AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This chapter is also emotionally charged, so there's the warning for that, but things get lighter and fluffier, I promise you. Something big happens in this chapter emotionally and I think you'll all enjoy the Sam/Kate part in it.

WARNINGS: Rated "M" for language, dirty thoughts, sex, innuendo, blood, violence and dark themes.

ENJOY!

xxxx

I woke up with a start and I caught my breath, quickly getting out of bed before Dean realized I had had the nightmare again. I threw up in the bathroom from the panic I had felt a few moments ago, and I got into the shower, clothes on, turning on the showerhead and cleaning myself off, even though I was already clean. Then I got out of the shower and tracked water across the floor, walking outside and sitting underneath the tree near the motel.

"What is wrong with me?" I asked myself, looking at my knuckles that were healing rather nicely. "I'm fine, I'm out, so why am I so scared?"

"Lanni?" Dean asked me.

I wanted to tell him that I was fine but the words just weren't coming out for me at all and I started to cry instead. Dean took off his jacket, draping it around my shoulders as I looked at his bare feet. How could he come out here in the cold without shoes on?! Was he an insane person?!

"Dean, you should go inside—it's cold out here." I told him.

Dean knelt in front of me and held my face, me looking him in the eye. "Hey…you're the one who's wet and sitting on the ground. I'm far more worried about you."

I couldn't help but smile a little at the stern, loving tone and I nodded, glancing at his feet and then at my wet clothes. Yeah, because he was the insane one…I didn't think so. I was the insane one and if I didn't get my act together, I was going to have to stop all of this and get some therapy instead of continue hunting.

"I—I can't do this, Dean." I told him, crying some more, and Dean pulled me to him, holding me tightly and letting me cry into him. "I—there was so much dirt…I ate dirt."

I laughed a little to try and lighten the mood and Dean nodded, running his hands up and down quickly trying to warm me up. He kissed the top of my head and whispered that he, Sam and Kate would see me through this if I let them and I nodded—I believed him. How could I not believe the man that I loved so much?

"You're shivering, we should go inside." Dean told me.

I shook my head. "I don't want to go inside yet."

"Lanni…" Dean said soothingly, and there was something in his voice that let me know that I was loved.

Why did he do this to me? Why did he have to be so concerned? I knew that he was my boyfriend and that he wanted to marry me someday and that he loved me and that should answer my question, but it just didn't. For some reason I felt like I should be dealing with this on my own and that Dean shouldn't have been taking on all of my burdens, or any of them for that matter…maybe that was how he felt 90 percent of the time…

"We should go on in before you catch cold." Dean told me. "Kate would kill me if I let you get sick."

I nodded and stood up, both of us going into the bedroom, and me changing into dry clothes as Dean went to make me something hot to drink. Kate and Sam were spooning and sleeping peacefully and I sighed—they had no idea that anything was even happening. I went out and sat on the couch, Dean coming over with hot chocolate and I smiled at him as he sat down next to me.

"You going to be okay?" Dean asked me. "I mean I know that's a terrible question to ask, but I'm so worried about you, Lanni."

I smiled at the hot chocolate. "Vanilla ice cream instead of marshmallows…"

"You hate marshmallows in hot chocolate." Dean replied with a smile. "So…you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yeah…yeah I'll be fine." I told him.

He nodded slowly as I nodded and then he stood up as I blew into the cup to cool the hot chocolate before I sipped it. Dean stroked my hair and I closed my eyes a little, and then he pulled me close and let me snuggle into him, yawning a little bit. He was obviously tired and I couldn't blame him and yet…and yet he was far more worried about me than he was about getting his sleep—not even a snarky remark and so I had to speak up. There was pretty much nothing to stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"Stay with me?" I asked him.

Dean sat down next to me and I set the hot chocolate on the coffee table and laid down, Dean on the outside of the couch holding me, and I buried my head in his chest—he was warm and loving, and I was very happy Dean was here for me. Then again it didn't surprise me that he was here for me…he always was. The kiss he placed on my hair line with a whispered 'I love you' only cemented to me that this thing between us was more than real.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

Dean kissed my head. "You're welcome."

xx

When I woke up, I sighed because Sam and Dean were talking angrily to each other, but making it sound like they weren't arguing. I had a really bad feeling that it was about me and I hated that—I really didn't want to be the reason they were yelling. Why couldn't this be easier? Why couldn't this stop being depressing?

"What was I supposed to do, Sam?" Dean asked him. "She doesn't want to talk about it and I'm not going to force her to!"

Sam sighed loudly. "Dean, this is serious! Come on, we have to get her the help that she needs! Hunting isn't the answer and you know that!"

