How is everyone's Spring Break coming along?

"When you first meet someone, you are not meeting them. You are meeting their representative."

-Chris Rock

'Prongs…'

The stag and doe were still lying on the rug in the center of the large common room. The stag had sat down on the floor as the doe leaned into him. They had followed her around, even into the dormitory. The Patronuses seemed strangely comfortable for something that didn't exist in this world. The stag was tall and majestic. Composed of magic and fond memories, how could such a thing happen?

"Get a room you two!" Lily yelled in frustration. How dare they be so happy when she was left alone?

She was still trying to figure out how her Patronus changed. She mastered her Patronus just last year and it started out as a cat and had always been a cat. Something must have gone wrong. Or so she thought. Lily took some time to recast it only to get the same result every time. Deep inside, she knew how and why it transformed. She was just blind from the truth. But sometimes your brain wouldn't believe what your heart says. It had a lower rank in the priority list. There was only one reason it would change…

'James…' She dreamt in ecstasy.

As soon as his name drifted into her mind, both Patronuses faded away. The shimmering light flew upwards. Giving the animals the appearance of disintegrating out of this world. The brilliant white light made contact with the ceiling before it vanished out of view.

Lily didn't think it was possible but now she felt even more alone.

Lily lay awake in the comfortable sofa she spent so many nights doing her homework on. She had no clue how long they were going to be out but he was the reason she was sleep deprived tonight. She was reading a book and was still on the very first page, the book could have been upside down or inside-out for all she knew, it didn't matter anyway, it's not as if she would digest a word of it. Was he ever going to come back. And tonight did not seem any more different than the other nights. When she mustered the courage and curiosity to ask, it was that he either stayed in the boys' dormitory in Gryffindor Tower or that he was with Dumbledore. What did Dumbledore say when she asked? Extracurricular activities. 'Yeah right.' Lily wasn't stupid and she didn't buy a piece of it. No activity or head duties would last this late into the night.

Sighing in utter frustration, she considered getting up and going to bed.

His name had been haunting her thoughts for far too long tonight. 'Do I like him or not?' Lily never had a boyfriend; in fact, she never even liked another guy. Sure, there were a couple of cute ones but nothing she even thought of pursuing. In the past, she always placed schoolwork and her friends in front of it, keeping them low on her list of priorities. Lily couldn't believe she was actually falling for him.

Rather hard fall too…

Lily knew that James could get any girl he wanted, so why chase the one he can't get? The one who was guaranteed to reject him. Was it all a challenge? A stupid bet? Surely there are many other guys out there, but she couldn't help deny that James had infected her heart. He had her heart now. But what caused this? Why was she feeling different about this guy?

When James Potter's eyes weren't wandering over the other side of the Gryffindor table, across a classroom to watch her every move, she was. She was at his Quidditch practices, she was there during the Head duties they shared, and she even stared without worry at him in the great hall. In fact, she was the one who swapped roles and watched his every motion in the classes they had together.

But with their history, it could probably never work. Will they be able to hold hands in the future down the corridors into the Great Hall in full view of the school? Will she be able to love him? Can she look into his eyes without having to see sadness and anger swirl in his orbs like she did on the train? Would this work out? If ever? What will everyone think? The girl who proclaimed her never ending loathing of a guy who in total opposite, proclaimed his never ending love for her…

'I don't want a girlfriend…' She overheard him say to Sarah.

Lily couldn't help but frown at this; still fresh in her memory, it disheartened her significantly. Will she be able to win him back? If she did, what if James left her? What if it didn't last forever like they said in the fairy tales and cheesy love movies? Lily wouldn't be able to bear it. She would rather not have him at all than to make him hers' so he would leave her to die with a broken heart. If she could be friends with him, that would be enough to Lily. But half of her wanted more than that. That half wanted to be in his arms forever. They belong together, they needed to be together. It was even ready to be with him forever, to marry him, have his children, raise a family together, live and grow old together.

If they do get hitched together somehow, would it last? She would rather not have him at all and be his close friend than to have him only to watch him leave. How long would it last? One day? Two? The utmost fear was the imminent relationship after a breakup. Lily knew it too well. People say they want to continue being friends, but underneath it all, it was just a lie. If that happened, she knew she wouldn't be able to even be in the same room as him. Then again, could she ever be close to him only to hear him talk about future girlfriends and how great they are to him?

