PITCH

by uberneko-zero

L is a reclusive detective who takes his job seriously. Too seriously, in fact. Once he takes note of how neglected and stagnant his life truly is, he decides to make some changes. Challenges arise through an unanticipated meeting. AU

21. Date

PITCH

Light x L

Part 21

L is a reclusive detective who takes his job seriously. Too seriously, in fact. Once he takes note of how neglected and stagnant his life truly is, he decides to make some changes. Challenges arise through an unanticipated meeting. AU

---

A/N: Sigh.

Well guys, hope you enjoy the extraaa long chapter. I skipped my all day Saturday class to write it. :/

Disclaimer: (See part 1 for full disclaimer.)

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Pitch: (def.)

A substance commonly utilized to bind materials in construction... Tar pitch appears solid, and can be shattered with a hard impact, but it is actually fluid. Pitch flows at room temperature, but extremely slowly. To attain maximum fluidity, to be used, it must be exposed to heat.

Minds are like pitch. To reveal their full potential, they must be exposed to environs that apply stress. They must be challenged.

---

Part 21: (Date)

Raito's hazy thought afterwards was that he almost regretted what he'd done because he'd given Aiber more of a show than he'd meant to.

Well, perhaps not 'regret' exactly, he mused languidly as the aftershocks continued to ripple softly through him in a way that was infinitely pleasing. But where he'd begun this according to a very precise plan, he actually had not intended to go this far in front of his enemy. Somewhere along the way, he stopped thinking about Aiber and his goal to make the blond man very aware of how Lawliet would never be his, and had just been thinking about Lawliet.

Maybe he was losing his touch.

He never used to lose himself in the moment like this.

Of course, that was all before he met the dark-haired eccentric. The detective had kind of crashed into his carefully constructed world, made a lovely mess of his personal and business life, and he'd still not adjusted to all of the ramifications. Be that as it may, his greatest concern was keeping the elusive Lawliet from crashing back out again.

Lawliet had become integral to everything. He hadn't even realized it yet. Raito could tell by the way he failed to go for the throat when the opportunity cleanly presented itself. He was more likely to pull away and look sulky or cagey.

---

Much later, and many things were settled.

A simple, informative text from Raito had provided the impetus to relocate Aiber while Raito distracted Lawliet by more innocent means than usual.

'Please remove my replacement from the detective's home if you do not wish for a scandal. -R'

Raito felt mildly irritated at the inability to fix things himself or to his satisfaction, but...

It was nice to know that the issue would be dealt with and brushed under the rug without his immediate direction, plotting and planning. This probably would be a source of great irritation to the Chairman, but Raito figured it was about time he was made to sweat over something. Besides, his focus would be keeping Aiber's image clean and hiding the blond man's obsession from his darling daughter's eyes. He really didn't have the time to be punishing Raito for insubordination - Raito was merely informing him of a 'situation'. It was the Chairman's decision how he would deal with it.

Raito figured the modus operandi would be to remove Aiber from the premises first and ask questions later. It wouldn't do for Aiber to be caught in his massive stupidity.

---

L suspected something was afoot.

Raito was being rather accommodating and generous, for him. Not that L could question him on it and get any sort of satisfactory answer...

When the brunet decided to play mum, he really played his hand well.

L slanted a glance at him, driving the car as if he didn't have a care in the world. But it was a lie. Surely it was. For there was some vague tension about Raito's eyes that did not fit.

L wasn't quite sure what to do about it, but it made him feel as if action were necessary. Something had been off, even before now. The brunet had seemed fixated on leaving the house, even at this relatively early hour.

What is he hiding? He's acting strange, even for him...

"So. Lawliet. Have you given any thought to my proposal?"

L felt his face shift into an unfamiliar configuration. "Living with you?"

"Yes."

"I have given it thought."

Raito's sharp eyes jagged his way. "And?"

L felt the focus of those eyes like a blade in his chest, as much as he felt his pulse quicken in frustration. "Why are you so insistent on this? We barely even know each other."

"No?" Raito said cuttingly. "You still say that even now? When I know every sound your voice is capable of?"

"That isn't the whole of a person and you know it," L ground out, trying to keep the shame that burbled up from affecting him. "It's only been a handful of weeks. How could that possibly be enough time to know someone? It's impossible."

L felt the car slow down, and cursed his luck that they'd reached a stoplight just now.

"Look at me and tell me I don't know you."

"It's pointless to argue with you."

"Lawliet." The brunet's voice was like a low growl in this throat.

L heaved a sigh and, with resignation, looked over to meet his companion's heavy gaze.

Ruddy amber. Arresting. Penetrating.

Staring back into those eyes was like staring into a pair of headlights as they raced faster towards him. Or perhaps an oncoming train. There was something that stilled movement. That caged the limbs and shortened the breath.

And somewhere amidst the compelling color of those eyes and the drowning black of their centers...there was a resonance. There was a recognition. A similarity that was beyond exteriors, morals and values... There was a likeness and compatibility that could not be explained.

There was a... belonging. As incongruous as it seemed.

L sighed again and turned away. "What do you want me to say?" His heart was beating sickly in his chest. Racing, oddly. He was afraid of the chokehold that the brunet seemed intent on placing upon him... but at the same time, it made him feel strange, compelled, and frozen.

"I want you to stop fighting for the sake of fighting. Tell me what issue you could possibly have with it."

"I've already told you, and you don't seem to find my reasoning to be valid. Where are you going?"

"If you aren't going to be cooperative, why should I be?"

L had a feeling that Raito was about to go into one of his scary moods. They seemed unpredictable at best. He bit the inside of his mouth to keep his expression blank and unassuming. The scenery whizzed by the window, faster than it should have been. They had been en route to a pachinko parlor. The location had been somewhat baffling, but Raito swore that this particular lounge had other games available as well such as Chess and Go, not to mention a very popular café.

L thrice damned himself at being lured by the promise of decadent sweets, exquisite coffees, exotic teas, and a chance to interact with the brunet in a fashion that allowed them to both remain fully clothed.

L decided to vary his tactics a little. "So now that something is not going your way, you are once again going to throw a fit about it?"

The words fell like cinders, and the tension in the car ratcheted up exponentially.

L chewed the inside of his lip doggedly, staring ahead without blinking. He'd never before hesitated to speak his mind with someone so much as he did with Raito. What was the difference in doing so with him versus with other people?

Raito began, quietly, to laugh. It sounded like genuine laughter, burbling up, but it felt wrong.

"It's devastating, your low opinion of me, Lawliet." Raito sounded amused, but something was off.

"It isn't a low opinion..." L began warily.

"Then what the hell is it?" Raito snapped back, all humor forsaken. "What is it about me that you find so intolerable? Surely there is something. Multiple somethings?" He laughed again, a sharp sound that whisked the warmth from the air.

"You're unreasonable." L spoke quietly, crossing his arms and looking out the window. He could see his own pale reflection, the stillness of the trees as the car remained stopped. "You can't stand not being in control and you do your best to choke me with those restraints."

He felt cold.

Very cold.

"So is that all I am to you? Shackles and pleasure?"

What an odd thing to say. "You-"

"You're more than that to me." Amber eyes were dull, distant. "So was it too much to think it might be the same for you? Was it so outlandish that I thought perhaps we'd stay in the same place officially, as we'd been doing so frequently anyway?"

"It has to be my choice as well. And I have to consider my work..."

"Let me ask you another way, Lawliet." The car eased into motion as the light turned, quickly gaining speed. "What do you see on the horizon tomorrow, next week, next year? Where do you suppose you'll be? Or I'll be?"

L thought about that. Longer than he needed to, really. "I know that I will be working cases."

"And?"

"I'm not entirely sure where you will be. Your ambition baffles me, your methods make me question what morals are, and frankly, I don't know why you would want to complicate things by having someone living with you."

"Then you are a fool."

It was said so quietly, L almost couldn't make out the words.

"Do you remember, Lawliet? Where you were just a few short weeks ago? Do you remember where you were at the precise moment my world crossed yours? I with a blonde bombshell on my arm, and you with your punishing ritualistic whiskey and strange way of sitting?"

L nodded, his eyes fixed forward. He could see the dingy bar, the seemingly fleeting importance of the brunet of the flashy smile asking to borrow his pen. His world had seemed so small then. So claustrophobic, and so comfortingly simple. There was a pang in his chest when he thought of that fortuitous meeting. It was utter chance that someone like Raito had paid him any mind, had bothered to speak to him, had interacted with him in that questionably enticing manner, had looked at him with those drowning pool eyes or kissed him with those soft, wicked lips...

Raito had somehow woven himself inextricably into the fabric of L's life. L bit his lip hard, trying to dispel the feelings that flooded him, a reliving of everything, every nuance, every upset, every bittersweet and undeniable moment that the brunet had made himfeel.

"So many times..." L said beneath his breath. "You've mocked me for my inexperience, and yet you treat me as if I've had eons to consider such things. You should know by now that there wasn't really anyone before you. It should be painfully obvious, in fact. And yet you think that enough time has passed that I should be able to say that I know you? Is a few weeks really enough? And what is 'enough' based on? That we are compatible physically? If that is all then I guess I could agree, but I am not used to tying myself to anyone, and the notion seems foolish at best. What do I know about who you are? All I can say is that I have put up with a lot and I don't know yet what that ultimately means."

---

'Put up with a lot'... Is that what it all boils down to? The bones and marrow of it? That first and foremost, Lawliet felt that he was enduring?

Raito struggled not to let loose his immediate reaction to that, thought he felt turmoil and anger brimming to the tip of his tongue. Why was being honest and open so very cumbersome? He felt it sharply, like pulling teeth, every time he attempted it. And he wouldn't have bothered with it only he did so out of some misguided perception that it would somehow aid him in his pursuit of the dark-haired man and might make this continually shifting sand beneath their feet slightly more stable.

But why? Why would he even think that, or be moved to try tactics that were untested when he had a plethora of those that were tried and true? He could wrap nearly anyone around his finger with minimal effort. Expertly. Easily. But with Lawliet, it was like he had to start all over again. None of his tricks worked to his satisfaction. He was shooting in the dark and he was missing!

