My hands shake as I reach for the door knob. A cold sweat forming along my forehead, and the back of my neck. I bite down on the bottom of my lip hoping I don't make a sound as I open the door. The room is dark when I walk through the door. It's cold, sending chills up my spine with each step I take. My hand continues to rest on the door knob as I stand in the doorway, I look at him, and my stomach turns. Through the darkness of the room I can faintly make out his eyes... two beautiful blue orbs watching me from afar. Tears move to my eyes as I dare to walk inside the room. I close the door behind me and sigh.
"James."
I whimper his name just to say it. I haven't said it in days... I'd been locked away in my cell... My father found out about us. Found out that I loved him, and that I've been falling in love with him for the last 10 months. There's pain in my voice, every word sounding desperate and broken. His eyes hold emotion, even though his face doesn't.
"Emilia."
He states back, but his mouth doesn't move. I move my feet forward, practically running to him. He stands stretching out his arms so he can wrap his arms around when I reach him. I start sobbing the second we touch, I loved him with every fiber of my being so much that it burned. He kisses the side of my head, as he murmurs a silent 'shh' in my ear.
"I love you."
I sob into his chest as his hands wrap tighter around me.
"I love you too... It will be okay."
I shake my head... how will it be okay? Everything was falling apart, we were trapped here with people who weren't the most ideal company. They knew about us... they knew that their two favorite Hydra toys were falling for each other. This went against everything Hydra stood for, everything that I had stood for at one point in time.
"Nothing will be okay James. My father knows about us, and he is hell bent on breaking us apart. He wants to take you from me."
I say this in a hushed tone as he watches me. Both of our gazes locked on one another. His gaze seems to harden when I say this. He'd killed people, both as Bucky Barnes, and as the Winter Soldier. He'd been tortured and erased more times than I could count, and now he was going to have it happen to him again, all because he loved me. All because I love him.
"No one can take you from me..."
He whimpers, tears moving to his eyes as a look of helplessness flickers to his handsome face.
"... They can try to make me forget you, but I could never forget you Emilia. Even if I wanted to forget, I couldn't."
His words should make me feel better, but they don't. I feel a lump in my throat start to form... a deeper sense of sadness taking over me. Alexander Pierce would take him from me... he is my father, but he liked to hurt me. He loved to watch anything I love get taken from me. He'd told me that he would wipe my brain for loving James, just as he would have his mind wiped. This was our punishment... we were to forget each other. I stand on my tip toes and press my lips to his. This is our last kiss... this is our last embrace... this is our last moment together. He kisses me back, his hands moving from my back to my hair. The kiss is heated, but it doesn't last long. I can hear the door open from behind us, followed by the sound of people's footsteps shuffling inside the room.
"Emilia. Get away from him."
I hear my father's voice from behind me. I don't pull away from James though, I keep my gaze locked on his. I wanted to saver every moment I had with him before they took him from me... before they took everything from me. James' gaze softens as he watches me, its oddly soothing considering what is going on around us. I feel my breathing hitch, and my body stiffen when two sets of hands end up on both of my arms. I try to pull them away from me, but I can't. Normally I could fight them off, but they'd injected me with something, something that impaired my ability to fight back. James tries to help me, but more people appear from behind me, moving to him to hold him back.
"Let me go."
I shout, my voice cracking with desperation. They couldn't take me away. I couldn't let my dad win... not again.
"Don't touch me."
I scream when they pull me back from him, creating distance between James and I. Tears brush past my eyes, streaming down my face.
"Please dad... don't do this."
I whisper this to my father when his workers put me down in front of him. He watches me, his mouth pulling into a tight line.
"Emilia..."
He states, his tone is horribly polite, but I can hear the edge of hatred in his voice.
"... You have disgraced Hydra. You've disgraced yourself, and most of all you've disgraced me. I will wipe your memories, and I will make sure it will be twice as painful for you as it will be for him. You will never disappoint me again."
I knew he wouldn't change his mind, but a part of me hoped he would. I hoped he wouldn't do this to me, because after all I am his daughter. His workers put their hands back on my arms dragging me from my father. I try to fight them off as I'd done before, but once again nothing works. I glance over my shoulder, my eyes moving to James'. His brow furrows as he pushes people away from him, one of the men landing on the cement ground.
"Emilia."
He shouts to me as he pushes more people away. My father doesn't seem to be bothered by James' sudden outburst, he seems amused.
"Knock him out. Wipe him, but make sure he remembers her... I want him to remember the fear in her eyes. I want him to remember that he loved her, and that we took that love away because he didn't listen. I want him to remember her everyday for the rest of his miserable life, and then I want you to freeze him."
My father chuckles darkly seeming content with the rage in James' eyes.
"Don't hurt him..."
I scream... my voice cracking. I try to break away once again. I thrash against the two people containing me, but I can't do anything I'm helpless.
"... Find me James... When you can, Find me!"