"That's not for us to decide, that's all on Lanni!" Dean responded angrily. "Stop acting like you know what's best for her!"

"She's my best friend, Dean!" Sam replied, Kate sighing too.

"She also can't be forced into something like getting help," Kate said, agreeing with Dean. "Yeah, she needs it, but it's her choice."

"So don't you dare push her, Sam," Dean said forcefully and I didn't know what to do.

Part of me wanted to just get up and tell everyone that they had a point and figure out what to do on my own because I was a big girl, but I didn't have the words. Everyone was focusing on me instead of on hunting to protect innocents, or on each other and I didn't want to be the center of attention. Normally I loved that, but not now and not like this because this was just getting ridiculous.

"Guys, we have to do something about this! She's washing her hands eight times over and showering with her clothes on!" Sam said, setting his cup down loudly. "This is what family does, okay? They make hard decisions for the right reasons to protect the people that they love the most."

Kate took a deep breath. "I agree with you, Sammy…but she's a grown woman."

"You're acting like I don't love her or something, Sammy," Dean said and he was hurt.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Dean!" Sam told him suddenly. "Dean, Lanni loves you, and you need to stop acting like I'm telling you that you don't love her because clearly you do! It's written all over your face whenever you look at her, or when you talk about her, but Dean…she was buried alive! She has gone through a lot of stuff that you should be more pro-active about! If this was Kate, I wouldn't be standing there being stupid!"

"Stop calling her 'Lanni'." Dean told Sam after a pause, and I heard car keys.

"Dean, where are you going?" Sam asked exasperatedly and Kate got up and went towards the door too.

"We're getting breakfast," Kate replied with a sigh, and she and Dean left the motel room, leaving me to sit up and sigh as Sam plopped down on the other end of the couch.

He glanced at me and immediately knew that I had heard all of it and he just nodded as I looked at him. This was one fine mess we were in and it was all just one big misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up and soon. I didn't want Dean thinking he was second-fiddle even when he knew deep down that he was just being ridiculous about all of it…he'd come to his sense eventually.

"Thanks for everything," I told Sam softly.

Sam shook his head and put it in his hands. "You shouldn't be thanking me for anything. I just made everyone think that I'm in love with you or something. Kate was out of here pretty fast."

"It's okay. I know you're not." I told him, running my fingers through his hair. "Besides, when does Kate ever pass up an opportunity to yell at Dean? Dean's just upset because he's in so deep with me and doesn't know what to do. Don't worry about it…this has nothing to do with you."

Sam smiled at me. "That's true…speaking of Kate, I think I'm falling for her."

"That I could see coming from a mile away," I laughed and then took a deep breath as I looked at the door Dean had stormed out of. "I think he feels like he can't save me…when he's calmed down, one of us should talk to him—maybe me."

Sam nodded slowly. "That's probably the best idea, Lan."

"You're calling me 'Lanni' suddenly, which is weird—a Dean given nickname..." I said softly.

"I'm just worried more than normal, Lan." Sam explained, shrugging and reverting back to his other nickname for me.

I smiled at him. "I know it's not a secret pining of love, I was just pointing it out."

"Good. So since they left and will probably be too mad to bring us back food, how about I whip us up some waffles?" Sam asked me. "That's the beauty of being in your home."

"Our home," I corrected him, wanting him and Dean to think of it as their place too, "and it sounds lovely."

"So we're good?" Sam asked, going into the kitchen.

I nodded and smiled at him. "We're fantastic, Sammy."

xx

When Dean came back, he and Sam went out for a bit to talk to each other, and ended up being gone for a good couple hours. I was kind of worried about that, but hoping for the best at the same time, and when they came back, Dean was talking about this case he had found, and Sam suggested the four of us go to a bar, and so we complied, Kate and I a little weirded out that Sam had been the one to suggest the idea.

Actually, the two of them were feeling kind of weird to me—like they were them, but both of them were off. Kate was feeling it too as in she could tell that something was seriously wrong, but we just waved it off because honestly all of us were a little more emotionally charged than we should have been and we needed to relax. So we grabbed some beers and then we sat around and talked a bit, Sam flirting.

Kate made a face. "What the Hell is up with Sam? I am this close to grabbing him by the ear and dragging him out to do him on the side of the building…"

"He is being a bit out of character, don't you think?" Dean said slowly, looking over at Sam angrily and yet it felt like he was…hinting at something…weird. "Besides, I can't always flirt with people because you hate it—he's practicing his skills."

"I don't want him practiced," Kate said as she drank her beer angrily.

"I never said you couldn't flirt, Dean." I told him. "I don't care if you do it when we're on a hunt and it needs to be done to get information out of someone. I know that at the end of the day you still love me and the only girl you want is me."

