Author: Raven Shadowrose

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: Sequel to Epiphany, Jeff and Dixie are trying to have a baby, what happens when it is likely to be more difficult than they first thought?

Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for either of them to be used.

A/N: This is a direct sequel to Epiphany, please read that first to understand this story :) Reviews are welcome :)

Thank you to BeethovenRIP and chan. nelson4444 for your reviews, get your tissues ready :(

Chapter Twenty-One.

When Dixie awoke the following morning she found that Jeff wasn't there, it was only early so where had he got to? She quietly got out of bed, she opened the door to the room the kids were sleeping in, they were still fast asleep and she closed the door again. Dixie went downstairs and into the lounge, Jeff was sat on the couch, he looked quite upset. 'Jeff love, what are you doing down here?'

'I couldn't sleep.'

'How long have you been here?'

'About an hour.'

'Jeff it is seven in the morning.'

'I know.'

'What's wrong?'

'How are we going to cope Dixie, we both have full time jobs, how are we going to look after Sophia and John while we have to work?'

'We will work it out Jeff, I promise you, but now is not the time for us to do that.'

'How will we work it out?'

'We will think about that later, right now I want you to come back to bed and get some rest.'

'What good is that going to do?'

'I know you're tired Jeff, it was a long day for you yesterday.' Dixie sighed when Jeff didn't answer her, she was having a hard time getting through to him that getting some sleep would help him.

Jeff knew that Dixie meant well but he had to think about what he was going to do now, Sophia and John are his responsibility and he wanted to do the best that he could for them. He was frustrated because he wasn't getting anywhere, he'd tried to come up with all sorts of solutions but none of them seemed to work. 'Jeff, come on love, you need a few more hours sleep.'

'Is that your solution Dixie?'

'No, we can think together later on and come up with a solution.'

'What makes you think we will be able to?'

'Jeff, will you stop it, if you act like this then we will never find a solution.'

'Act like what?'

'You're being very pessimistic right now.'

'Speak English.'

'You're shooting down every suggestion that I have, if you keep on like that then this situation is never going to get sorted out.'

'Because it is always my fault, isn't it?'

'Right now, yes it is.'

'It is nice to know what you think of me.'

'Jeff, will you just stop it. Are you coming back to bed or not?'

'No, I'm staying here.'

'Okay, fine, don't then.'

'Fine, I won't then.' Jeff heard Dixie sigh quietly, she sounded a bit fed up.

'If you want to come up later then do so, then maybe we can figure out everything together.'

'What do you need my help for? This is all my fault like you said.'

'Jeff, you're acting like a child. We can't do anything to sort this out while you're in this sort of mood. I want to help you and the kids.'

'Oh yes, saint Dixie, wants to help everyone in the world.'

'Why are you being like this?'

'I just want to be left alone, just go upstairs and leave me alone.'

'Fine, I was only trying to help.'

'I don't want your help.' Jeff heard Dixie leave, he was feeling a bit guilty now, she'd only been trying to help him and he'd snapped at her. He was feeling very frustrated and angry at Lucy for abandoning Sophia and John, he was worried about the effect all of this was going to have on them. He'd taken all his frustration out on Dixie, he could tell that it had upset her, he'd heard the wavering in her voice in her last sentence to him. He felt even more guilty now, she was upstairs alone and probably quite upset, he had rejected her and Dixie always took rejection hard.

Dixie got back into the bed she shared with Jeff and curled up on her side, she didn't understand why he was having a go at her when she was only trying to help. Her body was changing and she was feeling sick a lot more now, not to mention that she was having to go to the toilet more often and her breasts were getting bigger and more tender, she was also feeling tired. Her hormones were making her feel strange, there were times when she felt like crying and now was one of them. She knew that Jeff's mood was a result of not enough sleep and the stress of Lucy abandoning the kids, she also knew that it wasn't anything to do with her. Why then was she taking it so personally? Dixie sighed, she just wanted to help Jeff and he was pushing her away. She felt tears running down her face, Jeff's rejection of her help had hurt, they had always been a team, what had changed, why was he pushing her away now? Dixie closed her eyes in an attempt to slow the tears that kept running down her face. She pulled the quilt up over her head, she didn't want anyone to see or hear her cry.

Jeff started sorting through the bags that belonged to Sophia and John, they had so much stuff and he had no idea where they were going to put it all. They were going to have to look at getting a bigger house as soon as possible and it would need four bedrooms. Jeff cursed Lucy, it was her fault that all this was happening. If she hadn't driven the kids away then they wouldn't be in this position. He loved both of his kids, Dixie loved them too but this situation was far from ideal. Jeff sighed, Dixie, he was still in two minds whether or not he should go upstairs and apologise to her. She might not want to see him after what he had said to her. He was feeling very guilty and it was beginning to get to him, he shouldn't have pushed her away like that. He knew that Dixie wouldn't want to see him right now, he picked up Little Abs' lead and took him for a walk, it might help to clear his head.

Dixie eventually got up and got dressed, she was going to have to face the day because it wasn't going to go away. She went into the bathroom and washed her face, it didn't improve the redness around her eyes, she wasn't going to be able to hide that she had been crying from anyone. She went downstairs, Jeff was nowhere to be seen, she noticed that Little Abs' lead was missing so he'd obviously gone out with the dog. Dixie went back upstairs and woke up the kids. 'John, Sophia, it is time to get up.' The kids slowly woke up and Dixie tried to smile at them, she didn't want them to know that it was Jeff that had upset her, they were going through enough right now. 'Go and have a wash and get yourselves dressed and then we'll have breakfast.' John went into the bathroom with his things and Dixie sat on the bed with Sophia. 'Dixie, have you been crying? You look upset, what happened?'

