Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Harry Potter.
Note: Thanks for the reviews and sorry that it took so long but I moved recently so it has been incredibly hectic. Let's begin. Btw, I have a tumblr in case anybody is interested.
Severus took a deep breath and counted to ten silently. He applied pressure to his temples to will away the headache that was steadily settling there. He always had a low tolerance for people but Gryffindors in particular were hard. And now he had a room full of them. Technically speaking there were only three but still, it felt like a room full.
Granger and Weasley were loud, not as louder as they used to be but still much too loud for Severus' sake. He liked his peace, especially in his rooms and they had invaded his sanctuary.
You actually invited them in here. Severus snarled at the little voice in his head to shut up. He focussed back on the conversation and the three teenagers sitting in his living room. Weasley and Granger were completely focussed on Harry. Granger was telling him about her parents and Severus rose to his feet.
He needed to do something. He couldn't sit here because he was sure that he would snap at one point. His patience had always worn thin and today was not a good day. The short and restless night he had had not done him any favours.
"Anybody care for any tea?" The words were whispered in a silky voice but he didn't care. He startled them, he could see it. Apparently they had forgotten that he was in the room. He sneered at them. Harry perked up at the sound of tea and he already knew what he apprentice was going to ask.
"Only weak tea with no milk or sugar. We do not want to aggravate your throat further." He beat Harry to it and the younger man deflated with a sigh. He nodded sadly and Severus had to suppress the ridiculous urge to offer Harry as many milky sweet teas as he could drink.
"Some tea would be nice, Professor. Do you require any help?" Granger turned to smile at him and Severus shook his head. He needed a moment to think and to be alone.
He didn't wait for Weasley's order before he moved to the small kitchen area. He could order tea from the house elves but there were times when it paid to go off to make his own tea. He could gather his thoughts and think, It may be seen as fleeing but Severus told himself it was strategic and for the safety of others. It would be hard explaining to Minerva that he had snapped and killed two heroes of the war.
He took a deep breath, glad to be out of the room and able to hear himself think. It was a relief. He ran a hand over his eyes, trying to will away the headache. He pointed his wand at the kettle to turn it on. He was weary.
His patience was running thin, especially with being forced to be civil towards the two Gryffindors. Weasley's laughter and Granger's inane chatter were grading on his nerves. He was used to being on his own but being forced to be around people all day, Potter he could cope with, but his friends. He needed some alcohol and a full night's rest for that.
He needed time to think on everything that had happened. Especially with Potter.
You don't have to think about it. You can either ignore it or enjoy it while it lasts. You know that these things do not last long so why not enjoy it. It isn't as if Harry minds it. But he is just trying to make sense of what's happening and he wouldn't be the first to take advantage of a body when it is offered. Nor would you be?
Severus recoiled from his own thoughts. This was going to end now. He was better than that. Yes there had been a time when he would have accepted comfort from a willing somebody but Potter was old enough to be his son, hell he was Lily's son for Merlin's sake and he was injured. He would not take advantage of that.
He was better than that. He had come a long way and while it had been hard he was not going to give up now. He could just see the headlines when this came out and it would not be in his favour. He had worked too hard to lose everything he had gained now over a little bit of comfort shared between the sheets.
No, the best choice he had would be to pretend it never happened. Perhaps if he played it right he could ever make Potter believe that it had all been a fever induced dream. Else he would have to become mean and that was not something he relished with his apprentice.
Hp
Harry was trying to stay awake but he kept yawning. He hid them behind his hands, hoping nobody would see them. He wasn't supposed to be so tired. He had taken a nap after his shower and he was already tired.
The third yawn was caught by Hermione and she gave him an odd look. "You're tired, Harry?"
He shook his head immediately and she frowned. "Are we boring you then?"
"No…" He began to protest. He wasn't bored. He wanted his friends here; it had been so long since they had time to catch up. He coughed a little and smiled at them. His mouth was dry and he wanted something to drink, anything would do. The heat of the fire behind him and the blankets Snape had dumped on the couch were making him warm and comfortable.