"True," Dean said with a smile.

"I mean I did propose to you." I reminded him, setting my hand on his. "I know you, whether you want me to or not…"

He smiled and nodded, squeezing my hand tightly. "I know."

"It's how I know you're not really Dean…" I said with a smile.

He looked at me with wide eyes and I knew that I'd hit it on the head and Kate did a double take, but then her jaw dropped. They had felt so off because they weren't themselves and the sooner the better that we get them swapped back out. Why didn't they tell us? Why didn't they just come right back and ask us how to change them back instead of going through this charade?

"I'm killing your boyfriend in a horrific way," Kate warned me, standing up and grasping her beer bottle tightly.

I laughed a little bit. "You and me both—why, Sam? Why didn't you two just come to us?"

Dean sighed a bit. "Dean is an idiot and he made me promise."

"Well, it's a lousy promise," Kate said, sitting down when I motioned for her to. "Lana, you had better—"

"—Kate…I got this…" I told her with a laugh, getting up and going over to Sam—who of course was really Dean—chatting up two girls at once.

I didn't care if he was in Sam's body…what in the world was Dean doing?! He and I were still practically engaged and all of this could have been figured out so much faster if he and Sam had simply told Kate and what was going on. It meant that he agreed with Sam and wanted Sam to be the one to tell me what Sam thought only in his body so that I would do it. I took more kindly to Dean when he told me to do things just as he took more kindly with me when I told him to do things.

"But isn't it hard?" The blonde asked him.

I walked right up to him and got in between him and the girls. "Dean Winchester, I am so upset with you, you have no idea!"

"Who is this?" The redhead asked him.

"Look, he's mine so I need you to back off and let me fight with him. Goodbye." I told them and gave them looks, whirling on Sam again. "Where in the Hell do you get off telling Sam to be you?!"

Sam growled a little. "He told you."

"Of course he didn't tell me! I know the difference between the two of you, in different bodies or not!" I exclaimed angrily. "Look…I know why you did it but you're enough for me, okay? If you think I need help, just say it, don't send Sam to me in your body to do it. Communicate with me…we're never going to be able to get married someday if we can't communicate, okay?"

Sam sighed and nodded. "Yeah, okay…"

"Good…now come back over with me now so that Kate doesn't fillet you…"

Sam laughed at that and we went over to Dean and Kate, me finding it a bit hard right now to look at them. They were in each other's bodies and Kate and I were both feeling a bit awkward and we wanted it fixed…and right now. Besides, in retrospect it was good that I figured it out now and not trying to have sex with my boyfriend—I was counting that as a lucky break.

"What could possibly have made you two switch bodies?" Kate asked as we joined them. "When you're you again, Dean Winchester, I am punching you."

"The woman we're looking for." Dean explained to us. "She switched us, so Dean's in my body, and I'm in his."

I nodded slowly. "Wow…know we could have had this problem fixed sooner had you just come to us and told us what was up."

"I just—I thought that Sam was better at wording things and I thought that maybe if he stayed in my body until we figured it out, and he made you feel better, you'd be happier with me." Sam told me with a sigh.

"You're an idiot," I told him softly.

Sam nodded softly. "It has been said."

I opened my mouth to say something, but I closed it and just shook my head because I knew that I couldn't say anything. I mean sure I was sad that Dean actually thought he wasn't enough for me, but nothing major had happened yet and Kate and I knew now so we could fix it. Besides, when it came to secrets, I was the queen of them so I couldn't very well get on my high horse about a single thing.

"Good thing I know when Dean is Dean and when he's…you know…Sam…" I said laughing a little bit.

Kate laughed too and then nodded gently. "Guys…I found a lead."

xx

Third Person

"Look, Sam, I know that you and Lanni have this deep friend connection and at times I've thought that maybe it was more, but it's not…you get each other though. I don't want to fuck this up because she's the first girl that I've really fallen for, and we're getting married someday." Dean explained to his brother.

Sam nodded at him. "Dean, I get that—I really do. I just—I think that you need to start thinking about maybe getting her to get some help. I know you hate to be alone and being away from her is hard, but it's the healthiest thing for her."

"God you know everything, don't you?" Dean asked him.

Dean knew he had no reason to be angry, but he couldn't help how he was feeling—he felt like he was losing her. She had been buried alive, he had pushed her really far away, and now he had no idea what to do and Sam seemed to know everything about it somehow. They're connection was really getting to him and unlike every other time, he just couldn't seem to get past it…at all.

