room. Pulling open another door, she smiled when she saw a second bedroom complete with built in cupboards and desk. It would make a perfect office. Walking through the second bedroom, she stepped into what appeared to be an alcove and found yet another door to the side, not obviously visible. Pushing it open, she frowned at the room that opened up in front of her.
No changes or remodelling had been done here. The original stone walls and floors smelled of damp and dust. She looked up at the ceiling and saw a ragged crack that she at once knew had happened during the final conflict as the giants brought down the wall on that side of the castle. She had seen the same cracks repaired in her last year as a student. Backing out she warded the door closed, her hand shaking as she traced the pattern, wanting to close off any memory of that day.
She knew the furniture in her current rooms would fit. The space was at least twice as large as the quarters she had. She grinned realizing both bedrooms and the sitting room had a fireplace. Biting her lip she pulled her wand and pointed it at the fireplace then ran and examined each of the bedrooms as well. They were all still on the network.
"Millie," she called and clapped her hands, pleased to see the elf appear. "Are you still assigned to help me?"
"Yes, Master's Missus." She looked around nervously. "Master say you Snape again. You comes and you goes."
"Yeah, well … don't get used to it," she frowned. "I want you to start moving my things up here."
"What things Master's Missus?"
"Start with the sitting room. I'll start packing up my personal things tonight and you can move them tomorrow."
"Yes, Master's Missus." Millie smacked her head on the floor.
"Okay, what is it?"
"Headmaster, he say no one comes here."
"That's foolish. I told him I was finding an empty living chamber. If he didn't want me to have it he would have mentioned it." She scowled. "Millie, tell me, when were these rooms remodelled?"
"Long time now."
"Really?" She looked at the smooth wooden floors and unmarred walls. "Since the war?"
"Oh yes Missus. Master Headmaster he says to do it."
"I see," she shrugged. "Well, if he changed his mind about moving in, I'm taking them."
She smiled and headed down to the Greenhouse to tell Neville of her find, surprised to see his look of concern when she described them to him.
"I don't think it is a good idea. Snape started to work on them, and then suddenly stopped."
"Whatever he planned on using them for, they are gorgeous. Only one room is unfinished, but I don't need it. Bloody hell, I don't need half of what is there now and it is a shame to see it sit empty."
"Hermione, he was angry when he called the work off. Whatever happened he wouldn't talk about it then, and I doubt he will now. Just be warned he may not want you in there."
"I saw him last night," she smiled. "He actually bought me a present, for my potion work. Three stirrers, one silver, one gold, and a, I don't believe it … but one in platinum. Platinum, my gods… I don't know where he even found it. And all three fit my hand perfectly, not those big clumsy things I have now. I was tempted to give them back, you know the price and all, but… he just… I couldn't give them back. I am anxious to see how they work. The platinum alone will cut the time by at least twenty percent, and I can use ingredients the other just won't hold up to."
"Did he say how his luncheon went?"
"No," she said, looking at him oddly. "Who was he meeting?"
"I shouldn't have said anything," Neville muttered. "Just remember what I said about the rooms."
"If I have to move again I will, but in the meantime I plan on enjoying them. The tub alone will make me feel like I have a spa at my beck and call." She laughed, jumping down from the worktable. "I think I should wait until tomorrow to tell him. At least I should get one good soak. And don't worry, I am using candles Molly makes. All horrendous flower scents, but better them than nothing."
Later that night she sent the still unopened packages, from her recent shopping trip, to the new rooms, instructing Millie to put them in the second bedroom while she tossed her clothes from the cupboard to the bed and began to fold them and place them in a box. She was almost done when a piece of parchment fell out onto the floor. Picking it up, she unfolded it and saw the list she had made of the pros and cons of accepting Severus' proposal. She traced her finger over what he had written and felt her chest tighten.
"Fuck," she said aloud as she stormed into the hallway and started up to the Headmaster's office, then stopped and called for Millie again.
"Before I waste my time, where is your master?" she spat angrily.
"Mine? Master?"
"Millie? He is never where you can't find him," she leaned down and glowered, "now tell me where he is before I give you clothes."
"He walks by the lake."
"Fine." She waved off the elf and headed down the stairs and out of the castle, finally finding him walking near the water rushes.