He tried desperately to listen for sounds coming from the kitchen and focus on the conversation around him. He just closed his eyes for a brief moment. He snapped awake a moment later when a hand touched his shoulder.
"I think it is time for that nap, Mr. Potter." The deep voice of his master brooked no argument but Harry couldn't help but say.
"I'm not tired…"
"Say that again without yawning." Harry scowled in the general direction that Snape was in. He was tired, yes, actually plain exhausted but he wasn't a little kid that needed to be put to bed.
"I'm fine, honestly." It came out a little bit sharper then he meant to but he didn't want to go to bed yet. He wanted to spend some more time with Ron and Hermione, just listening to them. Snape sighed; Harry could hear him exhaling harshly before he said.
"Fine, do not expect me to carry you to bed! You can drag yourself there." Harry merely nodded. Snape's demeanour was tense, like it had often been in class and for a brief moment Harry felt a flash of remorse. Perhaps he shouldn't struggle so. He licked his dry lips. He wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway, with a parched throat.
"Can I have some tea?" He asked, speaking slowly. He wasn't sure if Hermione was beaming at him or doing something else but a cup of tea was passed his way. It was lukewarm and weak without any sugar or milk and Harry knew that Snape had prepared it for him. He hid his smile behind his cup.
Soon the tea was gone and he couldn't fight it any longer. He was feeling so drowsy that he was sure that he would go to sleep here on the couch. He yawned again, too tired to work up the energy to say something as he rubbed at his eyes.
He glanced up when Snape said. "I suppose that now you do want to be carried off to bed."
"I can walk." Alright, so it may have been a little bit too much for Harry because he was swaying when he rose to his feet unsteadily but Snape was silent as he allowed Harry to hold onto his arm for extra balance.
"Say goodnight." Harry was too tired to comment or do anything but direct his feet towards the bedroom. Harry counted it a victory that nobody said anything when they entered Snape's bedroom instead of Harry's. The bed was made, by the house elves, Harry assumed but he didn't care. All he cared was for messing up that bed as he crawled underneath the blankets.
His master was a silent as he waited while Harry toed off his shoes and tuned back to Snape. He pressed closer to the older wizard, close enough to feel his body heat and the tantalizing magic that danced over his skin as he smiled and said.
"I promise to give them a time limit next time so they won't drive you up the wall."
Snape stiffened and Harry frowned, releasing his master's wrist before Snape murmured. "Perhaps we should put you on a time limit, Mr. Potter? Now, it is bedtime for you. I have ways to get rid of your friends."
"Mrs Weasley is going to be very upset if they can't find Ron's body." Harry murmured softly as he climbed into bed. He curled on his back, pulling the blankets over him. He held out an arm to Snape as he softly said.
"Can I make it up to you?" He grinned up at the older wizard but he didn't need to see Snape's expression to feel the temperature in the room drop. Snape pulled away and snarled at him.
"Yes, get well! And focus on that, not on anything else! Listen to what your body is telling you and stop pretending to be fine. You are not fine! You need rest to get better so stop fighting me and do what you're told for once!" Snape pulled away and Harry blinked up at him stupidly.
"Okay, I guess..." He wasn't sure what he had done to deserve that. He had tried to get better as soon as he could and he had tried not to fight Snape or Madam Pomfrey as they said what he had to do to get better. But apparently it hadn't been enough. It was never enough.
But he wasn't going to cry. That time was past. He knew how strict Snape could be and he didn't like seeing anybody as weak. He wasn't going to be weak any longer.
"Do not guess, Potter! You act, you do not guess." Harry jerked back, too stunned by the anger he heard in Snape's voice.
"I'm sorry. I don't even know what I did…It isn't like I have been going out with my friends…all we did was talk…" His throat was closing and Harry was trying to keep breathing but he was wheezing. A hand curled around his shoulder and he ground him and Harry tried not to choke anymore. He took deep and even breaths like Snape had told him to do in the past and he slowly relaxed.
He leaned back against Snape, nuzzling against his throat and pressing kisses against the sallow cheek he felt close to his lips. Snape jerked away and finally said. "Go to sleep, Harry. We will talk when you are feeling better and more awake. You are confused and don't know what you're doing."
