Emma was in bed asleep and Max was sitting in his crib playing with an empty bottle. Her daughter hadn't been at all happy about cancellation of their dinner plans. And the nine year old hadn't been quiet about her displeasure either and told her mother in great detail how unfair her treatment was and stomped off into her room and slammed the door. If Olivia had been feeling a little better she might have tried to reason with Emma or might have at least made her eat her dinner in the living room with her and Max. but the only thing Olivia could think when the door slammed was how happy she had one person less to deal with tonight. After she left the restroom and her hands finally stopped shaking she walked up to Natalia and her family seated around a table in the Beacon's restaurant. The meal had already arrived and Max was enjoying his first taste of jasmine rice and kale. It should have been a wonderful night spent with the love of her life and her two children but all Olivia could think about was getting as drunk as humanly possible in the next ten minutes. Somehow she managed to have their meal sent up to the suite and convince Natalia she was fine except for a slight headache with three minutes to spare. Emma's tirade had taken only minute forty but as she turned towards the tenqueray she spotted Max reaching out from his seat on the bed begging to be pickup.
Seeing Jeffery drunk and grabbing onto Natalia's arm while she yelled at him to stop had brought so many memories flooding back, memories she'd thought were already worked through. Standing there listening to his drunken ramblings smelling the liquor on his breath Olivia could feel her anxiety rising. This was not the same situation and she wasn't in any danger Olivia tried to keep reminding herself but in her head she was back in the embassy except this time she didn't have the haze of alcohol to numb her.
Max was looking at her in stark confusion. He was not used to waving his arms at anyone especially his mama and not getting any response. He added a hand wave and batted his eyelashes at her hoping to spark some recognition. Five seconds later when he was still no closer to lifted off the bed he started some mewing sounds slowly warming up the vocal cords for the upcoming work out if the situation wasn't quickly rectified but he found the warning was more than enough.
As she held him Olivia kept thanking God that Ava hadn't been home when her father turned up at their door drunk on his ass. Glad not only for Ava's sake but her own. It had taken many long years and long night crying herself to sleep to get to a place where her conception wasn't the first thing that jumped out at her at the sight of her oldest daughter. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Ava and they would never revert back to the misery and hate they'd struggled from. But tonight Olivia wasn't sure if she could face Ava without breaking down in tears. For the first time in years the thought of her daughter made her ill and she hated it. They had come too far to let a selfish stunt by that bastard ruinh everything they'd built. She tried to picture all their happy times and all the positive memories they'd created but all she could think of at the moment was his eyes and his hands.
That night in the embassy it had been his captivating eyes that had drawn her to him and the gentle way he'd held her as they danced in the muted light. But when he had her bent over the desk and she felt his hands moving over her body as if he owned her she couldn't pull her eyes away from his even when she closed them tight. Even from behind her lids she could feel him apprising her and labeling her some as some drunken slut. He and Ava shared the same eyes and the thought of seeing any part of him in her daughter was more than she could bare. So she was very glad that Ava wouldn't be home for the night.
In a way holding Max had helped because the boy reminded her enough of her daughter but looked nothing like his grandfather. Holding him grounded her and she just prayed that Max would be enough to keep everything from crumbling.
She wanted to drink more than anything and would have if the boy had followed instruction and gone to sleep but of course he was a Spencer. Any other night he would have been sleeping for several hours but because his mere wanted a little alone time with Ms Gin and Mr Tonic Max was wide awake. In the end she'd given in and called Ava anyway. She held her breath as the young woman walked in and tried to imagine how hard it would be if the old feelings surfaced. There was no way she could continue to live with her daughter if the feelings of revulsion and shame returned but when Ava smiled at her and touched Max's head Olivia sighed and made it into the restroom as fast as she could. Tears fell down and she turned on the faucet to hide her strangled sobs but in her heart the world had righted. She'd been afraid that seeing Ava would bring up all the pain and horror of that night on San Cristobal. And it had but not in the way Olivia dreaded. She still hated what Jeffery did to her and did to them both but her anger was only directed at the man. Olivia tried to keep reminding herself that he was different. It was a single stupid incident and it didn't define who Jeffery O'Neil was now but it was hard to believe her own drunken ramblings.
Brushing the hair out of Emma's head as she lay in bed in between sleep and consciousness Olivia tried to keep her voice light as she explained that her big sister would be taking her to school. Emma had been highly upset with her mother last night and had eaten her meal in her room away from her nephew and Olivia but now all the anger and frustrations were gone and in their place an excited nine year old ready to start the day. Last night she'd lied claimed to have a monster of a headache but that didn't excuse not picking up the phone when Natalia called to say good night. And it didn't make her feel any easier imagining the disappointment on the Latina's face when she found out Olivia wouldn't be into work today.
