I still don't own Chuck. I'm not sure who does at this point.
As always a, big thanks to Michaelfmx for his beta services. I really appreciate it.
If you've read many of my stories (and good choice, by the way) you probably know that my oldest and best Chuck friend is BrickRoad16. We wrote two stories together as BillAndBrick that I'm very proud of. You've probably read some of her many contributions to the fandom. If not, I'd highly recommend them. They are as high quality as the Chuck fandom can offer. Anyway, she is following her dream of becoming a professional author. Her first novel, The Dying of the Golden Years, will be released for Kindle on September 30th. It's available for pre-order on Amazon for $3. I'm sure she would appreciate the support. And it's kinda cool to see someone graduate from our little fanfic community to the real world.
I would still appreciate your comments. The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. CharahKids would probably also enjoy it, lol. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.
Two Much of a Good Thing
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"You'll see."
Sarah stared at her sister-in-law for a long moment. They were playing pool while the guys sat and watched some stupid baseball game. That actually wasn't entirely accurate. They weren't playing. Sarah was showing Ellie some trick shots that she had developed over the years. One thing was for sure. Whatever Ellie was teasing her about, she was enjoying it far too much. She probably didn't realize that Sarah never had a high tolerance for people openly laughing at her. "What will I see?" she asked, maybe not openly annoyed, but without much humor.
Ellie was still enjoying her sport. "Chuck's been drinking pretty heavily," she explained. "He's not that much fun to be around. He gets… um, affectionate."
Sarah looked at Ellie skeptically. "That sounds like a good thing to me," she protested. "I love it when he gets affectionate."
"You'll see," Ellie insisted. "It's too much of a good thing. He's not affectionate in a fun, sexy way. It's in a sickening, 'slobbering on your ear' way while he cries about all of the problems in his life."
"Trust me."
x-x-x-x-x
Finally, Carina simply had to break the embrace. As wonderful as the cuddling felt, her ribs were on fire.
When she pulled back so that Steven could see her face, the pain there was obvious. "Why are you letting me hurt you?" he asked. "You have to stop doing that. It makes me feel horrible."
Carina forced the smile on her face as she fished the bottle of Vicodin out of her pocket and held it up for his inspection. "Don't worry," she said. "Modern medicine to the rescue. Two of these babies and I'll be good as new." Her grin turned a little evil. "Besides," she continued with a smirk. "From where I'm sitting, I can tell that I'm causing you some pain as well. Actually, it's getting fairly uncomfortable to sit on your lap. I'm afraid that I don't have any pills for you to take. In fact, the only pills I would have are designed to go in the opposite direction."
Steven laughed. "Yeah," he agreed. "I don't think we'll be needing any Viagra soon or… well, ever."
"I do hold out some hope," Carina teased. "While I don't think that modern medicine will be of much help, I can still look forward to curing you the old fashioned way someday. Unfortunately there's really nothing I can do for you right now. I don't want to start something that I can't finish. That should probably make me feel horrible too… but the truth is that it makes me feel pretty damn good. The more uncomfortable I am sitting here, the more I have to look forward to in the future. Maybe I can distract you by whispering in your ear some of the ways I plan to make this up to you."
Steven looked at her like she'd grown a third eye. "Do you really think that would help ease my pain?" he asked sarcastically.
"Probably not," Carina admitted as they shared a laugh. "But now I'm curious just how uncomfortable you can make me. That's a little selfish, isn't it?"
"It's very selfish," Steven teased, still laughing. "As soon as your ribs are healed, you're going to pay for that."
"I've been bad," Carina said with a faux pout. "I deserve to be punished."
They shared a long laugh. "You do realize that I'm old, right?" Steven finally asked. "Tease me too much and I'm likely to keel over."
Carina was laughing so hard that for a long moment all she could do was shake her head. "You look strong enough to me," she was finally able to get out. "I'll bet when the time comes, you'll be plenty capable of rocking my world without keeling over. But let's not find out… not today anyway. What were you working on?"
Steven also took some time to stop laughing. "The CIA is going nuts," he finally said. "Ted isn't wasting any time going on the offensive with his new army of Intersects. They have lost almost two hundred agents in the past week." Steven pointed to a list on his computer screen.
