Okay, so here it is… It's taken awhile… Karlotita09 knows this first hand as she read all my annoying twitter posts about how Londonward would not cooperate. He's a hot motherfucker, but he's stubborn as shit… Though… Through her 'inspiring' pictures and talk, well… It got done…
I hope you like it… It's so hard for me to not write as much angst but I'm trying… It's just taking me a bit longer than I had anticipated!
I'm thinking three chapters remain… Maybe as many as five but I'm not sure I can stretch it out that long… We'll see… I'll have to see what the characters do.
As always, thank you all for the great feedback! You amaze me and though I don't respond to each one, I do read them and they do keep me going! Obviously I wouldn't even be writing THIS many chapters if it wasn't for the suggestions! So keep them coming! I love knowing what you think!
And thank you to zgirl21 and NoMoreThanUsual you both are amazing!
Now… Off to the chapter!
You Found Me
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight
Chapter Twenty One
A green-eyed boy, he met an autumn-eyed girl.
And she said, "Take your time, I'm from the other side of the world."
And there were rules to be broken: there were differences to mend.
But when he looked into her eyes, there was no way he could pretend.
And she said, "Truth is sorrow, we will never be that way."
But he said, "Truth is pleasure, that is all there is to say."
Still some say, "Truth is hidden, it lies very far below."
But I say, "Truth is beauty. That is all you need to know."
Now I'm falling like the snow.
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.
Now you're falling like the snow.
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below.
And so I stand upon the wreckage of the kingdom of the world,
and I stare upon the ruins and remember this girl.
You see, the boy would be her nightingale if she would be his muse.
But when she looked into his eyes there was nothing she could refuse.
And so the green-eyed boy he kissed the autumn-eyed girl.
Their kiss is painted on the urn, watch it as it twirls.
And she said, "Truth is sorrow, we will never be that way."
And he said, "Truth is pleasure, that is all there is to say."
But some say, "Truth is hidden, it lies very far below."
But I say, "Truth is beauty. That is all you need to know."
Now I'm falling like the snow.
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.
Now you're falling like the snow.
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below.
And now I'm falling like the snow.
You are like the moon: I watch you as you grow.
And now you're falling like the snow.
Still I'm hanging on the moon: I watch you far below.
David Berkeley, "A Moon Song"
__________
Everything seemed to stand still. Though time was slowly ticking, a fact made obvious by the noise coming from the second hand of the clock resting on the fireplace mantle, both were too caught up in the moment to really pay attention to it. Instead, they stood there, arms wound around each other; forehead's pressed firmly together, noses grazing one another as they matched one another's breaths. Something foreign seemed to buzz between them, something that hadn't existed in their time together before this moment; a raw power of hope, of happiness, of full completeness that never was able to exist before. They were together and unlike before, there was no fear that the time would pass too quickly, or that this would be the last time that they would feel one another in their arms; this was real, no longer just a dream or a passing fantasy. She wasn't worried about the husband that she had previously had at home and he found that he wasn't afraid that she was going to leave him, running as far away, as fast as possible, back into the other man's arms. He didn't exist this time around, but they did, and to them, though it was left unspoken, that was all that mattered.
"I can't believe you're here," he whispered for the fifth time, his breath fanning across her lips allowing her to taste him in an intimate, though unassumingly so, way. "This isn't real. This is a dream. You can't possibly be real. You can't possibly be here."
"I'm real. I'm here."
"I thought you were never coming back. I thought I lost you."
"I thought that too," she replied, reaching up and cupping his cheek with the palm of her hand. She needed to touch him, needed to feel his skin on her own and know that somehow, they could find a way to work though this, to be together without the complications of the past. "You never lost me though… I've always been yours."
His heart ached with a fierce difference than it had when she had been gone from his life: breaking and mending and then breaking and mending all over again in a matter of moments, of seconds. Each word from her lips seemed to crash down on him, the truth, the cold hard truth of her words sunk deep into his body and he could feel it deep in his soul; the very words that he had longed her hear were not being held back and he was overwhelmed and thrilled all at the same time. She had come back though she hadn't intended to and all along she was his, always his, just as he had always hoped and expected. And though she hadn't anticipated coming back to him, she had, and she was there, in his living room; he could see her, feel her, taste her on his tongue and it was still not enough for him because though they were the same people, they were also completely different.