I shout this as the men pull me out of the room. My heart is pounding and hatred fills me. They might make me forget him, but I will never stop loving him... Never.
My heart pounds as my eyes open. My breathing is all over the place... It takes me a moment to figure out where I am. I am in a bedroom... a bedroom that I haven't seen until a day ago. We're in Natasha Rumanoff's home, in a room she'd been kind enough to give us. I try to steady my breathing as I look behind me, James lays with his bare chest pressed up against my back. He sleeps peacefully with his metal arm is draped around my waist, tight, but comforting. His body being so close to mine made me feel safe, which was good considering the dream I'd had. Last night was hard, it was difficult to fall asleep, everyone seemed hell bent on keeping me out of things. James, Steve and Sam would be talking in hushed tones whenever I dared to venture out into the living room. Natasha seemed like she was trying to understand, I didn't blame them for being skeptical of me. My father wasn't a good man. I was guilty by association and being Alexander Pierce's daughter was a very good reason to be cautious. It did bug me though... I wanted everyone to trust me, but I can't change my past... I can only hope that I earn their trust in time. I stir and James' grip on me tightens.
"Are you okay?"
He whispers in my ear, his lips close. I feel chills move up my spine. I don't want to talk about the dream... so instead I decide to just pretend I'm okay.
"I'm okay, I'm just waking up. There's nothing for you to worry about."
He hums in response pressing his lips to the back of my head. He moves his arm from around my waist allowing me to sit up.
"It doesn't matter what you say. I'll always worry about you Emilia."
Glancing over my shoulder, my gaze locks on James.
"I love you."
I whisper. I feel a bit emotional when I say it, because every morning that I woke up with him next to me I was thankful. Thankful that we were back together, and that despite everything that had happened no one could break what we have. In this moment I feel normal, and it's a blissful feeling.
"I love you too."
I turn away from him feeling my cheeks redden at his words, it didn't matter how many times he told me those three little words, it still took my breath away. I stand up from the bed, feeling his eyes on me and my little black satin nightdress. I silently sigh as I run my fingers through my now very wavy hair. I feel slightly insecure under his gaze, I know he's seen me in absolutely nothing, but I still a bit nervous with his eyes on me.
"You don't have to hide from me you know..."
He whispers as I turn to face him, my eyes scan over him a few times before he continues.
"... And I know that something is wrong."
I fold my arms across my chest. Of course he saw right through me, he knew the real me better than anyone else. I bite down on the bottom of my lip, studying him.
"I just had a bad dream..."
I pause as when he raises his eyebrows. He knows there's more to this than I'm telling him. I sigh.
"... It was a memory of when I last saw you. Before they wiped my brain..."
I feel the images flickering through my mind, feeling as new as they did when I awoke.
"...It feels so real. Every sound, every touch, my dad, and you. It felt like it was all happening again."
He sits up in bed.
"Emilia. That will never happen again. I made the mistake of letting you slip through my fingers once. That will never happen again."
I nod, the sound of people waking up in the house is heard on the other side of the wall. I decide to change the subject.
"We should probably talk to the others though, figure out what needs to be done today. And what our next move is going to be."
I can tell that he wants to talk more about my dream, but he knows that I don't want to talk about it anymore. He nods, sitting up in bed. His shirtless body being exposed while he sits up. He yawns, before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I move over to the chair where I'd put the clothes Natasha had given me to change into last night. I change in silence as James does as well, once we're changed and ready to see the others we move to the other room. The sun streams through the open blinds of the windows. When I look to my right I see Sam in the kitchen making breakfast. He smiles at me, giving a small wave before Natasha talks.
"Good morning you two. Sleep well?"
Her tone is playful and suggestive, her eyebrows raised. I feel my cheeks get red once more as I look at the ground. She laughs as Steve speaks.
"Leave her alone..."
He pauses smiling at me when I dare to look up from the floor.
"...Good morning guys."
He's sitting on her couch looking at the lap top that's sitting in his lap. Natasha stands behind him reading over his shoulder.
"What are you guys looking up?"
James asks as he moves from my side to Steve's, looking at the lap top. I decide to talk to Sam because I don't want to be apart of whatever they're looking at. I know that I need to know what's going on, but a part of me liked being in the dark, with the professions knowing everything.
"Hi Sam."
I whisper when I walk into the kitchen, I still felt really shy near everyone. He smiles.
"Hello Emilia. Are you hungry? The others tend to not eat like the rest of us normal humans."
He laughs when he speaks, my eyes drifting down to what he's cooking. He's making chocolate chip pancakes, something I haven't had since I was a little girl. I nod.
"Yes please. I haven't had chocolate chip pancakes in years."
He looks at me.
"No wonder most Hydra people are so miserable, they don't let you indulge in life's simple pleasures like chocolate chip pancakes."
I nod, a small smile on my lips.
"Yes that's the whole reason we're miserable, that and every room is below freezing."
