A/N: Why weren't these two friends in the show? Seriously. Also it is rapidly occurring to me that I picked a very strange song for my chapter titles. Oh well.
"I got a 98% on my biology test when it should have been 100% but the TA is a moron so now I have to set up a meeting with my professor to discuss their incompetence."
"Wow, it sounds like you have a busy day planned. I guess you don't need to talk to me about biology after all," Jess said, wondering if she was actually going to subject him to biology talk instead of Rory talk.
"Nice try. My meeting is tomorrow afternoon. And of course it's on the complete opposite side of campus from my class that gets out 10 minutes before the meeting. Is everyone here a moron?"
"It's Yale. I doubt it."
"Book smart does not mean actually smart. You know that as well as I do."
"Huh, now that felt kind of like a cheap shot at me."
"You said it, I didn't," Paris said. "I'm too irritated to talk about my test. If they hadn't marked one lousy question wrong… The question wasn't even fair because there were obviously two correct answers. Multiple choice tests are for people who are too lazy to grade real tests."
"You are making me really sad I didn't go to college."
"Are you being sarcastic?" Paris asked. "That's not funny, you know. You have a lot of potential that you completely wasted by not going to college."
"It's hard to get into college when you don't graduate high school," Jess pointed out. "And hey, I wrote a book! I'm not even selling hemp hats on the boardwalk."
"What boardwalk?"
"Never mind. I sent you a copy of the book, by the way. Like a month and a half ago. Did you ever read it?"
"I skimmed. It was really easy to skim, by the way."
"Nice." Not that Jess was desperate for validation or anything, but he figured at least Paris would read it. Who even knew if Rory would.
"I've been really busy," Paris said. "There's a lot going on here. The semester is rapidly coming to a close. I only have one more week of classes before exams and then I have to spend the better part of December readying the apartment for Rory to move in."
"How long does it take to clean up an apartment?"
"Doyle and I have our systems. And our second bedroom is completely devoted to my crafts. I don't know where I'm going to put my pottery wheel now."
"Because why wouldn't you have a pottery wheel in your apartment?"
"It's good for me to do things that are hands on. How on earth could I be a good doctor if I can't even sculpt a vase?"
"You know, I never made that connection before but I don't know how I missed it."
"Steady hands, Jess. I need to have steady hands to be a doctor. Sculpting helps to give me steady hands."
"All I said was that I never made the connection before."
"You were mocking me. Mercilessly."
"I didn't think mercy was a word Paris Geller was familiar with."
"I show mercy all the time. You haven't seen the idiots that are on staff at the paper."
"Now, is everyone automatically an idiot or just the people in close proximity to you?"
"Well, you're in Philadelphia and you're still an idiot so I'm tempted to go with the first one."
"Shucks, you're going to make me blush," Jess said, just as his roommate walked into the bedroom. "Hey, I've got to get going. We've got a staff meeting in a couple of minutes."
"Fine," Paris said. "I'm glad you're doing something with your life."
"Thank you?"
"You're welcome. Hey, I did what I said I was going to do."
"That you did. I guess I underestimated you."
"It would be impossible to overestimate me."
"Talk to you later, Paris."