It was pissing him off beyond measure and he found himself wanting to get even. To drag the other man through the mud a little. Maybe a lot. To tear him down and rip out his moorings until he could fucking appreciate what Raito was trying to do.

He realized that this mode of thinking could be termed 'irrational'. Thus it stood to reason that he was not thinking irrationally if he was able to see such a thing for what it was. But that did not temper the scathing heat of his thoughts and the rejection he suffered all too often at the hands of his quarry.

Raito's breaths were abbreviated, inaudible but harsh, and his pulse was beating in his ears. His fingers twitched with inaction.

He was in a mood to threaten, intimidate... to do something to throw the dark-haired man off of his throne and into the abyss of uncertainty. He was so very angry. And not even his recent victory with Aiber was staving it off. In fact, if he thought overmuch on that, he would rather rewrite the scene - to make the detective suffer further unknown shame - to have taken that slim body fully while the foreigner was privy to it. Instead, some part of him had had some reserve, something that held him in check from taking things that far. He'd protected his partner from such excessive behavior. Though now he wished cruelly that he hadn't, that he could revel in recounting the scene to his unsuspecting companion.

"You're angry again," his passenger said. The tone was empty, inflectionless, though Raito felt dark eyes rest upon him with a bare pressure.

"How astute of you," he responded in a clipped voice. Anything might have been behind the detective's poker face or blank voice. He might have been feeling contrite, or flippant. Anything at all. But for whatever reason, he was choosing to hide and issue more of those words composed to set him off. Throw a fit, indeed. "I don't suppose you feel in any way responsible?" he prompted sharply.

His eyes cut to the side and his companion was facing the window, not deigning to look at him.

Raito's grip on the steering wheel tightened. Had it all been in his head? That what they had between them was something unique? Something to hold onto at all costs? He didn't like that the other man was able to act so unaffected at times. He hated being locked out of what he was thinking, and being left to speculate upon what was going on inside his head.

Lawliet remained silent. Out of spite, or from lack of having a decent response, it was uncertain.

---

Inside his head, L was panicking.

Not the sort of panic that made one mentally unstable, but the kind that tremored down one's limbs and into the fingertips. The kind that made one's thoughts race in circles.

My new tactic sucks.

Thus far, all it had done was inspire Raito's rancor. He thought that instead of yielding to the brunet at every turn, he should perhaps voice his thoughts more directly, even if it did seem somewhat instigatory of him to do so.

No matter how true what he said had been, it seemed as if Raito was taking everything in the worst possible way. And it was not just the anger that affected L so sharply, but the other emotion he felt sure was banked within those smoldering eyes. Hurt. Or something like it. Not that it hadn't already crept into the brunet's voice and words before, but it was broadcasting in the silence.

The connection between them felt severed and lifeblood was pumping from the wound.

L decided it was best to refrain from speaking for fear of making things worse. It certainly hadn't gone well, even tentatively inquiring as to whether his companion was now incensed. Which, obviously, he was; and it was more than obvious now was that he was not in a mood to be civil or try to talk things out.

L could only imagine what it would be like to live in a house with someone like this. Where would he retreat to in such a small place when he felt it best to make himself scarce?

Where indeed.

"Perhaps you are right," Raito said then, his considering tone putting L further on edge.

"About what exactly?" L asked cautiously. He knew better than to be truly hopeful yet. This might just be one of the brunet's turnabouts.

"Why would I shackle myself with someone like you," he said scathingly, "when privacy is a much more valuable commodity?"

L felt his stomach twist like sickness and a lump lodge harshly in his throat. Someone like you? Even if Raito was merely being antagonistic, did he need to go so far as to say something like that?

L reached for the anger he was sure would follow such a statement, but his hands came up empty. His mouth was dry and he could find no words with which to respond. Did he have to say words that rang with such finality? As if he had finally reached the last straw and was washing his hands of the affair? His hands were shaking so he fisted them into his pants, hiding them and the physiological reaction he had no control over. He could only guess at what Raito was inferring with his mention of privacy, but he didn't like it.

"After all," the other man continued in a cavalier tone, "catering to you has been nothing but a hindrance in my work. For instance, I can hardly entertain as I used to."

There was a long pause in which L did not speak, but actively fought with himself for control. He hadn't imagined there was anything a person could say that would make him feel like this. The barbed words stung, as they were supposed to, but the effect went much deeper, setting off a chain reaction which L could not even anticipate the true measure of. It shocked him that he was reacting so viscerally, and that he could not tell whether he was inordinately angry or stricken.

I see.

L meant the words to be spoken aloud, but they did not move past his lips.

By entertaining, Raito had to mean the sort of thing he used to do - advancing his career... bodily. Misa, and that awful woman he had met at Raito's place of work... and how many others might have known the brunet in an intimate fashion? How many people had that with him - what L had had and been convinced was special? Meaningful? Life-altering.

Flashes of times he'd spent with Raito, images of smiles or the bickering that really wasn't anything but amiable, things like that were cropping up before his eyes, tokens of times that were now slipping through his fingers. The loss...

The impending loss was excruciating.

"Take me back," L said quietly, in a voice that sounded calm and reasonable, just the opposite of how the maelstrom inside of him was brewing.

It did not matter to him that they had only just left. That was inconsequential. He was going to lose hold of himself and he did not want to be around anyone when it happened, least of all Raito.

"I can't do that," the brunet said just as calmly, his unaffected manner breathing ice inside of L's chest.

Can't? Or won't? L sensed that if he chose to argue, he would merely be met with obstinate resistance. It would change nothing. So he would wait. When the car stopped, he would simply get out and walk home.

Until then, the ride promised to be intolerable.

For the next 20 minutes, the air inside the car was stifling and unbroken by anything save for the rumble of road noise. L stared fixedly out the window, learning self-control in new ways. He went through emotions in waves, each prompting him to break the silence with different scripts, but he kept his mouth firmly shut. Nothing he said would fix the situation, so there was nothing worth uttering. All he could expect was a more acidic fight, and worse words to digest than the ones he'd already taken in. He would not feel better voicing the anger he felt, nor anything else, not after the way the brunet had responded, likely shredding him to the best of his ability.

And he felt stupid, stupid, for voicing any of the sentiments he'd felt. And doubly so for being honest about his reservations about sharing a living space or anything else. It was as if each time he was honest, a shotgun blew up in his face. Oh yes, gun-shy was an apt description.

L hated feeling like this.

Hated it.

So much so that when he realized that Raito was heading for the highway, likely anticipating his plan to let himself out of the car, he was beside himself with frustration. He reached for his cell, knowing how much Raito might get bent out of shape over its appearance, and even hoping for it. He was reaching a breaking point and it was sharpening his thoughts and making him antagonistic. He wanted to inflict some damage back, if only to grant himself a reprieve.

He called no one.

It would be much more infuriating for the brunet to try to figure out what he was doing, pressing keys, while he was trying to drive.

He checked his email first, composing messages for work which would require a lot of typing, knowing that Raito's controlling nature would be snapping with each soft button click.

The brunet held his piece amazingly well, saying nothing for nearly 10 minutes of flurried clicking. L did not look at his face, but judging by the tightening atmosphere, he was having trouble keeping silent. While this went on, L was deciding who would be best to send a direct message to that could get him out of his current containment.

Watari... seemed a mixed bag. Like a pillar of 'I-told-you-so', his involvement promised its own sort of torture. But who else was there?

Well... if he really wanted to cause a stir... he could message him.

But should he? He most certainly would gain an immediate response. Especially given the history of recent events...

Was he really feeling that vindictive? Aiber would be the one to which Raito might react the strongest, but L had issues with Aiber as well. He had not forgotten the incident at the train station, the attempted blackmail of Raito, or the constant harassment the blond man had subjected him to. The blackmail was the worst - recalling how very close it had been that Raito might have been imprisoned if Aiber had gone through with everything...

L pushed that from his mind, not liking the memory of his reaction to that - how broken he'd felt when he realized he might be on the brink of losing Raito completely, or even what he'd gone through in order to protect him. There was even the distilled despair when he was told by the brunet that his suffering had been foolish, unnecessary, and had better not be repeated.

"What are you doing?" Raito finally asked, a tension ghosting in his voice that was definitely unintentional.

"Nothing," L replied shortly, not wanting to engage in conversation.

"You've been doing nothing with your thumbs in a noisy fashion for some time now." Raito sounded irked.

"I'm sorry, did I say 'nothing'?" L said, feeling overly irked himself. "I meant: 'It's none of your business'."

He could almost hear the grinding of teeth at that.

It served him right. How did he expect to all but dump me on my ass and expect that he could still reach over and control my actions, or my life? If he's absolving himself of everything, then I sure as hell am not going to lie down and make that easy for him.

It was easier to be angry than hurt. It really was.

It was best to focus on that and block everything else out so he could breathe.

If he didn't, his mind began racing as he contemplated the revolving door of Raito's home, the sultry smiles that could melt a person where they stood, and all the potential partners the brunet might be courting in the near future. It twisted his insides up so bad he was sure he was going to be sick and his head began to swim. The shaking started to take hold of his hands again.

Oh, the anger was so elusive. He clawed at it frantically, it being the only stability he could hope for.

Frankly, he felt like his chest was being crushed. So many scenes: Raito's enigmatic gaze locked to his, smiles playing about his lips, Raito teasing him mercilessly for his lack of people skills that day L accompanied him to work, being held close and finally believing he was necessary to the brunet... and so many others, so many words exchanged, all of them streamed through his conscious mind, making it seem so impossible that things had gone awry like this. There were so many things he'd endured, having identified Raito as something that he had somehow needed in his life.

---

If human hands had more strength in them, then Raito would have been successful in crushing the steering wheel by now with the punishing grip he kept upon it.

He wanted to wring the detective's neck.

How did he justify being spiteful and telling him that anything was 'none of his business'?

He hated it when the other man said things like that. As if Raito were of no more consequence than the weather.

Lawliet did not show a flicker of jealousy when Raito suggested the alternative to the insomniac moving in with him could be a return to how things used to be. None. And previously the idea of Raito being with other people had really seemed to get under his skin. Here Raito had thought his dark-haired passenger might have just been missing the fact that if he were to live with Raito, he could be assured that Raito would not be bringing anyone else home. Wasn't that what he'd have wanted? More stability?

