Friday, August 2, 1996
Tonks apparated to number twelve Grimmauld Place for the Order meeting that night. She was not looking forward to it for two reasons. One: She knew Remus was going to give a report on the werewolves and, Two: That she was going to have to face Mad-Eye still in this state. Rolling her eyes, she knocked on the door.
"What was the gift I gave you the night you got your Auror badge?" Mad-Eye's grumpy voice came from within. He could obviously see her through the door. Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, she replied, "Combat boots." She heard a faint grunt as the door was opened. Mad-Eye shook his head, ushering her into the front hall. Her boot caught on the step up and she landed unceremoniously on her knees, effectively waking Mrs. Black.
"How dare you step foot into my house, daughter of my traitor niece—"
"Oh, shut it, you twat!" Tonks yelled, swiftly closing the curtains with a flick of her wand.
"That'll be Tonks." She heard Kingsley chuckle from the kitchen. It hurt being in this house, knowing that Sirius was not here. Would never be here…Buckbeak had been sent to live with Hagrid under the alias, 'Witherwings.' He was probably happier, not cooped up in the attic of the dusty old house. It hurt being in the house that she had shared a bedroom with Remus in for three months…and it definitely hurt that she would have to look him in his lovely expressive eyes and return alone to her sad little room over the Hog's Head.
Everyone looked up as she entered with Mad-Eye. She gave a tired little wave and settled on Kingsley's right. Remus was sitting diagonal from her, staring intently at his folded hands. Tonks fiddled with a tendril of hair that was hanging in her face while they waited for Dumbledore and Snape to arrive. It was very strange, but they seemed to be spending a lot of time together when Dumbledore wasn't off on some sort of secret business. Bill was not present, though his parents were there.
"How is it going, Tonks?" Kingsley asked quietly, smiling down at her. She shrugged.
"So far, we're bored out of our minds, but I suspect that's all going to change once school starts term." She replied, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "If Aberforth's cooking doesn't do me in first, that is…" Kingsley smirked, but said nothing. Tonks's eyes fell to the chair that Sirius usually occupied. It was left empty as if everyone was afraid to sit there…
Though the house had been left to Harry, he'd graciously given his permission for them to keep it as Headquarters. It was unnaturally silent in the room, Molly was bustling about, setting food on the table while Arthur stared into the fire. The obvious sound of apparition came from just outside the door as the final two members appeared.
"I apologize for the delay." Dumbledore said, sweeping in and taking his place at the head of the table. Snape took the seat beside him to Remus's right, scowling. "Let us get started." He turned to Remus and nodded, looking over his glasses at him. Remus stood, straightening his tattered coat. Tonks winced at the condition of his clothes and his face. He looked tired, pale, withdrawn…
"I know who Greyback is going to attack next. He's planning on attacking Lavender Brown next full moon. As most of you know, her father, Girard, is an expert on foreign, ancient magic. Spells Voldemort wants to get his hands on. Powerful pagan magic…Celtic magic. Brown refused Voldemort's invitation and therefore, Greyback has given the chance to bite her to several men. The man he picks will be inducted into his…" He met Tonks's eyes with a dark nod. "Into his pack."
"Fuck." She said aloud, causing everyone to look at her.
"It was Nymphadora who told me about it first." He managed a smile in her direction. She did not return the favor.
"Don't call me that." She sighed, rubbing her temple.
"Greyback has been running an invitation only pack of werewolves that has been around for almost two centuries. They ensure their superiority by, forgive me," He ran a hand through his long layers of hair. "They drink an elixir made from a main ingredient of fairy blood—" A loud gasp from Molly Weasley came out at this. Tonks closed her eyes, not wanting to hear more.
"The sick thing is, most of these werewolves are nearly giddy with the thought of joining. It's all many of them have left. I believe if we were to give these men…and women, other options, better options, then they will come to our side. If they know that they don't have to live in fear…under Greyback's command…"
"I quite agree, Remus." Dumbledore said, gesturing for him to go on.
"The fact remains, that many of these men are feral…they don't remember what it's like to be accepted among humans. They've forgotten how to be…human." His eyes grew dark.
"Where are they going to attack the Browns?" Dumbledore asked, removing his glasses and cleaning them.
"I believe they intend to break into the Brown home at midnight and take the girl." Remus said. The room broke into hushed murmurs. Tonks remained silent, visions of a young girl being maimed flying through her mind.