And with those words Harry was left alone, protest dying on his lips when the door slammed shut because he did know what he wanted and he wanted Snape.
Hp
Severus took a deep breath and leaned against the bedroom door for just a second, allowing himself to recover for a moment. It seemed that ignoring the problem until it went away would not be an option. He knew how stubborn Potter could be. This could turn out very ugly if he wasn't careful. He would have to lay down the law for Potter the next time his apprentice was awake.
His fingers stroked the bracelet for a moment as he focussed on Harry. The magic was calm so Harry was most likely asleep. Glad for small favours, Severus went back to the living room.
Weasley and Granger were waiting for him, sipping their teas and talking softly to one another. Granger glanced up as Severus approached and gave him a smile.
"Harry's asleep?"
"He's settled, yes."
"Is it normal for him to be this exhausted?" Weasley frowned at him and Severus bit back a snarl. It wouldn't do to snap at the younger male. He was concerned about Harry and he wasn't the only one.
He sat down, taking a moment to sip his tea before he said. "Harry has been on Dreamless Sleep since the attack. It was done to make sure that he was comfortable and would not get upset or too worked up to do more damage to his throat and lungs. Dreamless Sleep is monitored sharply and Harry was only given enough to allow him to sleep comfortably but it has some drawbacks. The first few days after getting off the Dreamless Sleep there is a heavy exhaustion that can only be cured by sleeping it off. Harry has only been off the potion for two days and he is still easily exhausted. He does need rest in order to recuperate but do not let this worry you too much. If I had suspected that something was wrong with Potter, something other than what we can expect, I would have reported it instantly."
"We don't doubt that for a moment, sir..." Hermione smiled at him and reached out to lay a hand on Ronald's arm. She shared a look with him and then continued.
"We want to thank you, Professor, for everything that you have done for Harry..."
"I would do no less for any other apprentice." It came out sharper then he intended and he could see Granger's eyes widen. He was too weary to mince his words for anyone today. Granger shared another look with Weasley before the youngest Weasley son smiled at her and then turned back to Severus.
"We know, sir but we would like to thank you all the same. Not everybody would have done what you have done or gone to such lengths. Harry needs somebody looking after him and I, for one, am glad that it's you because I know he is in good hands. We just want to thank you, Severus, nothing more. If there is anything we can do to help, you let us know." Weasley nodded at him and in that moment Severus realized how they had matured. He merely nodded.
This might be a good opening for his next point though. He finished his tea and put his cup back on the table before he said. "Actually, now that we are on the subject of help, there is something that I have been meaning to discuss with you both. Since the attack on Harry, you may have been aware that my classes have been cancelled due to the nature of Harry's injuries. The Headmistress thinks that it is time that I resume my classes except for the NEWT classes. But I cannot teach the lower years and take care of Harry. Professor McGonagall gave me a solution that should work, if you both are willing."
He waited for their nod before he continued. "You do not have to accept it right now, but think about it. I'm in need of teaching assistants who can teach the lower years. It will lighten my workload and you will not be responsible for administering exams or marking. I need at least four people who can teach the classes from the first to the fourth years. I will teach the fifth through the seventh years."
"Are we the only two who will be doing it? It will be a lot of work between the two of us, especially with our NEWTS coming?" Severus heard what she wasn't saying and he shook his head.
"No, I have two other students in mind to share the work load. I have not yet had the chance to talk to them."
"Who do you have in mind, sir?" Severus smirked as he said.
"Draco Malfoy and Neville Longbottom." He could see the look Granger and Weasley shared and he held up a hand before he said. "And no, I'm not doing it to embarrass Longbottom. He is interested in a teaching position as the Herbology teacher but he lacks the experience. It will look good on his resume for university or his apprenticeship with Professor Sprout. I think that he will do well and he and Draco are the only ones who actually finished the seventh year, after a fashion that is."
Severus poured another cup of tea for himself. He wasn't even sure if he should tell them this but he had no choice. Somebody needed to know in case things went downhill and he needed to give his reasoning for asking their help. They deserved that much. He finished his cup and leaned forward as he said.