Missing and Assumed Lost
Glayds Alvarenga
Joseph Allen
Fred Aster
Diane Beckman
Mark Brown
Lilian Bulluck
Sherron Candelaria
Marvel Cutting
Renetta Dunnigan
Steve Haynes
Cruz Lowenstein
Jacinta Mary
Shella Mcmillian
Carina Miller
Iesha Moodie
Benjamin Moore
Caryn Raub
Bambi Rosenbalm
Rigoberto Rousselle
Julianna Terrazas
Sharan Yerkes
"There are pages and pages of confirmed kills," Steven said. He pointed to her name. "They assume you've been killed and they just haven't found your body yet."
Carina pondered this new information for a moment. On balance, this was great news. Yes, there was a down side. Hundreds of brave agents had just paid war's ultimate price. Some, directly because of the capability they had given Ted Roark and Fulcrum. But it also meant that the CIA had given up looking for her. She was free to move on with a new identity and, with a few common sense precautions, live her life in peace. There was also another side for Carina, a personal one. It meant that she was no longer an agent. That was a little… scary. All the reasons that had led her to become an agent in the first place were still there. It was the only life she had known.
"I don't want to influence your decision," Steven said softly. "Our war is almost over. You can report in and tell them you were captured and escaped. You could go back to the way your life was before… or you can stay here with… um… with us."
His awkwardness was so endearing that any fear was instantly washed away. Carina couldn't keep the grin from her face at his shyness. "You mean, with you," she corrected in a teasing tone. "Why, Steven, that sounded almost like a proposal."
The red that was creeping up Steven's face combined with his lack of any protest said volumes. "I know that you've dedicated your life to something," he added. "I have no right to ask you to give that up and live on a beach somewhere with me and the family drinking tequila. Calling it a proposal… well, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage or anything. I get that you're uncomfortable with the idea of commitment or this being romantic. So I'll understand whatever you decide. But I like what we're starting here. I'd be sad to lose it. If you do stay, I promise that we'll find ways for us to continue that work. I'd like to be part of that. We have billions of dollars. That's a lot of opportunity to do good things for the world."
Carina bit her lip to keep from laughing. "If we're negotiating, I guess I can make some concessions. I can live with a little romance as long as it doesn't get sappy," she said in faux seriousness. "I may even be able to muster up some of my own. Spending a lot of time living with you on the beach and drinking tequila is also acceptable. I don't see the 'hand in marriage' thing happening, but I also don't think it matters from a practical point of view. But I do have one… um, demand to put on the table. I'm used to a rather robust sex life. I'm also used to driving the sexual agenda. Some of that, you might consider wild… kinky even. If we're going to enter into an exclusive arrangement that doesn't have an expiration date, I expect you to step up and make every effort to meet my needs."
Steven pretended to consider her terms for a moment. "Agreed," he finally said, mocking her faux serious tone. "I can live with wild, or even the occasional kinky… at least until I keel over. If we're negotiating, I'd like to reserve the right to occasionally drive the sexual agenda at my sole discretion. I may have something up my sleeve that gets us into kinky territory from time to time."
Carina couldn't hold in the laugh any longer. "Agreed," she snorted. "Anytime you want, at your sole discretion. I'd like that. If you do ever feel like you're about to keel over, let me know so I can call 911." She stuck out her hand. "Steven, I do believe that we have a deal. We only have one problem."
"Now we just have to find a way to consummate it properly."
x-x-x-x-x
Sarah was sizing up the table, planning her next shot, when she felt him come up behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, and nuzzle her neck. This wasn't like Chuck. Maybe this was the beginning of the affectionate dude that Ellie had been warning her about all night. If that was the case, maybe they needed to stock up on tequila. "Why, hello, Mr. Sexy," she teased. "My name is Sarah. Have we met?"
"You've been sandbagging me on the strip pool thing," Chuck mumbled, in between some pretty wet kisses applied to her neck.
Sarah was wondering if this was the beginning of the 'torture' that Ellie was plainly so eager to witness. If so, the joke was definitely on her. Ellie was going to be disappointed if she was expecting any reluctance. The always aroused newlywed inside of her was more than willing to hop on that pool table and finish, in front of everybody, what she and Chuck had started here just a few days ago. Sarah's only worry was to make sure she stopped him from going too far in front of the family so he wouldn't be embarrassed when he sobered up. Indeed, his hands had already inched up from her stomach and were very, very close to 'feeling up' territory. His mouth on her neck had also transitioned into closer to slobbering. About thirty more seconds of this action and she was going to be dragging her husband upstairs to their bedroom for the duration of the evening. The night was too young for that…yet. So she shot her sister a gloating look and pulled away to face him. "Maybe a little," she admitted. "One of my dad's favorite cons was to hustle men into playing his teenage daughter and relieving them of some major cash."