"What do we do?" Tonks said, trying to re-focus the conversation. She did not look up at Remus, but kept her eyes focused on her short fingernails.
"The only way we can stop it, as far as I can see, is if I stop the wolf before he gets to her. I've been so generously supplied with Wolfsbane—"
"It's a suicide mission, Remus!" Tonks blurted, standing up and finally looking at him across the table from her.
"Maybe." He agreed. "But if it saves another life…"
"Tonks is right, Remus." Dumbledore said, intervening. "You are too valuable to this organization—" Snape snorted. "—to throw away your life on this one mission. While we certainly can use your help detaining this wolf, you will not be in it alone. Even if you lived through the fight, the others would turn against you. It must be quiet."
"Kingsley and I will go and provide back-up." Mad-Eye said, nodding at Kingsley.
"I'll come too." Tonks said, to which Remus, Mad-Eye and Kingsley simultaneously said,
"NO!"
"I admire your bravery, Nymphadora." Dumbledore said, grinning despite himself. "But I fear you're needed in Hogsmeade. That's just before term starts." Tonks sank to sit, crossing her arms. Of course he was right, but damn the three of them for making her feel like an infant. Remus was staring at her with the strangest expression on his face…as though he thought she was completely barking and brilliant at once.
"Greyback must never see you." Remus said seriously, looking her straight in the eyes. "He has an affinity for young girls…"
"So what? I'm supposed to stay away just because Greyback likes young girls?" She challenged, leaning across the table to argue with the man she loved. His eyes blazed at her.
"Yes." He said. "If he were ever to find out—" He stopped himself, eyes widening. "You have to stay away from him." Turning to Molly and Arthur, he added. "Fleur too."
"Of course." Arthur remedied.
"Leave Greyback and his lot to us, Tonks." Mad-Eye said, looking completely disgusted. Then again, he usually looked like that, so she wasn't sure what he was feeling. "You go be an Auror."
"We will meet you outside the Brown house on the twenty-eighth…" Kingsley said, returning to Remus. "If you can catch him off guard, Mad-Eye and I can catch hold of him and bring him to Dumbledore…and we can offer him a second chance."
"And if he refuses?" Remus asked, sitting again.
"If he refuses, we turn him over to the Ministry and let him deal with it. I'm sure Umbridge would be only too happy to have him." Kingsley said, eyeing the serial number imprinted on Remus's left hand in the area between his thumb and forefinger.
0060802.
It made Tonks seethe with anger at the toad-like woman, who had been welcomed back into the Ministry as a hero, after a year of abusing children. Remus quickly stuck his hand into the pocket of his jacket and sighed.
"This is wonderful, Remus…you've done so well." Dumbledore said. "Once we've finished this mission, we must start trying to bring them to our side."
"I…I don't think it's possible." Remus admitted, paling even more.
"They probably won't believe you anyway." Snape said, folding his hands in front of him. "You would have to make them trust you."
"And how could I possibly do that?"
"Greyback…you have to gain his trust. Possibly even join him."
"No!" Tonks cried. "You can't."
"I could never." Remus assured her, leaning across the table and reaching for her hand. She snatched it back angrily.
"That is not the answer Severus. It is far too dangerous." Dumbledore said gently. Snape glared at him.
"Is it, Albus?" He asked, and the two seem to share a wordless exchange, though it lasted for less than a few seconds.
"You will not need to join Greyback that way, Remus, but Severus does have a point. You must gain their trust."
"By doing what?"
"Living completely as they live...going on hunts…"
"You can't want me to hurt anyone." Remus said, horrified.
"Of course not." Dumbledore amended. "But if you go along and simply appear to be interested, they will trust you." He peered over his glasses at Remus. "And you must appear to trust them." Tonks watched as Remus's head fell into his hands. A sickening pang of love for him clutched her heart as she suppressed the urge to go to him and comfort him. "I have complete faith in you, Remus. I always have." He winked at Tonks from where he sat, making her blush furiously. She hated that it had come to this for Remus, and though she was mad as hell at him, she loved him.
Of course, Tonks never blamed Dumbledore, who was their beacon of hope, always having the answers. He knew what had to be done, and every sacrifice that was being made was for the greater good. That much had always been clear…even when she was in school. Every member of the Order had known what they were getting into when they joined. Including Tonks.