Sam sighed loudly. "Dean…I'm just trying to figure out how to help her. If you were me, you'd be telling me the same thing: to get Kate some help. What she went through was really traumatic, Dean. Lan had to dig her way out of her own grave! I want to help her because she's my best friend and this is the only thing that I can think of. God if you knew what it was like being me."

"If you only knew what it was like to be me, Sammy." Dean replied quickly.

"Would you kind fellows like to buy some flowers from a poor old woman?" An old woman on the street asked.

Sam smiled at her. "Sure."

Dean gave Sam a look—flowers? Now? Sam just wanted to change the subject from the conversation that they were having, and so why not buy flowers from an old lady? There was no harm in it. So he bought some flowers from her and smelled them, making a face.

"Interesting…" Sam said softly.

"Enjoy them." The woman told them with a toothless grin, and it was slightly ominous.

"Smell them." Sam insisted, shoving the flowers in Dean's face.

Dean frowned and pushed them away after catching a whiff. "Unlike you, Sam, I'm not flamboyant."

Sam made a face and then they both stood there for a second, feeling a little woozy, falling on the sidewalk, knocked out cold. A few people caught sight of them and pulled out their phones, but the two got up after a moment or two and both looked at each other as they composed themselves. They made different exclamations and then stared at each other, wide-eyed.

"Why the Hell are you wearing my face, Sammy?" Sam asked him.

Dean closed his eyes. "This isn't good."

"What the Hell kind of flowers are these?" Sam asked, looking at the fallen flowers.

"Maybe we should ask that old woman." Dean replied, and the two of them looked everywhere for her, but found nothing.

Dean took a deep breath. "Don't you dare tell Lanni or Kate we're like this—they don't need to know right now."

"Why not, Dean?" Dean asked him. "They can help us switch back."

"Because things are already weird between Lanni and I—make her know I'm sorry and I care, and if you so much as put more wedges between Lanni and I, I'm going to kill you. Hey…I'm a giant." Sam said a little happier.

Dean shook his head. "Dean, I don't think that keeping this from them is a good idea."

"Well no-one asked you." Sam told him.

xx

Lana's POV

Following Kate's lead, we all went to this house and rung the doorbell, all of us waiting there. We were all out of sorts and in a funk due to everything that had happened. Things between the four of us would never be the same. These bonds we were making were going to last forever—whether we wanted them to or not.

"I was wondering when you guys would show up to get switched back." Victoria said happily, answering the door.

"You!" Kate exclaimed, lunging at her.

Victoria shrugged and let us in, putting up a force field as Kate went for her, getting knocked down to the ground. Dean was kind of pissed off still that Victoria had buried me alive and I sighed, holding him and Sam back. She took a deep breath and she nodded slowly, looking at me.

"It was fun. Yeah, yeah, I know—fun is stupid. Tell me something I don't know." Victoria sighed and handed the boys some potions. "I just couldn't resist because when I talked to Lana that while back, I saw in her memories how much it urks Dean to think he's second best, so why not do it? I knew Dean was a bit unstable and stupid, so I figured I could get my kicks this way, and judging by the looks you're giving me, Lana did something she shouldn't have done, meaning my job is complete."

"Victoria, can you please just shut your Demi-God mouth, please?" I asked her.

Victoria laughed loudly. "I'm done now, Lana, don't worry. Have fun, okay kids? And if you don't drink those potions…you're stuck each other forever."

With that said, Victoria disappeared into think air and I sighed. "Drink up, and Kate…if we're dealing with a Demi-God, then we need to pull out the big guns…okay? I have a feeling she wants to stay in our lives."

She nodded as the boys drank the vials and fell on the ground with a loud thud, both of them knocked out. Kate and I looked at each other and then knelt down by the boys, deciding to just wait until they got up. After a few moments they got up and brushed themselves off, both of them smiling at each other, Kate and I waiting for our answer.

"Damn it's good to be in my own body again." Dean said grinning from ear to ear.

Kate raised her eyebrows. "How do we know it's really you?"

"Kate, no one fits this sexalicious body but me." Dean replied with a wink.

"Unfortunately, it's him." I told her, and we laughed.

Kate nodded and then threw her arms around Sam, who returned the embrace. "Thank you, Jesus! So…moving on, now?"

"Absolutely, let's get out of here." Sam said, and he and Kate went past us, Sam and I locking eye contact and the look said it all—we'd talk.

There was a lot to fix after this and I wasn't sure how we were going to do it because things were more complicated. I needed to talk to someone about what was going on with me and I figured that maybe seeing a counselor was a good idea. I lost a baby, found out my little sister wasn't dead and then I was buried alive—I had a lot of baggage. Then there was Dean feeling like he couldn't help me and I just needed to fix this.

"Are we okay?" I asked Dean.