"I'm weary. Wearier than I'm letting on. You have seen the injury the Dark Lord inflicted on me and I am not recovering as quickly as I would have liked. The idea was to have Harry help me but with his own injuries he cannot do that. I need to look after myself and that means making my work load lighter. Harry is my apprentice and therefore my first responsibility. I will aid him in getting better and…"
"But you need to focus on getting well yourself too, Professor. Harry wouldn't like it if you are to collapse because you invest so much in him. We will help in any way we can, be it with helping you teach or by helping you with Harry." Severus nodded at Ronald. The new maturity surprised him but he welcomed it as well.
"Yes, well let's not get too concerned. I wouldn't want to accuse you of caring." Severus smirked at Ronald's look. The Gryffindor grinned at him and then sobered as he asked.
"How is Harry doing? And please be honest with us, Severus. I think that we deserve that and we can handle it." Granger poured them some more tea as she directed her question to him. He did notice that her hands were shaking.
Ron passed him a cup of tea but he shook his head. He had drunk enough tea for now and he preferred to keep his hands free when he spoke. "We want to know the truth about how Harry is doing, no matter how bad it is. You're the only one we know that doesn't sugar-coat it and who will tell us the truth. We have to know so that we can be prepared and what happened this morning won't happen again."
Ronald untangled himself from Hermione and leaned forward as he said. "We reacted badly and we hurt Harry. I want to be prepared for the future so please tell us what we can expect."
It was an honest request and Severus decided to honour it. They deserved that much. "Harry is doing better than he was a few days ago. He is weak but he's slowly healing. The burns on his hands and face are starting to blister, which means that it is healing and the new skin is growing back. We are unsure of the extent of damage done to his lungs and airways until he has healed more. There is a possibility he will always have problems with his lungs and airway. But we cannot be sure until we can do some more tests. For now he should be given the chance to heal."
"And his eyes? I notice that he wasn't wearing his glasses." Hermione had been silent and she sat there shaking, clutching Ron's hand. Even Weasley looked pale and for a moment Severus contemplated telling them the rest. Ron's head snapped up and he asked.
"There is more, isn't there? Please tell us, we need to know if we are to help him." Severus nodded before he said.
"Harry's eyes were damaged as well. You cannot see it from the outside but when his cauldron exploded his glasses broke and some of the shards damaged his eyes. His eyes are damaged and Madam Pomfrey is very sure that nothing can be done about that. As far as we can tell there is scar tissue on his cornea and he is seeing grey patches. He will need to learn to live with that because no magic can cure it."
"Does that mean he has to learn to read again and everything?"
"Yes." Severus had been known to be blunt and he wasn't going to start to sugar-coat the truth now. The sooner they learned what was wrong with Potter the better.
"I have already contacted the Guild to see about getting in touch with a Potions Master who specializes in teaching blind apprentices. Harry's eyesight was already bad and it has only grown worse now. He will need to come to terms with that." And that would take time.
At the moment they had been so focussed on making sure that Harry was well physically that they were ignoring the mental state at the moment. But soon the issue would have to be addressed and Severus knew that it was going to be him who would have to guide Harry through it.
Ronald nodded and Hermione let out a dry sob. She was curled up at Ron's side and Severus was not sure how to deal with the girl. He had goaded her a lot when she had been in his class but except for a few memorial times she had rarely lost control. He had never hated her like he had implied but he had challenged her in order to make her better. Most of the teachers had welcomed her and had praised her for her hard work but he made her work harder. He had done it for a reason.
He could not praise her directly. He had been Head of Slytherin and this one was one sure way to praise her because she had earned it. Not everybody had seen it his way. He had more than his fair share of fights with Minerva about this particular subject.
"Whatever we need to do, we'll do." Ronald promised, meeting Severus' eyes and pulled him from his thoughts.
"Perchance you can visit for a while. I think it will cheer Harry up and that is what he needs now, something to take his mind off of things."
"Sure, do you want us to visit every day or do exercises with him?" Ronald seemed eager and Severus allowed himself to smile.
