Hell no!

Chapter 21. Bianca (Nico)

The school day started with an argument with my dear sister. She wanted me to tell everyone, or at least our friends, about Bianca.

''Please Hazel, I don't want to tell them, not yet.''

''You have to tell them eventually!'' she said.

''Just not yet, okay?''

''Why won't you just tell them? They won't judge us, or you!''

''They'll look at me differently, and when they find out I'm… No, no one will ever treat me the same ever again, Haze!''

''But when are you going to tell them?''

''Soon, I promise but I'll tell them when I'm ready Haze!'' I nearly yelled at her.

''But you should tell them now! They're your friends, they'll understand. And Bi –'' she said, but I cut her off.

''Please Hazel, I'll tell them this week, but not now. Please?''

''Fine, but if you haven't told them before Wednesday, I'll tell them!'' she threatened.

''Ha-zel!''

''And that's final. I get that you want to tell them, not let someone else tell them, but I'm not waiting that much longer. It's getting awkward when people ask about it! I haven't even told Frank!'' Oh no, I haven't even thought about her. I'm so egoistic! Of course she wants to talk about it with Frank. Stupid, Nico, stupid!

''Okay, okay, I get it. I'll try to tell them today or tomorrow, happy?'' I give in, I can't stand her pouting anymore.

''Thanks, Neeks.'' Hazel tells me and then she hugs me. But all during Mythology she keeps shooting me glares, as if to tell me I should tell them right there. Lou and Cecil, even Annabeth and Piper looked at us in awe and surprise. They had no idea what we were glaring about.

Then it was lunch time. Hazel sat down with Frank, but kept shooting me her threatening glares, until she cleared her throat.

''Nico has something to tell you guys!'' she said to everyone. And every eye on the table was on me.

''Hazel!'' I hiss.

''Tell them, Nico! Now, or I will!'' she threatened. None of them understood of course, but I think Piper and Annabeth were starting to get it. Scratch that, they know what this was about.

''Nico, you'd better tell these guys, or she will, I can tell, no promise, you that!'' Annabeth said. I took a deep breath and shot another angry glare at Hazel. She just looked at me as if she was innocent.

''Fine,'' I spit out in a low voice. I breathed deep in and out and told them in a whisper. I don't need anyone else to know right now. ''The reason we don't like to talk about the shooting at our school is because my big sister Bianca died back then. It's not really a day I like to remember, so I just don't talk about it. Hazel, and also Piper and Annabeth wanted me to tell you guys, because they do want to talk about it with you guys.'' I was desperate. I don't like to talk about Bianca's death, it's just too painful. I didn't do anything, I just stood there while she died right in front of me. I just… I couldn't take it anymore, got my backpack, got up quickly and ran out of the cafeteria. I heard someone come after me, probably Hazel.

I ran towards the library and sat down in a secluded corner, one you can only see if you are looking for it. No one was even in the library. I sank down on the ground and threw my backpack in front of me. I put my head on my knees and silently cried. After about a minute I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders, gently pulling me up. Hazel.

''Hey, hey, Neeks. Please don't cry,'' she said gently. Then she hugged me and whispered encouragements in my ear. After a while I felt better and looked at her with tears in my eyes. I saw she had also cried. When the bell rang, she sent a text to Piper to tell her to tell the coach there was a family emergency and that we'd be a couple minutes later. We walked to the gym and quickly changed.

''Sorry we're late, Coach.'' Hazel said. She then mumbled that we had a family emergency, but I don't think Coach even heard that.

''Okay, now everyone is here, we can start our lesson. We are going to do the beep test. You need to get to the other side of the hall and reach the line before you hear the beep.'' Coach Hedge explained. Everyone murmured.

''Everyone line up!'' Coach yelled.

Beep test. I can do that. Just, stop. Stop thinking. About Bi. About everything. Just stop thinking and lock down. Auto pilot. Just running, nothing else matters.

Then Coach started the beep test.

I ran and made the first beep. I don't even see the other people around me. Just running. Beep. Beep. Beep. Again. Again. Again. Just running. No thinking needed. Nothing else. No getting tired, just running, nothing else. Run. Beep. Beep. Run. Run. Run again. Beep. Beep. Another beep. Another line. No thinking. Just running. Then the beeps stopped, I didn't even notice. I stopped running, not too tired, just a little. The Coach walked towards me and said I'd done great, the best person he'd seen in years. I didn't really listen to what he said. My mind was on auto pilot. No thinking. Then I felt a hug and heard a yell, which got me thinking. Hazel?