"I missed you." Her words were soft and quiet, barely breaking through the thick emotion of the room, and he wasn't even sure that he had heard her, but then she pressed her nose closer to his own, their lips barely an inch away from touching. "I missed you so much that I thought it would kill me."
"I wanted to hate you."
"I wanted you to hate me. You were supposed to hate me." For the first time since they had reunited, she pulled away, putting space between them, knowing that if they were going to have this conversation that they couldn't be caught up in the spell that seemed to cover them, that seemed to surround them and make them incoherent. But even though she knew they had to talk, she still couldn't find the courage to look up at him, to look into his eyes and see the hurt that she had caused him, the months of pain and she knew had hit him so much harder than it had hit her. She had made the decision to leave, she had made the decision to break off contact with him, she had made the decision to go back to Washington and try to live a life without him. "I wanted you to despise me."
"You know I can't do that," he replied, stepping a bit closer to her and yet not close enough.
"You should."
"Maybe I should Bella," he sighed, taking a deep breath as he moved even closer, bridging the entire distance that she had put between their bodies, "but I can't… I never have been able to; even if it was the one thing that I should have done. I couldn't then, I can't now, and I'm sure I never will."
"Why? How can you say that after what I've done?"
Though her gaze was still casted down to the carpeted rug, her eyes seemingly finding something interesting nestled among the fibers, he could tell that she was tugging the bottom of her lip into her mouth, pressing her teeth down against the full flesh and he knew that she was waging an emotional and mental war deep within her mind. It was to be expected, he knew that; they had been through so much that it would have been impossible for there not to be questions, or apprehensions and misgivings before sorting all this out. He knew that they would have to face all this, but he didn't want to at the moment, all he wanted was to celebrate, to revel in the fact that she was there, that, for the first time in months, he could hold her in his arms. The harsh reality that they were stuck in could be hashed out later and though it might not have been the best decision in the world, he didn't see a problem with putting it off for just a little while longer.
"Bella…" He needed to see her eyes, needed her to look up at him and when she refused to part her gaze with the floor, he hooked his fingers under her chin and lifted it so she had no other choice. "Bella, please, stop hiding from me… I can't stand to not see your face after so long."
Tears pooled in her eyes as she nodded, still tugging on her lip with more strength than she had anticipated as she could taste the salty iron on her tongue. "I should go."
"Where?" His heart was racing at the thought of her leaving. She had finally come back and now he was afraid that after the small conversation that they had just managed to have she was ready to run again because it would have been easier than dealing with what they really faced. There was no way that he would let her run from him again, not now that they had a real chance to be together, not now that he knew she truly loved him, that she always had. He would never forgive himself if he let love slip through his fingers one more time.
"Back to Rose and Emmett's… I'm staying with them until I figure everything out… I just… He told me you were here and I couldn't wait any longer… I had to come see you."
She stood on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before turning to walk to the door. He, however, wanted nothing to do with that and reached forward, his fingers grabbing her own, fingers laced together, as he pulled her to stop her. "Bella… Look at me."
Her eyes fell to their joined hands and then to his face as she turned around and let him pull her into his body, his arms around her, palm pressed her to back to keep her close. "Stay Bella… Please don't leave me tonight… I've slept without you for far too long and I'm exhausted and I just… I just fucking need you here with me…"
She looked up, no longer afraid to meet his eyes as she saw them swimming with an emotion that she hadn't seen in so long.
"Don't leave… Please Bella… fuck I can't do this without you any longer."
"I'm not going anywhere."
__________
Dawn was breaking casting a light, misty glow aided by the London morning fog, and Bella still hadn't been able to find sleep. Her mind had been a whirlwind of battling emotions and thoughts that she couldn't seem to work out, to fit into perfect pieces so they aligned just properly. She knew it was foolish, that these things just didn't fall into place, hell, she had first had experience in that, but it didn't stop her from wanting to believe that it could, that it would.