Dean kissed me softly, and I felt love and care, and I smiled as I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled into the kiss too, crushing his lips against mine and making me feel a little less like I was so broken because such a wonderful man loved me. We were happy together and we were going to get through this, so maybe it was time to just sit down, have a chat and get me some help.

xx

I woke up that night to the sound of my phone telling me that I had a voicemail. Somehow I had slept through my phone ringing and while that in itself wasn't entirely out of the ordinary, I knew that something was wrong, so I slowly moved out of Dean's loving embrace and I grabbed my phone off of the nightstand in the motel. Kate and Sam were spooning and they were so cute and I just sat up a little and put the phone to my ear, letting it dial and go into it.

"Hey, Lanni, it's me, Annie," Annie's voice said and I knew she was nervous. "I, uh…I found Mom, I think. I'm going after her and I will let you know if it's a false alarm or not when I get there. Wish me luck!"

Just like that I was fully alert and I got up and went into the bathroom, taking a quick shower and thinking it all over. Mom. Annie had found our mother. I got out of the shower and started to get dressed, Dean stirring, his hand groping my side of the bed and realizing that I wasn't there. He was alert then and it made me smile a little that he was so worried about me…but then he saw me getting dressed.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dean asked me slowly, sitting up in bed and looking at me.

Sam and Kate stirred as I said, "I'm going to find my father."

"Your father is dead," Dean said gently, shaking his head. "We saw his headstone."

"Annie's father, not mine—we're half siblings." I explained quickly, nodding when Dean gave me that look…I wasn't being truthful with them and it hurt him so much. "Dean, I don't even know where to begin…"

"Not what I wanted to wake up to…" Kate said slowly, sighing. "Something tells me that things are about to get ugly."

I took a deep breath and then started to pack my duffle, everyone getting up and getting dressed and asking me question—well, sans Kate. She knew my secrets—all of them—and she had wanted me to tell the boys a long time ago even though she was afraid of losing Sam. I understood that completely because I was afraid of losing Dean…I was so afraid of losing him…

"Lanni…look at me." Dean said, and I looked up at him slowly as he wrapped his arms around me. "What is going on?"

I bit my lip and I looked at Dean's chest, wishing I had the heart to say what I had to say next. I didn't, but I had to come clean because there were so many times that I had wanted to say something about this but I hadn't. This was the perfect time…the perfect time to explain everything to him.

"I've been lying to you—from the beginning." I replied.

Dean rested his fingers under my chin and I looked him in the eye. "Come again?"

"I've always known that I was different," I told him. "Annie and I knew when we were little that we had different dads and hers raised us. He was like my dad too, but he was her biological father and my father didn't like that. My father was something that my mother never planned on, but she fell for him anyway and then she found out what he was and she tried to get away—tried to get far away, but he knew what she was too. So…he forced her to have me and she took me away when she could and she hid and she met Annie's dad and they had Annie and my father didn't like that she was happy. That I was away from him and he…he…he killed Annie's father and then he disappeared and Mom left us with Bethany and Marcus until the Shtriga attack and then she got new parents. My parents are two very complicated people and only she knows where my father is…"

Dean's eyes were getting intense, and I had to look away again, and I let go of him. "What was your father?"

I swallowed against the lump in my throat and I wiped away the tears that were coming to my eyes. Everything was about to fall apart—everything was about to completely unravel and I couldn't stop it. If he was going to marry me, and he was going to be willing to possible figure out other ways to have a baby with me he had to know my heritage…and he had to know it now.

"A very powerful demon," I said firmly. "All of these powers I have—the fireballs, the force fields, the moving people with my mind—my dad possessed my mother for nine months and out of that pregnancy came me. He wanted to have a child with someone with as much power as her and I just…I was so afraid to tell you because I knew you'd look at me differently even though I'm not evil."

Sam nodded slowly. "You were afraid we'd want to hunt you…"

"But she's not evil," Kate put in. "She's one of the nicest, good people that I know."

"Lanni…we're…" He began, and he backed up a little bit and looked at me with a look I don't think I'd ever seen him look at me with—with such disgust and love. "I can't."

I nodded slowly. "I need to go where Annie went…"

I tried not to let him hear the way my voice was cracking but how could I help it? Dean was giving up on us and I could see it in his eyes—he couldn't handle this. He hunted demons—he hated demons—why would I be any different for him?

"How could you keep this from me?" Dean asked me.

I collapsed on the bed. "I'm not my father, Dean."

"We can't—you can't—" Dean was saying.

"Dean, I'm not evil—Hell, I fight against it. Why do you think I'm so good at sensing demons, Dean? Why do you think I'm so good at knowing when something bad is going to happen, or how I knew you and Sam were displaced?" I asked him. "Why do you think Annie felt so at home with Victoria?"