The remainder of the meeting was less eventful, with more reminders of constant vigilance and extra caution. They had all been instructed to put protective wards on their homes. Tonks would secure her meager room at the Hog's Head when she returned, she didn't want to come back to another ransacked house. Dumbledore adjourned the meeting, allowing everyone to get up and start to leave. Tonks, of course, cracked her knee on Kingsley's chair.
"Be safe, my little gazelle." Kingsley smiled down at her, his dark eyes sparkling with amusement while she rubbed her aching joint. She scowled up at him.
"Sod off, Shacklebolt." She grumbled, making him laugh. A rare sound. She turned to follow him out of the door when she heard her name.
"Dora."
Damn. So close. Crossing her arms as if to defend herself she turned to face Remus, ignoring that Molly was watching them with a look of determination in her eyes.
"What's up?" She asked, impressed with how casual she'd managed to sound. His eyes were tired, but he smiled slightly, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you for being on my side." He told her. She looked down, half-heartedly nodding.
"Yeah, no problem." She said, shrugging. Meeting his eyes, she sighed. "Anything else?"
"Yes…I…" He stopped, looking at Molly, who was still watching them. "Would you want to grab a coffee?" Tonks raised her eyebrows, seeing that they were going to get no privacy since, not only Molly was keeping tabs, but Mad-Eye had practically inserted himself beside them.
"Yeah, okay." She agreed testily. "Where?"
"There's this place…on Tottenham Court…an Italian café. D'you know it?" He asked. Tonks nodded. She'd been there once or twice a while before.
"Luchino, right?"
"Yeah." He agreed. Tonks nodded.
"See you in a sec." She quickly bid everyone goodbye and disapparated. He appeared a moment after her, turning with her to enter the restaurant. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she sank into a booth, adjusting her coat, which was too big on her. A waitress appeared within a moment, asking what they were having.
"Coffee. Black." Tonks answered.
"Tea, please." Remus said, folding his hands. He met her eyes.
"I don't blame you for being angry with me…" He began and she made a noise of aggravation.
"Merlin Remus, when will you ever see I'm not mad at you? I'm in love with you." She felt her cheeks redden at this.
"I was referring to earlier when I didn't want you to come with us during the full moon." Remus replied, almost sheepishly. Tonks stared blankly at him.
"Oh, that." She waved her hand dismissively. "It was nice to know you cared, to be honest." Giving him a pointed look, she sighed. "Don't think I don't know that everyone in the Order thinks I'm nothing but a helpless kid." She lifted the sleeve of her jacket, revealing her various bruises and cuts, still leftover from the grueling training that the Aurors had endured. "I'm not. I am an Auror. I don't know why I have to keep reminding everyone. "I wouldn't be surprised if Mad-Eye arranged for me to be stationed in Hogsmeade, so I'd be right under Dumbledore's nose…especially now because I'm no use in the disguise department." Remus's jaw tightened as he accepted his cup of tea from the waitress. Tonk wrapped her small hands around the warm, porcelain mug. "The bloody kicker is Dumbledore has a theory about how I can get it back." Looking him square in the eyes, she said, "Any guesses?" Remus closed his eyes, almost as if he were too weary to fight.
"There's no way I can drag you into the mess I am in right now, Dora." He told her seriously. "If you think your training was bad, that's nothing compared to what I'm seeing…grown men fighting over scraps of dead animals…they eat it raw." He told her. "The other night, someone complained that there wasn't enough food to go around, so Greyback stabbed him and threw him on the ground and told everyone to help themselves." He looked ill. "He's sadistic. Even more so than I originally thought." Tonks tightened her grip on the mug. "I almost wish that law where the wolves had to submit for testing and Ministry Approved locations for transforming would have stayed, just so I could get away for a night." His eyes were dark, and Tonks could have sworn they were shining with tears, but it was hard to see with his long hair hanging in front of his face. "They're my own kind and I hate them…I see them and I hate myself more."
"But you aren't like them, Remus." Tonks reminded him, sliding her hand across and letting her compassion over rule her resolution to stay cold with him. She wrapped her fingers around his and he held them tight. He shook his head.
"I am like them, Dora, whether you want to believe it or not. Every month…I become the same beast they do. I have to stand aside and watch them maim, rape and consume without saying a word…pretending to like it."
"Dumbledore says it's for the best." Tonks said doubtfully. Remus nodded.