Any other time Olivia would have laid down her life for Natalia but in this instance just the thought of seeing the woman hurt. Olivia knew in her heart that she did nothing wrong twenty five years ago or last night but that didn't keep her from worrying that somehow this knowledge would change Natalia's love for her. What if when she explained Natalia drew the same conclusion that her mother did and call her a loose slut who got exactly what she deserved. It would be completely out of character but right now she couldn't take the chance. What she had with Natalia was the only thing besides her children that kept her sane.
"Who does a girl have to screw to get a pothole fixed around here" she asked from the hallway holding two steaming cups of coffee and a bag of muffins.
"Do you ever do anything besides harass people at their place of employment? I thought running a hotel might keep you busy enough to stay off the street" Doris groaned not looking up from her keypad.
"Yeah that's how much you know. Where the hell have you been by the way? Every time I call I seem to be interrupting a bootycall"
"Please tell me you did not just utter the words bootycall in front of my office in the middle of city hall?" Doris said finally looking up and shaking her head at the other woman. "Would you please bring your sorry ass in here. I happen to have to work for my money unlike some rich bitches"
"Don't try and change the subject" Olivia said sharing her good. "Who is she? And does she know you are a total slut?"
"Did you come here for a reason? Pay a parking ticket or register as a sex offender?"
"Who Is She and how come you haven't dished yet?"
"Like you dish!"
"That's different we're in love. You're just working off calories"
"Why thanks for the vote of confidence"
Olivia was slightly slow with the warm and fuzzies but she did notice swift change in mood. Could it be that her erstwhile friend had gone and fallen in love? Hell no. "Hey sorry but I'm serious I call to have lunch or lampoon Dancing with the Stars and all I get is your voicemail. I have feelings too you know"
"So I shouldn't want to be happy? So I should just wait around for when you and Natalia aren't sucking face so I can have a conversation with you? I shouldn't want my own mother superior?"
"You really are in love"
"I'm Not in Love! Shit I am so screwed"
"Hey I'm happy for you I promise I just"
"No. we're just starting out and I don't want to jinx it. And its kind of complicated"
"It can't be anymore complicated of falling in love with a woman who gave you the husband's heart you literally tried to steal on your deathbed"
"Trust me it's complicated" Olivia spent the rest of the morning rating chics on Craigslist as she tried to distract Doris from doing any productive work. In the end Doris conceded defeat and sprang for lunch at a nearby diner. They were laughing and on their way back to the office when Natalia spotted them crossing the street. "Olivia?"
"Natalia" Olivia said trying to come up with a good reason she'd ignored all five of her girlfriend's increasingly frantic voicemails and ten texts. She watched Doris grin at her without a drop of sympathy as she followed Natalia to a park across the street. "Hey I"
"What the hell is going on with you? I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. Why have you been ignoring me?" Natalia asked getting agitated.
"Maybe we should"
"I was worried sick about you. Sick! I didn't get a wink of sleep worried if there was something wrong with you or Godforbid it was your heart! And then I call I text I do everything but send up smoke signals and I find you laughing it up with Doris?"
"Natalia really maybe you ought to"
"Maybe I ought to rethink my relationship with you because obviously it means way more to me than it does to you. So go and have fun with her while I help your daughter run your stupid company" Natalia said before attempting to stomp off but Olivia grabbed her arm and pulled her around before she got get more than two steps away. The box of country fried steak and home style potatoes be damned. "Let me go"
"No I'm sorry okay. You are completely right I was acting like a complete bitch and you deserve so much better and I promise I can explain if you just give another chance"
"You didn't seem too interested in talking to me last night or this morning so why the hell should I drop everything to listen to you now?"
"You're right I'm sorry please" there was no way she could loose Natalia. Her children and Natalia and if she couldn't have those four things nothing else made sense. "Please can we go somewhere and talk? I'll explain everything I swear. Eventually she followed Natalia's car until they reached the farmhouse but the woman hadn't waited for Olivia to stop the car before she was out of her own and into the house without a glance backward. Olivia was half expecting that when she reached up she would find the door locked but stepped inside to Natalia pacing the floor. "Can I have something to"
"You can talk or you can leave. I love you Olivia but I didn't do anything to be treated this way so if you don't"
"You're right you didn't but I can't tell you what I need to say. Please may I have glass of wine then I promise to tell you everything" Natalia's back was to through the whole story and by the time she got to the hours she and Jeffery spent grinding on the dance floor Olivia had turned her back as well. The rest of the story sort of slid out of her. She talked about his constant demands and then his complete dismissal like she was discussing an option at a board meeting. Talking about her mother was a bit harder and so were the tales of supporting her sister and brother alone and frightened and pregnant. Olivia kept talking until she felt Natalia lay her cool face on her shoulders and she even kept talking through the tears that streamed down her back and her own that stained her face. "When I saw him touching you like that I just lost it. All I could picture was it happening again but only to you. I would did before I let him hurt you or Max. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you but" she never got to finish the rest of that sentence. Natalia led her with kisses and tears up to the bedroom where they both found an easy sleep.