'I'm over her.' She remembered abruptly, but to her fright, those very words scared her.

Another nightmare of a thought struck Lily like thunder in a storm. Her breathing got caught in her lungs, trying her best to kill off the phrase as she heard him recite over and over again in her head. The three words that composed that sentence she now hated to hear him say. It even replaced the trademark 'Will you go out with me' line. If she tried hard enough, there was no doubt in her mind she could win him back. But the problem was why was he being so distant? To everyone, even his own friends. Perhaps she had left her footprint on his heart only for it to be wiped off when she wanted him.

The truth struck her like a stab from a dagger. They were right, they were all right, especially her best friends.

'He's not that bad.' She admitted. In her own absurd language of denial, it meant the same as: 'I like him.'

But why?

What did he have to do this year that he didn't do the past 6 years to win her heart?

What was different?

'Everything.' Lily confessed regretfully.

It was early into the morning already. She usually loved being alone. Except for the fact it was eating her away tonight. She wanted something. She wanted him. But she didn't know why. Perhaps it was the way she loved how would stare into her eyes. Lily hated it but adored it all the same. Loved? Where did that come from? Maybe there were a couple of attributes she loved about him. Then again, everyone had traits she would admire. She was beginning to love the way she would lose her ability to speak when he was talking to her. She loved the feeling she got when she felt James staring her way out of the corner of her eye. She always did love that soft smile he flashed her way. She loved the dreams that she had in which he starred in. She loved his Quidditch skills. She loved the way he looked flying on a broom. She loved the intense look he would assume when confronted with a difficult test question. She loved the way he bit down on his bottom lip when he was nervous. She loved the very way he walked as if he was gliding down his path. She loved even his coughs and sneezes. She loved the way he would run his hands through his hair as she watched and only dreamed of running her own hands through it. She loved the fierce loyalty he showed to his friends. She loved the way he waved his wand. She loved his the way he would grab her hand when she messed up and added wrong ingredients to a potion. She loved the way his hair blew in the wind. She loved how he smelled like the clean, fresh outdoors. She loved how he was team captain of the Gryffindor team for the past few years. She loved how he took home the Quidditch Cup every year. She loved how he slouched in a chair while he read or daydreamed. She loved how cuter he looked without those nerdy glasses. She loved how he had not made any passes at her so far. She loved how mature he had grown over the summer. She loved walking in on him when he was topless. She loved the body she saw during those wonderful moments. She loved his academic prowess. She loved his bravery and his courage was unmatched with even lions. Most of all, she loved how much he had changed…for the better.

She loved him. She loved James Potter.

Lily couldn't deny it any longer but she still hated him when it came to some things…

She hated the confused feelings he was giving her.

Perhaps it was not all loving adoration. A love-hate was flowing in her veins. She still hated him for some things. She hated how he never asked her out anymore. She hated him not playing pranks anymore. She hated him for not smiling as much as he used to. She hated how he usually never came back to the dormitory they shared. She hated the frowns and neutral expressions on his face lately. She hated his ability to create knots and butterflies in her stomach. She hated not being able to yell at him anymore. She hated not being able to find a reason to yell at him.

She hated him too! Yes. She still did. The very thought of his existence still brought back those feelings that were infuriating.

But the thing she hated most about James Potter?

She hated how he put her in the backseat now. As if she didn't matter. He no longer took every opportunity he got to talk to her. James no longer acted arrogant and behaved like a total jerk just to get her attention. It was something she now wanted from him.

Lily screamed out loud angrily into her book at what had become of her as she smacked the book into her forehead. She can't blame him for not wanting her. He did waste the last 6 years trying to win her over but she was too damn stubborn. If she had given in, they could have had more time.

Sighing, she felt stupid, James isn't coming.

The head girl didn't want to wait until morning to see him. It was too far away. Time. People say there is never enough time while sometimes there will be too much. Now was one of those times were she wanted a time machine to fast forward time instead of winding it back.

He'd probably crash at the Gryffindor Tower for the night.

