Chapter 21

The rain fell hard onto the deck, but Rose didn't care. She was soaked to the skin, but already numb with pain she barely noticed. Her eyes were cast onto the night sky, she was thinking about Jack and Macy. Up there, together, her heart was split into two halves. The first half wanted her life over with to join them now, what was the point in living when she had lost the two people she loved the most. The other half wanted to be thankful that she was still alive, and keep the promise to Jack.

Never let go.

The ship would dock in New York tomorrow afternoon, and it was left up to Rose to decide what she was doing. A memorial service was been held in the morning, a time when all the survivors would be grouped together, no matter what class, to grieve the perished and help them come to turns with the horror of that night. Rose knew she had to attend, it was a risk if she bumped into her mother and Cal, but she knew she had to take this opportunity to say goodbye. Rose had been hiding in the steerage section since she came aboard the Carpathia, in hope they wouldn't come looking for her. When Macy had been sick she wondered if she should have informed her mother, but if she had survived they would have been whisked back off into the life they were trying to break free from. What did it matter now? Macy was gone and with her the old Rose had died to.

Cal had tried to find her yesterday. She and him both knew her name was not on the survivors list but he couldn't help just checking. Rose remembered seeing him, she was shocked to see he had survived, but of course he would have. He probably bribed his way into a boat. Rose tried her best to avoid him at all costs. She had pulled a blanket up over her fiery curls and tried to blend into a group of steerage people, but her eyes didn't turn away from him once. She watched as he ran up to a girl with similar hair and pull her round.

"Rose," She heard him say before he realised it wasn't her. He let go of the woman he looked slightly scared and backed away. He scanned the crowd one last time and Rose bowed her head. He then turned back around and made his way back up the staircase, there seemed to be some sort of grief in the way he looked and walked. He had never treated Rose all that well, but he did have feelings for her. He realised then he never knew what he had before it was gone.

Rose shoved her hands into her pockets as she thought of Jack. When Macy had been sick her attention had been focused on her that she didn't really have the time to grieve. She thought of her last kiss with Jack, and closed her eyes; she could still taste him on her lips. Tears fell from her eyes, but the great thing about the rain was that no one could see but her.

"Jack," she whispered. She recalled the time when she had first met Jack. The handsome, kind stranger, who wanted to make sure she was ok. The one who treated Macy with such care and kindness. A flash of anger twisted inside her. How was it that wonderful people like Jack and Macy died, while bastards like Cal still managed to win? She thought to herself.

"He should be the one who's dead," Rose spitefully said to herself. She blamed him for Jack and Macy's death.

If he didn't try and frame Jack, then Macy would have been dry and safe in a lifeboat and Jack would have managed to hold on longer. Rose thought to herself. Her face twisted into an angry glare and her fists tightened in her pockets. The realisation hit her like a ton of bricks. Cal hadn't won; because he had lost the thing he needed the most.

Rose.

Without Rose, Cal couldn't inherit the fortune his father had set out for him. His social status would be slightly affected too. No one knew of the Dewitt Bukaters financial problems. Everyone thought they were a wealthy well respected family. When news of the engagement of Rose and Cal had spread, Cal had become more respected amongst society and everyone thought it to be a wonderful match. In ways Cal really had loved Rose as well. So it was then that Rose realised in order to move on, she couldn't spend her time been bitter and angry, if she was going to be truly happy she had to leave all her hate for these people behind.

After the rain of last night, the weather was relatively better. The clouds were clearing and the sun was beginning to burst through. In the distance gulls could be heard as they drew closer to New York. The surviving passengers were stood together on the first class deck around a bouquet of flowers and several candles. Rose pulled her blanket up even further as she saw her mother and Cal standing at the other side of the circle. Her mother looked terrible, her face was pale and her eyes were blank and watery, she had deep bags and she didn't look like she had slept at all. Stood next to her was Molly Brown, though unrecognisable at first, as the smile and dimples she had were not there as she stared sadly at the flowers and candles. She had a protective arm over Ruth, though Rose thought this to be strange as she knew how much Ruth had detested Molly. On the other side of Molly was Madeline Astor. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy. Her hair hung down in clumps and with one hand a hankie was held to her face while she wept and the other hand was resting on her bump.

Cal stood next to Ruth. He had his hands held together in front of him and his face showed very little emotion. His suit was ripped and his hair did not look like it had been brushed or gelled in days. A dark shadow of stubble was forming around his chin. The priest cleared his throat breaking the silence; he held a piece of paper in his hand and began to speak.