He laughs.
"Are you glad you left?"
He asks me this as he puts a pancake on a plate, his gaze is sweet and sincere. I nod once more, shrugging my shoulders.
"Yes, I'm glad. I'm glad that isn't my life anymore, I did awful things. Things I'm not proud of."
His brow furrows as he studies me. Did he not know of what I'd done? Surely Nick Fury told Natasha, who probably told them.
"I understand what it's like to do things you aren't proud of. I fought in the war, I've seen things and I've had to do things that sometimes make it hard to sleep at night. It doesn't make you a bad guy if you're haunted by your past, it just makes you human."
I feel the weight of his words, he made me feel better. He made me feel like less of an awful person, like I'm human again. He hands me butter and syrup to put on my pancake, he grins.
"So how long have you and robo cop been together?"
I take a butter knife off the counter top and put butter on it and spread it across the top of the fluffy pancake. I feel my cheeks redden at his words, suddenly I feel like a teenager being asked who her crush was.
"I met him when I trained him for Hydra. That was seven years ago, and then they wiped my brain. We just got back together about a month ago."
I say it as if its facts being read off a piece of paper. He seems to see through me though, his grin grows.
"I didn't know Hydra was playing match maker."
I nod.
"It wasn't supposed to be... But sometimes the best things happen when they aren't supposed to."
I look up from my food, watching James as he sits next to Steve, and Natasha. They smile and talk like they've known each other for years. He seemed normal and happy, which made me feel good... especially after my nightmare. I remember how it was for him before... and he deserved better than that.
"You really do love him don't you?"
Sam states when he notices how zoned out I am while I watch him. I smile and nod.
"Is it that obvious?"
I whisper as he grins.
"Steve told me all about him. He sounds like he used to be a good guy, and he could probably use someone who loves him. Someone who truly understands what it means to have Hydra get inside your head."
He's right. I think that's what made our bond even stronger this time around, we understood each either in a way we didn't before. Sam pats me on the back before walking around me. He joins the others in the living room as I watch from the kitchen counter. I pick up the fork provided for me and take a bit of breakfast. Steve and Natasha start to tell Sam everything they told James, the room fills with the sounds of their voices. I feel awkward standing so far from everyone else, but at the same time this is where I feel like I belong. I'm not a hero... And no matter how hard I'll always be nothing more than the daughter of a man who was willing to kill millions. I jump when I hear someone speak from next to me.
"You okay there Pierce?"
Natasha asks. I smile over at her, but my smile doesn't reach my eyes.
"I'm alright... I'm just thinking."
She grins.
"What are you thinking about?..."
She pauses looking down at the fork I'm holding. It's now bent in half... I must've done that when I was zoned out...
"...It seemed really intense. Are you alright?"
I nod, putting the fork down on the counter.
"I was just thinking about how all of you guys are good, and I'm bad."
She laughs.
"We're good? Sure Rogers and Wilson are good guys, but James and I aren't exactly innocent. We've done bad things, we've killed people. We were assassins Emilia."
I'd heard about Natasha back when I first started working for Hydra. She had a very colorful past, but she'd saved the world twice. All I'd done is torture a good man. I made him even more miserable than he'd been before.
"You were good people who did what you had to survive. It's called surviving. There's nothing wrong with surviving. I killed people for fun, I used to torture people for fun.. I'm not good like you. I'm not good like any of you."
She moves her hand out to mine, gripping it. She sighs.
"I don't believe in good and evil. I believe in choices, and those choices are judged by others. What some people might consider to be a good choice, might be considered bad to another. You say what Barnes and I did was done to survive, but what about you? You did awful things, but when you think about it now do you feel joy? Or are you haunted by it?"
I tuck some of my hair behind my ear. I think about this morning... I was haunted, I've been haunted ever since I started remembering. I hated myself... I hated everything I'd done. She gives me another small smile, I think she knows my answer without me saying a thing.
"You aren't evil. You're not your father, and if you want to do the right thing, then Hydra will never win. I believe you can be whoever you want to be, and if you want to be good then you can be. You just have to want it. Do you want to be good? Then do it, you want to be different than your father? Then be different."
She gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
"Use your demons as a motivator, whenever I fight I remember that I will never let my past battles defeat me. I will move forward, and I will be the best I can be. I hope you'll do that too."
She looks from me to the boys who are all laughing and reminiscing. She's right... I had told James that he wasn't hydra and that he should be whoever he wants to be, and I needed to do that too. I needed to be more than my past... I needed to grow in the right ways. I shouldn't be mourning the nightmares of my past, I should be relishing the fact that I'm here in the now, and I'm finally with the one person I've ever loved. James laughs at something Steve had said he glances over at me while he laughs. He gives me a playful wink, and I can't help but smile. I may not be a typical hero, I may not be normal, and I may not have a real home, but anywhere is my home as long as Bucky Barnes is there.