"Does this mean you rescind your rule about Misa?" he asked sharply.

Was Lawliet giving up on it all? Was jealousy merely the first to go?

For what had he gone through all of those maneuverings with Aiber and all the rest? What did it all amount to if Lawliet was being like this? If he no longer seemed to care as Raito thought he had?

"Do whatever you want," came the quiet answer. "You always do anyway."

---

It was with some surprise that L found himself waking up to the sound of the car stopping. He didn't recall falling asleep or even feeling tired. He felt a bit groggy as well as he lifted his head from where it had been propped against the window.

The automatic locks disengaged with an audible thunk. "Get out," Raito said stonily.

L felt a trickle of misgiving, but pushed his car door open as he was bidden. He looked around behind them and saw mostly open road as he patted his pockets for his phone. Had he dropped it on the floor as he slept? It did not seem to be in his possession.

The sound of a car door slamming shut startled him.

It was just Raito, coming around from the driver's side, face expressionless and intimidating. L also noticed that there was a building at which they were parked but there was no visible sign. Its walls were of rough hewn wood, seeming incongruously like a wood cabin.

"Raito, where-?" he began to ask, forgetting that he had decided not to engage in conversation.

Raito came up behind him, catching and twisting his arm behind him and pushing him forward roughly.

He was steered through a glass door, opening it at the brunet's nonverbal request, and came face to face with a bored looking young man with lank hair and a mouthful of chewing tobacco. He looked up from the desk he was manning. "Yeah?" he inquired in an appropriately bored, lackluster tone.

Raito tossed some bills on the countertop.

The young man looked at the bills with slight interest. "Change?"

"Not necessary," Raito responded.

The young man almost affected a smile, and coasted his chair backwards so he could select a tagged key from a wall of hooks. He slid it across the counter with a metallic scrape and said, "This one's real quiet."

L looked between the clerk and the brunet, not liking the tone of things one bit. Only he could not quite turn his head far enough to see the brunet with how the other man was standing nearly behind him.

"Raito," L said once they were outside again, "what are you doing?"

"None of your business," the brunet said darkly.

"Well it appears as if it is my business, seeing as how I'm involved," he protested. He tried digging his heels in to the dirt to slow their progress towards what had to be some sort of motel room in the middle of freaking nowhere.

"That definition did not seem to trouble you before," the brunet said caustically.

Oh yes, judging by the degenerating civility, this was not a Raito that L wished to be trapped in a small room with. And that unease was steadily increasing.

"It is my business what I do with my phone," he maintained, his feet scraping across the ground as Raito half dragged him across the packed dirt parking lot.

"In front of me," Raito growled, staring straight ahead towards his goal. "Therefore making it my concern. Stop splitting hairs only when it is convenient for you."

Room 14B loomed ahead like some nightmare monstrosity. It was the room on the very end of the building and no cars were parked nearby.

"Stop dragging me!" L finally snapped, trying to wrest his left arm out of the brunet's mechanical grip. Aside from their fight, he really did not want to be forced into some foreign rented room in the middle of nowhere with the oft unstable brunet. It just did not seem to bode well.

Not only was L unsuccessful, Raito grabbed his other arm and now had the two within his iron grasp. His wrists were grinding together slightly.

L cursed under his breath. He was feeling seriously unsettled now. What excuse could the brunet possibly have for stopping here? Or for manhandling him like this? "Where is my cell phone?" he asked, suspicious now that he had not misplaced it at all.

"You won't be needing it," Raito said curtly.

It occurred to L that even if he were to break free of the brunet's hold, he did not know which direction on that empty road would be the way home. And without a cell phone, he could hardly call someone to pick him up. The only thing he could manage was to perhaps borrow the phone in the office... but the clerk seemed to have been tipped rather handsomely just moments ago and would likely be less than helpful to him as opposed to the brunet.

Raito unlocked the door with his free hand, having little trouble doing so while he kept hold of L's more slender wrists.

Not for the first time, L damned genetics for making him smaller and weaker than the men he seemed to keep having trouble with in situations like these. It was worse with Raito than Aiber in some ways, because Raito himself was also slender and did not appear as if he would have an unfair advantage, but he did. Where L's shoulders were thin and tended to bow in with terrible posture, Raito's shoulders (not to mention his chest and back) were well-developed and solid. When it came to pure strength, there was no contest. L's wiry strength came from motion, from being able to pivot, dodge, or issue blows with his more powerful legs.

So it was hardly surprising that Raito was easily able to lock the door behind him, and force L face down onto the bed. His arms were kept pinned as Raito straddled him.

His legs, of course, were not possessed of enough freedom to be useful. What was surprising was the feel of something snapping around his wrist and the clink clink clink as it did so. He struggled as Raito pulled his hands up over his head and he heard the sound again, feeling something hard circling his other wrist.

His stomach dropped.

"Wha-?" he said in a startled voice as Raito's weight left him and he found he could not lower his hands.

He was able to roll onto his back, however, and did so before looking up at his entrapped hands. Unease rippled through him heavily, gripping his lungs.

"Novelty cuffs," Raito informed him airily (though they felt real enough), saying it as if that were perfectly normal. As if he were answering a more mundane question such as, 'what is the color of the car you drive?'. "You aren't the first to wear them," he added in a suggestive yet patronizing tone as his hawk-like eyes held L's.

L bit the inside of his lip hard, struggling not to react to that statement. His chest felt like a cage of glass being crunched beneath someone's boot - he could nearly hear the sound of it. His breathing accelerated shallowly with the effort.

He lied to himself, denying the prickling burn in his eyes. He could ignore it, if only he blanked his mind and did not imagine who those other people might have been, or the things that they and the brunet might have done together.

To say it was difficult was an understatement.

It was obvious that Raito was watching and waiting for a reaction, his face looking cruel and composed. L didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He had no idea what had really sparked off this odd behavior but he did not want to feed into it.

Given the other things the brunet had done or threatened to do, it was actually quite alarming - the current situation. This was not a well-peopled area, Raito was an unpredictable force at best, and he was currently handcuffed and unable to do anything about it.

It was a little hard to remain optimistic.

He supposed it could be worse, though at the moment, he was already having trouble dealing, so it was hard to imagine how.

---

Raito stared down at his captive, and his captive stared back at him with an unreadable expression. He felt only marginally better because of this. Fear, upset, something of the like might have assuaged this mood of his, this restless anger, but this he was denied. So he had Lawliet where he wanted him, but not yet how he wanted him.

This could be easily rectified.

"I'll be back," he said curtly, turning for the door.

"Wait - where are you going?" the detective asked, some subtle dissonance coloring his voice. The handcuffs rattled as he tried to sit up.

Raito regarded him coldly, mollified to see a flicker of reaction in those dark eyes. He then took out his pack of cigarettes and tapped one out of the package. Putting it up to his lips, he repeated, "I'll be back."

There was no reason to put a time to it, he thought as he went back through the door. For while he did feel the need to blacken his lungs, there was another thing or two he might be about in the meantime. And it wouldn't hurt to have Lawliet be left in the dark for an unprescribed amount of time.

---

Raito returned some time later. During his absence, L had strengthened his resolve to not be upset and to be as uncooperative as possible.

L's resolve did waver somewhat in light of the brunet's return, however, as seeing his face made the feelings much more immediate.

Raito calmly sat down upon the bed, his motions coiled as if to warn L not to even attempt lashing out in spite, and said simply, "Comfortable?"

Though it was inordinately difficult to imagine striking Raito at all (in truth it would be a useless thing to do seeing as he would remain chained to the headboard) he still felt the urge to do it as soon as the brunet spoke.

His only revenge would be in not answering. Above all, the man before him hated being ignored.

L shoved down the stream of panicked gibbering that the small voice in the back of his head was still letting out in response to being bound. Being restrained really rubbed against one's nerves if one was used to being in control of every aspect and nuance of their surroundings each day.

(What if you are left like this?)the voice was saying. (Or what if something happens to Raito and you cannot get free - who would think to look for you here? You'll die of starvation! ...though dehydration would come first...)

(Or what if he decides to do something awful to you? How would you evade anything in this state?)

L really had not specifically revisited his passing fear that Raito was a violent sociopath, aside from that moment last night, but the urge to do so was now not a small one. Was this not how many people had died at the hands of mentally unstable people? Killed by someone they knew, in a remote area, no one missing them right away...

"I would rather you answer me without any convincing on my part," Raito said in an inflectionless voice. "But I am prepared to do so if necessary."

L frowned at him - the only concession he gave to reacting.

He did not know what the brunet had in mind, though he had been fairly certain the brunet would not bring harm to him. That was curious though, seeing as Raito's behavior in other situations had been known to become violent or rough. He'd held him and Aiber at gunpoint previously, without batting an eye. He'd also subjected them to horrible, terrifying treatment over the following hours. Seemingly without remorse. Who was L to guess how far Raito would or wouldn't go?

"Who were you communicating with on your phone earlier?" Raito fixed him with a sharp gaze, warning him that cooperation would really be much more pleasant.

L debated his answer.

Raito drifted closer, like a menacing phantom.

"It is my own concern, Yagami-kun," he stated before Raito took his silence to be a willful one. He'd decided to hold his ground. To do otherwise was to give the other man the upper hand. This way, there might still be a chance that Raito would see he was acting unreasonably. It was all about the illusion of control and who possessed it. Raito had caved to him before. It was not impossible. He just had to put his foot down. "Whether it is personal, or for work, it is for me to decide what I might wish to disclose to you."

"Is it now? Even in your current position?" Raito asked snidely.

"And what position is this, exactly?" L questioned him with a carefully inflectionless voice. He didn't expect a satisfactorily informative response, but even a hint as to what the brunet might be thinking would be helpful.

Raito said nothing, but reached down to the floor to rummage in what sounded like a plastic bag. L had noticed him carrying something in. When he straightened, he placed a bottle on the nightstand next to the bed with a resounding clunk.

It was a bottle of clear, amber-brown liquid. Likely alcohol.

