AN: I have cut this epilogue part way through due to the ratings allowed on the site. The full version can be found on my Livejournal. I will put the link on my profile. And if there is something else you'd like to see as an outtake I will be more than happy to write it, just let me know.

Epilogue

Ianto spent the first few days after the shooting in Owen's flat with Jack and Owen keeping vigil. Owen had to resort to giving him anti-anxiety meds to calm him down and pills to help him sleep at night. The poor bloke couldn't let go of what he'd done. He was constantly apologizing, and the stress of it all was taking a toll on him. His nightmares were back in full force, and he was barely eating. Owen tried every trick he knew to help Ianto, sitting with him, reading to him, even holding his hand, but the only thing that would really help was time. And that seemed to be moving at a sluggish pace.

At first, Owen was worried about Jack and Ianto spending time together. He didn't know how Jack would handle Ianto. It was a tense situation. Owen knew that Jack was holding a lot of emotions in and Ianto was falling apart himself. Neither of them were ready to support the other. But Jack didn't leave, and he kept his presence with Ianto constant, reassuring him that he wasn't angry and that he wasn't going anywhere.

Owen couldn't help but eavesdrop from time to time to see how things were going between the two. Owen tiptoed to the bedroom and peered through the crack in the door.

"How are you doing, Ianto?" Jack asked, rubbing the Welshman's back.

Ianto shrugged. "I don't know how you can forgive me."

"Ianto, I told you, the man you killed stopped being my brother when he hurt you. The boy I grew up with, he died years ago."

Ianto leant into Jack's side, resting his head on his shoulder. "How do you deal with it? I mean, I know things happened to you when you were gone, and yet you're able to go on like nothing happened."

Jack sighed. "It still bothers me, every day, but I know that I have you, all of you, to take care of. I can't let it get to me."

"That's not fair, Jack. You deserve help too."

"Seeing you heal, watching you get better, that helps me. I'm responsible for what happened, so I need to be the one to help put it all back together."

"That's not true, Jack. You didn't do this to us."

"Maybe not directly, but I did. If I had held onto Gray's hand as a child, if I hadn't left with the Doctor, if I had come back sooner, things would be different."

Ianto shook his head. "Tell you what, I'll stop asking for forgiveness if you stop blaming yourself."

Jack smiled, tugging Ianto closer and kissing him on the head. "Deal. Now let's get you medicated so you can get some sleep."

Jack settled Ianto down in the bed and turned out the light. It was only an hour later when the nightmares began, drawing Owen and Jack back to the room.

"Did he have nightmares like this before I came back?" Jack asked.

Owen frowned. "Yeah, sometimes worse than others."

They both watched him for a moment. Owen listened to the whimpers and they broke his heart. Ianto was tangled in the sheets, his brow was wrinkled and the corners of his mouth turned down.

"Do you want me to wake him this time, let you get some sleep?" Jack asked.

"No, I should do it. He seems to settle down easier when it's me."

Jack looked between Owen and Ianto and then nodded. "I'll be in the other room."

Owen patted Jack on the shoulder and made his way over to the bed.

"Hey there, Ianto," he said softly. "Time to wakey, wakey." He gently nudged the Welshman's leg.

Ianto started, pulling his legs up and grabbing at the sheets. He was panting and his eyes were wildly searching the room. Owen hated watching Ianto struggle to awareness. It nearly broke him every time.

"Shh, easy there," Owen said, moving to turn on the light. He held up his hands and stepped back as Ianto pushed himself up in the bed. "You're okay. You're here at the flat."

Ianto seemed to calm and Owen stepped forward, careful not to startle him. "Better? Awake now?"

"Yeah, another nightmare." Ianto rubbed the back of his neck. "Did I wake you again?"

"Nah, I was still up," Owen said. He looked over at Ianto, his breathing was still a bit too fast and his legs were twitching slightly. He was so broken, and Owen wanted nothing more than to scoop him up in his arms and tell him it was all okay, but Jack was there and Owen knew that's who Ianto needed. "You know, Jack's still here if you want to see him."

Ianto straightened his legs and pulled the sheet up. "Oh, he is?"

Owen nodded. "Do you want him to come in?"

Ianto shrugged.

Owen walked over and picked up the blanket Ianto had kicked off in his sleep and draped it back over him, tucking it in. "You know, he's probably pacing outside the door right now. I'm sure he wants to come in."