He could even be sleeping this very moment! Hmph! Lily struggled to achieve the same effect. Eventually deciding she would go to sleep here, she was too tired and lazy to get up at the moment. Closing her eyes and attempting to drift off into the land where they could both be together. Dreams, fantasies and unreal were usually a better vacation destination than reality. Imagination is what would set her free.

She slid out of focus until a noise woke her.

"What the-" Lily surely must be the only one awake at this hour!

Someone was stumbling outside the dormitory, scraping the walls.

Then the unmistakable sound of a suit of armor being knocked over as it crashed loudly onto the floor, clanking and bouncing with gravity's help, causing a metallic noise to erupt through the hallways. Lily wondered who could be out at this time and glanced at the large wooden clock,

'3:35 a.m.'

Before she could even look away and turn her attention to the door, she heard a faint whisper.

Someone was opening it!

Then the portrait was opening slowly as Lily realized it was James. It couldn't be anyone else. 'He must be trying to sneak in.' She presumed, it wasn't the first time she passed out in the common room doing work so he might be trying to avoid waking her. Surprised at the prospect of James arrival Lily immediately hid herself behind the sofa which had its back facing the doorway but purposely let her bright red hair flow over the edge of the couch in the hopes that James would notice her. To make it even more obvious she grabbed her book and allowed it to drop over the back of the sofa, landing in his way if he attempted to walk to his room without seeing Lily in the darkness.

To anyone not named Lily Evans, it would have just appeared that a redhead student had dozed off into sleep while working on her school work.

Someone fell. Hard. James sounded like he tumbled through the doorway. Was he trying to bulldoze his way in?

Lily wondered if he was drunk, he was rather clumsy if he's tripping into the room…

He was panting. Trying to catch his breath. But it wasn't a pant people did after a long distance sprint. It sounded like he was struggling for every bit of oxygen. The harsh breathing instantly told her that he was letting too much air out of his lungs than he could get in. He wasn't running from Mr. Filch then…

Forgetting that she was supposed to remain motionless, she tilted her head up and her eyes barely peeked over the edge of the sofa she was lounging in. The lights were still on but dimmed low as Lily never got the chance to shut them as she was supposed to be 'sleeping.'

He looked distressed. His back was against the wall for support. Head tilted downwards and his clothes...

"Rough night…James?" Lily tried saying his name. He gave her permission to hours ago but when it sounded awkward and bit strange coming from her lips, she smiled at him to play it off.

Robes were torn. That messy hair was even messier. Sweat was plastered to his forehead. Large cuts ran down the pants as if a creature with enormous, razor sharp claws ran its paws down his thighs. Something was covering him. It was thick in consistency. She couldn't make out what it was in this light but it appeared to be like…

James looked up and quickly pulled his robes around him. He was obviously hiding something. James didn't want her to see something and that only peaked Lily's interest.

Shock written into it. He wasn't wearing a neutral expression or seem merely bored or tired. James was visibly stricken. He must not have expected her to be here.

"Lily…?" His voice echoed in the room. A husky voice she never heard him use before. Now that she thought about it…

He never called her Lily, at least not like this.

But she didn't give that much thought once she saw the emotion on his face.

Panic.

"Help…"

What? 'Help?' Lily frowned with her eyes closed, what's wrong? Getting up quickly because his voice gave the impression of wanting to falter and give up on him. She couldn't make out his silhouette very well so she charmed all the lights in the room on and there leaning against the wall was the one and only James Potter.

"James? What's wron- NO!"

She ran towards him as he collapsed with his back still leaning against the wall. Sliding down, his feet gave up on him and no longer supported him as he landed on his butt with his legs sprawled out. As he fell, his back rubbed down the wall, leaving a fresh trail of blood, painting its way downward towards James.

Blood.

How could she have been so blind? That should have been the first thing she noticed. Leaning down in front of him, she saw the undeniable signs of massive blood loss. A lot of it. Too much…

Grabbing the sides of his robes, she flung them apart to reveal his bare torso half covered by his plain white shirt that was ripped in the spot where he was hit with the curse. A deep gash cutting in far inside of him. The flesh was separated. Ripped apart violently. How he was still alive was a miracle in itself. James was screaming in pain, a scream she never heard in her life. A scream she never thought she would hear from him of all people as he always considered it a weakness. Boys don't scream. They just don't. They were raised not to, yet James was giving blood-curdling roars.