"He isn't allowed to leave these rooms but I'm sure that you can come up with something to do. As long as it does not revolve around destroying my private rooms. I do not care that you're war heroes; I will kill you if you do so and bury the bodies where nobody will ever find you. That will be a mystery nobody will ever solve."
Ron grinned and even Hermione laughed a watery laugh. "Duly noted, Professor. I suppose we will get going then and come back tomorrow if Harry is still feeling well enough. Take care of yourself, Professor and if there is anything that we need to do, then you know where to find us."
Hermione nudged Ron and they both rose to their feet. "Yes, the library I suppose." He smirked at her and Hermione shook her head. He walked them to the door and then said.
"Tell Longbottom I will contact him tomorrow to discuss this with him. You can tell him what it is about, lest my summons cause him to expire of fear." Ronald nodded and waved his hand before Severus closed the door behind them. He leaned against it for a moment, allowing himself to gather his thoughts and his energy. Perhaps Harry would be asleep a moment longer before Severus had to deal with him.
Hp
Harry woke up a few hours later, more rested as he took the time to stretch. He listened for a moment, trying to decide if there was somebody else in the bed. The other side of the bed was cold and the room felt empty and he deflated. Apparently Snape hadn't laid down for a nap. He sighed, the air that he expelled so forcefully harsh in his damaged throat.
He resisted the urge to cough as the tickling in his throat started again. He hoped it meant he was starting to heal. He didn't have any illusions that it was going to be an easy road. At the moment he was still pretty much out of it most of the day, walking around in a haze of exhaustion that he hoped would clear soon. Then he would feel the agony of his healing lungs and throat. He still had a long way to go and it would be a while before they would be able to tell what his limitations were.
Well if I have to stay here a while the least I can do is make the most of my time here. Perhaps I can find out what's going on with Snape and make sure that he rests. If anybody needs a breather, it's him.
He rolled onto his back. He didn't know where Snape was. He couldn't hear his master anywhere or feel the comforting magic. He wondered where Snape was. He doubted the older man would have left his quarters, not without telling Harry.
He lay on his back for a moment longer before sitting up and reaching for his glasses. It was a habit that he couldn't shake and he drew back his hands when he remembered it didn't matter if he had them on or not. He sighed again before he chewed on his lip. He winced and shook his head at himself.
Come on, Potter, you can do this. You spend your entire childhood running away from Dudley and getting beaten by Uncle Vernon and then when you come to school you have a Dark Lord after you. This is a walk in the park. You can do this. It is going to bloody hard but you have never given up and you're not going to do that now. You can do this. All you have to do is take the first step. Just sit up and get out of this bed.
And that is what Harry did. He had tried walking earlier but Snape had been in the room and would have been there to catch him. If Harry fell this time, well he doubted Snape would find him anytime soon. But he didn't care. He was a Gryffindor; risk taking is what he did.
The first step was the hardest and it took Harry a moment of finding his balance. It was a terrifying moment because he knew that there was light in the room but he could hardly see it. He didn't know the layout of the room and the chances of bumping or knocking something over were high.
But he didn't care. There would be a moment when he would have to take the first step alone and if he kept delaying it then he may never take that step. Now was a good time, now was the right moment and it didn't matter that the first step took ten of fifteen minutes because he had to rest in between, he would take it and that is what mattered.
It was a thoroughly winded Harry that finally sank down against the wall near the door. He was smiling widely though, glad with the progress he had made. He had only managed to knock his toes and his knees against the bed a few times before he laughed to stay clear of it. He had learned to feel out the room with one hand and the other one beside him to make sure he was trailing the furniture.
He wasn't sure he even had the right door that led to the living room but it didn't matter. He had made it this far even if he was on the other side of the room than where he needed to be.
Good job, Harry. I think that either Snape is passed out on the couch or he left because I made so much noise that it would have woken the dead. But well done for getting this far.
If there was nobody around to praise him then Harry was going to do it himself. It was what taken him across the room, the constant talking to himself and encouraging himself to go further and just a few more steps till he could rest. But he had reached the other side of the room and that was what mattered.
That he would murder a glass of water or even the weak tea that Snape insisted on giving him didn't matter. He had made it to the other side.
