And... I got approved to rent an apartment! =D That might not mean a lot, but.. It's a great apartment, good neighborhood, great price… And I'm paying for it by myself and all that and... I don't know. I guess it felt like success. I win at one thing. Also, since the last posted chapter, I turned 18 (By that, I meant Chapter 19, I think.). Whoo-hoo.

Edit: lol. Now we're into the four-year mark of this story. In one afternoon. Cool.

Time for dancey-time~!

–

"Leggo..." BeastBoy groaned, after five minutes of fruitless struggling.

The panic attack had ended, and now he just felt tired. He was slumped forward, knees bent and body loose. He'd just be floating there if Robin weren't holding him up. His face had dried from the water before he'd flipped out, but there were wet, shining streaks on his cheeks that glinted harshly in the dim light. Vacantly, the dim greyness in his mind wondered if it could override the need to breathe, and just stop forever. Probably not. Stupid autosomatic system.

"We need to talk," Robin said, sternly but amiably. "You don't freak out like that when someone touches you."

BeastBoy just hung there, like a limp noodle. "You do when you're half naked," he said, dully. The joke didn't even crack a smile, even though he would have giggled and poked Robin if this were a year or so ago. Robin would have smiled, just a few minutes ago. But now, he had to know what the matter was.

'Gar has been acting strange, especially lately,' he thought, 'This might be a blessing in disguise, because now I can figure out what's getting at him, without him changing the subject or denying it. I have a reason to worry.'

Robin sighed, and switched the position around. He loosened his grip for a moment, to turn BeastBoy towards him, and then wrapped one strong, white arm over a green one, and over the back, to the other side of BeastBoy's stomach. 'He's a bit skinnier than I remember,' Robin thought, using his other hand to grab the unrestrained green one, 'More solid, though.'

He took BeastBoy's wrist in hand, and turned the fleshy, underside of the forearm over, towards the moonlight.

"These aren't stripes," he said, dumbfounded. His arm dropped from BeastBoy's back, and the younger teen stood, head hung. Ashamed. He didn't bother with running away any more. Robin's hands trembled slightly as one held the arm up and straight, and the other followed his eyes, tracing gently scars that were as deep as a quarter of an inch. Pale hands moved across the arm. Scars on scars on scars under fresh, hot cuts, under a few days old. Slender fingers worked their way onto a hard chest, where the bones jutted out sharply and contrast was high where the gashes were.

"Garfield," he breathed in shock, and green eyes shot up at the name, looking at the face where it had come from in shock. No one knew his name. Except maybe Raven – but she could read minds, so she didn't count. He hadn't even heard that name in... Well, he couldn't remember when he last heard it. A swelling, warm, pink tinge pressed tenderly at the back of his mind. It pushed against what he felt - black and blue. But the look on his leader's face made an indigo river wash through his mind, pulling the pink away in a rushing current. In all the years he had known him, Robin did not cry. Maybe frowned or something, but this was different. BeastBoy was just relieved he couldn't see his eyes, because he was sure that that would break him.

Maybe it was water, on the Boy Wonder's face, but they were tears at that moment, and BeastBoy tried to pull away, more gently this time, honestly sorry for what he had done. Robin's fingers felt air as the scarred, flawed skin moved away, but immediately, he grabbed out. Like a squid, two arms shot out and ensnared BeastBoy, and yanked him close. BeastBoy's arms stayed at his side, but he let his forehead rest against Robin's shoulder. He didn't say anything, and they stood there in silence.

–

The pink was back, again, but a magenta wave crashed at him. Oh, this was the wrong time for that kind of feeling. They were dry now, sitting on the bank and staring into the water. They still hadn't talked, and Robin was examining him more closely, not saying a word. If he had been crying, he wasn't any more. The Boy Wonder's face was expressionless, but there wasn't a tension in the air.

"Why did you do this?" Robin finally asked, looking directly at the boy. BeastBoy didn't say anything, but looked away. A few minutes later, he asked again.

"I don't know," BeastBoy said, emptily, staring at the water. The sting came faster than the sound, it seemed, and BeastBoy looked at the tree that was now in front of him.

"You..." the voice held a barely controlled anger, but desperation and hurt were frilled around the edges, "You don't.. You don't slash into yourself like this for no reason, BeastBoy." BeastBoy didn't say anything, but turned back to the water. "I know," he said, a bulb of tightness in his voice. His cheek hurt now. Robin took the small nub of a green chin in two fingers, and turned BeastBoy's face firmly to his own. "Then tell me why."

BeastBoy stared into the mask, a red-orange biting at the edges of magenta, that slowly was turning black. He suddenly had the urge to just rip that mask off, to make Robin mad. To kiss him, and see if it was like that one time he kissed that girl in Tokyo (Even though she turned out to be a crazy kitty bent on murdering him). To slap him, and just turn away. But he didn't do any of those things, because he was too scared and he was just an imperfect thing and he didn't have the right to even make this... This perfect boy mad.

"Because I wanted to." Robin's shoulders shook. "That's not an answer and you damn well know it!" "Because I needed to." The black haired boy looked away, fists clenched and shaking. "Tell me why."