Her eyes fell on the man next to her, his mouth slightly parted as he took deep, slow breaths though it, a soft snore accompanying each intake of air. The sound brought a small smile to her face; never one to really enjoy a man who snored, she couldn't help but thrill in the sound that he made, and a part of her found it oddly enduring. It was a sign that he was there, that he was real. And still, she knew that he wasn't one to make much noise in his sleep and it troubled her to know that the noise probably stemmed from sleepless nights, most likely from her own decisions. Her eyes traveled to his face and she pulled away from him slightly, his hand slipping from her waist before settling on the curve of her hip as she propped herself up on her elbow to gaze at his face from a different view.
His brow was smooth, a few strands of hair falling and covering his eyes and she reached forward and gently pushed it away, letting her hand linger on the top of his head, her fingers playing with the soft silk that rested there. It brought back a multitude of memories and instead of pushing them away, she closed her eyes and let them assault her. She couldn't figure out how she had let herself be so stupid, how she let herself make the decisions that she had when it was obvious that this was exactly where she needed to be.
When she opened her eyes she let her finger travel down his temple before tracing the curve of his jaw and feeling the rough stubble she knew was a result of merely one day of not shaving. When she had shown up at his flat that night, she hadn't been anticipating spending the night, in fact, she was sure that it was something that she shouldn't do, but when he had pulled her into his arms and begged her to stay, pleaded with her, she knew that she couldn't deny him, that because he wanted her to, she would stay and give him what he needed because this was exactly what he needed. There was no denying him, not anymore, she had done that enough in the past and she was hell bent on making it right this time around.
But the decision to stay had merely been solidified when she had looked up at him when she had finally agreed to it. His eyes were bright and wide and she knew that he needed this, that they needed this night. They had been apart from each other for so long that nothing was wrong with being reacquainted, and there had been a silent agreement that they would do nothing more than hold one another because anything else would have been too much in that moment. This wasn't about physical intimacy and yet, she had never felt more connected to another human being in her entire life.
She didn't know what the future would bring. She knew that there was no way that she could move in with him, even if it was what he wanted. They needed time to get to know one another again, they needed time to learn who they were. She knew that he was no longer the same person that he was when they had broken up, just as she was no longer the same woman she was when she had been with him and Jacob. In their time apart, she had blossomed into the person that she had always been before Jacob had smothered her and tried to put out her fire, and she was certain that fame had changed Edward as well. No, she knew that moving in together wouldn't be the right thing to do, they had to start over again. She just hoped that he knew and understood that as well.
__________
The sun streaked through the window and tickled his eyes, forcing him to wake though he was desperately trying to cling to the dreams of the night. He hated mornings like this; the kind when the dreams are so pleasant that waking seems like a fate worse than death. A groan escaped his mouth as he threw one arm over his face to block the light out. She had been with him, she had come home and they had been together. It had been months since he had been able to dream of something so pleasant that involved her and he hated that the stupid sun had managed to take him from that world.
It was then that he felt the arm tighten around his waist and a small body press into his back, molding into him. His heart rate quickened. He knew that body. He knew that body better than he knew himself and when he felt the leg of the person with him wrap around his hip, he knew he was going to come undone.
"Bella," he sighed and closed his eyes, pressing back into her while he placed his arm on top of her own.
Never before had he been happier to find that his dream had not been a dream at all, but it was in fact, real.
He couldn't even describe how wonderful it felt to be wrapped in her embrace, and it also didn't escape his thoughts that this was so different than before. He had always wondered if he had always been the one to initiate the holding because she had always felt guilty and yet here she was, holding him. A wave of reassurance seemed to wash over him and he couldn't help but smile. She was invested in this and he knew, that somewhere in her mind, this was a subconscious way of saying just that.
His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he carefully reached to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Why are you whispering?"
"What do you want Alice?"
"There's someone there with you!" He could practically see her beaming. "Who is she?"