He gave himself a moment before he pushed himself up to stand on shaking legs. He felt for the door handle and opened the door and shuffled inside. The smell of the fireplace hit him nearly at once and he realized where he was. He was in the right room. Relief made him shaky on his feet and he made his way over to the couch.
He sank down on the end of it and took a slow breath. He was trying to slow down his pounding heart. It took a moment but by the time he had calmed down enough he began to grow aware of his surroundings. The air that came from the fire was still warm but he wasn't sure if the fire had been banked or was still on. He didn't care. It was nice and warm in here.
He focussed on sending his magic out, trying to see if he could feel any magic objects in the room. He wondered if he would be able to feel the magic of the very castle. He could feel the magic of people around him so why wouldn't he be able to feel it from objects?
He could feel Snape's familiar magic around the room which would make sense because he was in his personal rooms. The very rooms were infused with his master's magic. Harry closed his eyes and relaxed his head back, giving himself a moment to rest.
It took him a moment until he realized that he wasn't the only one in the room. There was somebody snoring softly on what he could only assume was the other couch. Sitting up slowly, Harry glanced over at the other couch. He sighed, remembering that he couldn't see it.
So instead he sent out his magic He grinned at the sensation of feeling Snape's magic respond. The other man stirred briefly before settling back down and Harry pulled his magic back immediately. He didn't want to wake Snape when the older wizard was finally resting.
He could fend for himself for a few more hours. So he settled in to wait, closing his eyes briefly for his own nap.
Hp
Harry startled awake when a loud pop sounded. He glanced around the room wildly, his hands reaching for a wand that wasn't there. It took a moment to calm down and he settled when he smelled the wonderful scent of food. It made his mouth water and he wondered when he had last eaten something solid.
He waited a moment, trying to decide if Snape had woken up like him. But the soft snores continued and Harry sighed. Guess it was up to him to wake Snape, loath as he was to do so.
The first step was perhaps the most difficult and that was trying to decide where Snape was. Harry used his magic again. He didn't have the apprentice bond to guide him like Snape had. He slid towards the edge of the couch and then rose to his feet.
He reached the other couch the same way that he had managed to reach the living room, by holding one hand in front of him. Even still his knees bumped into the couch and he had to catch himself before he fell on top of Snape. He doubted his master would appreciate that.
He could see the brighter light of the fireplace coming from the left side and he could feel the warmth of the fire. Snape was lying on his side on the couch, Harry could tell by the swathe of darkness that was in front of him. He reached out with a hand and laid it on Snape's shoulder, or what felt like Snape's shoulder anyway and shook hard.
He should have been prepared for this moment, he really should have thought of this but Harry hadn't been thinking and that was how Snape managed to surprise him. The older wizard shot awake at once and Harry could feel the magic gathering, preparing to be released into a spell as a wand was raised in his face.
Snape must have pulled back at the last minute, Harry wasn't sure but it was a long moment before the wand was finally lowered. Snape exhaled harshly and then hissed.
"Dammit Potter, I could have killed you! Didn't your past experiences teach you anything?" Harry tried not to flinch away the way his name was hissed. It reminded him of the past years when Snape had hated him. In the past few weeks Snape had taken to calling him Harry and he had liked it.
"I just wanted to wake you to tell you that dinner is here." He said softly.
"You could have tried calling my name. You do not need to get physical." Snape snarled and Harry's temper reared its head.
"You didn't mind it the last time I got physical." He snarled right back. The effect was ruined somewhat by the coughs that escaped him but Harry made up for it by glaring at Snape for all he was worth.
"What are you doing here anyway? You are supposed to be resting and in bed." Harry sat down on the edge of the couch, not sure if his legs could carry him any longer. He suspected that Snape wasn't pleased with him but he didn't care. He couldn't contain his smile as he said.
"I walked here." It came out as a whisper but still a proud one. Suddenly a hand came to rest on his shoulder and it tightened painfully as Snape growled.
"Has your stupidity reared its ugly head again or have the lack of medication gone straight to what remains of your brain, Potter? What part of rest don't you understand?"