She stood still before approaching him, watching as he walked slowly with his hands shoved in his pockets instead of clasped behind his back, or held tightly at his sides. Never having seen him when he thought he was unobserved, she was surprised to see him as she saw him now. He looked at ease, younger and not tense, the tension was gone from his shoulders, his head was not held as high, his steps not so long and purposeful.
"Severus?"
He startled at her voice, and turned quickly to face her. "You should not be out here unattended. If I cannot trust you to do this simple thing perhaps I should revisit my decision to have you teach as well."
"I am attended. I am with you." She pulled her cloak tighter, feeling the wind tug at it and whip her hair loose from its clasp.
"What do you need? I am sure you did not come here just to bother me."
"No, I came to give you this." She thrust the parchment at him.
He locked his eyes on hers as he unfolded the parchment. He saw her breathing from partly opened lips, her eyes not leaving the parchment. Seeing the fear on her face, he looked down and saw her hands, fisting the cloak as she wrapped it around herself, shivering in the cold.
"Hermione? What is wrong?" His eyes lifted to the castle behind her, quickly scanning the windows as if for a hint of trouble.
She snapped her eyes up to his and lost her resolve. "I changed my mind. Just … give it back."
He turned from her and lifted his wand, holding it over the parchment he whispered, "Lumos." Looking down at the parchment, he clenched his jaw, the vein in his neck beating just under his skin, his hand tightening around the wand. Hermione watched him carefully, seeing his anger evident in the way he stood and flinched when he looked up at her, and found her eyes on his.
"I asked you, what do you need?" He crumpled the page and threw it back at her.
"I wanted to know if you lied when you wrote that," she said flatly. "I'm through with trying to second guess you. I've had enough of waiting. Do you hear me? If you want to act this way then I am out of here. You said I should make my decision with no thought to Draco or Hogwarts and that is what I am doing. Now answer my question Severus Snape."
"Did you lie in the two pages of cons you came up with?"
"No." She fought not to flinch at his sudden anger. "I've never thought you were perfect, and I've never thought any of that would change. Answer me, I asked you first."
"No. This is not a child's game and I will not have it treated like one."
"No you won't answer me? Or no it was a lie, or no it wasn't a lie?" She lifted her chin and glared back at him.
"You do understand there is no possible way to answer that question. You sound like the prosecutor at my trial," he said dryly.
"And you are acting like your solicitor. Just tell me, did you lie?"
"No."
She felt the air leave her lungs in a rush of relief. "Then why did you change your mind? I have the right to know."
He looked at her without speaking and then started back up to the castle, his long strides taking him away quickly and leaving her alone by the lake. He was furious that she had sought him out. He was furious that she had walked outside by herself after he had given her clear instructions not to walk alone, not even in the halls. Striding into his office, he slammed his fist on his desk as he fought to catch his breath and even his breathing. Yanking open the top drawer, he pulled out his bottle of whiskey, seeing the small black box tucked into the back corner.
He picked up the box and snapped open the lid, looking at the pair of rings he had kept in his desk since the day after Potter's wedding. Sighing he sat down heavily and leaned back his head.
"Master, sir?" Millie stood trembling in front of him.
"What is it Millie?"
"Master's Missus, she still gone. Alone by the lake she is. It is dark and she is out alone."
"I know Millie. I'll take care of it."
He watched Millie pop out and sighed, running his hands though his hair and wondered what had made him have Millie keep an eye on her, and then wondered why he had not sent Millie to collect her. He stood and stared at the box he still held in his hand and smirked remembering what she had written under his short note. I want him to make love to me again. Sighing loudly, and knowing he would live to regret it, he shoved the box in his pocket and went to retrieve his wife.
He found her where he had left her, sitting on the ground looking out over the lake, wrapped in only a thin cloak and a fading warming spell, which she had obviously not cast correctly. She heard him clear his throat and turned away from him, not able to meet his eyes and not wanting to talk to him while she still fought for what to say. He slid to the ground behind her, placing one leg on either side of her, and pulled her back into his body, holding her tightly as she struggled to get away.
"For once in your life be still and listen to me," he demanded. "It is cold and I am tired, too tired to fight with you."
"Is this when you tell me you want me as a fuck buddy with no strings attached?" She twisted against him, pulling at his arms, trying to pry them off her. "Well, push off Snape. I don't want that."
"No, this is where I tell you I want the strings, and although taking you to my bed would be nice, I want more."
She stopped struggling and felt his arms loosen. Turning around to look at his face, she saw him looking out at the lake. "I am down here."