"Are we really going to go there?" he growled, about ready to hang up on his sister. He felt Bella stir beside him, unwrapping her leg from his and turning on her other side.
"Please?"
"Who do you think it is Alice? Really…"
"I knew it! Jazz didn't believe me!"
"Is this why you called?" He glanced over his shoulder and watched her, reaching over for a moment to push some of the hair off her neck. It amazed him how much he missed her body against his own, then again, part of him thought that was to be expected after having gone without her for so long.
"Part of the reason… Are you flying back to Amsterdam today or holding out until tomorrow night?"
He knew he had other obligations, that being the final leg of the tour that he was currently on but he didn't want anything to do with that anymore. Before it just seemed to pass the time, but now that he had what he wanted, nothing was more important to him than reconnecting with her. He knew that wasn't something he could do when he still have two more weeks of traveling around Europe.
"I don't know…"
"Will you call me when you do? The boys want to know so they can plan ahead."
"I will."
"Talk to you later!"
"Bye Alice."
He hung up right away, knowing full well that if he didn't she would only continue to pester him about whatever it was that was going to transpire between him and Bella. The thing was, he didn't know and he knew that he needed to be on the same page with Bella before any kind of decision was going to be made. He wanted her to come with him, desperately wanted her on the road with him, but there had been so many changes in his life that he wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do for the both of them. He was desperately afraid of the media attention, the fan attention, and even the attention that his band mates might give their relationship. They couldn't sort this out in front of an audience and if that meant having to be away from her for two more weeks, he would have to find a way to endure. He just hoped that she would understand.
__________
"I thought you had left."
He heard her voice before he was able to look to see her sitting on the couch, her legs tucked up under her butt, her eyes wet from what he imagined was tears. He frowned for a moment before putting the cardboard container on the coffee table along with the bag of pastries before sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.
"Why did you think that?"
"You weren't there when I woke up…"
His hand found her hair and he softly let the strands slip through his fingers as she gripped his shirt and held onto him as though she was afraid he would disappear. "Why the tears?"
"I thought you had changed your mind. I thought you decided that I wasn't worth all of this."
He clenched his jaw with her confession before pulling away and cradling her head between his hands and forcing her to look at him. "Bella, listen to me and listen to me good. I am never going to change my mind when it comes to you… If that was the case, I would have moved on months ago. Please know that…"
"I know… it's just some irrational fear that I have and I hate it because I have no right to even think these things… You would have every right to walk away and I have no right to be upset about it. I would deserve it."
He shook his head. "I know you think you don't deserve me… deserve us but I don't care Bella… What scares me is that if you keep thinking this way, I'm going to lose you. I'm so afraid that one day, I'm going to wake up and find that you have gone back to Washington. I'm terrified you are going to run away from this," he replied pointing between the two of them, "from us. I need to know that you're here to say… That you're not going to leave me again."
"You have every right to be afraid of that… I would be too. Well, okay, maybe I am afraid of that because obviously I'm afraid that you're going to leave me because of how I've acted. I promise I won't leave you, not unless you want me to."
"Don't you get it? I don't want you to leave me ever again Bella. I mean that, truly, I do. I don't care how bad things get, I don't care if we hate each other sometimes; I just know that I need you with me forever."
"We make a pretty pathetic pair don't we?"
He chuckled and nuzzled her neck, breathing her in, savoring the smell of her that he had so desperately missed. "Who cares?"
"You have to go back on tour," she sighed, resting her head in the crook of his neck, listening to the steady beating of his heart.
"I do."
"When?"
"That was kind of one of the things I needed to talk to you about." She pulled away again and looked up at him, her head cocked to the side slightly, confused as to what she had to do with the situation at all. "I was supposed to leave tonight but, being essentially a selfish man, I think I'm changing my flight so we can have one more night together."
"Will you be in trouble for that?"
"No, the concert is tomorrow night. If I leave in the morning, I'll be there in time."
"I don't want to be the reason that you don't make it in time."