"You know I have nothing but trust in Dumbledore, which is the only reason I'm continuing on with this folly…but sometimes…" He ran his free hand through his mane of brown locks. "Sometimes, I'd quite like to say, 'Fuck the greater good.'"
"Yeah, I know." Tonks said miserably.
"And, with Sirius gone," Remus continued, "It's not like I have anywhere to go…"
"You know that's not true." She said forcefully.
"But that's another thing that makes me sick, Dora!" He said in a hushed, but anguished voice. "Even if I could bring myself to be selfish enough to be with you, I could never support you! I would have to sit at home while you were out, taking care of the wizarding world…"
"Would you resent me?" She asked, dreading the answer. His eyes widened in horrified surprise.
"Bloody hell, Dora, never!" He told her, taking her other hand too and clutching them for dear life. "But I feel like a failure…worthless. I can't even take care of the woman I love!" Tonks chose to ignore the fact that he'd just admitted he still loved her, though the thrill still passed through her heart.
"I don't need taking care of, Remus." She assured him. "Why won't you let someone take care of you?" She rubbed her thumb over the serial number imprinted on his hand. "All your life, you've had to struggle to get by…you wouldn't have to do that anymore with me."
"It isn't right." He disagreed, though he did not sound angry. "And there's the matter of age."
"Oh here we go." She took a long breath.
"The fact is, I was in my third year of Hogwarts when you were born." He reminded her. "Though you find me attractive for some reason now…I will get older…much faster than you—"
"If you finish that sentence, I'm going to stun you right here." She threatened. "Do I find you dead sexy? Yes…do you want to know one thing that drives me wild about your appearance? The bits of gray at your temples. I love that. I don't care that we're thirteen years apart. It's you I love."
"I can't." He told her, looking very remorseful. She couldn't even find the strength to get mad.
"I know, damn you…" She looked in the window at her sad reflection. "I miss it…my hair."
"Dora, you know I loved the pink hair…but has anyone ever told you how absolutely breathtaking you are naturally?" He looked down shyly. It was amazing how he could go from rejecting her to complimenting her in the blink of an eye. "The color of your eyes is brilliant. And that dark hair…it makes your skin look like porcelain." Tonks rolled her eyes.
"You're an arse." She heard herself laugh, though the compliment did not go unappreciated.
"Maybe." He countered. "But it's definitely lovely to see you without a mask…just Nymphadora."
"I'll keep it in mind." She muttered, taking a long drink of her coffee. It was quite good, surprising her. Checking the clock on the wall, she sighed.
"It's almost midnight. I'd better be getting back to the Hog's Head." She told him, pulling out a few bills and throwing them on the table. He finished his tea quickly and rose with her.
"Do you want me to see you in?" He asked. Tonks would have bristled if she hadn't wished so badly he would. Why torture herself though?
"No…I've got it settled." She told him, walking outside. She made to move away from him, but he kept her hand.
"Be safe, Nymphadora." He told her. She nodded.
"You too, Lupin." At his look of surprise, she cracked half a grin. "As long as we're being formal here." He let go of her hand. "I'll see you…well, I'll see you someday." She felt her chin start to quiver with the onset of tears, but managed to push it back down and reclaim the numbness she'd come to know so well.
Wednesday, August 28, 1996 7:45 P.M.
Remus watched as Greyback rounded up his volunteers as they readied for the full moon which was coming. Thanks to Dumbledore, Remus had taken Wolfsbane that day and was therefore, not worried about his transformation that night. What he was worried about, however was the attack that Greyback had planned for the "lucky" werewolf he would be choosing. Remus stayed at the back of the group, acting as interested as the other whooping men and women.
"Our night has finally come." Greyback said, sneering. Remus stood in the crowd, looking up at him with what he hope looked like respect. "I have chosen the man, who will join my pack in a position of honor and glory." Remus suppressed the urge to gag. "If you succeed tonight, you shall be branded forever and rewarded with not only the prey you are given tonight, but with the knowledge that you are better than the rest." Remus looked down at his shredded pants and bare feet. He had taken Dumbledore's advice and tried to make himself appear more untamed. His hair hung long and and in his eyes while his face was unshaven. It was the dirtiest he had ever felt. The warm comfort of a shower seemed so unattainable.
Remus watched the ever lowering sun with the same feeling of dread he felt every month, wishing he could will it to stay in the sky just until tomorrow. From the crowd, Greyback pulled a young man of no more than twenty to stand beside him.