"I have to take a drive." Dean said, taking a small jewelry box out of his pocket and dropping it on the floor before leaving the room, leaving me to the conclusion that I was right—things just fell apart.

I didn't even go for the jewelry box but I had a feeling that I knew what it was—a ring, or a pair of earrings. All I could do right then was sit on my bed and cry, my head in my hands, the sobs coming out. Dean and I were never going to be the same and I didn't know what that meant for our relationship. We'd been through so much in such a short period of time and I couldn't do this anymore.

"Lana, honey, it's going to be alright," Kate said, pulling me to her and stroking my hair.

Sam nodded and knelt down in front of me, resting his hands on mine. "He'll be back."

"Doesn't mean that we'll be alright," I responded as I cried into Kate. "Everything is so wrong. I've lied for so long! Maybe I am evil!"

"Having demon blood inside of you doesn't mean you're evil," Sam whispered and wiped the tears off of my face and Kate kissed my forehead. "You're not your father, all right?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah…but when he looks at me now, that's all he's going to see."

Thankfully, my phone rang before the other two could say anything and I reached for it, hoping it was Dean or Annie but it wasn't…it was Jen.

xx

It turned out Jen was having a serious problem—the twins were missing. So right when Annie decided to go off and take care of things, Jen showed up to travel with us. Why was Jen having problems too?! Wasn't her husband just kidnapped?! Hadn't we fixed it so that no one else in her family would get taken? She and Kevin were having problems and Dean and I were having problems, and I held her as she was silent.

"We'll find them, I promise." I told her.

Jen just nodded. "I trust you. So…what's wrong with Dean?"

"He…I told him about how my father was a demon and he walked out because he can't handle it." I explained to her.

"Honey…he'll come around." She told me, stroking my hair.

"Maybe," I said with a shrug. "I think that this one is pretty unfixable."

She looked me in the eye and sat up straight, giving me that look she was so good at giving me. She knew that something was up with me and I knew what was coming before she even asked me. I took a deep breath and I tried to look alive, waiting for her to ask me what she wanted to ask me.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Lan?" Jen asked me.

I shook my head and stood up, smoothing down my shirt. "What? No."

"Lan…" She said sternly.

"I'm unnerved because I told the truth, and Dean ran out, but Sam was understanding about it all." I admitted to her. "It's just…it sucks. My whole life right now just sucks. Sam is the one that thinks that I need help because I'm still not over being buried alive and Dean, the one that's supposed to love me unconditionally, just took off and won't speak to me."

Jen nodded slowly. "It's a lot to take in—I mean he almost had a kid with you and it would have been a quarter demon."

"I'm just sad that Dean and I can't patch this one up." I replied with another shrug, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Jen asked me calmly.

I shook my head. "We haven't talked since he took his drive. You're married, Jen—how do you deal with fights with Kev?"

"We tend to yell and then go out by ourselves." Jen told me with a small sigh and then she shrugged and shook her head a little. "Then we talk and we snuggle, and sometimes we put the girls to bed and screw each other's brains out."

I tucked my hair behind my ear and I nodded. "So in order to be happy, Dean and I just have to fight, talk, snuggle, and have make-up sex."

"You didn't fight?" Jen asked me.

"Not really. He just kind of left then came back with you." I explained to her.

"You seem okay." Jen pointed out. "How'd you get over it?"

I shrugged. "Kate and Sam watched a movie with me."

I smiled sadly because it had been nice to talk to them and while Sam kept looking at me to really let it all sink in, he wasn't running. Kate trusted me and he trusted me and Sam had always seen things in shades of gray. I honestly wasn't worried about him accepting me, but the fact that Dean wasn't? It just hurt me so bad and yet I felt like I deserved it for not coming clean sooner. So my heart was filled with happiness and dread when the motel room door opened and there was Dean.

"There you are!" Jen exclaimed when Dean walked into the motel room. "I was starting to think that you no longer existed."

"Jen, you want to go and get food?" Dean asked, and he completely avoided eye contact with me, smiling at Jen. "Sam and I want to actually go out and eat."

Jen shook her head. "I think I'll stay with Lan."

"It's okay, Jen," I told her smiling. "I know that you want to catch up with them, so go on without me. I'll be fine, I promise. I have Kate and an old motel television, some cookie dough in the fridge, and Annie's supposed to call tonight."

"You sure?" Jen asked as I looked at Dean, who wasn't looking at me.

I nodded and forced a smile. "Yeah…maybe some good horror movie will come on. Or Buffy! I haven't watched Buffy in a long time. I think I always liked that even though Angel was you know, a demonic vampire, he was good, and Buffy loved him."