"Personally, I couldn't think of a better reason." She watched as the crooked smirk slowly appeared on his face and she blushed furiously, for the first time in months, knowing exactly what that look meant. "There's just… we have a lot to work out and I don't want to leave without getting some kind of a foundation started."
"It's only two weeks."
"Two weeks that might scare you and send you running."
She was biting her lip again, another battle waging in her head as she tried to figure out how she could show him that she wasn't going to leave him, even if he was away from her for that long. It might have been something she thought was the right thing to do, but time had only shown her that sometimes what you think is right and what truly is, is sometimes the worse decision in the world. How could she convince him that she was truly there for good, or at least, until he realizes how mismatched they truly were. God, she hoped that he never realized that though, because she also knew from experience that she couldn't live without him.
"I'm not going to run. I think Rose would tie me to a chair if I were in danger of it at any point while you're away."
"I'll have to speak to her before I leave then," he grinned before reaching towards her and cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand. "We do need to talk before I leave."
"I know."
"Is now okay?"
"Do we really have a choice?"
"I don't think we do."
__________
Rose was pacing. It wasn't something she was accustomed to, but Bella hadn't returned and it was after three in the afternoon and she was still gone. This could mean only two things: Edward had rejected Bella and she was too afraid to come back to the house, or they were together and rather blissfully happy. She hoped more than anything that it was the later and not the former. If it was the former, she was certain that Bella would be broken for the rest of her life.
"You need to calm down."
She looked up and scowled at her husband who was cradling their son on his lap on the couch.
"Don't tell me what to do!"
"Sweetheart, if something was wrong, she would have called… You're being all mother hen on her but she's a grown woman and I've been with Edward a lot… She was never in any danger of not getting him back."
"It's one thing to say that when he was pining after her, but it's different when the person actually shows up at your door."
"And you would know this how? I do believe I've never lost you."
"Em…"
"No, you're not getting out of this one…" he glowered from his position in the other room.
Reluctantly, she sighed and sat down next to him. "Royce King."
"That punk ass who tried to crash our wedding?" She nodded and he looked down at the son that that had created, trying hard not to let his anger get the better of him. All this time she had only let him believe that he was a disgruntled lover from high school. Never once had she ever insinuated that she had once loved him. "Did you love him?"
"How much can you love someone when you're 18?"
"What happened?"
"I was 16 when we met and 17 when we started to date. It was the summer before he went to college at USC…" Emmett searched her face for any lingering emotion and was relieved to find that she showed no emotion when speaking of him. "He cheated on me and I found out… I thought for so long that if he came crawling back to me that I would forgive him for the pain that he had caused but I couldn't."
"So he did?"
"Yes."
"You do know that there is a difference in the situation?"
"I suppose… But still."
"No Rose… Edward loves her, and she loves him. It's completely different."
"I've seen him… He's broken."
"But he's been getting by and I just know… he said that if she ever came back there wouldn't be any second guessing. I'm not saying it's not going to be difficult… It's going to be hard as hell on them but that doesn't matter because they'd be together." Aiden was sleeping now and he stood up to bring him to his crib. "That doesn't excuse you lying to me about Royce though."
"I'm sorry… I don't even know why I did," she sighed. "No, I do know… I didn't want you to think that I was damaged goods, because, for a while, I was."
"Until me," he smiled.
"Until you."
__________
They stared at each other for a while, neither knowing where to start and both too afraid to dig into it. There was a lot at stake, and they both were aware of that, but it didn't make it any easier.
"I would take you with me if I could, you know that right?" He finally spoke and watched as she nodded her head. "This is just… It's too precious right now and the last thing I need is for the press to get a hold of this… We're too fragile right now and I don't want that to hurt us. They've been brutal and I don' want you in the grunt of it all."
"What do they know? Not much has gotten to the states…" She was telling the truth, in fact, after that first Life & Style article she had happened upon at the Thriftway, she hadn't seen any mention of the love triangle that she had been in.
"They know about you… about Jacob… about my feelings for you. Jake has gone public saying that he is going to sue AEG for 'wrongful termination' stating that I had provoked him… That he was trying to save his marriage and I came between the two of you. I'm just terrified of what they will say when they see us together and I want us to be stronger before we have to go through that."