His screams caused her to jump back violently.

"I'm sorry! I- What happened!? You- You need to go to the hospital wing now!"

James did something that caught Lily off guard.

He laughed.

"What's so funny!? You got hit with a curse didn't you!? You're losing too much blood!"

"You're panicking more than me." James even smiled for a half second before it vanished.

True. But that wasn't the point. She wasn't the one blooding their heart out on the floor.

Lily scooped an arm under his armpit and prepared to help him up.

"I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey-"

"THE HELL YOU ARE!" James shouted in disapproval. then calmed down at the fright on her face, "Can't. Too many questions."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN!? Do I look like a qualified Healer!?"

James calmed down at the look of fright on her face,

"Can't. Too many questions."

Knowing she'll have to do something. She hoisted his heavy body towards the couch. Dropping him gently on it, he gave a gasp of pain as he slightly landed on his wound. Reflexively, reaching a hand to his wound and attempting to put pressure on it in the hopes of stopping the flow of blood that was releasing freely like a rushing river without a dam.

Lily stood there over him looking down at the guy she finally admitted her feelings for to herself. Now he's close to dying.

Time was so fucked up…

Knowing she has to do something, anything, she tried to pry his hands from his side.

"I have to see James, I-" At the mention of his first name, he relaxed, he still did not let go, but he softened his grip enough for Lily to move his hand. A single, lone tear rolled down her cheeks because she did not know what to do.

Lily didn't know how to save him…

She still stood there for what seemed forever but in reality must have been less than half a minute. She saw the blood spreading its way through the cushions. Infecting every free spot of the crystal white chair and replacing it with a dark crimson red.

Ripping away his clothes hastily and leaving him in nothing but his boxers, Lily was more scared than James. The windows that James always kept open, allowed the moonlight shadow cast its way into the room, igniting James with its brilliant light. The gash to his side was glistening in the starlight, as if shining for attention in the limelight. Lily watched James scream for help. Still holding her hands to her mouth and shaking violently in horror, James let out a roar of agony that jolted Lily back to her senses. Instinctively, Lily leaned over him and did the only thing she knew that would help in the slightest.

She placed both her hands on his ribs and applied pressure in hopes of halting the bleeding.

As soon as her trembling hands made contact on his open skin, he released a terrible, agonizing scream that he tried to suppress in Lily's presence as she was already frightened enough. Gasping for air, James was steadily losing consciousness as he lost more and more blood.

"Listen." He whispered.

There was nothing in the world that would steal Lily Evan's attention now.

"There's a bottle. Essence of dittany."

Not another word was necessary. She dashed for the bathroom. She had seen it before. She remembered there were medicines and potions for various problems and illnesses in one of the cabinets on the first day of school. Lily was opening every cabinet and door that day so she couldn't miss it.

His chest lifting up off the bed, heaving back and forth, he struggled in his fight between life and death. On the brink between the two, he was caught in a limbo. A game of tug-of-war. Which team is winning? Stalemate.

'Where is she?'

Pulling the cabinet doors open so violently, that Lily was amazed she did not wrench it apart from the hinges. Darting her eyes at every bottle of various shapes and sizes she reached for the bottles in the front row. If they were useless and wouldn't help, she would toss them over her shoulder in frustration.

'Euphoria? What the fuck is this doing here?!' The vial went over her head and she heard it shatter in the pool-sized bathtub behind her.

"Lily…" James voice came from the bedroom.

"HOLD ON!" she roared back in response.

'Aspirins. GAH!'

'Hangover Potion…Laxatives…Painkillers. All garbage!' Lily thought.

After a few seconds of searching and breaking bottles behind her back, she saw a bottle that caught her attention.

'Essence of Dittany!'

"Bingo." she whispered hoarsely to herself.

Dashing towards the door, she stopped quickly in front of him and leaned over him. Opening the bottle, she poured all of it onto the James wound, making sure she used every last drop. His gash immediately began releasing a strange greenish gas and an appearance of his skin sizzling as if he was being roasted on a grill alive.

"FUCKING SHIT!" James bellowed as agony and pain contorted on his face.