"Angel also couldn't get happy." Dean said, not looking at me, but at least he was listening to the conversation.

"Love isn't always about getting happy, Dean. It's about trust and respect and communication." I told him.

He looked at me. "Which we seem to have a terrific grasp on…"

"Sam's waiting for you in the car," I said, turning on the stereo so he would get the hint that I was still mad at him for not trying to work this out with me.

Unfortunately, our song came on and I realized that I really needed it not to because now wasn't the time. The first time Dean and I had actually laid around cuddling after sex we'd turned on my laptop and I'd played music—the first song that had come on was You're All I Have by Snow Patrol. Dean noticed my face, his face softening, but I turned off the stereo and Dean left the room, Jen sighing.

"You'll work it out," she told me.

I just nodded and she left the room, so I went out into the living room area and I sat on the couch with Kate, listening to Dean, Sam and Jen driving away, and I turned the television on. There were some Buffy re-runs on, and so we watched the episode where she and Angel were trying to pretend nothing was between them anymore, and Faith and Zander tried to kill him. Then Sam walked in the door and I smiled at him, wondering why he was here and the other two weren't, but still genuinely happy to see him.

"How was dinner?" I asked him.

Sam shrugged softly. "Pretty good, and then Dean and Jen wanted to go to the bar, and I walked back to check on you two. You eat enough cookie dough?"

I laughed and Sam sat in between Kate and I, wrapping his arms around Kate and kissing the top of her head as I turned off Buffy. "I'm doing pretty good Sammy, thanks for caring. I just…want to talk to him. Hell, I would give anything to even just argue with him, you know? I don't want this to be the end."

"It's not, Lana," Kate said, running her fingers along Sam's chest through his shirt. "Honey, it's not. He loves you so much it hurts and that's why he's so upset."

I just nodded and turned the TV back on, smiling a bit when Sam put an arm around me too and Kate grinned. She loved our friendship and knew that she had nothing to worry about and I was even fine when he kissed my head and took her off to the bedroom. I didn't know what they were doing in there, but I had the TV to myself and I wondered what Jen and Dean were doing and/or talking about right about now...

xx

Kate's POV

I was actually a bit amazed that Sam was acting as cool about all of this as he was because if I were him, I'd freak out. Well…if I hadn't known the way that I did. Since my mother was Florence's sister, she already knew about Lana and so she made sure that Kalli, Kat and I did too so that we would accept her. Whatever it was that her father had planned to use her for, Florence had never wanted that for Lana and neither had the rest of us…so she was raised differently.

"You get it, but Dean doesn't?" I asked Sam as he closed the door behind us, taking a seat on the end of the bed and looking at him.

He smiled and shrugged a little bit. "She's Lan. Through everything she's been right there by my side even though I'm supposed to turn into a monster and I can't not stand by hers now. I completely understand why she didn't tell us and Dean does too he just…he's so bad at letting his emotions show. Lan is the first girl in the world that he has ever trusted as much as he does and it just hurts him that she couldn't trust us enough to say something—it's not that she has demon blood inside of her. She's not her father…do you know which demon it is?"

"I honestly have no idea," I told him truthfully. "All I know is that Florence was possessed when your mother died. Don't ask me all the details because I don't have them, but Florence took your mother's death really hard and she blames herself every day."

Sam nodded slowly. "They really were friends, huh? I wonder if my mother knew about the hunting or not…I don't know if I'm happy or mad either that she helped Dad learn how to hunt."

"They were avenging your mother," I tried, shrugging and then smiling when came and stood in front of me. "Sam…can I do something?"

"Like what?" he chuckled, amused by me.

Without any warning, I stood up and cupped his face, bringing him in for a kiss, Sam sighing contentedly into it and wrapping his arms around me. He kissed me back passionately, both of us unable to deny what was going on between us and for once I felt able to move us forward. Sam was different than all the rest because normally I was more like Dean—get in and get out—but something about Sam (and for Dean, Lana) made it impossible for me to act that way.

The flirting in the beginning had just been that, flirting, but then something about him started to chip away at my walls and I didn't quite know what to do because he was infecting me. He was this genuinely nice, genuinely good guy and he wanted me and I wanted him and I didn't understand why I couldn't just go for it. We could deal with the consequences later and maybe there wouldn't be any consequences…maybe I could stay and just be with him.

"I just want you," I told him as he pulled back, my eyes blazing into his.

He nodded and kissed me again, pressing my back up against the wall and moaning into my mouth as I wrapped my legs around him. Maybe it would have been easier to just push me down on the bed, but I was so turned on by being slammed against a wall that I could barely think straight as I got Sam's shirt off. Mine followed shortly thereafter and his lips started to trail along my chest, his teeth teasing my flesh as he went to unclasp my bra…but then the door opened.