"I'm not going to run."
"You say that now," he sighed. "You don't know what it's like, to have to live your life with cameras in your face… You've never been comfortable with attention Bella and that's what is going to happen. They're going to splatter your name across the cover of Hello and OK and I can't protect you from that."
"I'm a big girl."
"That doesn't change the fact that it will happen."
"I know what you're trying to protect me from but I'm sure there is some truth to what the papers are printing. I'd like to say that I was innocent in all this and it was all Jake's fault but I made the decisions that I did…"
"I don't care… I don't want to see you slandered for something that Jake is fabricating." She watched him run his hands through his hair, a sign, she knew, of his aggravation. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to make sure that everyone knows he's lying. Please just… Trust me?"
"You know I do."
The silence fell between them again, neither fully comfortable nor fully uncomfortable either. It was a strange situation, one that neither expected to be in, and yet, there they were, smack dab in the middle of trying to figure out how they were going to proceed.
"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"
"I need to find a place to live… I can't crash with Rose and Emmett forever."
"You can stay here."
She shook her head and watched as he went back to pulling at his hair. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do… I want more than anything to be with you all the time, especially after all the lost time but it's not good for either of us."
"How can you say that?"
"We are different…Whether we admit to it or not, it's the truth and I think that if we are serious about being with each other, we have to start over. I think it's the only way. We need to learn about who we are now."
"For how long?"
"For as long as it takes."
He nodded, "so where do we start?"
"How about dinner?"
__________
Though she shouldn't have been, she was surprised with how easily things fell into place with him. Dinner had been what they needed. Skipping the ritzy restaurants that he had often wanted to take her to, they opted for a small Italian bistro off Kings Street, very close to his own flat. They had laughed and occasionally he would scoot closer to her and kiss her tenderly though chastely, between the difficult conversations that they both knew was necessary.
"Can you stay again tonight?" he asked as they walked hand in hand towards his flat.
"I shouldn't."
"But you will?"
"Edward?"
"Yes?"
"I'm afraid that if I stay with you… I'm afraid that I want you too much to keep myself under control."
"Do you think that you're alone in that?" He questioned, his voice noticeably huskier than before.
"I'm just afraid that it would be too soon."
"Bella I'd never let you do anything you would regret, especially if it involved regretting us. What I want is for you to stop thinking of excuses for you to leave me because by saying this, I think that's what you're doing… Even if something did happen, it wouldn't change anything because I still love you, I'm so fucking in love with you that it hurts sometimes."
"But it would ruin everything?"
"How could showing you just how much I love you, even after everything we've been through… The fact that that feeling has never faltered… It means something Bella and there isn't denying that. I don't see anything wrong with showing you that… But I'd never, ever do that if you weren't ready."
"I know."
"So, am I right? Are you looking for a way to sabotage this?"
She shrugged. She knew that part of her was, part of her was terrified of letting this develop and only get hurt in the end. She knew that it would be easier to push him away, to get him to hate her while she was there because maybe that would hurt less than for them to be intimate, and for her to continue to become deeper involved and for the pain to be even that much more.
"I told you not to hide from me… Even if this hurts my feelings temporarily, I need you to be honest with me."
"I think part of me is."
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being honest."
__________
He stayed up longer than he had anticipated. There wasn't anything to pack because he didn't bring anything with him, and he wasn't nervous about going back, he was just anxious about having to leave her. This was a feeling that he knew all too well, a feeling that had been his companion for so many months and now she was his and it was still there.
She was so peaceful when she slept, and as creepy as it might have sounded, he loved watching her. She was so relaxed, so much herself in that moment that it was almost like being granted entry into her private world. She revealed so much about herself as she slept and it wasn't just the sleep talking. He knew when she was tense because her body was rigid; he knew when she was afraid because she always brought her own hand next to her mouth…
This time, she was wrapped around him, her legs entwined with his own, her arms holding his waist tightly. This was the pose she struck the night before they always had to part: her insecure sleep stature and he wished more than anything that he could show her that this wasn't the last time they would share a bed, he had hoped that he had gotten that through her head before she had fallen asleep.