"I hate that I need someone with me to fall asleep. I feel guilty asking."

"I'll make it easier for both of you," Owen said, stepping toward the door. "Jack! Get in here please."

The door swung open and Owen smirked. "I think you both need each other. I'll be in the living room if you need something."

It took another month before things began to settle, and Owen was needed a bit less every night. Jack stepped in and started spending most nights with Ianto. It was awkward having three men sharing a flat, but they managed.

All in all, Ianto was healing, at least on the inside. But the scars were another story.

The scars on Ianto's back were the one thing Owen couldn't take away though he wished he could. Owen knew he felt self-conscious about them. Whenever Owen had to touch them, Ianto would look away and go silent.

Owen subjected Ianto to three sessions of deep tissue massage, or at least his best attempt at it, a week. Ianto hated every minute of it, but he let Owen do it anyway, not that Owen gave him much of a chance to argue. After only a month of treatment, the scars were becoming supple and there were no signs of adhesions.

They always did the sessions at Owen's flat because Ianto didn't want to be that exposed at work. Owen couldn't blame him.

"Just a little more and then I'll leave you alone." Owen said, pressing the heel of his hand into the scar on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto was lying shirtless, facedown on the bed, with Owen perched on his arse.

"It hurts," Ianto whined.

Owen pushed his hand in small circles. "Yeah, well, suck it up a minute longer. I'm almost done."

Ianto groaned, tensing his shoulder. "Have I told you lately that I hate you?"

"You love me and you know it," Owen said, softening his touch. "Now stop tensing, it only makes it worse."

"Stop digging your bony fingers into my spine and I might."

Owen chuckled. "You're such a baby."

"And you're a twat."

Owen slapped Ianto's reddened back. "There you go, all set."

"About time." Ianto pushed himself up and swung his feet over the bed. "I really hate this whole thing you know."

"Yeah, I know, but it's helping. You want to be able to use your back, right?" Owen walked over the bathroom door. "Besides, it lets me work out some of my pent up emotions."

Owen washed his hands and then walked back out into the room. "So, I noticed you and Jack were talking today."

Ianto walked over and grabbed his shirt, slipping it on. He looked away. "We talked."

"And?"

"And we're going on a date, next week."

Owen had to keep his mouth from dropping open in shock. He hadn't expected that. At least not yet.

"A date? Don't you think it's a bit soon?"

Ianto shrugged. "It's not like we've never been together before. We were pretty close before. There were many times—"

Owen held up his hand. "Please stop there, spare me the details. The last thing I want to do is picture you and Jack going at it."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Well, there was this time that he—"

"Stop!" Owen snapped. "I already saw too much last year in the boardroom. I don't need anything else."

Ianto laughed. "I'll leave you with two words: office chair."

"Gah!" Owen shook his head trying to dislodge the memory. "I will find a way to get even with you."

The following week, Ianto was set for their date when the rift alarm went off, and so instead of spending the evening relaxing with Jack, he spent it chasing down a pack of weevils that had run rampant through the park. The weevils ended up gutting two people before they were stopped, and the blood and gore of it all left Ianto shaken. It seemed to bring him back to the place he was at just after the shooting.

When they all returned to the hub after the call, a shaky Ianto made a beeline straight for the showers, and Owen let him go. He knew Ianto well enough to know when he needed space. There would be time later for comfort, but right now, Ianto needed to wash the blood away.

Owen saw Jack standing up on the catwalk leading to the boardroom and motioned for him to come over. Jack nodded and walked down to meet Owen by the workstations.

"And how are you doing?" Owen asked, watching Jack plonk down on the sofa.

Jack just shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Honestly? I've been better."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jack leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, looking up at Owen. "There's not much to say."

"You know he loves you, right?" Owen said. "Even though he doesn't say it. He really does care for you."

"I really wanted him to enjoy tonight, and here we are, covered in blood and back where we started. It's just frustrating." Jack clenched his fists.

"You're doing the right things, Jack. It's just going to take time."

Jack sighed, leaning back on the sofa. "Do you think he'll be okay after tonight?"

"Yeah, he just needs some room to get his thoughts together. It was a lot to see those people like that. He's had a thing about blood since … well you know."

Jack ran his hand through his hair. "I knew he wasn't ready to be out there in the field. I shouldn't have let him."

"Jack, he needs things to be as normal as possible. We can't keep treating him with kid gloves."