"I know where you are," he sighed. "This is hard for me. I hope you know that."
"You think it is easy for me? I decided I would hate you." She bit her lip as he looked down at her face. "You seem to prefer people that hate you."
"How's it working out?" He raised his eyebrow and gave her a quizzical look.
"Not too well," she sniffed. "When did it happen that everyone I know got on your side? I swear, every time I wanted to complain about you, all I heard was how you had changed and that I should be nice to you. Neville even told me not to move into the new chambers I found because it may upset you."
"I would not have cared," he said quietly. "I built them for you."
Hermione felt her stomach fall. She had thought he had not cared, had not wanted her, but now he was admitting how much he cared. She wiped her eyes and knew this was as close to a declaration of love as she would get for now, or possibly ever.
"I want to talk about the strings," she said evenly. "And don't …"
"Shut up," he leaned down and covered her mouth with his, feeling her relax at once. "That's better, I like you quiet sometimes."
"Yes, yes it is better," she grinned and pushed him back onto the ground then climbed up and straddled his chest.
"You are incorrigible," he muttered. "Now get up, the ground is wet and I am too old for this."
"You could smile you know. I can count the number of times I have seen it on one hand. Only, I think it may have been gas. However, now that I have your attention," she twisted and looked behind her at the bulge in his trousers, "all of it so it seems, we need to talk."
"Talk then," he said flatly. "See if you can do so in under three minutes. This is most… unseemly."
"I can take a lot from you. I can take you ignoring me if you are in a bad mood. I can take your sarcastic remarks and the way you say things about my friends just to be hateful. I think I can take you ordering me around as long as you understand I won't do everything you say. Well, I won't do a lot of it I trust. But I won't take you not trusting me, or not talking to me about things that are important. I told you once already, and then you went off and listened to Poppy instead of coming to me." She leaned down and kissed him quickly, then sat up on his chest looking down at him. "Your turn."
He reached up and traced her jaw line with his thumb, scowling at her. "What I said in my office when you first came here still holds. Nothing more, nothing less. Now if you get off me long enough, I have something in my pocket that may fit you."
"If it is a new pair of knickers, I'll hex you." She grinned and slid off him, sitting on her heels.
He handed her the box and watched her carefully as she opened it, surprised to see tears flood her eyes. "You said that is what you wanted. If you had not destroyed my office you would have had it long ago."
She nodded, unable to talk as she removed the grooms ring and slipped it on his finger, looking up at him, she held out the box. "I don't need, or even want a wedding, but I want you to do this."
He frowned, took the ring out of the box and roughly grabbed her hand, putting the ring on her finger and watching as it adjusted to fit her. "Is that all you require?"
"No, but I don't think we want to do that here," she said with a smirk and had started to stand up when he pulled her up and into him.
"Know this, Hermione, I want this. I want you, nothing else, for no other reason than I want to be selfish and have you."
"I love you Severus Snape." She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Now come, take your wife to bed before she ravishes you out here for everyone to watch."
"You do not want a wedding?"
"Gods no. I want to be your wife not your bride." She smiled at him and slid her hand under his elbow. "I want to wear your ring, not a white dress, and I want to eat breakfast with you, not have a cup of tea with Ginny discussing shoes and makeup. Now, if that is asking too much I can floo Molly Weasley and have her go on the look out for someone else, but if …"
He leaned down and captured her words in his mouth, waiting until she started to laugh, then stood up and began pulling her up to the castle.
.
.
.
Hermione woke and tipped up her chin from where it rested on his chest. She grinned and closed her eyes again fighting back a giggle that was building in her. She lay still for a couple more minutes then carefully rose up onto her knees and looking down at him, lowered her head and licked his chest. Slowly moving up to his throat, she felt, rather than heard his chuckle, and by the time she had reached his chin, his hands had entwined in her hair and pulled her mouth to his quicker.
After a deep kiss, he sat up and pushed her onto her back. "I expect that kind of wake up every morning."
"And I expect that kind of tuck in every night," she giggled, smiling widely.
"You, my dear, should have picked a younger wizard if you think I can keep that up every night."
"Oh." She tried to pout at him. "Maybe you need to start taking a nap once a day. You know, rest, build up your strength. I'm free after lunch."
"I see," he said with a smirk, looking down at her naked breasts and lifting the sheet to see more. "What do you plan on doing before lunch?"
She reached up and drew a circle around his mouth with her finger. "I want my husband to make love to me."