"Are you still ticklish here?" he smiled, his fingers descending on her ribs as she squirmed underneath him, awakening his own libido that he had been desperately trying to control, especially since he knew she wasn't ready for that yet, and he knew she had a point, even if all he wanted to do was ravish her.
"Edward!" she panted and his mind went straight to the gutter. Before he knew what he was doing his lips were on hers and his fingers stilled their movement, digging instead, into the soft flesh of her hips.
His tongue swept across her lower lip and she opened up to him, her own arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled him closer to her as they deepened the kiss. He had forgotten how wonderful she tasted and he cursed his own mind at thinking that he knew because his memories did not do her justice. She was sweet and he could still taste the lingering wine from dinner. Before he knew what he was doing, his hands began to wander, pushing up the tee-shirt that he had given her up her stomach, his hands seeking out her flesh. She was so soft and enticing and as he brushed the underside of her breasts and she let out a soft moan, something inside him clicked and caused him to pull away, breathless and mortified that he had overstepped the boundaries that they had set up.
"Oh god…" He pressed his forehead into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry Bella…"
"For what?"
"For doing exactly what I told you I wouldn't."
"I wasn't exactly saying no."
"I know but… That doesn't excuse what I did. I promised you… And you're right… It would be better to wait but it seems my body doesn't want to."
"Mine doesn't either."
"I love you too much to mess this up…"
"Me too," she whispered and he rolled over onto the side and gathered her into his arms. "I told you that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself… I never have had much control when it came to you."
"You never should have been in that position… I promised you that I wouldn't."
She reached up to his forehead and pushed the hair off of it so she could see his eyes. "It's okay…"
"It can't happen again… Not until we're ready."
"Just hold me then."
"Nothing would make me happier," he smiled, crushing her body closer to him and listening to her breathing as she let sleep take her.
He smiled and leaned down, pressing his lips to her hair for one last kiss before closing his eyes.
__________
Edward left the next morning, but not before spending the morning holding her tightly against him, and kissing her every chance that he had. He wasn't looking forward to going back on tour, at least, not without her. He wished that things could have been different, that they could have had a more normal relationship, but he also knew that this situation would only make them stronger in the end. He had proof of that: his parent's relationship.
They were the strongest couple that he knew and he knew so well how much love existed between the two of them. It was obvious, even after twenty plus years of marriage. The way they both looked at each other was enough to convince anyone of their love. His father still lit up whenever his mother walked into a room and vice versa. And a great deal of Edward's psyche told him that this was because of what they had gone through before finally coming together. Surely, the same would be for him and Bella.
When he left she was still snuggled into the covers, wearing his clothes. It was a sight that he missed and it made him putter around longer before kissing her goodbye and telling her that she could stay in his flat until she found a decent place to live. Though it was tempting, she had declined, knowing that if she did stay, it would be nearly impossible to leave when he did come back. But still, it didn't stop her from stealing two button up plaid shirts from his closet to keep close when she was missing him. It was a major plus that they smelled of his scent.
It would be a long two weeks, but she was certain that it would be okay.
__________
So there it was! I hope you enjoyed it… I think it brings a lot of things to light… Both of them have deep rooted insecurities.
And I never do this but I'm going to recommend a movie… If you get the chance… go see (500) Days of Summer… It's one of the best movies I've seen all year… BY FAR! Zooey Deschanel is lovely as usual, Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a very convincing Tom Hansen… I always forget how good of an actor he is. You can't help but fall a little bit in love with his character. It made me laugh like crazy and it made me cry (not surprising coming from me)… and the music… Oh the music in the movie is FANTASTIC! Everything from The Smiths to Simon and Garfunkel to Regina Spektor to Carla Bruni (I know a lot of people don't like her but I like her music, especially the pre Nicolas Sarkozy stuff: think her album Quelqu'un m'a dit)… It's like a soundtrack to life.
Okay… Rant over! I'm looking forward to hearing from you!