"I know. It's just hard to watch him hurting."

Owen took a breath and nodded. "You and me both."

It was another week before work settled enough that they were able to plan another date, and Ianto was nervous. He wanted to be with Jack, but the idea of sharing himself with another person scared him. He was worried that he would freeze up and embarrass himself.

"It's going to be fine, Ianto," Owen said as he put away the leftover takeout into the fridge.

Ianto leaned against the counter, watching him. "What if I can't … you know, touch him?"

Owen shut the fridge and looked over at him, his face serious. "Listen, Ianto. Jack knows what you've been through, and he cares about you. He won't push you into anything you're not ready for, and if he tries, you tell me, and I'll kill him, repeatedly."

Ianto forced a smile. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right." Owen grinned. "Just remember what we talked about before, if something gets too much, stop and try and focus on where you are, what's around you, name the things in the room if you have to, anything to stay grounded. And let Jack know if it gets too much so they can help you."

Ianto sighed. "I'll try."

"It's going to be fine," Owen said. "You need to let yourself feel good sometimes, too. You deserve it. Let Jack pamper you for a change, make him rub your feet and shit."

Ianto shook his head. "You're all romance."

Owen shrugged a shoulder. "What can I say? I'm gifted."

Owen moved to leave the kitchen but Ianto stopped him. "Hey, Owen?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for everything," Ianto said. "You've kept me from losing myself when I didn't think I had anything left."

Owen smiled softly. "My pleasure, mate. That's what friends are for."

Friday, the night of the date came, and Ianto was a nervous wreck, pacing the flat. Owen had left to give them some privacy, but the emptiness of the flat made him feel even more unnerved.

There was a knock at the door and Ianto stopped, mid-step. Licking his lips, he squared his shoulders and went to answer the door.

Jack was waiting on the other side with a big Harkness grin, and holding of all things, a bouquet of flowers.

Jack winked at him. "You look a bit flustered there, Ianto."

Ianto ran a hand through his hair and took a breath. "No, I'm fine."

Jack nodded to the door. "Can I come in, then?"

"Oh, sorry, please." Ianto stepped to the side and let Jack past.

Jack paused to lean into Ianto give him a peck on the cheek. "You look gorgeous, but then again, you always do."

Ianto blushed and stammered. "Umm, thank you. I'll just put those flowers in a vase."

Once the flowers were taken care of, Ianto grabbed his coat and Jack led him from the flat.

"I have reservations for us at that little Italian place down the street."

Ianto swallowed. He couldn't believe that he was really going through with it. Even before all this, he never thought that he would ever be going on a real date with Jack.

Dinner went better than Ianto imagined. The talked about work, about the team, even about rugby, which surprised Ianto; he didn't think Jack knew anything about sports. It was nice.

When they got back to the flat, they Ianto got two bottles of Owen's beer from the fridge and they both plonked down on the sofa, laughing.

"I would say tonight has been a success," Jack said, tipping back his beer.

Ianto smiled. "It has."

A silence followed that Ianto didn't know how to break. He knew what he wanted to say, to do, but he had no idea how to do it. Just coming out and saying, 'hey Jack, I'm ready to try touching you' didn't seem right, so he sat there in silence.

Ianto took another swig of beer and then rolled the bottle between his hands. "So …"

"Yep," Jack said, scratching his head.

"So, umm, I was thinking and I don't know if you want to, I mean, maybe you're not interested and then I guess it doesn't matter," Ianto rambled. "I just thought that maybe, you and I—"

Jack cleared his throat and smiled. "Are you trying to proposition me?"

Ianto blushed and looked away. 'Umm, maybe?"

"You don't need to, Ianto. You already have me. I want you, and only you, in whatever and any way you'll have me."

Jack leant over and traced his finger over the stubble of Ianto's chin, following the line of his jaw. Reaching up with his other hand, Jack cupped Ianto's neck and gently pulled him closer until their lips brushed against each other.

Ianto felt a pang of fear, and he nearly pulled away, but Jack rubbed his thumb over his cheek and whispered softly against his lips. "We can stop. We don't need to go any further."

Ianto shook his head, bringing a hand to rest on Jack's hip. He gave it a gentle squeeze. "No, I want this. I want you."

"Okay," Jack said, slowly bringing their lips together.

The kiss was soft and gentle. Jack let Ianto set the pace. Jack only made a move after Ianto made it first, one touch for one touch.