Thoroughly annoyed and feeling something tighten inside of him every time Snape called him Potter, Harry tried to pull loose as he said. "Yeah so do you!"
Snape exhaled harshly again and then said, apparently forcing himself to calm. "Yes, but that is not the point, we were talking about you."
"You were fast asleep. You didn't even wake up when I knocked my way into the living room. I may have made a mess of your bedroom but I can't be sure because I can't see it. You apparently needed it. And I took a second nap on the couch before dinner arrived."
Snape sighed again and then said. "You're an idiot, Potter."
"Why are you doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Calling me Potter?"
"It is your name, isn't it?" Snape could be infuriating sometimes.
"But you started calling me Harry. I liked it better than being called Potter."
"I called you Potter before and you never minded it then. You have bigger worries than what I'm calling you." And with those words Snape got up and brushed past Harry. Harry sighed, yeah he did but he couldn't deny that it stung when Snape went back to calling him Potter.
Hp
The food smelled good and his stomach grumbled as Severus sat up. He ignored Potter and smirked at the steaming food in front of him. The house elves had outdone themselves. They had served him a chicken soup with some bread and for the main course they had given him a piece of a roast with mashed potatoes and gravy. It smelled divine.
"That smells good." Potter said, Severus ignored him. He leaned forward to take a bowl of soup. It was seasoned the way he liked it and he ate hungrily.
He noticed how Potter sniffled at his side, an almost eager look on his face as he shifted slightly. The younger male licked his lips almost eagerly and Severus had to tear his eyes away, he was furious with himself. He distracted himself with buttering his bread and dipping it in the bowl of soup.
The soup was delicious. Severus never found himself caring for soup but while he had been in St. Mungo's it had been all he could swallow. He had developed a taste for it then. He licked his lips when he finished the piece of bread. He set the bowl down for a moment and then Potter asked.
"Severus…"
"Professor!" Severus snapped instantly and he ignored the way his heart clenched painfully at the flash of pain that crossed Potter's face for a moment. He wasn't going to pity Potter. Soon Potter would realize that he could do a whole lot better than Severus and the moment the apprenticeship was over he would leave. No, it was better that Severus stop this thing or whatever was between them now before it got too out of hand.
"Oh…okay…I just thought…"
"You thought what?" His voice came out sharper than he intended to and he noticed the way Potter swallowed.
"Nothing... it isn't important sir…" Severus pretended that it didn't bother him the way Harry looked away. The younger man shuffled to the other side of the couch, as far away from Severus as possible as he curled in on himself. Severus ignored him, reaching to take another sip of his soup. He had more pressing concerns than a wounded Potter, namely eating.
The silence between them was tense. Severus found himself uncomfortable. It had been a while since this had happened. When Potter had been in the Infirmary the silence between them had been easy and he had been able to relax; now he was tense and uncomfortable.
Anger churned in his gut and he felt ready to snap. But what perhaps the worst thing was was that he was responsible. He was intent on destroying this thing whatever was between him and Potter. Severus was not good for Potter. He had nothing to give to the boy and it was better that his apprentice learned it sooner rather than later before he truly got hurt.
He stared down at the bowl of soup. There was still a bit of soup left but he knew that if he finished it he wouldn't be able to finish the main course. So he set the bowl down. The soup had been delicious but he liked the main course more.
Potter perked up the moment of the bowl being set on the table. The younger male had been subdued and had curled in on himself but now he glanced at the table. Severus noticed the eager and almost hungry look on his apprentice face.
Potter cleared his throat and then whispered. "Professor, can I have some soup?"
Severus contemplated the request. His first instinct was to refuse Potter but he knew the boy hadn't eaten in a while. Poppy had spelled nutrition potions directly into his stomach and while they had discussed the use of potions they had never talked about Harry going back to eating.
He smiled nastily and then said. "There is no soup left. It was too good to share."
Potter was silent and even though the bond in his mind buzzed because his apprentice was in pain, Severus resisted the urge to apologize. He had to remain strong for Potter's sake. Yes, the bond could grow stronger between them and he could take Potter as a lover but it wouldn't do to get used to something that would only be there for a short time.