L met Raito's gaze for a long moment, frowning and showing his displeasure at the prospect before them. It was a willful glare. The same sort Raito was currently leveling back at him.

If you think getting me drunk is going to help you force me to talk...

"I'll ask you again," Raito said almost reasonably. "Who?" He was turning something in his hands idly as he waited for a response.

L sighed in annoyance. "I maintain that it is none of your concern and that will remain the case, no matter how many times you ask me."

Raito's expression changed minutely, but he was rather calm about pouring the amber fluid into the cheap shot glass in his hand.

L was quite confused then, when Raito did not force the drink on him but rather, tipped it to his own lips.

"No matter how many times?" the brunet asked in a falsely amiable tone, as if verifying something quite unimportant.

L felt reluctant to say anything. Slowly though, he nodded.

Raito poured another shot. His hands were unhurried and graceful. "Even if I am willing to answer your questions in exchange?"

He drank that one, too, while L considered.

Actually, seeing Raito drink in this situation made him more nervous for some reason than being forced to drink would have made him. "All right," he gave a token concession. "It was communications for work."

Raito smiled slightly and poured a third. "I do hope you aren't thinking such a half-assed answer would be good enough."

L cringed a little as Raito consumed his third fill of the glass, then a fourth, tipping them back carelessly, as if to say it was a punishment for his insubstantial answer. L realized quite suddenly that he had never seen the brunet inebriated. As such, he was fast coming to a point where he would not be able to know what to expect. Some people were amiable when drunk, some angry, sad or unstable. There was no way to know how it would be with Raito except that one could expect a lowering of his inhibitions.

"I was emailing 2 of my clients about their cases." He decided to offer some extra information, just to see if placating the brunet would still his hands. "I had not had the chance previously, so I did it when the thought occurred."

"Oh?" Raito said softly, turning a heavy gaze upon him. His eyes had a dangerous sort of heat in them. "And of all times, why do you suppose the thought struck you just then?"

"I don't know," L tried to lie convincingly. He was unable to hold that gaze, however. They diverted to study the bed's comforter almost instinctively, possibly ruining his act.

The soft clink of glass upon glass made him jump a little.

Damn.

He did not need to look to know that another shot of alcohol had been poured and would soon be consumed. His body tensed and he started to feel the undercurrents of frantic frustration that he was already losing ground.

"Oh, I don't know," Raito said placatingly, his voice sounding oh-so-smooth, "I think you do."

L chewed the inside corner of his lip furtively. He sensed now where this might be headed and the interrogation that might come about. Raito was trying to corner him into admitting he had been purposely trying to instigate him. He'd wanted to get a reaction and gain some equal footing in the basis of their fight, but he did not want to admit anything of the sort. However, he was not seeing a way to keep secrets while also stilling the dropping waterline of the alcohol bottle. "You obviously have some ideas about it. Why don't you tell me what you perceived?"

Raito gave a throaty chuckle. It was a rich, warm sound that spread insidiously through L's belly yet jangled his nerves like static.

"I think you are more than aware of how much I dislike certain behaviors of yours," Raito said languidly, eyeing him. "The more pertinent question is, for what reason were you trying to irk me on purpose?"

L revisited the moment he'd decided to compose those messages and the frustration/hurt jumped to the surface. The jealousy and helpless anger... His futile attempt to pay the brunet back in some way, immature though it was to do it the way he had...

Raito's current behavior was making him feel all the more irrational with how very laid back the brunet was acting. Oh, and it was an act. He was sure of it. Beneath the unflappable exterior, that tenseness and that waiting... they were still there.

L couldn't look at him. He stared fixedly at the dingy wall ahead of him instead. He'd already regretted openly voicing his feelings and motivations. They'd only been smacked down or thrown in his face. Did Raito really expect him to do so again? To say how much his words had hurt or how upsetting it was to hear him speak of being with other people again? That would be foolish.

"I'm waiting."

"I have nothing to say to you." L spoke quietly, not quite masking the clenching of his teeth. He held on to his anger, steeling himself with it. That was the only way to win this game, wasn't it? To not give in? To show no weakness that might be exploited?

A new sound voiced itself in the periphery. A rather solid, metallic click.

L's eyes whipped back to the brunet.

Raito was glancing down at his hands consideringly, while lightly resting his thumb against the blade of a large pocketknife as if to test its sharpness.

The effect that had on L was sudden and sharp. Fear crystallized in him and made him desperate to sit up. Especially when those eyes finally slid to him.

A knife. Such a tiny little detail, but one that put Raito firmly in control again, without question.

L swallowed.

Fear must have flashed upon his face, because the brunet smiled in response to something.

((Don't react! He's only trying to throw his weight around.))

Maybe the tiny voice in his head that was offering up advice was correct. On the other hand, it wasn't the one directly in the line of fire, and not reacting to a very large blade seemed outside of L's skill set.

Raito leaned forward, never breaking eye contact as he ghosted a kiss across L's trembling lips. The brunet looked engaged and subtly pleased about something, though L was not sure what. He was preoccupied with the knife that he could no longer see, and the biting of the metal cuffs into his wrists as he pulled against them futilely.

"Are you feeling ready to offer your real answers now?" the brunet whispered softly in his ear.

L was thoroughly disturbed that his voice could still sound so very sensual, even now, like this. It made him feel doubly trapped.

He would prefer not to speak, lest some nuance give him away, but it did not look as if he was being given a choice. "I was angry," he managed to get out.

Raito tsked under his breath. "I warned you about giving half-hearted answers, Lawliet." He pulled away and poured another shot, holding the knife easily and comfortably as he did so. It seemed familiar in his hands.

Further imbibing in alcohol while a weapon was present really gnawed at L's remaining self-possession. His hands twitched compulsively, wanting to snatch the bottle and glass from the other man. How many more missteps could he afford? How many more before Raito was no longer concerned overmuch with consequences?

L wondered if he was placing himself in danger with every act of rebellion or every response that was met with an miscalculated result. He cringed as the liquor slid down Raito's throat. The brunet's eyes were burning brighter now, looking more energized than before. He looked willing and able to address a challenge.

To his horror, Raito immediately poured another shot before pausing to look at him expectantly, small glass poised to his lips. A civilized threat.

"I was-" his hands fisted briefly as he forced the words out, "I was trying to get even, I suppose."

"For what perceived slight?" the brunet asked, lowering the glass.

A reprieve... A reward for answering the way he wants...

L shifted, discomfited. "For..." Gah! What was he supposed to say? The truth? But he'd already tried that and all it had served was to piss the other man off. But there was nothing else for him to speak but the truth, right? "For what I've already said..." he began, finding it difficult to go into greater depth. Words were escaping him.

Raito's gaze narrowed, warning him that that response was not going to be good enough.

The knife danced in the brunet's restless hands. L cringed backwards as it moved closer, horrified when he felt the cool blade against his stomach.

It was brief, however, and the blade was turned, poised to threaten only the buttons along the seam of his shirt. He jumped with each one that was severed and popped from the garment, exposing his skin to the air, his nerves fraying.

"Raito, stop! Please!"

L's eyes had squinted closed; he opened them now as movements ceased. Silver glinted before his eyes, the sharp edge of the blade holding the second to last button in a death grip, a breath away from beheading it.

"I'll elaborate," he said in a pale voice. "So, please, just put that down."

"You first," Raito replied.

"I... I'm not sure I understand why you're angry," he began, unable to tell if he was having any success in sounding as harmless and inoffensive as possible. It was probably too much to hope that he didn't sound like he was being held at knifepoint. "I am being truthful when I say that the concept of living with someone is foreign to me. But to have you go the opposite way after I told you this, to discard me so suddenly..."

The words were coming out in a rambling fashion. L was nearly talking to the blade as opposed to its wielder. The words spilled forth as if he could gain distance from it if there were only enough of them. He stopped focusing wholly on what he was actually voicing, the stress of the situation being so distracting. "Am I really that much of an inconvenience to you? But if so, why would you suddenly switch from insistence that I stay with you to abandonment? I don't understand."

"Abandonment?" Raito's voice had settled from the poisonous tones it had held minutes before. Perhaps he was feeling more reasonable?

"Well, what would you call it, then?" L said under his breath. "That you would refrain from being with others, then say how intolerable that has been-"

Oh- there had been some emotion that slipped out there - his voice even caught on the words, embarrassing him.

"So you act spiteful when you are jealous?"

Underneath, L bristled at the words, but Raito was not antagonizing him. He was really asking. His tone was not very combative, either.

"I never said I was jealous," L muttered, pride disallowing him to admit it just now. Not in this situation.

"Honesty, Lawliet," the brunet said, his voice dipping back into unyielding tones. The remaining two buttons on his shirt were popped free, making him flinch each time, the last one striking him in the jaw. Or was that the kiss of metal against his skin?

((Stop letting him intimidate you)) the voice in his head berated him as he closed his eyes to try and gather himself.

But he has a knife, L stressed again.

Inexplicably, L felt something brush his chest, something warm. Something that made his stomach tighten suddenly in response. Clever and soft...

Lips against skin...

It made no sense, but he knew the feel of that mouth, the heat of it, and the pleasure of an even hotter tongue gracing his chest. He shuddered as reaction took his body, wrongly amplified by his distress and confusion.

"But you are jealous, aren't you?" Raito's voice was a humming against his flesh. Mocking him, but gently. Encouraging, baiting. "Honesty now, Lawliet," he repeated softly.

L could hear the curling smile in the utterance of his name. He could feel the answering thrum tremor through his body.

Hands alighted upon him and his breath was quickening, chasing his heartbeat. He thrashed against the cuffs and his tormentor. "No-"

"You want me to touch you like this - I could feel it in every line of your body the moment I began."

L's eyes flew open and were at once filled with the red-amber of Raito's gaze as his body was caged by that of the other man and lips descended on his. It was no chaste kiss. It shot through him, blazing in his gut and between his legs. He could feel his face flushing as his mouth was overcome with liquid heat and a skilled tongue.

He struggled against it. He was falling prey to this much too fast.

"Does it bother you to think of me doing this with anyone else?" Raito crooned in his ear breathily as his hand brushed down L's waist. "Are you over-possessive because I was your first?" L squirmed, trying to foil the success of the brunet's hand upon the button of his jeans. He was aching and helpless and could not escape the words gracing his ear which tormented him to distraction.