'I'm just not feeling very well, I will feel better when I've had something to eat.'

'Is it the baby? I heard babies can make people feel a bit sick in the morning.'

'You're right, it is morning sickness.'

'Can I help you make breakfast?'

'Of course you can.' Dixie hugged Sophia, the little girl was so sweet and the hug was making her feel a bit better.

Jeff walked Little Abs back to the house, he heard voices, the kids were obviously up and having breakfast which meant that Dixie was also up. He opened the door and went in, Sophia was buttering toast and John was eating cereal at the table. Dixie put two mugs of hot chocolate on the table, he noted the redness under her eyes and his guilt hit him even harder; she'd been crying. He sat at the table with the kids and took a piece of toast from the rack. 'Good morning daddy.'

'Morning Sophia.' She hugged him and he kissed her head, she wouldn't be this loving towards him if she found out that he had hurt Dixie.

'I'm helping Dixie, she's not feeling very well.'

'You're a good girl Sophia.'

'I know I am daddy.' Jeff took another piece of toast and ate it, Dixie hadn't spoken one word to him at all. He looked closely at her, she was pale and the redness under her eyes wasn't going away, he had upset her greatly and it was showing in her face. 'Okay kids, go upstairs and clean your teeth, make sure you do them properly.' Jeff heard the stress in Dixie's voice, she was just about keeping it together. She was obviously emotional already because of her hormones and he had made it worse, he was going to have to try and make it better.

'Dixie.' No answer. 'Come on princess, talk to me.'

'I am not in the mood for talking right now Jeffrey.'

'At least eat something.' Dixie didn't answer him, he decided to give her a break and let her come to him when she wanted to talk. Jeff went into the lounge and took the bags upstairs, maybe when he'd finished putting their clothes away then Dixie would be ready to talk to him.

Dixie ate a piece of toast and sat at the table, she was trying to keep herself together, she'd stopped crying some time ago but it still hurt. Jeff's words had hurt her a lot, his rejection of her help had combined with her already unsteady emotions to make her feel like she wanted to cry all the time. She blinked a few times to hold back the fresh wave of tears that were threatening to fall. Dixie stood up, she was tired, she felt like she wanted to lie down and not get up for a long time. She quietly went upstairs, she heard Jeff walking around in the other bedroom and talking to the kids, she tiptoed into their room, she didn't want Jeff to know that she was up here. Dixie lay down on the bed and closed her eyes, she too was feeling the stress and strain of what Lucy had done. She was feeling the start of a headache, the headache always hit her behind the eyes when she was stressed.

Jeff heard Dixie come up the stairs, she thought she was being quiet but the top step always creaked and she had stepped on it. He stood outside their room and put his hand against the wood, he wanted to go into her and apologise for what he'd said to her. Jeff sighed and pushed open the door and saw Dixie was lying on her side and facing the window. Jeff sat on the bed and put his hand on Dixie's arm, she pulled her arm away and he placed his hand on the bed. 'Dixie, come on princess, please, I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. You were only trying to help, I shouldn't have taken my mood out on you.'

'You don't see it do you Jeff?'

'See what?'

'I am struggling too, suddenly we've got two children to look after and work to juggle. I'm pregnant and my hormones are all over the place, I'm starting to feel sick and everything is changing. Everything is piling on top of us Jeff and we need to work together, if we don't stick together then we might not survive this.' Jeff felt his mouth fall open, the thought of losing Dixie and the baby filled him with horror.

'Dixie, you can't mean that, you wouldn't leave me, would you?'

'If you keep pushing me away and not letting me help then we're going to fall to pieces.' Jeff was astounded but he knew that Dixie was right, if they didn't stick together then their life would be in even more of a mess than it was now.

Dixie hated hurting Jeff but she needed him to see that they needed to work together now more than ever. It was unfortunate that all of this had happened but if they were going to work everything out then they would have to be a team and stick together. Dixie turned over and looked at Jeff, he was crying, she sat up and hugged him. 'I wondered when you would break down, all of this has got to you, she has got to you. There's no shame in needing support Jeff.'

'Please don't leave me, you can't leave me, I need you and our baby.'

'I'm not going to leave you, I love you.'

'I love you Dixie.'

'I'm sorry that I made you think I would leave you. You can't keep pushing me away Jeff, you need to let me in.'

'I'm sorry Dixie, I've been stupid, haven't I?'

'Yes, you have, but I forgive you.' Dixie felt Jeff hold her tightly, she really hated it when they argued and weren't getting along. She needed Jeff to help her through the pregnancy and he needed her to help him with the kids and the arrangements for their care and schooling.

Jeff was relieved that Dixie had forgiven him for his words this morning, he just held her in his arms, hearing her say that they might not survive this had shocked him. He didn't want to lose Dixie and the baby, they meant everything to him. 'I promise you that I won't push you away again Dixie.'

'Good, together we can survive anything.'

'What are we going to do?'

'We'll think it through and come up with a proper plan, starting with what we're going to do with the kids while we're at work and finding them a school. Don't worry Jeff, I am with you and always will be.' Jeff held on to Dixie and kissed her head, he loved her so much. The days ahead were going to be hard but he would get through them with Dixie by his side.