Castiel gazed down on the human sleeping against him, the human he had his arm wrapped around like a blanket. She was just... Just there, now, in his life; like a force that was determined to not be moved or deterred.

It was like watching Moses as he stood impassive, for perhaps the first time in his life, to part the sea around him.

It was truly incredible to see.

"I do not wish to leave." He whispered, knowing the girl could not hear him. "I would never leave unless you asked me to."

And that was the truth. I did not ever want to leave her, if I could help it. I did not like leaving her to her own devices after we had first met, even though I knew it was for the better. I did not like leaving her alone when she called for me, even though going to her would put her in greater danger. I did not like leaving her alone, with Crowley, when I had no choice but to listen as she died.

I didn't like leaving her feeling hurt, feeling alone, leaving her in general. I'd hated leaving alone from Wyoming, but I'd heard her talking to the prophet.

"What makes you think Cas doesn't like you?" The question had been what made me choose to not open the door, to not walk in to tell Kylie we had to leave; not just yet. I could barely hear her sigh at the question as I thought about it. She thought I did not "like" her? I wanted to hear the answer just as well as the prophet.

"It's just the way he moves and acts and talks, well, when we talk." And what was that, exactly? "We barely do, now." I was focusing on trying to find a proper case, not trying to ignore her. "I tried, I put in effort, but the last time I made an attempt we got in a shouting match." I had contemplated my actions towards her at hearing this. I remembered the "shouting match" just as well as she did, but truly it hadn't been that bad.

Had it?

Didn't human people get in to arguments frequently with each other?

"I just don't know what to do, I guess."

"Do you want to come back to the Bunker?" The scribe had repeated. "I know, I already said that once, but you didn't actually answer."

I waited for her answer, waited for her to say no, that she was fine where she was.

"Yeah… Yeah, I do want to come back. I miss it."

I missed the rest of what she said after those words.

She wanted to leave.

She wanted to go back.

She didn't want to stay.

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I've still got to watch after Cas."

I had barely caught those words, so lost in my own thoughts, and after that, I wasn't certain if I wanted to listen anymore, much less could. So I had pulled out the notepad and pen, written her a short note, left everything else, and just…. Left.

I was maybe at the door out of the motel when I could just hear my phone ringing behind me, but at that point I just kept moving.

She'd wanted to come back here, after all.

She's said so herself.

The only reason she hadn't was because she had been with me, that she had felt obligated to watch over me. I had enjoyed her company, and absolutely loathed the times when it appeared as though my company made her feel worse. I had thought… I had believed…

I had been envious of the prophet's relationship with her, how easily her smile and laughter had come when she spoke with him over the phone. I had believed that she would enjoy spending time with him, with Kevin, more than she had with me.

Quietly, so as not to wake the girl whose head laid on my chest, I reached in to my inner jacket pocket to pull out a piece of paper. It was crumpled, as though it had been balled up and thrown away, and indeed it had been.

Kylie did not know that I had pulled this piece of paper out of the trash from the Gas 'n Sip. I don't think she even knew I was aware of her throwing it away.

But I unfolded it slowly, doing my best to not make a noise. Her handwriting was still at the top, "Castiel's Plan," along with a summary of what I had told her.

Except I had added to it. Ideas for apartments and places that I either thought or knew she would like. Prices listed next to each possibility, nicely and neatly. An actual set up of the plan I had concocted in a state of… well… Humanity.

I had not forgotten about this. I had been more shocked to see her throw the page away, and at first did not understand why. Had she changed her mind? Did she not want to be with me anymore?

Hearing her talk on the phone with Kevin had brought those back enough for me to make the choice and leave, without her. I just hadn't understood, hadn't known how to understand…

I had gone on the date with Nora as practice, so that I would learn what to do, how to ask…

I hadn't realized how that could be interpreted incorrectly.

I hadn't realized that I had done that so close to her birthday.

I hadn't realized how many of my actions hurt her.

"And yet you still want me here." I muttered, glancing over at her. She was still asleep, and looked almost peaceful.

If I hadn't been prying, I would ask myself how she could still want me here, after how often my choices had hurt her emotionally. I would ask what would possibly convince this person to want me here, in her bed, as comfort after an awful tragedy?

But I had been prying, to see if there was anything else I could say to ease her distressed mind. I wanted to ensure that she understood nothing was to be blamed on her; ensure that she did not feel guilt at all for everything that had transpired.

I hadn't intended to hear those words, so loud and vibrant within her mind, as though they were the only truth that could pierce through the clouded fog.

I hadn't intended to hear her confess love in her mind, and then afterwards decide against speaking the declaration, hearing me call her my guide, my friend, in the depths of her mind.

I had tried to establish a connection, tried to establish the start of a positive relationship, but I hadn't been certain how to proceed further.

"I still don't know how to proceed further." I muttered to myself, putting away the paper, my "plan" she had written down. I heard her make a small noise, ones that humans sometimes make in their sleep, as she shifted and her arm found its way around my waist. I smiled.

What an amazing person, she was. So willing to forgive, so prepared to be there for those who needed her, so aware of her actions in a way that reminded me of how the Winchesters treated their choices in the aftermath.

Looking at her, at Kylie as she slept so peacefully, I knew I loved her as well. I knew that if she were my punishment, for all my sins and wrongdoings I had managed to accumulate in my time, then surely she was the sweetest and deadliest type of punishment; for I would gladly do as she thought, go to the ends of the earth at her beck and call, so long as she was there with me as well.

I would gladly traipse wings-first in to the flames of hell, without a second's thought back, if she were the one leading me there.

"I'm sorry for leaving you." I whispered quietly. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel unwanted. That was never my intent, nor my feelings. I will make every attempt to do better, Kylie, so long as you bear with me. I am not a perfect angel," I took a deep breath. "Nor do I even count as a full one right now, but I would do whatever was asked if it was for you."

"I will not leave again." I promised. "Not unless you are by my side, or you have asked me to go."

If she were my curse, my punishment, my penance, then surely God or whoever was left in charge must forgive me even in a small modicum, for her to have been put in my path.

"Maybe my trial will be finding the courage to tell you my feelings as well." I wondered. "Or maybe it will be ensuring I do not have to watch your death again."

Either way, I was more than… "OK" with being handed both of those trials.