"I'm not- jealous-" he pled as the button gave way and the zipper slid down without resistance.

The cuffs clinked loudly as L jerked at them. His face blazed red in shame as Raito pulled back to slide his clothing down off of his hips.

"Are you also not aroused, then?" Raito mocked him, his position very near to the evidence of that arousal. "If we are in the mode of telling untruths, we might as well continue..."

L bit his lips as the brunet subtly tried to humiliate him.

"Not aroused, not jealous... what else?" Raito mused, beginning to touch his burning need with taunting fingers and a fleeting mouth. L couldn't hold onto the noises that began escaping his lips then. "Unaffected by my touch... and would you also be equally unaffected if I were to handle someone else like this? Or in knowing that I have been with people like this?" Raito lavished attention upon his flesh, offering pleasure as he stirred tar-like emotions with his words. L knew he was screwing with his head, but he could no longer think clearly. He was just reacting. Physically, emotionally, and he couldn't stop. "Surely it would be of no concern to you, then, that I open my bed to others if that place is not already taken."

To L's mortification, he felt dampness upon his cheek. There was not much time to dwell upon it, however, because Raito's poisonous mouth was pulling him inside and destroying what was left of conscious thought.

His chest was heaving with panted breaths and his entire body felt like it was on fire. Insidious fingertips stroked his hips, teasing, enticing. He waited for the pleasure to build enough to topple him, but it just banked and burned brighter. He was being tormented with the most intimate of trailing caresses. It was just short of enough. That sinuous, sinful tongue was flicking along his skin and it was purposely not enough.

"What- do you want- from me?" L choked out.

"Love me," Raito said, abandoning his task and meeting his gaze.

What? L's mind stuttered to process that.

Raito laughed then, an edge of cruelty to it. "Don't look so stricken, Lawliet. I jest." He slid slowly up L's body until they were face to face, inches apart. His eyes burned in that fever-bright way where L could not tell what he was thinking. "You think I would require that of you?"

He kissed L softly then, further confusing the issue.

But you have that already, despite me!

"Would you require that of anyone?" he challenged, his frustration with everything surfacing enough to battle the desire that was obscuring his mind's functions. "Or would feelings be inconvenient?"

"Shhh," Raito hushed him instead of answering him, deviating to explore his throat. "The only thing of inconvenience is that you don't understand the position you are in."

"And which position might that be?"

"Indeed, there are several..." Raito mused distractedly. "But you fail to see where you stand in all of them."

Then why won't you enlighten me?

Raito drew back just enough to meet his eyes. "One of the most pertinent, however, is that your willfulness puts you at a disadvantage."

"If that is true of the current situation, then I dare say you like the results more than I."

"I wasn't speaking of this, but if I were, I would say that it is only a sense of duty that compels me to break down your protests until you can no longer deny me."

"Duty?" L thought that was one of the oddest and nonsensical explanations he might have heard the brunet venture.

"Of course," Raito confirmed as if it were obvious, his eyes raking L with their heat. "If I do not keep you in check, who's to say what will happen? Where might your pride and resistance leave us if I gave you free reign?" His voice dipped lower, almost a murmur as he said, "And how would you know to submit, if you are not forced to your knees?"

Raito slid back like the pulling of the tide, kneeling now on the bed.

"I've enjoyed our little chat," he said smokily. His eyes roved L's nearly naked body unabashedly.

His gaze was fondly possessive as he distanced himself.

L busily tried to forget the fact that he was naked except for his gaping shirt. "What now?" The brunet seemed up to something.

Raito reached into his pocket and drew out a shiny red cell phone. "This," he said. "This little device holds such fascination and contempt for me that I just can't seem to want to leave it alone."

"Raito, that's mine," L warned him as the brunet flipped it open.

"But I'm inquisitive by nature," he responded, hardly even reacting as the legs he was straddling tried to unseat him. "How could I resist taking a peek?"

Raito had the audacity to stroke his naked thigh placatingly as L fought the cuffs, seeking to break them, even at the expense of his arms. They clanged harshly against the metal headboard they were looped through. "I wasn't serious when I said they were novelty items," he informed L as he pressed buttons and navigated his way through the phone. "I'm sure you've realized, they are quite real. You won't be able to break them."

"Raito, I feel the same way about privacy that you do," L ground out, panting from his battle with the unyielding handcuffs. "Would you stop and think of how you would feel if our positions were reversed?"

The brunet looked up, arching an elegant brow. "I would never have gotten myself into such a position."

He held the phone up a little higher and a sound much like a camera snapping a picture could be heard.

"What are you doing?" L asked sharply.

"Immortalizing the stunning sight of your restrained anger." He smiled. "It is quite interesting, as it is bound both by your self-possession and by your immobility." He took another picture and another.

With each snap, L's focus shifted to schooling his expression, though he was furious. Blank. Blank.

"Oh, that's no fun, Lawliet, you aren't supposed to hide."

Again he snapped another picture as he gave L a melodramatic little frown.

"You are severely trying my patience," L warned him again.

"And what are you going to do about it, hm?" Raito sneered. "Are you going to lash out at me, detective? Show me your true colors? Let's see it, then! Come on! Show me who you really are underneath the civility we are all socialized to wear."

"It's ironic that you would taunt me like this when there is no way for you to lose control of the situation," L said snidely. "Are you that scared of not coming out on top? Are you that afraid of losing the upper hand?"

Raito's jaw clenched briefly, the only indication that L's words had had an effect. He smoothed it over with an infuriating smile. "Never that. I only fear what is possible."

L gritted his teeth, hands clenching into fists in truth. If he were not bound right now, he most certainly would strike the brunet for such taunting! Of course the brunet typically had the upper hand, but such pompous arrogance was enraging. Did he really believe that he was always in control and that that would always be the case? Did he never fear losing that position? Did he truly feel that entitled?

"I bet you are feeling like you could use a drink right about now," the prince said. He reached for the bottle on the nightstand, his body lowering to L's as he stretched.

L knew Raito didn't dare get up or rise to his knees as he straddled him - both would allow L free movement to lash out with his legs. And yes, at this point, he would.

Raito poured the liquor into the tiny glass, and sat a moment, just gazing upon L's face in contemplation. There was no anger or antagonism in his expression just now. In fact, he looked rather laid back. All of those negative feelings seemed to be living inside of L, alone. Seething.

Raito sipped at the drink distractedly, watching him.

Long moments passed, neither speaking.

"It's no use," the brunet said at last, with a sigh. "I like you even like this."

L couldn't stop his face from contorting in disbelief. What, angry?

Raito shook his head slightly to himself and poured more alcohol.

"Raito, I think you've had enough-" L began firmly, trying to shelve his anger for the moment.

The other man looked at him simply. "Indeed, maybe I have." He leaned towards L. "But this wasn't for me," he concluded, gracefully reaching out to tip the tiny glass to L's mouth while he pinched his nose closed.

L had just had the misfortune of exhaling right before, so he was only able to hold out for a few seconds before the burning in his lungs bade him to accept the draught. As soon as he swallowed, his nose was released, and he could choke on the strength of the libation without contest. He couldn't identify it, but it was stronger than whiskey, and tasted something like it, and a little like rum.

"Would you care for another?"

"Not particularly," L said weakly. How had the brunet managed to drink this stuff with a straight face, let alone so much of it?

Next thing he knew, his nose was suddenly being held shut again, the press of glass was against his lips, and the burning liquor was flooding his mouth.

His eyes teared up a little at the strength of it and with the difficulty of swallowing the punishing liquid.

Once he had gotten it down, he turned accusatory eyes to the brunet. "If what you meant was, 'would you like to take it on your own?' I would have answered differently."

"It's strong, isn't it?" Raito said conversationally. He seemed unmoved to apologize or be reticent in any way.

"It is," L agreed. "What is it?"

"If I tell you, it will no longer be a mystery."

L opened his mouth to say exactly what his opinion was on that, but the brunet cut him off.

"And don't give me some tired conviction on how you don't like mysteries, because if that were true, you would hardly be in your current profession."

"I like unraveling them, not leaving them sit. There is a difference."

"And so I leave it for you to unravel, oh Great Detective."

L was feeling less than charitable. "Can I surmise that your chosen profession similarly indicates your comfort with lies and illusion?" Also, the alcohol was starting to burn through his body and he could do nothing to mute the effect.

"No, you cannot," Raito said with barely masked irritation. "If anything, it is an indication of my desire to be in a position of power."

"In a mood to share now, are we?" L said condescendingly. He was too agitated to take the gesture as a peace offering, if that was even what the forthright words were intended to be.

"Isn't this ultimately what you wanted from me?" Raito said scathingly. "Hadn't you wanted to talk?" He sneered then, "What does it matter the setting? You are getting exactly what you want. We are getting to know each other quite well, aren't we? All I've done is stripped away the artifice and you seem to dislike being seen at your most truthful."

"When have I ever not been truthful?" L asked incredulously. "Of the two of us, you are the one that seems to encounter problems with honesty."

"Shut up."

"No. You are being unreasonable."

Raito's eyes flashed at him. "You want to see unreasonable? I can show you unreasonable."

He raised the glass bottle of alcohol up over his head like he was going to strike it downwards. L flinched slightly, trying to anticipate the brunet's intent, but all that came down was a thin stream of amber toned liquid. Raito's eyes locked to his as he defiantly poured the alcohol upon him, over his chest, stomach, and even his lap. He could feel it running down his sides in tiny rivulets onto the bed.

It was wasteful, and inconceivable as to why Raito would feel the need to-

Raito bent down and lapped at his skin.

L froze, his mind freezing as well at the unexpected action.

The brunet's sensitive mouth was hot against his flesh, branding him as it explored the mess he'd made.

It was a leisurely journey that took him over L's quivering stomach, his chest, stopping here and there to give special attention, sucking on sensitive spots as if devoted to pulling whatever alcohol from it that might have somehow seeped in.

L was nearly biting through his lip, desperate to remain in control of himself and to not give the brunet anything that could be taken as encouragement.

God...

