"What the hell did you do?" I heard from behind me, as soon a Cammie slammed the door.

I turned and saw my dad standing there, disappointment clear in his eyes.

I sighed, "I fucked up. I really fucked up," I bounded up the stairs.

"Yeah, well you better fix it!" he called after me.

"Working on it!" I hollered and enclosed myself in my room.

I picked up my cell phone off my bed and dialed a number that I had memorized by heart 2 years ago.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Well." she sighed, "What a nice surprise. To finally hear from the infamous Goode."

"I thought you deleted all that shit?" I snapped.

"Hmm..."her voice rang through the phone line. "I can't seem to remember what you're talking about babe?"

"You now for damned sure," I growled. "You said no one would see it, you said you would take care of it. Well, you didn't! Because someone fucking saw it and now my whole life is one cluster fuck of insanity!" I screamed. Getting angrier by the minute.

"First of all, do not speak to me the way," she hissed. "Second, you think I really give a shit? Zach, you've been gone for over a month, we've all moved on," she said.

"We literally just talked like 3 days ago, and nothings changed now all of a sudden your back to being a slut!"

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!" she hissed.

"What in the name of fuck sake are you talking about?" I cried.

"Why is your life such a cluster fuck, Zach? Because one person saw that shit? Or because the wrong person saw the shit?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I sighed.

"You moved on, I moved on. We both are bad people, we can't be changed. You've already tried. And, look how that turned out."

I slammed my body back into my bed.

"Get a hit, babe. You sound stressed, let it go. You fucked everything up because you're a bad person. Its cool, we all understand. So in a few months when you turn 18, come back here and your place will be open," she sounded seductive.

"You're a slut," I hung up.

I am a bad person, I can't be changed.

A person doesn't go from 0 to 60. It doesn't work like that. I tried to change my ways, I went to the classes and clinics. I moved away, I met new people.

But, I can't let go. I can't let go of the life that I had desperately become apart of in my first years of high school.

I think I've always known that I couldn't change. That the druggie player would always be apart of me.

It was selfish to even think about bringing Cammie in to this. I thought that she could change me. And for a few weeks she did.

She really did, I didn't think about the sex, drugs and parties I left in Nebraska. I thought about what Cammie wanted. All of the thoughts were consumed of her, all of my a wake hours were either with her or full of thoughts of her. All of the resting hours were packed of dreams of her. She had fixed me for a few weeks. I thought maybe I could fix her too. She'd been so broken at points in her life, and I wanted to make her forget about all of that.

I wanted for her to forget and I want her to make me forget.

But, with the stress of everything. I caved. Remi being in the hospital contributed to a lot of it. Then it was Morgan's wedding.

First it started with a cigarette at 3 A.M the night that Remi was put into the hospital. Then it was a bottle of vodka when she wouldn't wake up just to talk the edge off.

Then it was a look at my old life when I wasn't sure about anything.

I logged on to the Facebook account that I had made when I was like 13. I scrolled through the pictures of me partying, having a good time. Then I saw her online. And I couldn't resist.

Cammie didn't even run through my mind as I typed the first message. I just wanted my life back and I didn't care who I hurt in the process.

But, now it does because Cammie hates me.

I don't blame her, I hate me.

I'm such a fuck up.

Tears fell because I knew and yet I didn't know at the same time.

I knew Cammie hated me, I didn't know if I would ever forgive my self.

I knew my mother would be ashamed, I didn't know if I would care.

I knew that I was a fuck up, I knew that it was the last straw for my parents.

I didn't know what would happen.

I just didn't know anymore.

I wish I did now, I punched the wall because I deserved the pain.

Cammie, I fucked everything up.

She probably feels like shit because of me, she probably thinks I'm another Josh.

I wasn't another Josh. I was worse.

I smoked because of everything. I smoked because it clammed me. I smoked because it was the only thing familiar in this world anymore. I smoked because it reminded me of the good times. I smoked because it told me that I wasn't any better than Josh. I smoked because I am fuck up.

Do I wish I wouldn't have done it?

No.

Because that's where I belong. With the other fuck ups.

The only things that seem to understand me is a joint and a glass bottle. That and Cammie.

But Cammie's gone, so what does that leave me with?

I wish I could say I regret ever meeting her.

But, I can't. I'm too selfish for that. I'm to selfish to wish that I never met possibly the best thing that ever happened to me.

I'm to much of a fuck up for self salvation.

That took forever.

Did it answer your questions? At least some of them?

Who hates Zach now?
Who wishes I would update sooner?

So I got 500, YAY!

Thank you so much for supporting me through this and I love you guys.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend.

Chapter for my new story will be up as soon as I think of a title and put the finishing touches on the chapter!

I really hope you guys like the new story.

I DO NOT REVIEW MY OWN STORY!

For the 5th time, I do not.

Hope you liked this new chapter and I will talk to you soon!

Get me too 1000? REVIEW!

Want to be friends? Follow me on Instagram! lovebooks14