A frown creased BeastBoy's lips. "Why do you want to know?" The masked face turned to him, and BeastBoy, even without the eyes there, could tell that Robin was simply stunned by this question.

"You're my friend. I want to help you. You're important," Robin said, biting back how he kind of secretly felt about the smaller boy, "I don't want you to get hurt. You're a fantastic member of our team, and you're a great guy. The team loves you, BeastBoy. Hurting yourself... It hurts us, too. It hurts me. I care about you."

That sounded a little selfish, he supposed, but it was the most accurate way he felt at the moment. Hurt and dazed didn't even start to describe the frazzling confusion and the shameful ignorance and the sad frustration and the everything else.

BeastBoy didn't say anything, but after a moment of silence, he tried to look away. He didn't really want to hear this stuff. It was just empty words that people always said when something like this happened. Words didn't really mean anything when they were... Well, when they were just words. Robin took the chin again, more gently this time.

"Tell me why," he said, his voice gravelly with tight vocal cords, but soft-sounding. That was just the perfect way he could speak, BeastBoy thought. Green eyes shook as they stared into a white abyss of mask, thinking.

"Because," he said slowly, trying to sort out his words. He couldn't tell Robin how he felt, because all of that feeling was pushed into thoughts of colors and sensations, not actual thoughts and words he could communicate. Oh, if only he could do that...Raven-entery-mind thingie… He wasn't eloquent, and he couldn't find the words that he needed when he needed them.

Robin stared patiently at him.

"Because I feel like," BeastBoy started, thinking as he spoke. "Because it's like, not... There's something..."

BeastBoy frowned, cogs in his head turning as he went silent for a moment. Robin broke his stare, and looked back at the inflictions. 'They're everywhere,' he thought, picking up a flaccid arm again and looking at it for the umpteenth time. By the end of the night, he'd know the location of each and every scar and cut. His arms felt itchy and his chest hurt from looking at this mutilation.

The green-haired boy sighted. He couldn't think of the words he wanted to use. They all seemed so inadequate. Like he felt. "You must think the worst of me," he said quietly. "I'm inadequate. I'm terrible and dark and imperfect and ugly." "Is that why you," Robin hesitated, because the word was so strong in his mind, "Is that why you mutilate yourself? Because of that?" BeastBoy didn't say anything, but looked at his arms and the bit of his chest he could see. He felt so much more awful, now. Dirty, again. "I want to get it out of me."

Robin's hand moved from BeastBoy's chin to his cheek. "BeastBoy," he said, tenderly. He'd only used this tone with Starfire, usually when she wanted to 'show the affection moments', or when he (was forced to be) with Kitty.

"You're wonderful," he said, and struggled to find the words. This was just weird. He'd (secretly) watched movies that showed the main character would give a long, drawn out speech about all the good things about the generic female character and even though it happened over and over again in almost all of them it sounded so original and charming and beautiful, and it just seemed to roll off their tongues and he felt awkward and young and sausage-tongued, but he gave his best effort.

"You're funny, and strong," he started with the two most apparent ones to everyone, "But you're really caring and sweet, and you have great tactical skills and hand-eye coordination. You keep everyone on the team kind of laid-back, and you're good at out-of-the-box ideas and," he paused, fluttering for more words. The list he'd made the other night was completely gone from his mind. "You're easy to love and light-hearted, and easy to talk to. You're noncritical and accepting and will do anything to make someone else's day better. You're open-minded and soft and absolutely adorable and sexy at the same time and you're helpful and resourceful and-,"

"Stop it," BeastBoy almost whimpered, pushing Robin away from him, "I don't want to hear things like that." He drew his knees up to his chest, and wound his arms around his knees. He buried his face in his knees to hide away. Robin frowned, and pulled gently at a tense, green arm, "BeastBoy, please?" "It's not true," came a muffled response. Robin's hand didn't drop, or pull harder, but slid up the green, hard arm, to the back of BeastBoy's neck.

"It is, come on," Robin said, and poked down on the pressure point to the left of the back of the green neck. Instantaneously, BeastBoy's neck flinched into the point, and his arms loosened to flinch upwards. He glared at Robin, who didn't quite smile back.

"That's cheating," he said.

"It worked," Robin replied, and lunged forward, stealing the smaller one in a bearish hug, then pinning him on the ground pretty easily. He doubted BeastBoy was even trying at the moment.

"It is true, BeastBoy, or else I wouldn't be so adamant about it," Robin said, "Would I?"

BeastBoy looked at him, obviously thinking. His eyes were shimmering, tear-filled. But he didn't look happy, he looked miserable, like he was going to vomit and his pet fish just died at the same time. Before Robin could do anything, the boy beneath him blurted it out. "I love you, Robin."

Then, there was a 'swip!' sound as BeastBoy morphed into an andaconda, and easily tossed the BoyWonder off, into the grass. In the time that Robin landed and got back to his feet, running back to where they had been sitting, but a green eagle was already halfway to the top of the waterfall. When it got to the top, near the ledge, BeastBoy reformed, and stood there, a small silhouette in the moonlight. He only stood there, for a moment, before a panther took his place, and ran off into the night.

–

Hurr durr is all I have to say today.

Edit: Although this is accurate, ish, hurr durr sums it up.