His anger was still as present as it had been, but it was paling in the face of this treatment. It wasn't fair. Raito had not long ago been stroking his body into maddened desire and it hadn't dropped much below the surface. It was all to easy for him to call it back up.

He wanted to stay angry. He hated having the brunet wash such things away with this cloying intimacy. He hated being unable to think and the alcohol was mussing his mind as well.

His body was trembling, and it was not something he had control of. Despite being in and out of fights and brutal arguments, his stupid body was not listening to him when he insisted it should not react to this person - that it was inappropriate to do so. Instead, it defied and humiliated him, shuddering with reaction when the brunet grew more insistent.

"I love you like this," Raito murmured, lips trailing lower, down the edge of his hip.

"I hate it," L panted.

"Yet you also love it." Raito's eyes marked him as the tip of his tongue touched very hard flesh. They drank in his frustration, roving over every nuance of his bare expressions that he no longer had the ability to mask.

"No, I do not," L ground out. "I can't help that... I have a... physiological... reaction..."

"Your body is much more honest than you are, Lawliet. That is why I call you a liar."

Raito whispered kisses over his sensitive flesh, damning him many times over with the fleeting touches before pulling away. L's eyes had drifted closed as he focused on regulating his harsh breathing. It was a losing battle.

He heard something slosh, and then shortly after, Raito's mouth was pressing to his. It was a burning kiss, made more so when Raito parted his lips and fed him another draught of the mysterious drink that tasted like fire. Errant flicks of the brunet's sensual tongue teased him and caressed him into accepting the flow of it, drinking it in so that he could make way for a deeper kiss.

He was so close to giving up on himself.

Everything Raito did seemed to pull reaction after reaction out of him, no matter what he did or what he thought about it.

Everything extraneous burned away and sensation was the only thing that ruled.

Ka-shhk.

There was a soft sound that L did not immediately place.

In fact, he noted it several times, but every time he thought to determine the source, he found his attention pulled away again.

Sense trickled in when Raito moved back and the oppression of his presence lifted, allowing L a little cool air to clear his head.

Ka-shhk.

"Perfect," Raito said in roughened voice.

L experienced a moment of horror as he suspected that noise to be the shutter sound on his camera phone. He looked up and sure enough...

Ka-shhk.

Raito was staring down at him, looking scandalously sexy as he held up the little red phone and took another picture.

L couldn't recall him losing his shirt, but the brunet's lean, tanned body was bare from the waist up. His hair was slightly messy, and his lips were slightly bruised from kissing. His eyes were stunning.

Ka-shhk.

"Raito, stop that," he protested, his voice sounding deeper and more raw than it should.

"Mmn," the brunet hummed and licked his lips lasciviously.

Ka-shhk. Ka-shhk.

"I'm serious," he tried to sound authoritative. "Quit it."

"I'm sorry, Lawliet. You sound so sexy like that, I just can't stop myself."

L bit his lip. Raito's voice was the one that sounded sexy - all rushed and breathy. It made his belly tighten in response.

Ka-shhk.

"Raito..." he groaned. He didn't want umpteen million pictures of hi

mself on his phone. Especially not now. If anything, it was the brunet's image he would want to see captured.Especially now.

"Who should I send them to, I wonder," Raito mused in a murmur. "Let's see who our choices are..."

"You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I?" The brunet gave him a lazy smile. It was by no means innocent.

L was horrified all over again.

"You're horrible!" he said. "How could you?" If only he could snatch his phone out of those devious hands!

"Well then, maybe you should stop me," the brunet taunted him archly.

The urge to hit Raito became so strong that L slammed his fists against the cuffs, wanting the sharp pain of metal to quell the racketing emotions inside of him. But that choking metal grip never manifested. His hands slipped free.

He didn't spare too long to contemplate why. Though it had to be the brunet's doing. He had not managed to get free on his own no matter how hard he'd tried.

He lunged forward, grabbing at the camera phone.

Raito evaded him, and began reading aloud from his contacts list. "Or should I just send one to Watari? He seems to be a good candidate for a wake-up call."

"None of the above," L snarled, getting more agitated at Raito's skills of evasion.

How does he do that?

"Then again," Raito said, "the circumstances should be made apparent to the recipient to have the intended effect. How about this one?" The brunet flashed him a picture that captured the both of them that was infinitely less suitable for public consumption. 'Compromising' was not a strong enough word. 'Porn' sounded too mild a descriptor as well. It was mortifying and scandalous, and if he hadn't just been shown the image in the current situation, he might well have wanted to have another look at it. In the privacy of his own home. Behind closed doors. In the dark. Maybe also hidden under a blanket.

"Do you have that rat-bastard Aiber's number in here? Maybe he should get a look so that he can get it through his thick skull that you are not a free entity."

"Yes, I do, but I will kill you if you send pictures to anyone."

Bleep bloop.

"Too late."

L literally saw red for a moment. Next thing he knew, he had pinned the brunet to the bed, his hands wrapped around his throat. Raito did not have the good grace to look upset or scared, but had traded his previous expression for one that looked falsely calm. "I should just-" L snarled.

"Do it then."

L's grip tightened a little.

"Do whatever it is you think I deserve." Why was it that Raito's eyes nearly looked soulful in their quiet gaze just now? "I'm always doing the same to you, after all. It's justified. Do it."

L glanced at his phone, still held loosely in Raito's hand where it was flung out across the bed. Mainly he wanted to get that back. But oh, how pissed off he was to think on who might be receiving that image. How crass and debased it was of Raito to have sent it! How could he just do things like that without a care as to how it might affect others?

L looked back towards his captive with narrowed eyes. "I can't believe you just did that to me."

Raito did not look away, nor did he seem guilty. "So punish me."

Again, the quietness of the brunet's gaze struck him. As if he were waiting for something. Awaiting judgment. No more maneuverings. Stillness.

"But if you are not intending to strangle me, or are otherwise undecided as to how to proceed," Raito said, "might I suggest that you not straddle me like this? I'm not accustomed to being beneath anyone else."

"Is that so?" L said with irritation, "Well, far be it from me to make you uncomfortable." He forced his lips upon the brunet's, figuring it served him right if it offended his sensibilities and tweaked at his compulsive need to be in control.

He was not denied when he demanded entrance past the brunet's sealed lips. Grudgingly, he was allowed inside. His angry possession of that mouth was met meekly. It was so unlike every other time, and it gave L a rush of power to see that it was so.

Punish you? I'll punish the hell out of you.

For what would be more of a sufferance to that massive ego than for Raito to be taken in the manner that he had taken so many others? How chafing that would be, for him to endure what he felt was beneath his station. And it was from his own lips that he gave L leave. So he couldn't refuse -had no right to refuse.

He stroked a hand down Raito's stomach, glorying in the small twitch his body gave as it tried to shy away.

He leaned back and surveyed what was now his to conquer. The broad shoulders and tapering waist, the golden, sun-kissed tone of smooth, taut skin... The flat planes of his chest and the slight concavity of his abdomen where it disappeared beneath his pants...

He imagined how it might feel were he to peel back cloth and somehow, impossibly, slide inside of that body, to feel it be forced to take him in and to see what sort of expression the brunet might make. Would he try to appear unaffected? Would he look pained? Or would the marks of pleasure slide onto his face unwittingly?

L bent to move lips over the chest of his captive audience, feeling the lean body tense. He stroked his hands over his skin as he took the darkened nub of a nipple into his mouth, rolling it with tongue and teeth and feeling a shudder beneath him.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but he did not feel anxious contemplating doing this for the first time. His only focus was pulling reactions from the brunet, strong enough to embarrass him and to keep him from his stoic silence.

He ran his hand down over the front of Raito's slacks, cupping the brunet in his hand and squeezing. He received a stifled moan, but that was hardly enough. He returned to the petulant, sensual mouth that often said such rotten, dismissive things, and interred himself there. He kissed aggressively while he worked the brunet's flesh in his hand, and soon he could feel the faster rise and fall of that chest and began to hear the muffled sounds of passion which he devoured as soon as they were half formed.

They almost sounded like whimpers since they were cut so short.

The button and zipper on Raito's slacks came undone easier than expected, and L dragged them down the brunet's hips, catching his boxer's as well. Again, he felt that delicious tensing beneath him.

You're right, I'm justified. You've done this to me and more. Constantly you've clouded my head and used this as a tool against me. Just because you can?

I'll make sure you want this as much as you don't want it. I'll let you suck on that conflict as I take you.

The pants annoyed him to no end as he slid them down Raito's long, enticing legs, a seemingly endless task. Strong and well-made, they seemed unaccustomed to things like parting, but they were graceful too, and smooth. Flawless, L thought as his eyes moved up the length of them, settling to where he would soon be penetrating the arrogant brunet's body.

He noticed something upon the bed as he tossed the clothing in his hands aside. A small bottle. He peered at it as he removed his own shirt and laughed to himself. So Raito was always prepared, was he? Whether it was before their fight had started, or after, Raito had secured some kind of lubricant as well as a scattering of small, squarish packets that promised someone was going to be compromised bodily. Only this time, it wouldn't be him.

Raito lay with his eyes closed, not breaking expression. Even when L touched his bare flesh and took hardened steeple of it into his mouth.

Initially.

But even Raito's nearly impenetrable masks were not flawless. Not against something like this. And L remembered the only other time he'd held Raito in this fashion, cradling him upon his tongue and feeling the swell of response; the brunet had not lasted long. All too soon, his body had seized and shuddered in release.

His own body throbbed as he dragged the brunet into pleasure. It spiked when Raito gasped or moaned through clenched teeth, trying to overcome sensation and failing.

He coaxed, wheedled, and demanded in turn. And this time, there was no lack of light to hide Raito's face. It was enrapturing. He could see the response in him as he did this or that, spurring his creativity. He was also watching in fascination as a steady flush began to alight upon the brunet's cheeks.

Raito was fighting very hard not to lose himself. His arousal gave him away, however, despite the masks. And the rise and fall of his chest was only increasing.

While he was distracted with that, L had been preparing things on his end. He paused in his ministrations only long enough to tear one of the small packages open with his teeth. The rest he could manage with one hand.