''You did great Nico, but you seriously need a shower, you're very sweaty and gross. Sorry big bro!'' she said. A lot of people laughed. Why are they laughing? And some people are muttering. Why are they muttering?

Whatever. I just need a shower. I walk towards the changing room. I need a shower. And some water, I need to drink. Where's my bottle? Found it. Water. Yes, better. Now a shower. I get to the shower and turn on the water. Hazel was right, I am sweaty. I take of my sweaty gym clothes and step under the hot water. Ah. That feels so good. I let the water rain down on me for almost five minutes, letting my worries and thoughts melt away and then come back. And then I get out. I get my towel and when I'm dry, I put on my normal clothes. I hesitate, but then put on my big, black sweater with 'Viva Italia' on the back. The sweater is very big on me, but it's very soft and comfortable.

It had been a present from Bianca. I hug myself and think back to when she'd given it to me. Last summer, she had left with Hazel to go shopping, so I could talk and play with my cousins. But my cousins were just 3 and 5, so they weren't really good to have a conversation with. I just watched them play at the playground so my aunt and uncle could talk with Nonna. Dad had gone to meet an old friend from when he had been in college, who had moved to a village nearby. My cousins had played for over an hour, and then they wanted to go back. When we got back the girls and mom had come back. They had gotten me and also my cousins presents. My cousins had both gotten a toy car from my sisters, and Bianca had gotten me the sweater and a ring with a skull on it. Hazel had gotten me black letters to put on the door to my room. She'd also gotten me a sketchbook with a skull on the cover. They said they loved my 'surprised'-face. Mom and Nonna had laughed and my aunt and uncle had jokingly said that they had gotten me the wrong sweater. But I immediately loved it. It is so warm and comfy and it makes me think about Italy and Bianca. Mom had taken a picture of me with Bianca and Hazel next to me, claiming I looked just like a little cuddly panda bear.

I snapped out of my memories and got my stuff together. Then I left. After leaving the changing room, I went to my locker. Not many other people were in the school, so I was left quite alone. But that was fine. I quickly sent a message in the group chat with the girls and got my bag.

Me: I'm not taking the bus, sorry guys. Need a walk. Be back later, can you tell mom and dad, Haze?

Then I left the school and walked to the churchyard. On my way there, I picked a single rose in the park to put on her grave. It is a good 45 minute walk most of the time, but I don't really mind. I got there in thirty five minutes, quite fast, and walked over to Bianca's grave. I saw that they had placed the grave stone today, and put the rose on the grave. The gravestone looked beautiful. First her name, then her birth day and death date. Underneath that was a small dedication to her.

Loving daughter, sister and friend.
Brave, selfless and always helping another first.
Died saving the lives of countless others,
Trying to protect the innocent, like always.

Ti amerò per sempre [We'll love you forever]

I cried. The text was beautiful. Mom and dad had asked me and Hazel to help with it, and it looks so good, it describes her perfectly. And I love that our Italian heritage is displayed so subtly, but still noticeable, in plain sight. After about ten minutes, I left the churchyard and slowly walked home. When I got home, I went straight to my room, not even saying hello to my mother or sister. In my room I locked the door and fell down on my bed. I looked at my phone, and saw I had a lot of new messages. The girls asked me if I was okay, but I didn't really feel like answering. Lou had asked me if I was okay in the group chat, but I don't really feel like talking to all of them right now, so I didn't answer. Katie also asked if I was okay, and I did answer her.

Katie: Hey Nico, are you okay? Haven't seen you after lunch. Hope you're doing okay!

Me: I'll be okay, it's just hard. I'll see you tomorrow.

Then I saw I also had a message from Will. I almost didn't open it, but then I thought that I could always ignore it.

Will: Hey, Nico. I can imagine how hard it is to have lost your sister so suddenly. I'm sure you've heard it from many others, but I'm sorry for your loss. I have never told anyone before, but I know what it is like to lose a sibling, and how hard it is to get over. I know it isn't saying much, but I hope you are doing better, and let me know if you want to talk about it.

He's gone through something similar?

AN: So here is the update I promised yesterday.

I just hope that the transtlation for the gravestone is corre. I used Google translate because I don't speak Italian, although in I comparisation to my knowledge in Latin(school), it does sound fairly okay. And my father can speak a small amount of Italian.

What 'Ti ameró per sempre' means, you guys will find out in another chapter. Though that might take some time...

Hope you liked this chapter. In some of the next chapters there will be a lot of anger and sadness... Also, in the next two chapters, Will and Nico will be texting a lot, about their losses of their siblings.

AN2: Checked and corrected.