"Sebastian Warner, you have shown great loyalty to me this month." Greyback said, looking him in the eyes. The young man stood proudly, watching the older werewolf in awe. "I have chosen you to join me." He turned to another man who was standing nearby. "And to help you succeed, I will give you the elixir." He told him. A rusty goblet was brought forth and Remus watched Greyback pour the silvery liquid into it. The young man drank willingly, excitedly…Remus knew what he was feeling. A sense of belonging, false as that may be. Greyback would take him and destroy him as he'd destroyed so many others. If he, Kingsley and Mad-Eye succeeded tonight, he would be saved.
Sinking into the shadows unseen, Remus ran through the woods until he came into the clearing where he would transform. They were only minutes from the full moon. Once Sebastian ran through, he would be here to stop him. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he caught a glimpse of a shining blue eye. He nodded to them, knowing they were waiting as the shadows drew near. It was crucial that they be completely accurate, if they missed even a second, it could be too late for Eleanor and her daughter.
The burning began in his chest, though it was somewhat muted from the potion he'd mercifully taken. The sounds of the other wolves' transformations floated through the wood. With it, came the vicious sounds of fighting and maiming. Thankfully he'd managed to get the pants off before he destroyed those too. A sharp pain rang through him as he accidentally scratched himself, but he ignored it looking over at Kingsley and Mad-Eye, who were now completely visible to him. He huffed and nodded his head for them to follow them.
Remus followed the scent of the younger wolf. It was always easy to tell which ones were younger. They were sloppier, and they smelled like fear. Following the paw prints through the mud, he stopped, ducking into the shadows. In the distance he could see lights ahead. The ghost of the young, gray wolf was just ahead. One of the phenomena of being a werewolf was the telepathy that they could communicate with. Though they couldn't suppress their instincts, they could still crudely communicate as animals do. Remus closed his eyes.
Sebastian…
The gray wolf swung its tufted tail and turned to look back, eyes gleaming. Sebastian lowered and growled, baring his teeth. Remus stood tall, looking down at him.
I know this isn't what you truly want.
Who are you to tell me what I want? You don't even know me!
I know you're lonely. I know you long for a community of your own…to be accepted. It's what I have always wanted.
No! This is what I am. I'm a killer.
No. Remus thought, watching the wolf start to foam a bit at the mouth. In a few moments, Sebastian would lose the slight control he had and spring at him. You didn't ask to be bitten. None of us did. I can help you…
The gray wolf shook his head, letting out a growl of frustration and lunging at him. More experienced, Remus easily pinned him and stared into Sebastian's eyes.
This is what Greyback wants…you've already drunk the elixir. If you continue to do it, you will damage your soul. You will look like him! You will be like him!
Sebastian struggled, snapping at his leg and breaking the skin there. Remus howled in pain for a moment, but did not let up on his grip.
I have to succeed!Sebastian insisted. He's going to kill her anyway, you know…maybe I can just bite her—
No. You didn't ask to be bitten and neither did she. You lost everything because of this, didn't you? Sebastian looked away, a feral groan leaving him. It doesn't have to be this way. There are good people…people who are willing to help us. They accept us.
And what? Be alone for the rest of my life?
Join us, and you'll never be alone again…
I can't.
Remus growled and looked at Kingsley. Realization came into the younger wolf's eyes.
You've set me up.
No, Sebastian. I'm saving a life. Yours.
"Stupefy!" Kingsley cried, stunning the wolf while Mad-Eye used an Incarcerous Charm to bind him. Sebastian went limp underneath him. He felt Mad-Eye's knobby hand on his back.
"Well done, lad." Remus nodded, moving away. Even though he had taken Wolfsbane, he did not want to risk hurting either of his friends. As he stooped to check the unconscious wolf, he noticed another person had come outside.
Eleanor.
A sharp piercing scream left her as she realized there was a werewolf standing in front of her home.
"Mum, what's wrong?" A small voice came from behind her. The small blonde girl with the big gray eyes appeared beside Ellie. The woman didn't waste any time taking her daughter by the wrist and disapparating. Remus sighed in relief, turning and leaving. Mad-Eye and Kingsley would attend to the werewolf themselves. Remus crept back through the woods and noticed a quick movement. He turned around ready for attack and saw a large stag standing there proudly. They locked eyes for a moment before the beautiful creature darted back into the depths of the forest.
I hope this isn't getting lame. Thanks for the reviews! I love them.