No, he would stick to his plan and that was to keep his distance from Potter. He reached for the plate of food but Potter stopped him when he whispered brokenly.
"What did I do?"
"Excuse me?" Severus turned to face his apprentice.
"I asked what did I do to make you go back to hating me. I tried so hard, Professor…I…I did everything that you and Madam Pomfrey told me. I…am sorry for whatever I did….what can I do to make it better?"
He hadn't been prepared for that but he knew that he shouldn't allow Harry to get upset. He preferred his apprentice angry. He could deal with an angry Potter but not with a broken one. He sighed harshly and then set the plate down.
"Is this about the soup? Is that what you're so upset about? That I won't share a bowl of soup with you? I hardly think that the soup was that important but if you want some you can just tell me. There is no reason to become so upset about this."
He saw the moment Harry got angry as his apprentice hissed. "Upset? I'm not upset about the soup, sir! I'm upset because I thought that we had finally made some headway but apparently I'm wrong. This morning you were all over me, literally and now I can't do anything right, so yeah I'm upset…"
A coughing fit stopped Potter's rant and the young wizard bend over. Severus sighed and then conjured a glass of water which he thrust at Harry. The younger male ignored it and Severus floated it over to Harry. His apprentice glared at him before he shook his head.
Severus supressed a growl and held the green eyes. "Dammit, Potter, don't be an idiot and accept the water."
"Stop calling me Potter!" Harry snarled in between coughs. Severus' dark eyes narrowed at his insolence. They were involved in a staring match and he was going to be damned if he was going to be the first to look away.
"Would you rather I call you idiot as you expire from lack of oxygen because you refuse to take a drink?" He asked harshly, sending the glass towards Potter again. The younger male finally gave in and grabbed the glass to take a sip.
All the anger seemed to leave him suddenly and asked, sipping the water on occasion as he glanced up at Severus through his fringe. "What did I do wrong? I thought we were getting along and now this…"
Potter sounded so broken that Severus felt his heart clench and he sighed. His apprentice deserved at least an explanation and he finally said. "You have done nothing wrong…"
"That is bullshit! I must have done something wrong else you wouldn't go back to hating me. Didn't you like the kiss this morning? I know I haven't had that much practise but I can do better. I'm a fast learner…"
The horror he felt at that one statement made him snap out. "Of course it wasn't that, Potter! Could you be any more of an idiot?" He forced himself to be calm. It wouldn't do to shout at Potter. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he gathered his thoughts and said.
"It wasn't the kiss, Potter, Harry…It was what it implies. I'm not a good person for you. I can be your master but not your lover. You deserve somebody who is more your age and who can give you all the attention you need. I am not that person. I'm a paranoid man who does not share well. If you are entangled with me, I do not release lightly."
"Perhaps I don't want to be released, have you ever thought of that, Severus? I kissed you because I liked you, not because I'm settling….and about that entangling, perhaps I don't want you to let me go." The comment was soft but Severus heard it all the same. The sigh escaped him without thinking and he reached for the soup bowl.
"Fine, here, have your soup. There is no need to resort to mental blackmail in order to make me feel guilty." He held out the bowl for Harry after casting a warming charm on it. Harry's gentle smile did funny things to his stomach as his apprentice said.
"I can give you a kiss for it."
"And there is no need to resort to bribery either." Severus took the plate back and tucked in. He tried to ignore the way his heart beat just a little bit faster by the look of happiness on Harry's face as he sipped the lukewarm soup. He knew he would have trouble with sticking to his plans because that Harry's happiness already meant too much to him. He was royally screwed.
I hope you liked it. This chapter was pretty long, longer than I expected so I've divided it into another part. Review please.
In the next chapter: Severus might think that he can stick to his plan to keep his distance from Harry but he isn't prepared for a determined Gryffindor who plans to make his master see that Severus is the one he wants. And how will Harry go about it? He may have defeated a Dark Lord but seducing a Potions Master is a whole other business? And can Severus keep his cool during the talk with Neville and Draco regarding the teaching assistant positions? That and more in: plans