The condom was not difficult to roll on, though he had to steel himself against the feel of anything touching his length as he was already quite hard. The lubricant's lid made only a minimal noise as he pried it open, surely soft enough to escape one's notice if one were being distracted in the manner that Raito was.

Raito was panting heavily now, his face turned to the side and an expression quite like endurance riding his face. He nearly looked vulnerable. For him. No longer did he look to be the indomitable force that L had encountered almost exclusively.

L put a finger to his entrance, and slowly pushed inside, watching the brunet unerringly.

A slight twitch was the only facial reaction.

Raito looked much younger than normal just now, like he did when he was sleeping. Without those sharp expressions, his visage changed drastically. L kissed his thighs, encouraging the brunet to spread his legs wider. He seemed loath to do so. Embarrassment at last? L wondered with a flash of satisfaction. He added a second finger and felt both vindicated and aroused as his partner made a noise that was either from discomfort or pleasure.

Of course, he himself was well acquainted with the feeling of all of this. So when he began to slide his fingers in and out, he was not surprised to see the conflicted desire try to surface on Raito's face. He added a third finger and took his time getting the body before him used to it.

Raito had flung an arm across his eyes and his mouth was open, moving slightly with his panting breaths.

It would be hard to look upon him like this, laid bare, and not be affected. It was hard enough to wait this long in order to do this right. L wanted more and needed to see that face from close up as he breached his body.

He kept expecting Raito to say something. To joke, or say something cutting as usual. It was strange to have the utter silence. But that was something he would have to dissect at a later date. He was past thinking clearly. The buzz of alcohol sang in his veins, forming a chorus with the rush of the power trip he was on in this moment and the steady beat of arousal that battered at his patience.

He withdrew his fingers and moved into position over Raito's body, the radiating heat of it driving him mad. He wanted to sink into it, bite it, caress it - all at once and he couldn't decide. But he knew it was only his mind focusing on easier things than the last transgression he was about to make.

Was Raito really allowing him to do this?

But why?

Really, why?

He wondered and yet, even as he did, he was already pushing inside.

It was tight and feverishly hot. He nearly had to pause to catch his breath but his body was still sliding forward, forward, then thrusting out and back in again experimentally before he could stop it - before he could even look up at the brunet's face or catch his lips like he'd been wanting to do.

His hand ghosted up Raito's arousal, moving upon it as he slid again within that gripping heat and he started to hear the sounds he'd been craving. He played to the brunet's body, kissing his neck and feeling every part of him respond as he moved. He kneaded the flesh in his hand until it was as firm as steel and Raito's back was arching, his body now opening more to his penetration.

He sought Raito's mouth, kissing him fervently, and eventually he felt arms circle him in a tentative embrace.

It was so unreal.

And so... hot.

He murmured the brunet's name over and over again, overcome with sensation and the feelings swamping him.

He felt so close to him right now, as if he was nearly touching his very soul. And there were words whispered in his own ears, amidst panting breaths, that he could not quite make sense of but made this feel so right.

He wished Raito would lose control, though. He said as much, and was rewarded with the cantankerous raking of nails down his back.

"Nnn!" The sound slipped out as his flesh protested. The wicked, stinging little trails hurt. Not only that, he could swear that the brunet's body squeezed around him at that same moment, dragging another moan from his lips.

"Raito-" he started, determined to find out if his partner had really felt a thrill from his pain.

Raito's eyes were luminous.

The reddened amber was like a slivered crescent moon around the deep pool of black in the center. He did not look like a victim. He looked like bait that was really actually the trap itself. The brunet placed a predatory kiss upon L's mouth, pressing it there with a curling smile. Nails skimmed his back, threatening to drag down at any moment. "Don't stop on my account," Raito breathed against his mouth.

That familiar fissure of uncertainty trickled through L: that twisted-up, familiar feeling of desire and unease. That god-awful ruinous feeling that the brunet so easily inspired, which tore at what passed for L's confidence. And yet it was that same unstable feeling that could amplify such things as desire.

Raito moved against him, sinking claws into the flesh of his buttocks as his hips canted upward - making L cry out hoarsely at the pain, and the pleasure of slipping deeper into that treacherous body. "Mmmn," Raito issued a self-satisfied moan as his body squeezed him. It reddened L's face in an instant.

He wasn't sure if it was real or just for show, that moan, but it affected him all the same.

"Come, Lawliet, or do you need me to pick up where you are leaving off?"

"You can't just-" L started in a winded voice, not sure what exactly he was even trying to protest. But it was just that... well... he suddenly felt as if control had been snapped up and away from him and he wasn't quite sure how or why or what to do about it.

Oh, there was nothing innocent in the brunet's expression now, though he looked like he was torn between being mean and being indulgent.

Raito began caressing his back, his sides, and everywhere his insidious hands could touch.

L felt his arousal throb, still buried deep inside the brunet - still very much alive and swollen with need.

Raito's hips rocked upwards into his, and his mouth sought L's.

Why does it feel so very different when he is the one kissing me, or doing things to me? It all felt so good, but when the brunet was leading, L's brain took an extended vacation. He felt helpless to do anything else.

Desire curled in his gut, spurred on by the active part Raito was now choosing to play. The brunet's muscles milked his flesh as they moved, merciless and demanding. He was breathing hard now, gasps and moans starting to spill from his lips.

L felt a hand twist into his hair, pulling it down. "Was it as good as you imagined," Raito whispered harshly into his ear, breathing heavily himself, "being in control?"

"Yes," L ground out.

"Liar," Raito said almost affectionately. "You're feeling it much more now. Look at you, you're a mess. Your eyes are glazing over and you can't even move without shuddering and moaning my name."

L flushed even harder at that and tried to protest. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't.

Raito coiled about him like a snake and squeezed, arms that were once loose were now gripping tightly, and even his legs were doing the same. It shifted their position so that when Raito thrust upward, it was more devastating than ever.

L tried to keep silent but, damnit, it was just not humanly possible.

"You should have just... let me... ravish you... in the first place... you stubborn fool," the brunet panted.

God... L moaned, losing his wits.

Maybe the brunet had a point but he still... still... could not express how amazing it felt to be inside of him... So what if he was no longer in control once Raito decided to have that for himself? He still wanted this, and felt this, and top or bottom - things like that were of little consequence. Desire was flaring in him with each motion, threatening to explode.

"Top or... bottom... I still own you," Raito said, dragging L's mouth down to his roughly, his body bowing up and swallowing L's as release took him.

L spasmed as Raito's body sucked at his, drawing orgasm from him forcefully like it was something that could be snatched away by a thief.

His vision was blinded white, and he grounded himself by sinking his teeth into the curve of Raito's shoulder. Intense feeling shuddered and rippled through him, whipping away pieces of his being with every wave. Hammering him. Stripping his self-awareness until nothing was left.

Finally, like even the most brutal storm, it subsided.

He collapsed bonelessly to the bed as it let him go, and spent the next small eternity relearning how to breathe.

---

The early afternoon sun was not much of a match for the hazy motel room window, but it did its best.

Raito mulled over the dour curtains which he probably should have closed earlier - they might have given some passerby quite an eyeful - but the notion did not seem all that pressing at the moment, and he made no move to remedy it. Besides, the chances that someone had made it by this room at the end, or that anyone else had even stopped at this place, were pretty slim.

Not that he would have bothered himself to move if that hadn't been the case. He was quite comfortable. He'd grabbed one of the pillows and jammed it under his head before he let lethargy take over. It felt a little strange being cattycorner on the bed with their feet pointed vaguely towards the head of the bed, but he hadn't wanted to take the time to move from where they lay. It also made it easy for him to pull his companion to him to use his own body as a pillow.

His hands were drifting lazily over the detective's spiky dark hair, toying with it and smoothing it in turns.

It was warm and pleasing like this.

"Raito?" Lawliet asked in voice that was just this side of talking in his sleep.

He sounded worn out. Not surprising what with how many times they'd come together like this in the last 24 hours. The time in the elevator at work yesterday, the extended, repeated times yesterday evening after the dinner and game they'd had with Watari and Celia, the time Aiber had been privy to this morning, and just now...

It was a new record.

The frequency was quite gratifying. For many reasons.

"Mn?" he responded softly. He was wrapped in a warmth of feeling, and even this room managed to look restful. Indeed, he could not think of one single place he would rather be than right here with Lawliet laying within the languid cage of his arms. Thoughts drifted lazily across the surface of his mind like clouds.

Raito loved this feeling of being utterly sated.

He felt so calm and at peace.

"Why do we always fight so much?" his companion ventured. His voice did not lose much of the drowsy sound. He spoke it like it was a passing thought, something that he truly had no opinion on. There were no accusations, just the simple inquiry.

Raito rolled the question around in his head lazily, turning it this way and that. Pondering. "Maybe because we are both headstrong and used to having things exactly how we want them?"

"Hn," Lawliet responded in a deflated tone, "then I suppose we're doomed."

"Why would you say that?" Raito murmured as he continued playing his hands through the soft jags of hair, unconcerned.

It was funny, how much differently this conversation might have gone under different circumstances. Just now, it was still not enough to disrupt the connection between them nor dispel the feeling of belonging. It was nice, being on the same side of a discussion, not battling things out - to calmly dissect something without being at odds.

"Because the circumstances, if those are it, do not seem likely to change?" His pet intellectual sounded sullen.

Really...

"Have faith in us," he chided softly.

It was only when he felt Lawliet's body tense slightly in surprise that he realized how that sounded. Speaking of them as a couple like that... As if they were already bound inextricably and were one in mind as well as body... That slipped closer to the realm of taking their relationship further - which often led to the topic of living together and that was a sticking point that could surely break this spell. "We are both of above-average intellect, I'm sure we can discover a way around it," he added, hoping he passed it off as the continuation of the previous thought.

"Mm," Lawliet responded, settling back down again. He was silent for a time. "It would be easier if we could be like this more often," he murmured. He paused, as if weighing what he said next. "It seems easier to talk to you."

"I'd be more than happy to offer my services any time you like," he said archly.

"Ugh," the other man groaned, peeved though embarrassed at his propositioning. "You know that isn't what I meant."

"Of course." He smiled warmly, though his companion couldn't see it. "But why would I miss out on a choice opportunity to tease you?"