Jen squealed, but her presence meant that she and Dean were back, so Sam and I knew that we had to stop…again. At this point I was going to give up because it seemed like every time we tried to have sex, we got interrupted or we talked too much and we stopped because we were over thinking it all. Then again, it wasn't all about sex and Sam Winchester went out of his way to be the perfect man for me…he went out of his way to make sure that I knew that I mattered to him—I had to do the same. Almost losing him had made me realize just how much that he meant to me and I couldn't let him go at all…I just couldn't.

"Hate to interrupt, but let's take me somewhere so Lan and Dean can talk, yeah? I have a lead on the girls." Jen told us quickly.

xx

Sam took Kate and Jen out to go and take a drive, so they said, and I looked things up on my laptop when she and Dean got back from the bar. I was pretty busy trying to keep myself busy because Dean still wasn't looking at me, and I tried not to let it get to me, but it was. Yes, I had made a mistake in not telling him and Sam sooner, but Sam understood and was still at least trying to be my friend and Dean was just sweeping it all under the rug.

"I'm sick of this." Dean said, and I looked up suddenly.

"What?" I asked slowly.

"You not talking to me." Dean replied immediately.

I got off of the bed. "You're not talking to me either—or looking at me, I might add."

"How could you not have told me?" Dean asked angrily.

I sighed loudly and ran my fingers through my hair, looking for the words—I didn't have them. There was nothing that I could say to him that would make anything that had come out today any better at all. My father was a demon, I had lied about it for almost two years now and he had every right to be mad.

"Dean, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." I told him softly.

"That's not what I asked. I asked why you never told me." Dean explained to me.

"Because I figured you wouldn't take it well." I admitted with a shrug. "I mean there were times that I wanted to, but I'd get interrupted, or something bad would happen and I didn't want to make the situation any worse."

Dean nodded slowly. "And to think, I was ready to propose."

"Dean…I already proposed." I said and I sighed when he nodded.

We had just hit that barrier I had been afraid of all this time—it was like I had lied to get close to them. It was almost like I had lied and then gotten them to accept me so I could use them in some evil plan of mine. Dean probably felt like shit because he had let me in—he had fallen in love with me and I had betrayed him in more ways than one…I didn't deserve him.

"I bought you a ring," he told me softly.

I nodded slowly and took a breath. "I don't think we can fix this, this time, Dean."

"You know all about my parents," Dean told me, continuing. "I have told you everything that you needed to know. I mean there are things I haven't told you about my past, but they're nothing like this. They're like hunts, and ex-girlfriends that you don't want to hear about, but this…some girl at the bar even kissed me."

"I am so tired of you running off to other girls when this is hard for you!" I found myself yelling at him.

At first I was just going to let him be angry, but this was the third time we had hit a bump in the road and he'd run off to some other girl. Of course things didn't get that far because he really was in love, but he was hurt and I was hurt and this was hard…this was too hard. We were just backing ourselves into a corner with no escape and we needed to quit while we were ahead.

"She kissed me, you know," Dean said with a sigh. "I pushed her off because I have you and I love you, but Lanni…this is hard. This is just so hard."

I nodded slowly. "So you're saying you want me to go?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all, actually." Dean shook his head. "You and I can't go back to where we were though. We don't know each other like we should know each other, and we shouldn't be getting married."

"So you're saying you want to break up?" I asked him.

Dean looked me in the eye and the hurt in his voice broke me. "I'm saying I don't trust you like I should."

I nodded slowly, more tears coming as my lips quivered and I tried to stay as calm as possible. He didn't trust me…why should he? I had betrayed him and I didn't belong with him—everything was against us and I couldn't stop that no matter how hard I tried. This was just the way that things were going to be now and I was going to have to work to get that trust back.

"Okay," I told him, my voice cracking a little.

Dean nodded slowly. "I still love you."

I just nodded and laid down on the bed, Dean laying there next to me, his hand on mine. He had tears in his eyes too and he held my hand, our fingers interlaced, both of us wanting more than anything to fix this right here and right now, but we couldn't, me knowing he was trying to make me hurt less, but I hurt more. Dean loved me—he loved me and I didn't deserve his love…especially when he could love me and not trust me all at the same time…

Note: And there you have it—trouble in paradise because I'm starting to believe that I'm actually as evil as Eric Kripke. The next chapter is an episodic chapter, as is the chapter after it, and the chapter after that one is the saddest chapter I have ever written…so…don't worry, I will keep you guys warned, all right? Feedback is always appreciated!