"Oh?"
She lifted her head, peeked down at him and nodded her head. "I think now would be a great time and you seem up for it."
"Should we go outside and find a wall or will my bed do?"
"Here if you don't mind," she frowned at him. "I thought I would never see you again you know. When you left with Lucius that night, what you said, it hurt."
He leaned down and kissed her, then straightened back up. "I will often say things you don't like. I think that was number two on your list."
She nodded and felt her stomach fall. "You read all of them?"
"Twice."
"And?"
"I think honesty is important," he said flatly.
"I never said you didn't. That was not on the list. But I could add it to the pro side."
"No, you said you couldn't talk to me, number seven. If you can't talk to me, how do you expect to be honest?"
"I'll try, but … you have to give me time. You spit out questions too fast sometimes and make me feel like you are trying to catch me in a lie or are grading me for an exam."
He leaned down and kissed her neck, then moved up and kissed the shell of her ear. "Feel good?"
He waited until she whispered her answer before lowering his head again and finding her nipple, kissing it gently and pulling it into his mouth.
"Better?" Again, he waited before gently sucking on the other. "More?"
He stroked down her body and kissed her eyes, then lifted her hands over her head, pinning them down, and waiting for her to say something. "What do you want?"
"Severus, please," she arched her back and undulated under him.
He smirked and moved over her, kneeling between her thighs. "Slow enough?"
"Severus, what…" she started as he leaned down and captured her mouth.
"You said I spit out questions too quickly. I thought I should practice going slow."
"Now is not a good time to think." She wrenched her arms from his grasp then wrapped them around his neck and pulled him down to her eagerly. "You over-think everything."
"What was that? Number twelve?" he sniggered, his hand moving lightly over her labia. .
"No, number twelve, not everything is about potions," she ground out, sucking in a breath and his fingers slipped into her.
He pulled away from her, quickly rolling to the side and lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling, breathing through his mouth and closing his eyes, trying to regain his composure. "I think we better put this off until lunch like you had originally suggested. You are wrong about number twelve."
"What?" she gasped sitting up and looking at him. "After that you want to stop? That's not fair!"
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on his trousers, looking at her darkly. "I had not planned on this."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Hermione, at this time yesterday I did not expect to have a witch in my bed. You may have noticed the lack of contraceptive potions on your night stand."
She blanched and grabbed the sheet, pulling it up around her as she smiled weakly at him. "I guess we have just been lucky."
"Lucky?" He frowned at her. "You didn't take anything before?"
"I don't usually take a vial to the library just in case some git wants to …"
"The night you came here?"
"No."
He looked at her and shook his head. "Remind me not to have you give the sixth year girls their annual speech. I should have asked and not assumed that a witch set on seduction would have taken care of it."
"You're kidding?" She grinned. "When did you start giving girls sex talks?"
"Poppy does it. I just insist they have the information."
"And the boys?"
"Them I talk to in their fifth year, as Longbottom can't say intercourse without stuttering and clitoris makes him choke. By the time he could spit out sperm and conception we would have another first year being sorted."
"I could see a Muggle doctor if that would be easier."
"No, their methods are not safe, too many possible side effects and they interfere with your hormones. That, I will not allow."
"Not allow? If I chose to use …"
"Hermione," he put one knee on the bed and leaned over to cup her face in his hands. "Don't argue about this. They are not safe. Perhaps they affect Muggles differently, but ask Poppy about what can happen. There can be subtle changes in the body's balance… a chemical change that can affect your magic. I will not have you wreaking havoc once a month. You are difficult enough to deal with already without throwing in unstable magic to your monthly cycles. I am a patient man, but not that patient."
"You know when my monthly comes?"
"Yes," he said and she saw his lip twitch. "You throw things."
"Git," she smiled thinly.
"You do have a temper," he said evenly. "You also acquire a taste for chocolate, chew those quills you buy in town and prefer tub baths over showers. "
"How would you know that?"
"You use some sort of bubbles in your bath, it changes your smell," he admitted, looking at her sheepishly.
She nodded and reached up to kiss him, at loss of words to say how attentive he had been, then fell back with a sigh. "I will hold you to that lunch date."
"I'm hungry. I may want to eat early. Wait here for me." He scowled at her, and then turned back to the bed, pulled her up, wrapped the sheet tightly around her and dragged her out the door behind him. "On second thought I'll take lunch in the lab."