Chuck paused for a long moment. "You had an unfair advantage," he finally said. "I'll bet they all were too busy trying to look down your shirt to concentrate on pool."
Whatever playfulness Sarah was feeling was instantly gone. She looked at him closely for the first time. His eyes were glassy and his words a little slurred. Worse, there was no sign that he was teasing. She knew that this was probably was a waste of breath, he wasn't in any shape to listen to reason, but she had to set the record straight. "It wasn't like that," she said softly. "I was a classic ugly duckling as a teen. It wasn't until I joined the CIA and got my braces off that I learned how to dress, do my hair, and put on makeup. That's when men started to try and look down my shirt. On balance, I'm not sure it was a good trade."
Trying to keep the mood light had clearly failed miserably. All Sarah could do was stare at his skeptical look. Again, this was probably a waste of breath, but she couldn't allow him to think those dark thoughts. "You're wrong," she repeated softly but firmly. "Chuck, it wasn't like that. Look, my dad will never be honored as parent of the year. Our relationship is complicated. He's let me down so many times that I've stopped expecting anything from him. When I was growing up, he put me in many situations that child protective services most definitely wouldn't have approved of. I'm not proud of some of those things. We were criminals. Graham and the CIA probably kept me out of prison. But, Dad wasn't my pimp. He honestly loves me. In his own way, he is just as protective of me as you are. He would never use me as bait in the way you're thinking, in fact, just the opposite. When you meet him, I'd appreciate it if we don't ever talk about any seduction school stuff or the things I've done as a spy. He wouldn't take that well."
Sarah could see the tears that were welling up in his eyes. When she glanced over at Ellie, her own earlier gloating look was being bounced right back at her in spades. So she just wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close.
"I saw you kiss him," Chuck said, his words now noticeably slurred. "You were in my bedroom."
Sarah heart sank. She didn't have to ask any questions. She already knew who 'him' was. Chuck knew that she loved him. She was very sure of that. But there was clearly some hurt still there buried deep, only to surface when he was not fully in control. And why wouldn't there be? His heart had taken some serious hits over the past year.
Sarah mentally kicked herself. It was unfortunate that Chuck saw her kiss Bryce that time. When he asked her about it, she tried to deny that she kissed him. She knew that was a fib, her way of deflecting, something she would have to correct as soon as he was sober. Oh, Bryce definitely initiated that kiss. But she also definitely kissed back. That was stupid… force of habit. It had been a horrible situation. She was stuck between the man that she loved, yet couldn't be with… and the man she technically was still with yet didn't love. And she didn't handle it well. There had to be a way to explain that to him without dredging up all of those jealous feelings.
Something else was also clear. She needed to open up to him more. Sarah had been putting off the discussion of her parents… of her life as a con artist… of her mom and the baby. That was something that would have to be fixed… as soon as he was capable of having a serious discussion.
Sarah was so deep in her dark thoughts of remorse that she missed the fact that he was kissing her neck again. Well, kissing probably wasn't the right word. It was pretty sloppy. "Let's go to bed," she suggested. Chuck had been drinking. This wasn't the time to try and reason with him. He just needed to get some things off his chest. There was nothing to do except allow him to do it until he sobered up. But Ellie didn't need to gloat about this any more than she already was.
"We can talk all about it."
x-x-x-x-x
Sarah watched him sleeping. It was well past the time they would normally be up. Then again, they really didn't have anything to do, so there was no reason to wake him up. One good thing about Chuck was that he was clearly more accustomed to drinking than she was. At least there was no puking involved.
"Are you mad at me?"
Sarah had been so consumed with how to start the much needed discussion that she missed the fact that his eyes were open. "Why do you think that I'd be mad at you?"
Chuck answered her question with one of his own. "Why are you wearing your pajamas?" he asked. "That's a little unusual." Then he paused for a moment. "Did I accuse your dad of being your pimp last night?"
Sarah made sure to smile at him. "I'm not mad at you," she replied calmly. "Not even a little bit. It was a little chilly last night and with your slobbering I was cold. I was also pretty sure you weren't going to be up for any fooling around. That's why I put on the pajamas. If anything, I'm mad at myself. You've taken the facts that you know and have come up with perfectly logical conclusions… but only because you don't have all of the facts. That's not your fault, it's mine. So, if you're up for it, I'd like to correct some things."
Chuck just nodded.