"Today we stand together united, in the presence of God, to honour the lives of the dearly beloved who were lost on the night of April 15th 1912. To ask on God to keep the perished safe and to give us guidance through this very difficult time," The priest began, while everyone bowed their heads and began to pray.

The priest began to read out the deaths that had been recorded. Rose knew immediately that they were going to mainly be from first class.

"Mr Joshua C Allison

Mrs Bessie Allison

Miss Helen Loraine Allison

Mr Thomas Andrews," The priest began.

Rose let a silent tear fall, as she found out her lovely Mr Andrews was to amongst those who had perished.

"Mr John Jacob Astor,"

Madeline let out a sob as the priest said his name; she screwed the hanky up by her face while Molly pulled her in for a hug. She wept silently on Molly's shoulder. It was then Rose remembered what she had promised JJ when she last saw him.

"Tell Madeline I love her and I'm sorry,"

Rose knew she couldn't tell Madeline now the time was completely inappropriate, and with her mother and Cal standing there. She vowed to herself that she would find Madeline later.

The list continued through the B's and C's. Rose was wrong in thinking only first class would be named. Several names from third class were brought to attention. Of course they would be this was everyone's chance to grieve.

"Mr Thornton Davidson,

Mr William Dennis,

Mr Samuel Dennis,

Miss Rose Dewitt Bukater

Miss Macy Dewitt Bukater,"

A loud cry was heard interrupting the priest, Rose's head shot up as she saw her mother crumple to the floor crying hysterically. Molly knelt down next to her and took her in her arms.

"My babies!" Ruth cried, "My babies are dead, no, no, no," She wept. "NO!" She screamed towards the sky while Molly did her best to comfort her. Being disturbed and surprised at the phenomena Rose backed away, unable to take anymore of her mother's screams she pushed past the other passengers and crept back silently to the third class deck making sure she wasn't seen. She could still hear her mother's cries but listened as they slowly descended. She crawled into a corner and wrapped her arms round her legs they way she used to do when she was little and scared. Resting her head on her knees she knew she was been cruel keeping her mother thinking she was dead, but she knew in her heart, Rose Dewitt Bukater was dead she was Rose Dawson now a different person, about to lead a completely different life.

The ceremony had ended an hour ago and they would be in New York in an hour or so. Rose crept into first class, desperate to find Madeline but at the same time desperate not to be caught, she knew there were complications to be overcome first, Madeline thought she was dead and there was no doubt she was going to be completely freaked out when Rose revealed herself. Finding Madeline was easier then she thought it was going to be. Rose noticed her by the stern of the ship looking out onto the ocean. She approached her quietly and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Madeline," Rose said. Madeline turned round and her eyes grew wide with shock as she saw Rose stood in front of her. She opened her mouth to scream and Rose quickly put her hand over it.

"Please don't scream," Rose begged. Madeline removed Rose's hand from her mouth and continued to stare at her.

"Rose, you're supposed to be dead," Madeline said in shock.

"I know, and I want it to stay that way but please listen to me I need to tell you something,"

Madeline started to back away. "Are-are you a ghost?" She asked fearfully.

"No, I'm very much alive, please listen to me it's about John," Rose said. Madeline paused in her tracks

"What about John?" Madeline asked.

The two sat on a bench while Rose told Madeline what he had told her.

"He just wanted you to know that he loves you and he was sorry for rushing you off to New York,"

Madeline cried, "I miss him so much, how could this happen?"

"I have been asking myself the same question," Rose said softly. Madeline sat up and wiped at her eyes. "But at least we can celebrate something you're alive Rose, wait until your mother finds out," She said smiling through her tears.

Rose shook her head ferociously. "No, no one can know I'm alive,"

"But Rose-"

"No Madeline, this is my chance to start afresh, I hated the pompous lifestyle me, Macy and Jack we were going to run away together, just the three of us. I can't go back there,"

"Your mother is heartbroken Rose, she thinks you're dead," Madeline said trying to reason with her.

"And I want it to stay that way. Please, its better she thinks I'm dead," Rose said taking Madeline's hands. "Promise me you won't tell her,"

Madeline paused for a moment, but she saw how desperate Rose was and she nodded her head. Rose smiled and hugged Madeline. "Good luck to you both, you and the baby,"

"Good luck to you to Rose,"

The pair broke apart and Rose headed back to third class, she was just in time to see the statue of Liberty and the harbour approaching. She smiled as she remembered what Macy said.

"It's the start of a new adventure!"

It really was. The start of a new life in a new city. Rose had only one goal now to make each day count.

And there is chapter 21, still a bit more to come. Review, tell me what you think and chapter 22 will be up soon.

Leah x