Someone must have mashed on Lily's panic button again. Pulling out her wand with sticky fingers due to the glutinous, thick blood. She aimed it at his wound and tried a simple, minor healing spell. It sealed it partly as she watched it slowly stitch his wound close but most of it refused to be sealed by such a simple household spell. Scared that more magic would hurt him, Lily didn't know what to do.

"THIS IS MAKING IT WORSE!"

"It'll be okay, just relax. You'll be better-" Lily tried to comfort him. Offering soothing words to calm him.

He was coughing harshly. Hacking blood out of his mouth. It was a sign. Lily had enough first aid training to realize that when someone coughed blood it was a sign of internal bleeding…

Lily turned the bottle around in her hand and read the back label to check if it was really Dittany:

'Made with the plant Dittany. Will Heal Most Wounds. A few drops are sufficient for large injuries. Side effects include: headache, nausea and pain for a short duration after the product is applied.'

Tossing the now empty bottle over her shoulders, she watched his gash begin magically sealing up. As if invisible stitches were sewing him back up. As soon as his wound sealed itself up, it appeared as if his torso was not just torn apart, in fact, it looked normal.

James breathing slowed and calmed significantly. His face no longer twisted into one of torture, he stopped groaning and screaming as if he was being 'Crucio' on. After standing there watching him begin to settle down, she turned around and headed to the bathroom and began cleaning the mess. With a flick of her wand, she fixed the smashed bottles she broke in her desperate search. The bottles than magically flew back to where they belonged. Going to the Common Room, she began vanishing James blood from the walls which lead to the couch but also exited to the corridor. Opening the portrait, she glanced outside and waved her wand again, vanishing the trails of blood James left in his wake as he struggled down the castle to the dormitory. The only evidence that showed his injury was his clothes that lay on the coffee table.

Getting back inside the confines of the room, she strolled inside to check on him while vanishing the blood on the floor and the sofa which managed to dye itself from Gryffindor colors to dark scarlet. By now it had dried and was crusted into the cushions. It would be hard to clean now.

Looking down on James when she was done, he was sleeping peacefully. Not wanting him to sleep on the bloodstained couch, she swept his arm over her shoulders and managed to drag him to his bed. Tired and exhausted, Lily stripped off her bloody shirt. She threw the bloodied clothes on top with James' torn ones. Knowing she'll clean the blood off it later, she reached down at James trunk for one of his shirts, but instead found it empty except for bottles of Firewhisky. Too lazy and not wanting to leave him alone, she turned towards his closet. Pulling it open, it revealed its contents. Lily saw his broomstick standing upright, leaning against the wall with handle pointing up. On the floor lay a photo album along with a worn out, and obviously, used diary.

Going through his wardrobe of clothing, she found James' Quidditch shirt. He probably wore this under his Quidditch robes during practice or games. Pulling it off the rack, she saw that was a plain white shirt with the number '0' on the front and back, but the back had his name printed above the his number,

'Potter.'

Smiling to herself, she pulled it on and instantly smelled his aroma. The fragrance intoxicating her as the smell crashed over her like waves of the ocean onto the beach, she walked over to inspect his condition. His eyes were closed but he felt her presence as she approached him.

Taking in the moment, she tried thinking of what could have possibly occurred that injured her James! It was a full moon tonight but Remus… He would never hurt his own friends. Did he get into a fight with someone? But no one was hanging out this late in Hogwarts unless they wanted a couple weeks of detention.

She went down on her knees on the floor without saying a word. Believing actions speak louder and clearer than words, she gently rested his head on the pillows. With her arms under her chin, she watched him curiously. It was like watching him sleep in class but she had the best seats in the house.

Front row. Center.

He was so helpless tonight that it bothered her. James Potter was always able to take care of himself. He solo every task, even the ones where he was partnered with Lily. Before she could give it another second of thought, his eyes fluttered open. His head rotated to face hers and he caught her eye. For some reason she wasn't scared anymore. If she stared into his blissful eyes before this, she would have freaked out and dropped her head. Shifting her attention to anything but him in the room, usually at her own toes.

"You're a real angel, Lily."

"You're not so bad yourself."

When people say that they spent the whole night reading this instead of writing essays and lab reports, it makes me feel bad. But I'm also glad you guys like it. Don't procrastinate! lol

Thx for the reviews as always, keep 'em coming.