"Let's start with Bryce," Sarah began. "I probably haven't been entirely candid with you. I never loved him… not even close. We both knew that. But there was a time when I thought that being with him was the best I could hope for. A lot of our sex was only physical, emotionless… a payoff. But I'd be lying if I told you that I hadn't enjoyed it most times, or even initiated it sometimes. We went to Cabo once for a long weekend. I made myself relax and allowed him to get a little wilder than usual. We had a really good time. I'm not going to try and pretend that there wasn't quite a bit of sex that was more vivid than usual, or even that I didn't enjoy it. I did. That trip was probably the highlight of our relationship… but something was always missing. Later I figured out that I was trying to see if we could get to the next level. That didn't work. He had been playing me. There was no next level. So you saw him kiss me. And that image still bothers you."
Chuck nodded.
"I was so messed up during that time," Sarah sighed. "I was in love with someone who I couldn't be with… this too good to be true, sweet, nice, sexy guy who could always make me laugh. I didn't know what to do. It was an impossible situation. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, here was the guy who I could be with, back from the dead, and he was kissing me. So I kissed back. It was just an instinctual reaction. I'm sorry that you saw it, it didn't mean what you assumed, but it's also impossible to deny. I was confused… desperate. I've never told you this, but I had decided to leave with him that night when he asked me. I almost did. I was all packed and ready to go when he called. Given the situation, it was probably the best decision. I just couldn't do it."
"I'm glad," Chuck said.
That finally got a genuine smile. "I'm glad too… now," Sarah continued. "But I was messed up. It made us both miserable for a long time. And I get that in your mind I was torn between you and Bryce. That is the logical conclusion. But it was never that at all. That decision was easy. My conflict was between doing my duty and being in love. That was hard. I chose duty for a long time. That hurt you and I'm ashamed of that. But it never had anything to do with Bryce. It took watching you die to make me realize how foolish I was being." Sarah's battle for self composure was lost. Her upper lip was noticeably quivering and tears were streaming down her face. "I'm so happy that you're not dead."
"Me too," Chuck quipped. "I'll have to send Casey a 'thank you' card."
And there it was. No matter how down Sarah was… no matter how tense the situation, he could always make her laugh. Chuck just pulled her close and watched her giggle through her tears for a long time. "I know that you love me," he finally protested. "I don't question that. I get that I'm always going to be a little childishly jealous of Bryce. But I watched you shoot him in the head. If you still have feelings for him, it was an odd way of showing it. I was drinking last night. I might have said some things that don't make sense. I'm sorry about that."
"I get all that," Sarah insisted. "I believe it. We're far past any doubts. And I would never hold anything you said while you were drinking against you. But those thoughts are obviously still in there someplace and bother you a little. It probably always will. That bothers me. I want to go the extra mile… to do anything I can to get rid of those bad feelings."
Sarah paused for a long moment. "I don't tell you that I love you very often," she finally said sadly. "I use sex instead. That's more than a little self-serving. A logical person might take that fact and conclude that I question if I do love you. You're a very logical person. But here is another fact to put into the equation. The truth is, it's exactly the opposite. 'I love you' sounds like something that a teen would say on her third date. It's so far short of how I feel that it's silly. It feels like I'm insulting you. So I have a hard time getting the words out of my mouth…. but only because I don't have the words to adequately describe how I really do feel. And you can save your breath. I don't doubt that you understand that. I just want it on record."
Chuck pulled her in close. "Okay," he said. "Duly noted. I don't think either of us has any doubts."
"We don't," Sarah agreed as she snuggled comfortably. "But there is a fine line between being comfortable and taking things for granted. The last few days have been magical… the best of my life. I never imagined I could be this happy. I'm going to fight hard to keep it magical… even if I have to go outside my personal comfort zone. So in that vein, I want you to see something." She pulled out of his embrace, picked something off the night stand, and handed it to him. "This is my high school senior picture. You're the only person who I've ever shown this too."
Chuck could only stare at the picture in wonder.
"If you laugh," Sarah warned, clearly only half teasing. "We're going to have a big problem. But at least now you know that my dad wouldn't have been very successful as my pimp."
Chuck pulled her in close again. "I'm not going to lie to you," he said. "I'm happy that you're the most beautiful woman in the world. But if you think I would love you any less if you still looked like this… you're wrong. In fact, maybe fewer men would be looking down your shirt. That'd be a good thing… right?"
It was the perfect thing to say. Sarah didn't answer the rhetorical question. She just snuggled.
Suddenly Carina burst into the room. That wasn't really a surprise. Knocking wasn't her style. "Get dressed," she said excitedly. "We're on the move. Devon and Ellie are finally getting married."
"In Russia."
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