"Indeed." Lawliet sounded a little miffed. But there was no tension in his body and he didn't bother to move. He also did not seem to mind Raito's hands in his hair. "So why aren't you like this more often?"

"Stress? Paranoia? Control issues?" he mused aloud. "I don't know, take your pick."

It was still a little unnerving how honest and open he could get when he was drowsy or sated. He'd realized that before when dealing with Lawliet. He'd found as well that with all of his armor at his feet, their interaction was much smoother and he didn't in fact feel that he needed it. But that would be the only instance in life when he'd felt such a thing. He typically armed himself to the teeth. And with good reason.

"I'm still mad at you, you know," his dark-haired companion informed him offhandedly.

"For what?" he asked casually. He wasn't surprised to hear it. It was to be expected. But again, his reactions were not kicking up, and he merely accepted the statement without rancor or defenses.

"For handcuffing me. For fighting with me. For driving recklessly. For trying to scare me with a knife - where did you get that, by the way?"

"I keep it in my car. Are you done yet, or were you pausing for breath?"

"I shall continue. I have a long list of grievances."

Again, Raito noted with wry amusement that the complaining detective was lying upon him quite comfortably and did not seem inclined to relocate. "I'm listening," Raito said.

"For making me drink strange liquor. For hijacking me to wherever it is that we are now. For always taunting me and making me feel like I can't move a muscle without you jumping me." He interrupted himself, "Actually, this list is too long already. Besides, I'm sure there are things you've done that I don't even know about, so it isn't even possible to have a comprehensive list."

"That might be true," Raito admitted good-naturedly. He tapped down the flow of words that might have had him admit to Lawliet the true events of this morning and Aiber's involvement. "By the way, I only sent that picture to myself." He actually would have liked to send copies of all of the pictures he'd taken on the detective's phone to himself, but there had hardly been time.

"Really?" Lawliet sounded relieved.

"Check your phone later. You'll see."

He would probably need to get ahold of the little red phone before the insomniac got his hands on it though, or all of those interesting pictures would likely be deleted.

"Raito... I know this is sort of a sore topic, but... Is there some reason you aren't telling me that makes you want me to move in with you?"

"Mm." He stalled. The first thing he felt moved to say would have needed to be backed up promptly with his divulging of Aiber's stalking, breaking and entering. Doing that still seemed like a bad move, even now.

"You aren't going to tell me?" A wary tone was creeping into the detective's voice. If left unchecked, it would destroy the bubble surrounding them.

"I just didn't see why you were so averse to it," Raito said placatingly. "You hadn't struck me as being afraid to commit."

"I'm not, I guess," Lawliet said reluctantly. "It hadn't really come up before. I just can't predict a lot of this kind of stuff... and I don't want to say I am all right with something only to take it back."

"Why don't you just try it out and see what you think?"

Lawliet pushed up onto his elbows and peered into Raito's face, dark eyes searching for something. "That sounds reasonable." He paused. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Do you expect that I am sick every time I've uttered something you deem reasonable?"

Lawliet frowned. "Well, no, but we've touched on this topic many times and this is the first time it seems feasible."

Raito shrugged.

"Are you certain you would be ok with it? What if I decide that it is not workable after trying it? Won't you just get angry? Would you even let me leave again?"

Ok, so now frustration was trying to trickle in. Lawliet really did make him sound unreasonable. "Yes, I would be ok with it. I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise." He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was mostly angry because you wouldn't consider it. At least if you tried it, you could say with certainty why you didn't like it, or you would find out that it was fine."

Though, annoyingly enough, his companion was right - he probably wouldn't see any reason of Lawliet's as being valid enough. And I probably wouldn't want to let him leave, either.

"I'll give you the use of the room I used to keep locked so that you can work in peace," he offered. "Surely your work is your most pressing concern?"

"And if I am working, you will not try to distract me?" the detective asked dubiously. "I can know that you will leave me to it when I am in there?"

Raito sighed in a put-upon manner. "As much as it pains me to agree to that... yes." He eyed his recalcitrant bedfellow. "But you must go to sleep with me when I retire for the evening. And be cognizant of meal times so that I will not be disturbing you."

Was that a slight nodding of that dark head that he perceived?

"I'll agree to it then, on one condition," Lawliet said slowly, bargaining with him. He seemed more amenable now that ground rules, something concrete, had been established.

"And that is?"

"That you will allow me the option of being the top, if I want it," he said defiantly.

Raito gifted him with a rather large frown. "I thought you saw the folly in that earlier."

He was actually rather disgruntled at the request. It had been exceedingly difficult to put himself in that position, to give that kind of trust to the other man. He'd mostly done it as an act of desperation. He'd realized how out of hand things were getting and the only thing he could think of to make any sort of amends was to relinquish his control. And the only way he thought he could make that happen was if they were both drunk, aroused, and if his companion was angry enough to go through with it, without concern for his feelings.

It wasn't intended to be a repeat activity.

In fact, it had thrown him seriously out of whack as he'd lain there, waiting for it to happen. He'd only felt himself again when Lawliet had faltered and he had picked up the slack.

He didn't like feeling young and defenseless. And that was exactly how he'd felt when he'd suffered the same position back in France with the classmate he'd been boarding with. He'd had to play a very specific role with that boy in order to get what he'd wanted. Innocent, preppy, harmless. That role had chipped away at him every day and every time he'd found it necessary to seduce the other boy. He'd had the boy wrapped around his finger, a convenience for his exodus, but an inconvenience when it came to really living. It had been tiresome and tedious to have to seduce the other boy each time, while making it seem like he was the one being seduced.

Yes, playing innocent chafed greatly.

It had been such a relief when he was in the position to move on and find his own place. Much like leaving the restrictions he'd suffered at home. Indeed, between the two situations he'd been playing a similar part.

Being with Lawliet was different. He was allowed to be rash, spontaneous, and even debased. It was nearly expected of him. He wouldn't mind having the dark-haired man in his space, because he could mostly be himself. It was comfortable.

So why did the other man have to ask him to compromise himself in such a way?

(You could always just ask) a voice in the back of his head suggested blandly.

They had locked gazes, each stubbornly trying to get his way through sheer will.

"Why are you asking me for this?"

"Because you don't want to do it," the detective said simply.

Raito frowned. "I hope there is more to your reasoning than that," he said bluntly. "A great deal more."

"It's important," the dark-haired insomniac maintained. "I've had reservations about many things that you have asked me for, and so I want this. It isn't merely because you are not inclined. It's because you would be showing me a good deal of trust in accepting."

Raito grit his teeth in irritation. It was a good argument. Fairly airtight. He wanted to rip it apart and find the flaws, but he knew that he would be upsetting a fragile balance.

Lawliet watched him carefully. "It wasn't as bad as all of that, was it?" Tension was forming around his dark eyes and his face was slipping towards the blank mask he slipped on at the first sign of trouble.

"No... it's..." Raito ran a hand through his hair then slid up off of the bed, seeking his clothing. He wondered if everything would be ruined if he were to acquiesce to this condition. What if it changed things? Would he need to be prepared to have this condition be met at any given time? What if he was made to stuff himself back into that stifling role again? He couldn't bear it.

"Raito," the detective said quietly. "Can't you just talk to me? I can feel you closing off, and your mind is going a mile a minute. What is amiss?"

Raito begin pacing back and forth, dark eyes following him. He knew this was one of those moments where miscommunication could fling them headlong into an argument. He chewed the inside of his lip. They both seemed to be rather sensitive individuals at the core; it was kind of funny, in an unamusing sort of way. This was one of those times where their superior intellect was supposed to chime in and help keep them from ruining their fledgling relationship. Or so he had assured his companion only minutes ago.

He sighed heavily, deciding that evasion was what usually escalated things perilously. Not that truth always panned out in any sort of acceptable way...

Maybe we are doomed to fail, he thought miserably.

"Lawliet, do you not agree that you are more amenable to me when I am leading things?"

The detective was frowning at him, he noted with a glance. "I suppose that might be the case," the detective said reluctantly.

"Then why do you want this? Why is this your condition?"

"I've already answered that."

Raito chewed on the inside of his lip more harshly, and sooner or later the skin was bound to split. He wanted to act out of anger, feeling as if answers were being willfully withheld from him, but maybe Lawliet just did not understand what he was asking. He'd already said he did not like the fighting, so it was unlikely that he would start a fight intentionally. "Yes, trust," he waved it off, "but why like this?"

"Oh." Lawliet looked pensive for a moment. "Perhaps that is because I thought it was a shame that you would let me be with you like that only the one time. I agree that you are in fine form when you are in control, but it hardly seemed that being on the bottom restricted you in that overmuch. Not by the end anyway." He looked slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure that made sense."

Raito stared at him consideringly, his eyes narrowed. "You were ok with how that transpired? I thought you might have been irritated over it."

Lawliet made a sour face. "It's galling to admit it, but you are probably right. I liked being in control but it pales in intensity."

"So you do not require submission, only that I might allow a reversal of positions?"

The detective suffered a blush and turned away. "Yes, I suppose that is a fairly accurate summation."

Raito stopped pacing. It still chafed a bit, but if that was the case, he could stand to relent. He still worried about the execution, but if Lawliet was saying he needn't change his behavior, then maybe it would work. And, if he played his cards right, perhaps he could dissuade the detective from desiring such a thing from him at all. Lawliet was a bottom, through and through, just as he himself was naturally a top. There was a balance there, a natural order that should not be tampered with.

It truly wasn't that it hadn't felt good. It had - just as everything with the dark-haired intellectual felt more intense than it had with anyone else. It was the psychological aspect that was the issue. As long as he could keep that in his realm of liking, he wouldn't complain.

"All right," he said, more tersely than he intended.

Lawliet looked surprised. "You'll go through with it?"

"It looks that way, doesn't it?" You know, it can sometimes be utterly exhausting being so open all the time, he thought. He found some solace in being vague.

He felt exceptionally tired all of a sudden.

Making his way back to the bed, he allowed himself to fall upon it face first and found that he desperately desired sleep. He wondered vaguely what Lawliet would do with himself if he passed out, and then there was darkness.

---

TBC