The hand on Ianto's neck began to trail down, coming to rest at the top button of his shirt. Ianto sucked in a breath. Jack had still not seen the scars on Ianto's back, and he didn't know what Jack would think of them when he saw them. He didn't think he could bear the rejection that would surely come.

"Relax, Ianto." Jack pressed his hand against Ianto's chest. "It's just me, no one else."

Ianto took a breath and tightened his grip on Jack's hip. "I know."

"We stop whenever you say, no questions asked."

"Before we …" Ianto paused, collecting his thoughts. "I mean, I need to show you something, before we go any further. I don't want you to be surprised."

Jack's brow tightened and he frowned. "What is it, Ianto?"

"Just trust me. You're going to want to see this first." Ianto let go of Jack and brought his both of hands up to his shirt and began to slowly undo each button. His hands shook as he worked, and he knew he was worrying Jack but he didn't stop.

By the last button Ianto's whole body was trembling. He stood up, and keeping his gaze on the floor, he shrugged the shirt from his shoulders. He tossed it onto the sofa and then, taking a deep breath, he peeled off the undershirt, letting it fall to the ground by his feet.

Jack looked at him, confusion coloring his features. "I don't understand, Ianto."

Ianto shook his head. "You will."

Clenching his fists tightly at his sides, he gave Jack one last look and turned around, exposing his scarred back to Jack for the first time.

Silence hung heavy in the air and Ianto could feel the tears in his eyes. He didn't need to turn around to know Jack was disgusted, so he just closed his eyes and waited.

The silence stretched on, and he found his old wounds aching again like they were only days old.

He heard Jack get up from the sofa and he swallowed hard, preparing himself for the blow to come. But it didn't. Instead, Jack's fingers reached out and brushed over his shoulder. The touch made Ianto flinch, no one other than Owen had touched him there. The scars had always been something Ianto was ashamed of. But Jack's touch wasn't like Owen's. Jack's was softer and lighter, just barely a feather touch over his skin.

Jack's fingers traced over the scars, caressing each and every one, like he was memorizing them with his touch.

"Beautiful," Jack said, leaning in. "Perfect." He pressed his lips to the scar below Ianto's neck. "Gorgeous." He kissed his way down Ianto's back, not missing a single scar, murmuring words of encouragement as he did.

The words sent a shiver through Ianto. He arched his back into Jack's touch, letting his head fall forward. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and pulled him flush to his chest. Jack continued to pepper kisses along the side of Ianto's neck and his shoulder. "I want you, Ianto. Any way I can have you. However you'll let me."

Ianto turned in his arms and faced Jack, taking in the look that was so far from disgusted, Jack was flushed, pupils dilated, and lips red from kissing his way up his back.

Ianto couldn't resist. He leaned in, pressing kisses along Jack's neck as his hands worked the buttons of Jack's shirt. Jack's hands slid down to rest just above the button to Ianto's trousers, his thumb rubbing gently on the line of hair there.

At first it felt good, but then the memories he hated came and invaded his mind. His chest went tight and Ianto froze. It was like the world stopped. Ianto's hands clenched into fists and his breathing became rapid. His mind began to flash back to the factory, to Gray, to the pain, and he suddenly couldn't breathe at all. He thought back to Owen's advice and he tried to focus on the room around him, tried to remember where he was, that he was with Jack and no one could hurt him. He licked his lips and looked around the room, making a mental list of all the items to distract him.

After a few moments, it began to work and his breathing started to slow.

Jack moved his hands back, removing all touch from Ianto. "It's all right. It's just me. I won't hurt you."

As the fear subsided, the embarrassment set in. Ianto blushed and looked away, hating that he had reacted the way he did.

"Look at me, Ianto." Jack said. "I'm right here."

Ianto nodded. "I'm okay now," he said. "I'm sorry about that. I don't know what happened."

Jack kept his distance as Ianto worked to calm himself. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ianto really didn't, but he knew he should, so he nodded. "It was like … for a second I could … I was back there, at the factory, with him …" he trailed off, gaze dropping to the floor, hoping Jack would be able to fill in the blanks himself.

Jack brought a hand up and cupped Ianto's face. "Ianto …"

"It's all right. It's in the past." Ianto leaned his head into Jack's hand and closed his eyes. "I'm just glad you're here. I want you to be here."

"Me too," Jack whispered.